Is it difficult for Cancer's to Let Go?

Yes It is extremely difficult for cancers to let go. It will be better if you do it for them. Believe me unless there is soem afflictions in their chart..they will get over it and thank you for taking that decision for them.

it takes forever to let go if we really care about someone and aren't presented with a (in our opinion) perfect reason to let go. he probably has been fighting the urge to call you more often, and broke down and thought that thanksgiving is a neutral enough reason to call you. problem is, if you're going to break off contact, telling us you still love us isn't the best way to do it... i didn't realize you were trying to break off contact with him with that email. you've probably gotta at least spell it out for him, because we start making every excuse in the book not to let go

you may have to be more blunt with him, as you would with a small child... something like "i want to cut off contact. i want to be with you, but until you get your stuff together, leave me alone. i want you to respect my wishes."

try not to emphasize your feelings for him, as he may interpret this as what you really mean (hearing what he wants to hear, etc)...

but in the end, it's up to him to get the motivation to fix himself. i really hope it works out for you, but cancers can be pretty fickle about these things it seems.

distancing yourself could just make him want you more though. we're clingy little buggers.

oh sure. eventually we get over stuff, but it takes much longer than a normal person. obviously, it varies from person to person... but once our self esteem is damaged--especially if it's lower than a normal cancers'--then it takes a while for it to get back up. reasoning just doesn't work; it just takes time

Kate,

I feel for you, I really do.

This sounds so like the situation with my ex, Mr. Cancer. The times he used to call me...flimsy excuses....

They can't let go...

But you sound so wise. You want it on your terms. What lady Scorp doesn't? And I believe you will find it, so keep sending that vibe out there...

I decided to turn my love magnet on recently....and wow! I am loving the attention, the looks...and am lapping it up like a cat laps cream.

Life's an adventure...don't know when or how my next soul mate will turn up...

But I ain't settling for less. I'm just too damn good.

Keep the faith, Kate in K.

Eaglegirl

Kate,

Your Cancer probably was your soul-mate...because he taught you what you needed to learn at that moment...

But I've learned that we can have many soul mates...rather hard for an all-or-nothing Eagle lady to take...but nonetheless true.

As for "why does he keep trying to suck me back into the present"...well my answer for that is that he is simply not as evolved or self-aware as you!

Hard for us girl Scorps to believe, but some people are quite happy to repeat the same dumb ole mistakes over and over...spinning their wheels...whereas this is anathema to us intense girls...we *know* how valuable and precious life is, and therefore we want to *know* so we can change and grow.

And change and grow we do, even if it takes a while...

Having said all that, the sheer emotional volume that Cancer can provide makes the man hard to beat. I'm in love variously with a Gem and Virgo right now...but Cancer has to be the closest to what I perceive as true love...

Go figure...

Eaglelady

oh boy.

you read those descriptions about cancers being clingy and manipulative? this is it. and it may get worse, depending on his emotional maturity.

we hate, above all else, to be ignored. it makes us feel completely worthless, and this is pretty devastating to our already-fragile self esteem. that is not to say that you SHOULDN'T ignore him; it's just that it hurts us a whole lot. trust me, the frustration is paramount... we feel like tearing our hair out. the bright side is that he cares enough about you to enter this stage. if you didn't mean that much to him, then he'd just be like, "whatever, life goes on." or at least, i would--i'm on the leo cusp so who knows.

this is the absolute worst part about being a cancer, and dealing with cancers. unless we feel like we've been given a PERFECT reason to break up, or that we just don't care anymore, it's rough times. he's probably looking at it like this:

here's someone (you) that loves me soooo much, and i feel the same way and the connection is amazing. then, in such a short span of time, she stops feeling for me! what have i done— what is wrong with me— did she see who i really am? am i not worth caring for— she couldn't have gotten rid of those feelings so soon!! i'll MAKE her remember what she said!

so on and so forth. we feel like we've been downgraded from someone that was so important once to you to someone you just don't care for in such a short period of time. perhaps we cling more to the notion that we're worthwhile, than the person we love. i've thought on this subject often, and i'm just not sure. we are conservative by nature, so radical change is highly upsetting.

so how should you deal with this? i think if it gets worse, you'll have to confront him and tell him not to contact you unless he's ready to make a step forward. otherwise, you'll be dating others and moving on. you can't wait for him. this may motivate his lazy ass to do something, or he could just withdraw completely--depends again on his emotional maturity. but i think the most important thing is to be direct about it, with no space to be misunderstood. but i'd see if it gets worse first... good luck Kate!

