Is he really into me? Cancer man Pisces woman

Hi everyone,

I really need your advice and I try to cut this story as short as possible. At x-mas I met K on twitter, his tweets sounded really depressed and sad and I just wrote him a nice message that I send him some positive vibes. He answered me that no one cares about him any more and that he is just a junkie who don't deserve better but he appreciates it so much that I write him when I don't even know him. We talked a while until he passed out, basically I told him that it will get better and that I am here if he ever wants to talk. He apologized later for being this way and thanked me again for being there.... this is how it started.

Two days later we wrote again, he told me that he wants his life back, he is withdrawing and we basically wrote the whole day. He opened up to me why he became a drug addicted (depression, anxiety, mobbing) and was brutally honest with eyerything but also we talked about things we wished to do, life in general. He made me a lot of compliments and that he never met such a genuine not judging person like me. I don't know how to explain it but I never felt such a deep connection with anyone ever and he felt the same.

We life on different continents and I told him that I am in an unhappy relationship (I thought about breaking up before I met him) and K meant that he don't want to be the reason that I break up with him but he sure have some feelings for me. I opened up that I have the same feelings and we agreed that maybe, even we are an ocean apart, us being together one day wouldn't be such a crazy idea at all.

A couple of days later the mental war started and he wrote me one night that he can't take it any more and he is probably going to make a huge mistake. He did shut me out after that for two days but I still wrote him a message that I won't give up on him even if he don't want to talk to me right now.

He send me a message later that if course he wants to talk to me but he wants to minimize the damage when the time bomb explodes and that every time his mind is clear I am his first thought. He apologized for not being normal and wished he could be and that I left a mark on him forever.

Two days later he told me that he fucked up and used again, we had a long conversation about therapys and everything and i reminded him on the promise he gave me so sing me to sleep one day.

The next day he said that he won't break his promise and start again. He went to a doc and he started to go to a group therapy 4 days a week. He is clean since nearly three weeks now and the group helps him a lot, he has a mentor and it helps him to open up to people who understand him.

If you are still reading thank you. Now the main issue, he told me that he fell in love with me and that he believes fate brought us together bc that day we met he really wanted to end his life. I fell in love too, regarding of his past, I just see him and care a lot about him.

But sometimes he just disappear for days, like gone. When he is back he tells me that everything is so overwhelming to him sometimes and that he needs to be on his own but he often thought about me and missed me.

He don't wants to burden me with his problems.

It hurts me when he tells me that he has feelings for me and then disappear the next. He doesn't even asked for my phone number once to talk on the phone. I am just confused. Is he really into me and can I trust him when he says he loves me but he still is shutting me out.

I am a Pisces i know I dream to much but I can't be the one always reaching out to him and fight. I know he goes through a LOT and he opening up to me is nothing I count for granted but he is not online again for three days (nowhere) and I am confused what to do.

Thank you

Wow, only now I see this, scrolling around. Late for an answer, but anyway.

Even after detox and staying clean, the brain of an addict doesn't function properly for several months to even years (damaged dopamine, serotonin receptors, etc, etc.). It depends on what kind of drugs he abused and for how long.

Mood swings and emotions tend to be very overwhelming and hard to control, frequent and extreme, both ups and downs, but most of the time unpleasant emotions prevail.

He is sincere, but he just does not know how to function being clean. All the emotions that he repressed and ran from by abusing drugs are here in full power.

When he disappears and he shuts you off, its cause he is in a dark black hole, where there is no room for anybody else. You cant and don't wanna be there, believe me. It's a struggle within himself, nothing that would be in any relation to you or his feelings towards you. When he says he does not want to burden you, its cause he doesn't want to drag you in this dark places. It's called care.

Maybe that fate has brought you two together with some purpose at this very moment, personally I believe, that on our path we meet right people at the right time. Don't want to shatter your dreams, but I cannot avoid not telling you, that you got to keep it real to some degree in order to protect yourself from too much hurt:

there is a long and hard way in front of him to emotionally and socially healthy functioning. Years.

at first stages of recovery from addiction, a new romantic relationship can be counterproductive for his progress. Its because addicts are prone to compensations. Experiencing all the pleasant emotions and highs of being infatuated, can be used as a substitute for psychoactive substances. Meaning he will not focus on important unpleasant emotions and their resolving will be delayed. Its possible, that in this way one addiction is just replaced with other (addiction from relationships) and used as escapism.

he is hurt and hurt people hurt others. He needs to fix himself before he will be able to truly know how to love and how to build and maintain a healthy romantic relationship.

you are an ocean apart...

I see in your post true care for him, but you got to take care of your feelings in first place. My advice to you is, that you don't dream yourself too much kind Pisces. In dreams emotions and desires come, which very often are not sustainable in reality. One of you or both will get hurt in the end.

Love comes in different ways, not necessarily as a romantic one. You can be there for him and love him as a human being and still experience rich, important and satisfying bond.

I'm cheering for his recovery and wish both of you well.