long term cancer confusion! crabs, i need help!

first off, i'm an aquarius (cancer moon/leo rising). i'm coming up on the third anniversary of having met the most beautiful, funniest, sweetest, best in bed cancer boy in the entire effing universe, i kid you not. i met him about 6 months after his long time, live-in, loved her to death, thought about having kids together lady stomped his heart to poo by cheating on him with his best friend. lucky me. so, cancer boy is sweet, loving and perfect for a few months, i thought i was in frickin' heaven. then, it happened to me as it happened to a lot of folks on this board, i pick up the phone to call...ring...ring...ring...voicemail. "huh, he must be doing something". next week...ring...ring...ring...voicemail. "wow, he must be really busy". three months pass and now, not only am i pissed, i'm hurt, i miss the hell out of him and i'm worried that something has happened. i email like "dude, wtf?"and when i whip out the angry face, that gets his attention, we get back together, things are cool and then blamo, cancer finds a new shell, gets washed out to sea, whatever.

fast forward three years. we've tried every version of a relationship, lovers, just friends, not talking, only emailing, he disappears, i flip out, silence, make up, repeat...BUT, when we're alone, it's always cool, right back to really good friends and/or great lovers. so, last year we had a solid three months being friends with no fights. we talked, we laughed, we went skateboarding together, we watched MMA matches and aqua teen hunger force. then he did it again and i was so so so hurt. he didn't call for something like 4 months. and this is someone who tells me things like "i care for you, you're very special to me", "i want you to be in my life for a really long time", "i'm here for you", and my favorite "keep in touch". so, i totally flipped out on him, did the whole "i hate you, i never want see you again bit" and OF COURSE, here i am, missing the hell out of him, wishing i had my buddy back. so...i'm not trying to "get him back", we always make up 'cause if i'm nice, he'll be nice back. but how do i get out of this effed up cycle? i don't want to badger him, when things are cool, we have the best relationship but what is going on that makes him run away from me? i never ask him to change, i take people as they are and i love him the way he is. it's been about 3 months since we last spoke. how do i show him that he doesn't need to hide from me——

I'm going through the same thing with this cancer man i've been off and on with for 3 years. we've been lovers, friends, buddies, couples, hated each other, loved each other, he's told me about his different girl friends and i've given advice. We've been everything over the pass 3 years. He gives mixed signals and it's to the point now where i think he is finally really trying to be in my life but I don't trust that he willnot bail out again. He's here then he's gone,.... close then far away. Reachable then I can't get him to answer the phone. it's crazy.

all the cancer men i know take relationship very slow and your best bet is to stay a good friend who's there for him. when he decides to come around for good he will, but they are super cautious.

"all the cancer men i know take relationship very slow and your best bet is to stay a good friend who's there for him. when he decides to come around for good he will, but they are super cautious."

I totally agree!

Loimelu if you feel like you can't roll with the punches you will have to make the decision to leave because most Cancer men are like you described and there is no telling what you can do, how and when you will have them where you want them. Even if you are the one to back off from them, causing them to come chasing after you... they will still continue to be on and off with you. It can be frustrating and confusing but your options are slim to non, either you gain enough patience to deal with their zig zag movements or you throw your hands in the air and find someone who doesn't require so much work. 🙂

ugh. thanks, i really needed to hear (read) that i'm not a frickin' crazy person, i was starting to think that i was. he's my first cancer, i had no idea ANYONE could be so frickin' weird. they say cancers are moody...i'm moody but i won't go half a year without calling someone i care about. anyway, thanks and if anyone else has advice, i'm so waiting to hear it.

Well, I'm a cancer woman dating a cancer man. Yes I agree we take things realllll slow because we want to make sure we r doing the right thing. My Cancer boo and I hardly see each other. I work 2 jobs and go to school, while he works 2 jobs. We don't feel secure unless the money is right. We save, save, save thats our model. When I start to miss him I call him he always returns the call back. Every single time🙂 Although he doesn't call much. That's cool with me because I don't call much either. I love him darely and we r working on a place together. Cancer men loves a quiet reserved, intelligent, funny, hardworking woman. If u have these traits then u got him in the bag. Put him first alwayssssssssssss. He loves to be pampered.

"We don't feel secure unless the money is right. We save, save, save thats our model."

I have found this to be the way with my Cancer guy.

"Cancer men loves a quiet reserved, intelligent, funny, hardworking woman. If u have these traits then u got him in the bag. Put him first alwayssssssssssss. He loves to be pampered."

Very Very True!

