long term cancer confusion! crabs, i need help! (Page 2)

Lawdy Lawd. Me and my cancer guy have been through some tough times, but NOTHING like this.

"no, not any woman would do that. Its one thing to be there for him, another to enable his behavior. You are his girl, not his mother.He'll respect you more if you acted like it."

surprisingly I will agree with what mspisces said here - however, I will clarify that this is NOT what krobe tells women... krobe tells them to act towards men the way this woman's cancer is acting towards HER - to take advantage and have a "me first" attitude. There is a vast middle ground between the two, and that is where this woman and others need to be. There is nothing wrong with being supportive, and being supportive CAN mean washing clothes and cooking and even loaning money, etc. What it does NOT mean is treating him like your teenage son: paying all of his bills, allowing him to come and go as he pleases [even for weeks or months at a time], and all the while treat you like shit.

cheenah, you said yourself - you're older and have a tendency to be motherly - he doesn't need a mother, he needs a partner. Someone who will not only aid him while he gets back on his feet, but actually encourages him to do it. Like picking up the paper and [nicely....] suggesting "oh look, this company is looking for a [insert approriate professiona here] why don't you give them a call?" or asking him what he WANTS to do - encouraging him to take this opportunity to pursue his dream job rather than take the first one he can get - bottom line, show him that you want to be INVOLVED in his life and SHARE it - not RUN it. Be invested in his success as it pertains to a stable life and loving relationship for the both of you - don't give him the materials to get on his feet and then walk away and expect to come back and find him on top of it - WORK WITH him to show him that you are EQUALS who are equally invested in the relationship.

Oh - and you might want to ask him for something other than sex..... great way to make a cancer man feel used.... be his sugar mama and demand sex in return.......

*sigh* and for a minute there I thought this could be a pleasant conversation...... taurus women huh? What is your problme with taurus women? Pisces and scorpio don't have ANY better idea how to deal witha cancer man.

and I really don't understand where this idea poeple have that if you have a certain sign as your rising that means your like that sign and/or understand them better comes from.... I have scorpio rising, that neither makes me a scorpio, nor helps me to understand them.... it simply means that my outweard appearance is that fo a scorpio.....
Having cancer rising does NOT give you insight into their world - nor does being another water sign....especially since pisces RARELY understand others.... they are [usually] sympathetic and listen.... but they have no concept of how others comprehend and interpret things and think.

You always go around acting like you're too good to be here....we peons aren't worthy of your presence or intellect.... and yet you post as often as anyone else - and usually a bunch of mindless one-sided bullshit.

At least I don't make shit up to make myself seem more important, or over-represent my own knowledge or experience with a situation. The way you tell it you must be a hundred years old and have lived everywhere and experienced everything. Oh but, you're never biased and always follow your own line of thinking...so clearly your wordliness is not a product of many hours spent watching Oprah and Nancy Grace..... or is it Montel and Anderson Cooper?....aw hell, you're an equal opportunity kind of gal, I'm sure you "don't" watch all four 😉

Lol @ Ms.Pisces right?

Xangel I don't understand you. You seem to be an intelligent person and to be frank you seem to understand Cancers well why let ppl get your goat on this board? I have observed one thing about you, you tend to defend cancers for everything. This makes since why you are adored from cancers because you handle them with kid gloves.
It must be a water quality because of the sensitivity that raptures our emotions.

There does seem to be a lot of bickering Bettys on this board not an understatement.
Pd

Btw that was meant as a compliment lol I was basically saying u r better than that to bicker. I know my wording came out all twisted.

Pd

Well we have lost track here of the reason why me and the fisrt young lady posted our questions, and to x you dont know that i havent found jobs etc..and what i have done for him.. i am not going to mention every detail on this board, you mention just a lil and people run with like a damn runaway train in all senseless directions, offering no help or advice but criticism. My life is good, ai awas just being there for someonewho obv. has deep cancer issues that i am not use to dealing with, nor sure that I can. I was asking questions about their behaviour and traits.. No one deserves to treat anyone the way this cancer man is, motherly unmotherly what ever. I am not his suga mama, if I was i would be just that, andthen i wouldnt be stresing over a realtionship with him, or give a damn about his comings and goings. I cant control him, no do i want to. Its common respect, if you dont want someone or lost interest, tell them and thenmove on, dont dissappear. Esp. when that person had your back when no one else did. Yeah atthe end of the day I will get past this, but it sucks still that it even happened this way. You give love, you dont exepect hurt and pain,and betrayal. You want honesty, and love which the person insisted all along they had for me. I dont understand his cabcer games or ways, that is why i asked and breifly stated my situation. No one on here has all teh answers, only suggestions, or their own stories or OPINIONS.. Its teh way you bring them across thats important, other wiae your opinion is just as rude as his behavior that im trying to understand. I again would like replies that pertain to the question on cancer men, nothing else and all that other bickering, Its not needed, just takng up mad space on the board and not dealing withteh subject on hand. So if you can answer teh question teh first lady and myself, which was similar about cancer men, I would love to hear from you. Thanks.

