Impatient and LOSING IT!!

Hey!
Ok, so here's my story....VERY brief summary!

I had been with my Cancer man for 7.5 years. He's from another country, after we had been together for 2.5 years, I met his mom, after 5 yrs, he took me home with him & I met his father & the rest of his family. His mom was actually planning our wedding. And then....it ended. He used a bs excuse, but I think it was because his mom was pressuring him to marry me. So, we've never really been...out of contact. We have dinner sometimes recently, he's been a little more flirty. We were both at a function for a mutual friend. I was sitting at a table, obviously i wanted x to sit with me, but I knew he'd sit with "the crew" (his boys) BUT he came in, sat down right next to me & stayed there the entire time. He got up to talk to a few people, but for the most part he stayed beside me. We talked the whole time, afterwards, my best friend told me a few people had asked her if we were back together. After the function, the flirting increased, we were texting each other or emailing almost everyday, it was nice. And then, I messed up. LOL Well, I attempted a nice gesture, I went to his house, unannounced, with food, cheesecake & his fave beer. He was pissed. Mostly because I had just shown up. But the reason he was pissed was because he likes to be in power, likes to have the upper hand, & by showing up like that, I threw him off & he didn't know how to react.
We've been apart for almost 4 years, but it seems like he is showing interest again. I'm wondering if he's getting closer to wanting to settle down & maybe wants to do that with me. BUT I'm not sure.
What do ya'll think? Also, I haven't heard from him since this episode which was....almost 2 wks ago. He's in the middle of a disappearing act. Usually, when he decides to speak to me again, he'll text or email me something very insignificant, but by him doing that, he knows, that I know, we're cool. LOL

How many times are you going to post this story?

we all love crazy til crazy loves us back

eh a few times

I'm not desperate so much as...flabbergasted? IDK I'm just SO impatient, its something I have to work on obviously...but thanks!

Same response as last time.

ok.. I'll bite

7.5 years with this guy who dumps you over a bs excuse and you are hoping he is now ready to settle down with you? Is that what you're impatient for, marriage?

It's been 4 years and you are still available to him. I like it when exs still desire me because I like to know that I was special and important in their life. But I don't go back... especially when someone desperately wants me back. And believe me... he knows you want him back.

Get the expectations out of your head. You're only hurting yourself...

No, not impatient for marriage. I'm impatient because he might have to leave the country, for good. So...the prospect of never seeing him again....is...scary. Even though we're not together, we hang out etc...so obviously, that will be gone forever. I guess I want to make sure this is the right thing to do...I know I sound crazy but this is only a brief summary, SO much has happened with us since we broke up & his mo is to pull away from me when he's not sure or afraid or vulnerable, like a Cancer! He waits....until he knows exactly what he is going to do & recently, there have been comments made by both of us about our relationship...he has the Cancer indirectness down pat, master at hiding his emotions, but I was pretty good at figuring him out, most of the time. IF he wanted to get back, he wouldn't say that, he'd drop hints or tell mutual friends...testing...but if he's leaving the country & this is our last chance, he should jump at it if its what he ultimately wants, right? Ya, except hes'....him & he doesn't work like that.

ok that might not make sense, I'm thinking out loud. I DO agree that losing the expectations I had/have is important, I just have a really hard time...letting shit go...now though, I understand I'm probably not going to have a choice.

Thanks for the advice ya'll!

@We've been apart for almost 4 years, but it seems like he is showing interest again. I'm wondering if he's getting closer to wanting to settle down & maybe wants to do that with me. BUT I'm not sure.

No it's over...7.5 years with no proposal. How old are you? You don't have time to waste on this guy, find yourself a new man and get married and have babies if that's what you want.

You can't be happy sitting around waiting for ONE guy when there are so many men in the world that wouldn't treat you this way. You definitely come across as very desperate and you're only gonna grow more and more desperate if you allow yourself to wait another 4 or 7.5 years for him to take you back. Please don't treat yourself this way, it's not attractive and reeks of desperation.

He's gone, he dumped you 4 years ago and you are still waiting for him to reappear in your life, waiting on him to grow up and put you first and maybe even marry you and the sad reality is, a lot of beautiful women with low self esteem are doing this to themselves b/c they don't think they deserve a good man, a good relationship so they cling on for dear life to ONE man, she allows him to control her fate and destiny.

Tell him if he keeps it up he'll lose you for good, tell him face to face and look beautiful and smile when you say it, don't say anything else but that, HE'LL KNOW what that means and then be prepared to move on, go out on dates with other men until you find someone interesting enough to date long term and stop being so available when it's convenient for him, have a life, create a great social life for yourself and forget about him unless he's actively making a strong effort to demonstrate to you that he's serious about you.

No, I haven't exactly been waiting. Its hard to explain I guess...since we broke up, we stayed broken up BUT have never not been...in contact, like dinners, calls, texts, that kind of thing has never stopped so he wasn't exactly gone from my life-which is probably why its so difficult. We've both dated other people etc...we just seemed to always come back, full circle. The reason I'm kind of flipping out now is he's about to leave the country for good so I'm a little....crazy. We have talked about getting back together, especially in the last few months, but...no action. SO obviously, I'm concerned, but you are correct, I'm not going to wait for him or anyone else. It obvious I still have feelings for him, its not even that I want him back so much as I just want to....have some kind of closure before he leaves, I don't see us getting back together BUT i don't want him to leave without...seeing me or...something...?

I'm sorry if I sound desperate, but at this point, in this specific situation, I guess I am a little, desperate for resolution I think. The whole thing is just really....effed up & I'm ready for it to be over, but I don't know when he's leaving so.... that's why I'm "desperate"

Anyway, I DO agree with you, and I will stop wasting my time, he'll be gone soon anyway. I'd rather move on BEFORE i'm forced to do so just because I don't have a choice.

Thank you for your advice though girl. : )

So he took away your girlfriend title, pushed you back into the friend box and still gets the benefit of communicating with you as if you never stopped dating and he get's the convenience of having you around when it's convenient for him. Does that make sense? Most relationships move forward and if it can't move forward it's over. So exactly why are you accepting less? And expecting more? You'll always sound desperate if things remain the way they are.

I don't know if you'll get closure with a cancer. If he's not asking you to be his girlfriend and/or attempting to seal the deal as in getting engaged, being in a long distance commitment with you then you can assume you 2 will probably go on as usual, be friends, keep in touch and maybe see each other when he gets back into the states or an invitation is extended for you to meet up with him at some point.

Try not to stress so much, most likely the friendship will continue after he's gone but if you want to be his girlfriend again maybe that's something you need to address with him, either he'll agree or he'll reject the idea and wish to continue being friends which means you'll have to decide if that's good enough for you right now.