Confusing Cancer Man (help me)

Hello everyone, I need some advice from those who are cancer men themselves or know cancer men well because I am very confused at the moment and I don't know what to do.

Me and my cancer best friend (lets call him Mike) have known each other for about 7 years. We have been best friends for about 3. It was all okay until at the start of this year things started getting out of control. He got out of a one year relationship (she dumped him) and I have been hurt by my crush.

Around march he started acting really weird. He was always texting me, we hung out everyday, he started getting very physical with me, always touching my arms, thighs etc. When he was drunk, he was always telling me how good I am, how he loves me (in a friendly way), how he would marry me etc.

I started growing some feelings for him but I didn't want him to know about that, so I acted like before. Our relationship as friends was really well, we could talk about everything, I would give him advice, he was a very good listener, remembered everything I said and so on.

Then one day it happened. We were out drunk and we kissed and had sex after that. It was the best ever, just like in the movies. The morning after we were not awkward about it and just laughed it off. But that kept happening for 3 months and we discussed it inbetween for about 2 times. He said something like he doesn't want a relationship with me, but also he doesn't ever want to lose me as a friend and that he doesn't want to see me hurt because of him or something like that. I told him I didn't know, how things would turn out in the future, but for now it's all okay so why worry about it.

Our relationship was just like we're married, only it wasn't official. He was very thoughtful, always texting me, planning dates, we did everything together (cooking, watching movies, cuddling, going out etc.). His actions, the way he always kissed me on the forehead, complimented me and so on made me feel like the feelings are mutual, but I still didn't want to admit to him, how much I have fallen in love with him, because of fear of rejection.



The problem is, that recently we had plans and he cancelled them last minute, saying he was going out with another woman he met a party. Our deal was to go out in the evening and then I would drive him home with my car the next day.

The next day he acted normal, and when we saw each other I told him that he hurt my feelings the other day mostly because he cancelled our plans for someone else he barely knows and that I can't be his fluffer (backup girlfriend) for when he is bored, doesn't have other plans or doesn't have someone better to be with and that we can't do this anymore because he can't have it all. I didn't say that I want him to not see other women, I just let him know that I am not going to be a second choice and that if he is seeing others, we will stop doing what we were doing (that we can only just be friends). His reaction was weird. He went silent for a moment and then he said he didn't think of me as a 'fluffer' and that he didn't lie to me, because he told me the truth. Then he went silent for the rest of the ride (in the car) and as he went home he just said 'see you'. He hasn't texted/called since (3 days) and also didn't bother him (trying to give him space).



In general he is very sweet, charming, loving, caring and sensitive, also very smart. The problem is only that he is quite handsome and he knows it so he likes to 'flirt around'.



I am in general a fun person, very easy to be around, loving, caring, nurturing.



I need some opinion on what this might be and if there is still hope for me. I don't even know it's so confusing.

Love, Leo woman

You should tell him what you want, instead of what you don't want. I've made this mistake heaps of times, but when you tell someone what you don't want, it's like accusing them of being those things you don't want. When you tell them what you want and ask them if they want the same or are open to the idea, you give them the opportunity to tell you if it's mutual. It's a better way to communicate.

I know rejection is scary but you're hurting and feeling rejected anyway, so you may as well find out if how you feel is warranted or not. I think you should just reach out and talk to him. He knows he has hurt you because you have told him, so he may be thinking you hate him or don't want to talk to him anymore. 7 years knowing someone is a long time so you should be comfortable enough to have an adult conversation about it.

Posted by Elissar18

You should tell him what you want, instead of what you don't want. I've made this mistake heaps of times, but when you tell someone what you don't want, it's like accusing them of being those things you don't want. When you tell them what you want and ask them if they want the same or are open to the idea, you give them the opportunity to tell you if it's mutual. It's a better way to communicate.

I know rejection is scary but you're hurting and feeling rejected anyway, so you may as well find out if how you feel is warranted or not. I think you should just reach out and talk to him. He knows he has hurt you because you have told him, so he may be thinking you hate him or don't want to talk to him anymore. 7 years knowing someone is a long time so you should be comfortable enough to have an adult conversation about it.

I agree. Might as well put it out there and get your answer and then move on clearly from there. It's been vague and of course this should have been clear from the get go but now you have caught the feels. I'm not sure what he's looking for but he's stupid and thoughtless and confused and doesn't seem to know what he wants. Because obviously he can't commit and is just going from one to the other and then back around again. Don't be the fluffer or whatever you called it. Step completely out of the picture and let him grow up on his own. Not to say that someday in the future you can't be friendly to him again but who can trust that type of behavior ? It's too flippy wishy washy for me !