Oh my god! IM NOT ALONE. I am beside myself in emotions, dating or talking to a cancer guy I'm sag for 6 months, he was away now home, things were great the 1st week, then he did a complete turn around on me. I would think he is a gemini the way he is acting, like he switched bodies and brains. We were so madly in love, had all these plans and dreams. He says one thing does and shows the opposite. I gave him many times to just say he doesnt want me or the relationship, but he insists he loves me. Listen this guy brings nuthin 2 the table, I spoil him to death, he is looking for work and depressed because he cant get any, plus i think he is trying to relive hi syounger years, as he was away. He doesnt even call me back on minutes that i paid for on his cell, and i know he knows and sees me calling, wont return msgs, just disappears and im suppose to figure oout if we are a couple, never in my life have i experienced such a shitty behavior and nasty attitude. Of course when he does this it sets off my buttons, and sags we dont hold back the tongue, which doesnt help matters. What are wrong with these or this man, and what am i to do just go with teh flow, and wait 3-6mths for him to reappear and do this shit again to me, no sex, no visits nothing.
Its like I dont even exist, i assume hes with someone else, fine just tell me and end it, tehn i can have closure. I cannot deal, its making me sick. I cant stop crying, and always depressed, this is not love. Help, if you have any answers to this behavior, or as to why they dod this and how can i survive or fix it. It s really a terrible thing to go through.

to continue- I made a home for him, he doesn't even care about the things at my place, from clothing, toiletries to food. All untouched, i got so fed up i moved his stuff out my bedroom drawers, it was too painful to keep looking at them. The last time he came, he stayed 2 hours dropped off his dirty outfit, showered and changed into a new outfit i had waiting for him, i even adorned him with a necklace I bought him. Still no sex, promised he would be back to spend several days if not would call, of course neither happened. This mind you after he just apologized to me fully for pulling this act on me a week before, he turned around and did it to me again, but not before I filled his phone up with minutes. Minutes which he cant call me or return my calls, but i see online hes calling and answering everyone elses calls. I feel like im in the twilight zone, how rude, how cold, just leave me and end it. But to look me in the face and tell me im your baby and u love me, and treat me this way. The sad thing is he does love me I think, its just to damn odd to explain unless you have experienced this as well.Liek i said why doesnt he just end it with me, he's not really with me, and doesnt communicate, thats the killer. Why would they do this to a gal that loves and supports him mentally, phsy. & financially. DOESNT MAKE SENSE, and my sag heart which is big, cant take the constant rejection and lonliness. Im seeking help now from a spritiual adv. I know not what else to do.

"never in my life have i experienced such a shitty behavior and nasty attitude."

Oh child! You are going to get slammed by the "Queen" Leos for this post.

All I can say is that it's just how some "immature" crab men are. They want you, but then they don't. It's confusing as hell. But you have to put your foot down pronto! PM me if you need further guidance 😉

Well, i did what any woman would do for her man, I trie dto be there and support him, esp. because he is down and out. And what I need from hm, is honesty, love & companship, what any body would want in a real relationship. Yes I can seem to be mothering, i am older than him, and Im trying to get him to get his life in order and back in track.. so i can seem like that, but its with good intention and all love, further more I have never turned my back onhim, or been so rude as to not pick up his call and not return a call.

Ok be his girl and watch him self destruct again.. Sure thats love..

Told ya you were gonna get slammed! Girl, different people, different logics!

Ok, I appreciate your feedback. And you may have a point, but we all do things out of love, sometimes it gets to our better judgement, I AM HUMAN.. I will or I am holding back now, and slowly withdrawing from him, I guess I have no choice since he is acting the way he is.. I give u enuff chances on that rope, but his rope is all but gine. But dont judge, you never know what you may or may not do when in that situation for the you love and thinks loves you, even if you think you wont do it trust me you will.

Pampered as in sexually😉 "REAL WOMAN" KNOW WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY THIS. I could never be his mother he has a mother, lol although we r close. A cancer man wants someone somewhat like his mother, but not like his mother.

"But dont judge, you never know what you may or may not do when in that situation for the you love and thinks loves you, even if you think you wont do it trust me you will."

Exactly!

"A cancer man wants someone somewhat like his mother, but not like his mother."

Yep!

"All I'm saying is, youre better off being a b1tch to a cancer than you are being a doormat."

AND THE BEAT GOES ON! :::Whistles:::

Well apparently I did.. and I still don't agree.

"want a woman who won't put up with any of his sh1t, and will stand up for herself."

In moderation... because once he has had enough of your biatch behaviour, he'll be out the door and you'll never hear from him agian. Cancers are also very good at cutting people off and when their heads take them... it's only so much they will put up with.

COMPLEX PEOPLE!

Nope nope... I will never agree with a man mistreating a woman and a woman encouraging it. But figuring out a Cancer man is way more complicated than any other man. Damn if you do with them and damn if you don't. Yep!

