Help!? Cancer Man driving me nuts

We are both Cancers. I met him 6 months ago. We started seeing each other and he was texting/calling me daily to check on me, see how my day was going. We would only see each other every week or so due to both of us having busy home and work schedules. He would always stare and tell me how beautiful and smart I was. After the 3 month mark he started reaching out and wanting to see me less and less. His messages turned from sweet to dry. He would still text me , but we would only see each other once a month. When I asked him about it, he went on the defense said he was not like other guys and didn't feel the need to see me or reach out to me everyday. He said I may be used to this from other guys, but he doesn't do that. He then said he started feeling scared that he was falling for me too fast. I told him, I wasn't rushing him into anything and whatever was supposed to happen between us would happen in its own time. He used to be unable to go a day without talking or texting, now he goes 3-5 days w/o reaching out. When he does text, he will ask how I am or how I cook certain dishes, but hasn't asked to see me. Its been over a month since I last saw him. He drains me emotionally. I decided that I am going to let him live his life and no longer respond to him as now I feel like he is stringing me along. He texts me yesterday to say, "hey Beautiful. How are u doing? Just checking on you." I didn't respond. 2 hrs later he says, "I guess u found someone else, sorry to bother u." I did not respond because I feel that he is looking for a reaction out of me. I'm too grown for games. If u don't want to see me and initiate a date like a man, don't check on me. I like him a lot, but the fickleness drives me insane. I want him to step up more and initiate. I try to give him control, but when i do, he doesnt take the wheel. Should I continue to ignore Him? I am not sure how he feels about me at this point, as he goes from one extreme to the next.

Well, I'm not a cancer man, but I will advise as a woman. This is not a cancer man thing. This is a modern day dating issue/bullshit faced by many women. I don't know where mothers went wrong in their nurture, but nowadays the society is contaminated with these men that are immature and very fickle. I don't know who misinformed them that fickleness is an attractive quality in a man. This fickleness can be for whatever reason: keeping options open, alone time, whatever, but nevertheless it is unattractive! I don't think anyone should put up with a confused person. A confused person will only tangle your life as theirs. Cut him loose.

Its emotionally draining. He text me again just now to imply there must be someone else and if I'm ignoring him. We aren't in a relationship and he hasn't asked me out, so why is he concerned. I finally text back I'm doing good and I've been busy. I never answerrd him if there is someone else or not. Instead of asking if there is someone else, he passive aggressively says "Guess there is someone else, so I wont bother u again." Then 2 minutes later asks if I'm ignoring him.

Thx Koniucha! I will check it out. I stopped asking him out because he makes an excuse of being too busy or going to visit fam. He only wants to see me and talk when it benefits him.

Posted by Nikkij6
Its emotionally draining. He text me again just now to imply there must be someone else and if I'm ignoring him. We aren't in a relationship and he hasn't asked me out, so why is he concerned. I finally text back I'm doing good and I've been busy. I never answerrd him if there is someone else or not. Instead of asking if there is someone else, he passive aggressively says "Guess there is someone else, so I wont bother u again." Then 2 minutes later asks if I'm ignoring him.

Flip the same question on this stupid moron. "Oh gee, I haven't heard from you in a while, is there someone else?"

In douchebaggery 101, a person absolves their guilt of being unreachable by blaming you for what they have been doing. Projecting his behaviour on you.

You're absolutely right aquarius09

He hasn't said anything since I said I've been busy. I'm not sending him anything else. He's not worth my time.If he really cared, he would show it. I like a man to lead, as most women do. He gives me the impression he wants to be chased and I refuse to do that.

Posted by thinktoomuch
What can I say than: I know how you feel.

Been having my own dealings (not with a lover/boyfriend, but we did use to date). He asked me to maybe see each other about a month and a half ago, after I said hi to him through facebook after about 3 months, where we didn´t interact at all. He has still not gotten around to suggest a day, even though I´m like 5.10 minutes away from where he lives 5 days a week. I did try to remind him once, as he gets stressed out over nothing, to which he replied, that he thought about us meeting up all the time, and that he had been sick. Fair enough. A week goes by and I ask, if he´s still sick (also because more than a week of being sick and it´s suddenly serious sickness). He said no, that he had been busy with cathing up with friends, totally understandable; we´re not close friends or anything anymore. Told me, I would be the first to know, when he had the time. ... That´s like 10 days ago now. The guy doesn´t have a regular job, he is a chill-head, also fair enough, but today I can feel myself being dissapointed and frustrated - all talk and no action. Maybe I´ll hear from him in a month or two, when he "has the time"... Like I said, we´re not close anymore, but it seems shady to me to tell how much he wants to see me, and then wait so long.
I don´t have to see my friends all the time, but they also don´t make pretend plans with me. That way noone gets dissapointed.