Ok cheenah

l am a Cancer!! what your experiencing is someone who is trying to figure out which way to go forward , he loves you for sure ,but his priority is to get him self in order financially to help him give and the things he wants to give to you and also ,to enjoy the things he wants himself.
l thing l can tell you is when l cannot have the financial money stability , that Scare's me!! because everything resolves around money to do things in this world ,and to enable myself to move forward l need that . Sex! love, other joy's all fall to the way side until this is resolved, my emotions become highly charged l cannot think straight and l get grumpy and that's when if you get in my way l will avoid you and take the thinks my partner offer's because l need them , but l will want to be left to find my way.

Only then cheenah will he come around , give him space that's what he is crying out for, he wants to find himself, his lack of respect is because he is unconsciously doing with out realizing because his stubborn need to succeed as come to the front of his emotions,you cannot stand in his way at this time , and in doing so you he will resent you as he see it as you trying to get his attention when all he wants is to focus on what is as he see it important at this time ,WORK AND THAT = Money = time to enjoy good things and thus leading to making love and room for that very special person in his life YOU!! .

l was going through this recently with my Scorpio Partner and l wanted no Sex!! no conversation, and stayed at friends all the time , so what you will find is the staying out late thing is because he will most likely have a very tight group of friends that he is talking with at the moment maybe one or two , that he trust ,trying to resolve is situation, your to close to him in the wrong way for that. Patience! wants the puzzle is fixed you will see a dramatic change.
Also cheenah Scorpio men are very much the same, they close all doors on those around them until they sort them selves out when posed with the same problem..that is what l know about me as a Cancerian , and if he was cheating we are more discreet and clever than to make it so obvious to let you think we were, as we would never want to raise suspicion.

Keep Calm and l hope this as helped. as for the above l think everyone in one way or another was right , but l understand you just wanted a clear answer on your situation so l hope l clarified that for you.

P.s l can say

LT is a fav of mine and she is genuine when she is trying to help , as she post me privately now and then to see how l am , so l can say she as your feelings at heart.

Best luck Roc.

Personality:
Cancers may be the most misunderstood of all of the zodiac signs. One day you are the most helpful and kind person to everyone and the next you are cranky and apathetic. The answer behind all of the mood swings is the moon. Like a crab, you have a hard outer shell which is tough to penetrate, but a very soft inside. Once people get to know you, you have friends for life.

Unpredictable, fragile, and complex, the ordinary Cancer needs constant emotional support. You have a tremendous amount of loyalty and will support your close friends and family throughout any of their ordeals. You are also a wonderful listener, people can pour out their souls and all of their worries, but you keep your feelings bottled up.

Cancers are very possessive and try to hold onto the past as hard as they can. Money is kept tight and not spent on foolish things. You also need to receive love, though you never seem to have enough. You try to keep a distance from people, so that no one can know what your true feelings are.

Relationships:

Cancer & Aries: This starts out hot and heavy, but soon will be just a memory.
Cancer & Taurus: Similar interests and desires make this a harmonious relationship.
Cancer & Gemini: These two are doomed for disaster.
Cancer & Cancer: Both need emotional support and neither one has time to give it. Not a good pairing.
Cancer & Leo: Moody Cancer may find great happiness in Leo's sunny disposition.
Cancer & Virgo: The two fit well together with both wanting what the other one is giving.
Cancer & Libra: These two are complete opposites and this only causes problems, problems, and more problems.
Cancer & Scorpio: Both please each other and feel safe and secure in this relationship. Very promising.
Cancer & Sagittarius: This pair makes better friends than lovers.
Cancer & Capricorn: The differences in these two might just be too big to overcome.
Cancer & Aquarius: Passions in the bedroom might be the only thing going on in this relationship.
Cancer & Pisces: By working together, these two can achieve their goals in love and life.

Personality:
Cancers may be the most misunderstood of all of the zodiac signs. One day you are the most helpful and kind person to everyone and the next you are cranky and apathetic. The answer behind all of the mood swings is the moon. Like a crab, you have a hard outer shell which is tough to penetrate, but a very soft inside. Once people get to know you, you have friends for life.