Lol, Ms. Pisces thats why u could never understand. U have to learn to balance and I say it again "real woman" know what I mean.

"Real men do it for themselves, and they wouldn't allow a woman to take care of them in that way".

What r u talking about? I never knew I man that will sexually please themsleves rather than a woman. unless their gay, lmao. No,but seriously of course cancer men want a woman to defend themselves, but u must allow him to be the man. They don't want no punk a** chick, u gotta be that "ride or die". Ms. Pisces u have a long way to go.

"Its funny that you associate not putting up with someones sh1t and standing up for yourself, as being a b1tch."

Huh?

I would have to write a book for you to undertand what I am trying to say. I am after all with a Cancer man. I know their tricks and trades!

Ms. Pisces no one takes advantage of me because he does the same for me and we love doing it to one another. O yeah, my Cancer man always calls me right back. No bull shitting goes on here, its all adult love.

"Lol, Ms. Pisces thats why u could never understand.
Ms. Pisces u have a long way to go."

I totally agree... sorry MP you don't know Cancer men.

Balance, patience and understanding! Key words when in a relationship with a Cancer man.

lol O ok I was going to say. My fault😢

LMAO, THIS IS FUNNY

MP... please don't pick up the same attitude as you hear from other women on here they say to give a Cancer man "tuff luv".

Yes a woman should not allow a man to disrespect her and abuse her, but when you are dealing with a Cancer there are so many different reasons for his behaviour and it is not always the woman's fault.

Cancer men are senstive so by mistreating them, you are lacking the most important tool to making it work with them. Cancers like control... and will not have it any other way. A woman has to learn how to work around this while not losing her morals and self respect.

Beef... Cancer captain... desperate taurus women?

Whatever! I was not jumping down your throat. I was clarifying!

Sorry if you can't handle what I have to say!

Thought you said later?

Later MP! I have nothing further to say as I have no use for you or your logics.

Well my Cancer dissapeared and came back begging for me. It wasn't his choice to disapear thou there were other reasons. He was scared I wasn't going to take him back.

Shorti...You are a Cancer and who better to explain Cancer behaviour. People misunderstand Cancers alot and that's why most times Cancers can't be bothered with some people, because they always run into the same problem of people not understanding them.

Anyway! :::nods head:::

Lady Taurus: "It can be frustrating and confusing but your options are slim to non, either you gain enough patience to deal with their zig zag movements or you throw your hands in the air and find someone who doesn't require so much work. All I can say is that it's just how some "immature" crab men are. They want you, but then they don't. It's confusing as hell. But you have to put your foot down pronto!"

I guess you missed what I originally posted before you or the Cancer man posted anything!

Cheenah is a poor soul😢 u need 2 just leave him. U can't do everything for him he just sounds real immature. LT I agree with u but I think MP wasn't slamming her she was just giving her advice. I read the forum from top to bottom. I hink u didn't mean "slamming her" like beating her down. I think u knew what people would say about Cheenah situation. It really isn't that serious MP. u gotta read inbetween the lines of what she is saying and no offense but MP u sound really angry😢

IDK u tell me?

"I think u knew what people would say about Cheenah situation."

Exactly... because there are alot of mean people who will respond making the person who is just asking for advice feel really low. And I hate that. We all go through things and we all need guidance sometimes but it doesn't give others the right to make someone else feel like they are stupid.

"It really isn't that serious MP."

I wasn't even talking to MP in the first place. She knows well enough who the cap fits.

"u gotta read inbetween the lines of what she is saying and no offense but MP u sound really angry"

She is being lead by others who find joy in belittling people. I don't agree with those people and she does, so now I'm on their black list. Who cares? I don't! I speak when I feel and just like everyone else I have my opinion. But unlike alot I try to look at the positive side of the situation instead of the negative.

I gave him many times to just say he doesnt want me or the relationship, but he insists he loves me. Listen this guy brings nuthin 2 the table, I spoil him to death, he is looking for work and depressed because he cant get any, plus i think he is trying to relive hi syounger years, as he was away. He doesnt even call me back on minutes that i paid for on his cell, and i know he knows and sees me calling, wont return msgs, just disappears and im suppose to figure oout if we are a couple, never in my life have i experienced such a butterty behavior and nasty attitude. Of course when he does this it sets off my buttons, and sags we dont hold back the tongue, which doesnt help matters. What are wrong with these or this man, and what am i to do just go with teh flow, and wait 3-6mths for him to reappear and do this butter again to me, no sex, no visits nothing.

No, no I don't bash her. SOME other WOMEN just interpret their own desires with men which is their own way of pushing ANY man not just a Cancer man further away. Basically it is the women who swear by life that a Cancer man is soo much in love with them and only them.