KATE, WOW.... lol its weird how much i undertsand wut ur going thru, its funny how they can amke us give in to them even when we are positive we ahve made up our minds, they still sucker us in. atleats ur cancer is alot nicer than mine, mine is just a jerk. if u read the thread called: IS MY CANCER FRIEND JSUT USING ME.

Kate,

i'm really sorry you're going through all this. it really sucks being a cancer or caring for one sometimes. his behavior strikes me really oddly, and i'm just not sure what he's thinking. for one, cancers LOVE security and "sure things." you clearly love him, and he should be reacting to that, especially since you've pretty much spelled it out to him how much you care, and he acts as though he cares for you. i can only really tell you what i think i'd do in his instance, which is obviously going to be very skewed... but if i weren't over someone yet, then there's no way i could jump into any kind of relationship--be it casual sex, telling someone i love her, ANYTHING that involves emotion; so obviously since you two are well beyond the 'friends' barrier, i'm almost worried that he's just using you. but again, cancers shouldn't get clingy unless we really cared, so i'm just baffled right now.

i think you've really got to do what's best for you, and i think you're doing the right thing by cutting it off. once cancers get into this muck of clinginess and emotional withdrawal, etc., i'm not sure there's a good chance of recovery of the relationship. there may be, but i haven't found it. i don't think he'll do you any good at the state he's in. but take my thoughts with a grain of salt since i don't know the two of you intimately.

OMG!!! Kate, when I read what you wrote I just threw up into my mouth. Just a little.

This is the exact same nonsense a Cancer ex of mine used to pull.

He wanted to be a jerk when we were supposed to be together, but then as soon as *I* walk away, he wants to call and say how much he misses me, loves me, wants to be with me. How we should be "friends" and still spend time. Then if I give in and say, "Ok, let's be friends, or spend time together" he either pushes me away or tries to see me in a NON-FRIENDSHIP way.

In my case, he just wanted to know if he still had some control over me. To see if I would still say that I loved him, that I wanted to be with him, that I would be there for him ***at HIS convenience***, that he could call me, see me, and use me whenever he felt like it.

After like 2 times of falling for it(trying to believe the best in people) I caught on and stopped allowing him in my life. Whenever he would ask to be friends I would tell him he should reserve his friendship for people he actually TREATS LIKE A FRIEND.

I'm sorry you're going through that Kate. It's really hard for those of us who are just naturally caring, but we're also stronger. So you'll come out of this ok. 🙂

OKAY, SO IT LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF PPL HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM I DO WITH CANCERS....... SO WHEN WILL THEY EVER GROW UP AND LEARN? WHEN DO THEY EVER TREAT GIRLS THEY LOVE WITH RESPECT, AND QUIT PLAYING THOSE GAMES?

Ummmmmm, LLT - I would not hold my breathe if I were you.

I think if it EVER happens, it happens on their own time.
This same Cancer guy I was talking about - we broke up and got back together on a couple of occasions. These occasions were YEARS apart, spanning a total of 13 years! And guess what? HE'S STILL THE SAME!!!

I thought that after so many years and changes things would be different, but NOPE! He just learned some new tricks. He became a little more "smooth" in how he would try to manipulate, but it was still obvious(to me anyway). If anything he became *MORE* controlling and *MORE* maniplative because the other girls he was with after me weren't as nice. Some used him, they all cheated on each other back and forth, and they all only served to increase his insecurities. I never did any of those things to him so he wasn't prepared for it when he got with them. When he got back with me he was MUCH worse for the wear.

I don't know that they EVER treat the girls that they love with respect or stop playing games. The ones that I have known have been soooo very insecure that any sign of anything negative(to them) whether it's real or imagined is grounds for them to behave how they want - in a negative way.

They're also very quick to throw all responsibility for their poor feelings and the downfall of the relationship onto the other party no matter WHAT ***THEY*** did.

So you'll get a lot that will find a kind, loving, giving woman;
*they'll get insecure or feel depressed or whatever and they'll find it to be something that their *partner* did;
*they'll act out on it even if it isn't based in reality;
*they'll not only hurt the partner with their actions(retaliation) but then attack the partner for a)*causing them* to act out! and b)for getting upset over the Cancer man's actions!
*then they expect the partner to just forgive them and get over it!

But under no circumstances is it *EVER* their fault or responsibility. And in order to change and grow you HAVE to be able to take responsibility for your actions.