Unpredictable, fragile, and complex, the ordinary Cancer needs constant emotional support. You have a tremendous amount of loyalty and will support your close friends and family throughout any of their ordeals. You are also a wonderful listener, people can pour out their souls and all of their worries, but you keep your feelings bottled up.

Cancers are very possessive and try to hold onto the past as hard as they can. Money is kept tight and not spent on foolish things. You also need to receive love, though you never seem to have enough. You try to keep a distance from people, so that no one can know what your true feelings are.

Relationships:

Cancer & Aries: This starts out hot and heavy, but soon will be just a memory.
Cancer & Taurus: Similar interests and desires make this a harmonious relationship.
Cancer & Gemini: These two are doomed for disaster.
Cancer & Cancer: Both need emotional support and neither one has time to give it. Not a good pairing.
Cancer & Leo: Moody Cancer may find great happiness in Leo's sunny disposition.
Cancer & Virgo: The two fit well together with both wanting what the other one is giving.
Cancer & Libra: These two are complete opposites and this only causes problems, problems, and more problems.
Cancer & Scorpio: Both please each other and feel safe and secure in this relationship. Very promising.
Cancer & Sagittarius: This pair makes better friends than lovers.
Cancer & Capricorn: The differences in these two might just be too big to overcome.
Cancer & Aquarius: Passions in the bedroom might be the only thing going on in this relationship.
Cancer & Pisces: By working together, these two can achieve their goals in love and life.

LK, yes he was, but he said all teh others never lived up to his words, that I was different. Rocket thank you so much fro your words of wisdom, that is exactly what I m looking for just clean and true advice, no sugar coating but its teh wya you said it and broke it down, I appreciate your style and grace, and I will take your advice. Bravo to you, we need more people liek you onthese boards, it get sliek a jungle on these at times, and more liek a cat fight, than people talking, debating and tryng to help others with sound advice. God Bless, and you can pm me any time if you have any more cancer men tips. PEACE & LUV...

LK, thats the thing why do me wrong and Ive proven my love and committment to you, that I am different. Thats the thing that hurts me? I really loved him broke or not, imperfect, moody etc.. I just loved him no matter what.

Rocket I have heard this over and over again. It seems like if you r going to have relations you have to be willing to be on a cancers timeline. So if what you say is true the rewards can be great because you than tap into the softness of their shell if you play this dance of being patient with them. From what is said here cancer also thrive on reassurance and maybe a bit of ego stroking. So if you are a nuturing person by nature you will have an easier time with cancer. Would you say this is true.

As a fish I hate conflict. Would you say cancer can get wound up in it because of their moods? That leads to anothe question how does one deal with a cancers mood swings?

I know the cancer I dated one day sky is blue and the next seemed so depressed negative and definately went into his shell. As a fish water element I can say it happens to me but the switch is much faster. With a cancer it seems much longer they really buckle up into their shells for an indefinate time.

Pd

pisces dream - I know that my temper [when I lose] can be a problem for me - I do get very defensive when someone I care about is being picked on OR simply when someone is acting the way mspisces does - I've gotten into it with her before on this and other boards.... she thinks she's better and smarter than everyone else - and maybe I am too intelligent to get caught up in the bickering, byut hey, I can't be perfect - that would be against the laws of nature 😉

by the way - sorry... not a pisces - I'm a bull... but everyone makes that mistake - it's my own fault... this is a screen name I've used for years, since long before I came to DXP.

cheeanh - I didn't assume anything, I gave advice on the best way to handle your situation, if you already doing that and don't tell people on the board that...well what kind of advice do you expect? I didn't criticize, I gave advice based on the information YOU gave out.

I just love how people don't tell their whole story and then ask for advice....then say "you can't judge me like that - I'm not going to put my whole story out here for everyone"

Look - if you want advice you need to give people the TRUTH - that means the WHOLE truth - otherwise you can't possibly expect them to give you adequate advice...... You weren't looking for help - you were looking for sympathy "oh....my cancer treats me so bad and all I do is take care of him....what do I do??" But you don't want to know what you should do - you want everyone to say "oh my! that's awful! you poor thing...."

and by the way YES your behavior is that of a sugar mama [based on what you HAVE puty out here] and while maybe no one DESEVRES to be trweated this way - again based on what YOU HAVE SAIUD HERE - you are inviting it on yourself. You want to know about cancer behavior? THIS is not "typical" cancer behavior - this the behavior of a man who is being treated like a child and therefore resents it and is taking advantage of you and justifying it tio himself because he feels hurt and offended by YOUR behavior. That's reality.

"Do you all do anything *other* than argue about Cancer men all day long on here?"

And some how you always seem to show up and put your 2 cents in... so... I wonder if that makes you any better.