But: this is how he is. I am different. We don´t really match, not even in the way we communicate as friends apparently. I´m never getting involved with anyone again. Maybe when I´m 50.... Why go for love at the exspense of myself?! Nah, I´d rather be happy all on my own. It can get a little lonely, but then again: it´s better being lonely when you are alone, than when you are with someone, and they still make you feel like, you´re worlds apart.

Pessimism will get you nowhere. Instead, be hopeful and go for someone who is a man of their word. There's nice guys out there. You just have to go through a lotttttttttttttttttttttttt of shit to get to the good ones. Rule of thumb that you should keep in mind is that if a guy flops 2 times or doesn't keep his word twice, he's just not that into you. Move on. This way you save yourself from getting attached or expecting from the wrong/unreliable person. Some say you shouldn't expect at all, but I say expect but with a reliable person.

Posted by Koniucha
No I meant after you ask him if he has someone since you haven't heard from him.

You should totally say that.

Yeah! Say it and shut him up, so he never uses that particular tactic again.

Posted by thinktoomuch
In my situation we have already done the dating, and I know he´s no longer interested in me. Still I can´t quuuuuite see him as just a homeboy like my other guy friends, since we dated, and being so flaky is very offputting to me - not just with him, with everyone. Even family. It´s cool sometimes, but when it becomes a recurring thing, then I get dissapointed and a little hurt. That reflects their attention is somewhere else always.

To me, I´m not being negative, although I know it sounds like that. Chosing me over love have made me happier than in a long time actually. Probably because I´m not ready to let anyone in either way, but all the same: I´m happy and more positive about everything else in my life but love. So I´ll never find love, okay. Now what else can life bring me...

Not saying that OP should think like me, but def. she should chose herself over him.
If she feels like she can´t let it go and need some sort of confrontation/talk/closure or the likes, then go ahead and do that. Don´t let anything hold you back, it´s your life!!!

This is how people become toxic and mentally damaged/bitter. You probably don't even see how you're harming or the enormity of the harm you're causing yourself. Why would you keep a guy around who you have feelings for, but he doesn't feel the same way fo ryou? That's like dangling a candy in front of a baby. Why would you do this to yourself? Naturally, you're going to have expectation of him because you like him. Then when he comes short of your unfounded expectation, you're gonna get disappointed, miserable, bitter and sad as you sound like from your writing. I'm not even surprised by your outlook.

^I'm not saying this to hurt you. I'm just pointing this out to you for self reflection because I don't know if you realize it or not. We hurt ourselves. You're not very nice to yourself. It is your relationship with yourself that determines how others treat you. Your relationship with yourself is just somehow exuded to others.

This is absolutely typical cancer behavior..i deal with it a lot with mine. But a two hr wait for a txt and yr with someone else? That's absurd.it just shows how insecure he is..and they usually are. Always be strong and assertive and ask for what you want. Don't. Let em dick you around. Tell him.what he does hurts your feelings and make sure he wont do it again.

Posted by Nikkij6
" I like him a lot, but the fickleness drives me insane. I want him to step up more and initiate. I try to give him control, but when i do, he doesnt take the wheel. Should I continue to ignore Him?"

I'll keep it simple and to the point. Like you said, you're both Cancers, so the same applies for you. This is the reason why it's a 50% chance that two Cancers can make it in a relationship. You want him to take charge/initiate and he's waiting to see if you'll take charge/initiate. You are BOTH fickle. He ignores you to read you're emotions aka see what you'll do next. You want to ignore him to see where he stands now. Do you get it? You both have the same courting maneuvers.

That's partially true, TrueCancerMale. We are very similar. I have initiated several times and he has not reciprocated. I have asked him out because he was slow about asking. I think the similarities in personality with him not initiating as I would like will be the demise of the courtship.