Plus I can understand that YOU are OLDER and more mature than a lot of other women who you try to give advice too and they SWEAR you treat a man wrong. But you are reading some posts from some of the maturer Cancer men who tell you they DON'T like convincing behaviors.

Well for ONE even MENTIONING his behavior is bad and calling him out on it is coming out to "him" as CONTROLLING! You cannot control another person and by all God not a Cancer man. The reason he is bringing nothing to the table is because you are not allowing him to give you love. YOU are doing everything for him and basically taking his job away from him. If he is not financially stable, then there should be some boundaries that YOU have set up in you to say, hey, I DON'T want a man who is financially unstable. I KNOW for sure a Cancer man will ask you to do this, do that, give this and give that and then bounce the minute you do it.

MP LOL, I'M NOT TRYING TO FIGHT WITH U. I'M JUST TELLING U HOW I READ IT. SORRY U MISUNDERSTOO😱( U MUST REALLY BE A CANCER THEN, U WERE MISUNDERSTOO😱)

"She is being lead by others who find joy in belittling people"

——?

"Nothing I said was negative or demeaning. You have some issues you need to work on. Seriously."

Read my dear... read... an important tool when on a board.

Let me re-phrase

YOU ARE BEING LED BY PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO BELITTLE OTHERS.

It is you with issues... not I... I do not follow people. I lead and by doing so I have my own opinions and will not switch it up to please the crowd. Thank you very much!

Ta-ta!

Shorti... she was apparently talking to me. But you were right she was coming across very angry, this you did not read wrong. Um... MP?... far from a Cancer... far.

MP PLEASE POST ON THE PIECES FORUM. PLEASE.

UR TALKING ABOUT CANCER MEN NEVER POST HERE...UM...Y UR U HERE?

to continue- I made a home for him, he doesn't even care about the things at my place, from clothing, toiletries to food. All untouched, i got so fed up i moved his stuff out my bedroom drawers, it was too painful to keep looking at them. The last time he came, he stayed 2 hours dropped off his dirty outfit, showered and changed into a new outfit i had waiting for him, i even adorned him with a necklace I bought him. Still no sex, promised he would be back to spend several days if not would call, of course neither happened. This mind you after he just apologized to me fully for pulling this act on me a week before, he turned around and did it to me again, but not before I filled his phone up with minutes. Minutes which he cant call me or return my calls, but i see online hes calling and answering everyone elses calls

Well doing these things is ONLY pushing him away. YOU DON'T need to convince him or be loyal to him ALL the time. Most men see this as a sign of weakness from a woman and will only USE her get what they want and leave her like bye, you can't have ME.

Women can say what they want but I am pretty sure the ones who are giving you so much advice DON'T have a CANCER man themselves.

THIS is HOW you will get treated for constantly trying to be loyal to ANY man. I feel for you, I wish I could give you a hug because I know you are going through a rough time right now.

"Its no suprise Cancer MEN rarely post here."

Because they would have to write a scroll for simple minds to understand them. That's why they have the attitude they do...

"MP PLEASE POST ON THE PIECES FORUM. PLEASE."

For real!

"Y UR U HERE?"

Well I am glad you asked...because I'm a Taurus I didn't make it my business to.

LT I like u, u can stay🙂

Cancershorti,

I have NO DOUBT you have a Cancer man. I can tell by the way you carry yourself and talk that YOU have one. You understand the logic about not trying to tie him down and not trying to be all up in his space. SO, I am not directly stating you don't have a Cancer man. Like I stated to you before I know my cousin's WIFE is a CANCER and they have been together for 25 years.

"LT I like u, u can stay"

Thanks!

I have enough Cancer people in my life and I pull tight with them. I get alot of shiat for what I say on here... but if the others want to listen to the negative... let the blind lead the blind!

I genuinly love Cancer people and I bent backwards and turned myself inside out to understand my Cancer guy... so yeah...

Us Bulls and you Crabs are bestfriends... no body has a tighter bond! 😉

Krobe definitely, My cancer man told me one time that i make him feel like a man. That made me feel so good. Ur cousin is a very lucky man and 25 years is a long time.my cancer and I don't rush anything because we do feel we have a long life together😉

"we have a long life together"

And you shall!

Talk to you later chick! I'm out!

deuces!

Krobe definitely, My cancer man told me one time that i make him feel like a man. That made me feel so good. Ur cousin is a very lucky man and 25 years is a long time.my cancer and I don't rush anything because we do feel we have a long life together

That is the KEY not rushing him and making him feel like he is trapped. I KNOW you understand a Cancer man VERY well! I can tell by your swag you have your game wrapped tight!