"I have observed one thing about you, you tend to defend cancers for everything."

Maybe it's a bull thing... because we defend what we feel passionate about. Everyone has their own opinions on here, and most will disagree with each other, but why hold our tongues because of the majority opposing against our beliefs. Everybody is not going to be agreeable... so get over it. On the plus side, it can be entertaining! So enjoy the ride... it gets better every time!

"LT is a fav of mine and she is genuine when she is trying to help , as she post me privately now and then to see how l am , so l can say she as your feelings at heart."

Hey Rocs!!! Thanks!!! 😉 I agree with everything you said about Cancers' behaviour. Cancers are very complex and their behaviour can't be narrowed down to one of a typical man. They have reasoning for their every action and most times it's to do with a personal problem. That's why I hate when other women come on here and blame the woman and say it's her with the problem. No matter what sign, what kind of woman, they will experience the same issues with a Cancer man. We as individuals just deal with things differently, and our tolerance levels are different but it doesn't make another woman weaker or stupider than the next.

"I really loved him broke or not, imperfect, moody etc.. I just loved him no matter what."

And even though he is facing a difficult time right now, when he is back on his feet your efforts will not be in vain. 🙂

Thought l 'd wait for it to calm down here guy's , listen when you came here it was for support not anger!! but to be fair with everyone carrying a little pain from each of our stories' maybe we loose that reality when we found our peace , l for one love's to love and no matter what depth or how minor someone's story may seem , to them it is hell!! . weather you think so or not, so please bear that in mind and don't jump out and pass the monkey just to feel that your not included, we all want to be loved no matter what, good or bad, it's just love has no boundaries and we are blind until we hit rock bottom.

Coming on here for some, is a last min cry for help! some could say this site prevents serious drama's happening with high price's , so bare that in mind ,our comments could make overs self inflict!!

Sorry to be serious but wanted to inject some reality to us all, so lets keep it easy and address each and everyone's problems equally .

Peace . Rocks'

Pisces_Dream

l will tell you as you asked me directly, yes all the things you said ,but it has to be because it comes natural to u ,otherwise we since your resentment to care if we feel you find it requires to much effort on your part. its not a game just were hyper sensitive we feel we don't think when we have emotions floating, that is our main down fall, so keep us busy so we never get bored and l mean no routine ,to boring and were happy , l like to be lead but then left to take control.

it also determines our actions ,if we feel u are judging us we will retreat and clam up! thats me anyway. so Yes! daily things change but some sign's work as they move together like me and my Scorpio do ,no questions , he senses my moods and leaves me to get out when lm ready, l love that because then l get my Hugs to reassure me it's ok , and no questions as to were l went , just l love you! and then l am jumping beans again, giving love back unselfishly.

Hope that is clear for you , l do find pisces view things different though so although your Water you may not get the to and throwing so much, but other sign's love the unpredictable behavior.must admit a Pisces was the reason my problem came about , after she broke my trust and went and told a friend what l said , but hey ! funny enough she had just been diched !! by her man after many years for another woman, so l suppose she resented my happness, but Karma comes round in time , l just tell my self love don't hate.

Crazy l know.

rocket - I don't know if any of that was directed at me or not, but I need to say this.... you said the man obviously loves her - I believe you are wrong... I know WHY you said that.... because he has told her he loves her....and I think that at first he did - and he keeps telling her he does because you cancers hate to let go, BUT he does NOT love her anymore... this says it all:

[paraphrasing] "he stopped by after weeks of no talking or seeing each other, dropped off his dirty clothes, showered changed into the clean clothes I had waiting for him, and left saying he wouldn't disappear like that again, but no sex or anything and then he DID disappear again"

This is not how ANY man [cancer or otherwise] treats a woman he loves - he is VERY CLEARLY - using her, and I suspect [who can say for sure without asking him] that the reason is because he now resents her for treating him like a child who can't take care of himself.

yes - and I did acknowledge that I was agreeing with what she said - it was the mindless drivel afterwards that I took offense to.

I am not into pointing comments sorry !,if l want to say something to someone l will, sorry! if you or anyone felt offended.!!

it's not a case of anything in particular ,its a case of supporting others weather you think he ,is doing wrong or not, in time she will come to her own conclusion. all she wants right now is to vent !! and seek emotionally support for her own sanity,it does not matter who is wrong or right! l made a view for her ! she can pick and choose which parts of my advice or anyone's helps she wishes to use, to over come this situation , as l did .