I don't know a lot of Cancer women, but the few I know are not like that. It's mostly the men. And I'm sure it's not *all* of them, but definitely the ones I know. 😢

probably when they emotionally mature enough to do so. cancer men don't have an easy time of dealing with all the things that being a cancer means... it is a feminine sign, and we're in a society that promotes "masculine" ideals and suppresses the "feminine" qualities that are so prevalent in cancers, such as emotional involvement, clinginess, passivity and moodiness. it could be that some men overcompensate, suppress feelings, act out, etc. it really depends on the individual.

ideally we're searching for this crazy, whacked out ideal of a relationship and we probably feel like we'll know it when we feel completely fulfilled emotionally. the problem is, that's nearly impossible, so we may be on the lookout for something better. we're so blinded by these fantasies in the present and this may cause some of our "living in the past" tendencies, since, as they say, hindsight is 20/20.

geez, are cancer men the worst partner sign or what?

I wasn't going to post but Leo/Virg hit the nail so dead on the head...

I've been with my Cancer for over two years now and it is so true- these men are what Leo/Virg described and I know this because I experienced this with my Cancer for the first year of our relationship. Man, the detail I could get into but I won't and all I can say is that I don't know how to this day I managed to stay with him.... well the amazing thing is that no matter how hard and I mean I tried to break up with him, he would not give up- even when he was taking me through the let's call it "evil Cancer" period- I mean everything Leo/Virg described: I was the giving, loving, caring one and he would be so mean to me- I actually couldn't believe at times his angry outbursts at me and how it seemed to me he would actually try to make me become so upset and hurt that it seemed like he was TRYING to get me to break up with him- this is the part that would just boggle my mind and I felt like I was in some twisted Twilight Zone and felt that no one would believe me if I told them- you don't know the times I wish I had a hidden camera....

"So you'll get a lot that will find a kind, loving, giving woman;
*they'll get insecure or feel depressed or whatever and they'll find it to be something that their *partner* did;
*they'll act out on it even if it isn't based in reality;
*they'll not only hurt the partner with their actions(retaliation) but then attack the partner for a)*causing them* to act out! and b)for getting upset over the Cancer man's actions!
*then they expect the partner to just forgive them and get over it!"

Sooooo true unfortunately and I lived it BUT...

Mine has a happy ending I guess I can say.... because I can definitely say today that he has changed soooo much and is finally treating me the way I deserve- he is GOLDEN to me actually- I think it finally hit him that he was losing me and he knew he had hurt me too much and we had to go through a period of him rebuilding my trust and showing me that he had changed. Now he is not perfect, he still has his little Cancerian tricks (can still be a manipulative) but it is no where near anything major or damaging. He is committed to me and his love is awesome. So I don't know ladies, he came around but believe me, I was ready to let this man go.

Something else I learned and I guess always understood too is that when Cancers don't have that sense of security, it really turns their worlds upside down and thi

then with that toppled with how feeling and emotional they are, which they can't help, it just becomes too much for them and you get this out of control, acting out, person who really isn't who they are. You REALLY have to have patience, know the deep core of who they really are, and try to understand that they are seeking that stability that they desire but at the same time they also have to face realities of things that they need to change within themselves. I think the best thing I did with my Cancer is that I told him like it is and I called him on his faults and made him look into himself. I had to be tough ladies and believe me, I was. I think this made him respect me because he saw, after seemingly much trying, that I was not stupid or someone he could easily run over.

There are many wonderful aspects to the Cancer man as well: His love is awesome so don't give up on them altogether- he has such a strong sense of family and you just know this man makes a great father. He is very nurturing and caring and he is a hard worker, and the best snuggler in the cosmos🙂 and when he truly loves you, is very devoted and loyal. Thus far and hopefully for good, the Cancer has been the best match for me.

OBPISCES, U BROUGHT A LIL TEAR TO MY EYES. LOL THAT WAS BEUATIFUL. LOL I WISH SO MUCH TAHT HE WOULD CHANGE, BUT, HES NOT EVEN MY MAN, IM "JUST A FRINED" , SO I HOPE HE CHANGES FOR HIS GIRL, AND FROM NOW ON IS LOYAL TO HER, AND DOESNT HURT HER LIKE HE HURT ME. I CNAT BELIEVE I AM SYAING THIS, ITS HARD TO LOSE HIM TO ANOTHER TAURUS, CUZ ITS LIEK....... SHE IS ME, BUT BETTER, SINCE HE CHOSE HER. 😢
I GUESS I SHOULD TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT THAT HE TOLD ME "SHE RMEINDS ME SOO MUCH OF U" THO.
ANYWAYZ, IM VERY HAPPY FOR U!!!!!

"I like my place with him in the past where I know he can truly safely care about me."

(sigh) wow what a quote to remember, that is definitely going on my wall. Thanks