It helped me , and thats what l feel is the most important thing to remember, its about choice , so anyone , l don't care who!! be happy just for the fact she even wants our view, which lm sure we all give in good spirit , l do , as l was given support to over come my Drama on here ,and l thank everyone ! for that, so sorry l am not into fight's or hate ! l want to give hope and stay positive , even if that person is not as she clearly needs a lift . and that's what she is looking for ,even if it last a day it helps

Plus l think is easy to judge when we do not see the pain!! in someone's eyes, and its not easy to express what you wish to say always on these sites, and thats why l try not to judge anyone. but try to assess. no one is a expert, were all here for one reason or another that includes me, and l am glad l can give back any support that l received.

Again the above is just a view!! so please xangelfishx ,don't Judge me. l giving a shoulder its not about me here is about the two individuals who wrote on Page one.

As l remember xangelfishx you helped me once and thank you !,but if l feel tension or resentment then l would rather stay out of it as there is enough pain out there.

WOW Rocs... that was a really good post! You are absolutly right with everything you said.

However, Angel means no harm. We bulls get offended really easily and with Angel and myself being attacked so many times by other people on here it is easy to think that everyone is trying to attack us.

I read your post over and although I know you meant good, if I didn't know you, I would have thought that you were trying to say that we (Angel and I) were being judgemental although I know you were speaking generally, Bulls take things personal. I know you didn't mean it this way, its just that you Cancers like peace and I love you guys for it.

Thanks for all your lovely statements, they have been very helpful and eye-opening for all and especially for those that the cap fits 😉

:::Hugs Angel and Rocs:::

PS... Angel does know alot about Cancers herself so that's why like me she likes to clarify the BS advice that others give on here.

I wasn't taking offense rocket - I just acknowledged that the post MAY have been directed, at least in part, towards me.

Giving someone a shoulder to cry is not wrong.... but when someone asks for ADVICE when what they really want is sympathy... well they shouldn't get offended when someone actually gives advice... and as for saying that he loves her... it might make her feel better - but for all the WRONG reasons. Her behavior is hurting her, and by saying that he DOES love her and that her behavior is NOT the problem, it is only encouraging her to continue on the destructive path she is on.... you can be supportive without telling her that everything will be "okay" - I'm usually well known here for being in defense of even the most difficult relationships, and "making excuses" - so I hope you will understand [and that cheenah will as well] that if I say that something is not right, it's because it's genuine. This situation is NOT right, and it is most definately cheenah's behavior that is causing at least a large part of the problem - that's not to say it's ALL her - he has issues he needs to work out - but her behavior is counter-productive to being supportive.

UPDATE: he finally called today, funny all my numbers that he knew and didnt pick on when i called, he actually had the nerve to call today, why prob. because he's like down to zero minutes on his phone. so i didnt pick up, he rang again, not to curse him out, i just said sorry you have the wrong number. i dont think he will be calling back. i hate the fact that was why he was only calling, plus i didnt call him like in 4 days. if he is serious and it aint about the minutes he knows where i live. but he treated me too awful, i dont think he has the guts to face it and man up and apologize.. whats your take on it.. plus i know my sag mouth, being hurt and all i prob. couldnt fake the funk and just talk and have a convo with him liked all was good.. and he had the nerve to say hi angel, thats what he calls me. he sure didnt treat me like one. i cant believe it he left a msg and called me on all my numbers, teh same ones days ago he out right ignored, and even called me back and once when hearing my voice hung up. im sorry ladies, but as much as i want to hear and talk to him, i just really felt his motivation for calling was he needs minutes, money or something that the chicken heads he hangs out with cant provide or wont. i just didnt want to be used any more, like i said dount if he will call back and sure as heck aint that bold to stop by.. maybe it wasnt the right thing to do, i felt bad, but enuff is enuff..

Cheenah,you know when you've had enough of being treated like shit. I honestly would just quit doing stuff like putting minutes on his phone. That's messed up he only calls you when he needs more minutes on his phone. About 7 years ago I had a cancer friend ask me for a loan of 100.00. He was a down and out. I only loaned him money because I knew he was a hardworking guy and would not go back on his word of paying me back. Anyway, he met me at a coffee house to collect the money. He couldn't even look at me in the face. I doubt he even mumbled the words "thank you". Later on that same day he called me and said, " hey mami you think you could cook me something and bring it to my house." I laughed because I knew no one in their right mind would ask me to cook him dinner right after loaning him money, but he wasn't laughing. I asked him was he for real and he said, " hell ya ma I'm hungry make me some tortas and bring them to my house." My response to his request was for him to go fuck himself and to run me my money 2 weeks. Then I hug up. I didn't hear from until it was time for him to pay up. The point I'm trying to make Cheenah is that you have to stand up for yourself. Don't be his doormat.

WOW! This is amazing! Cancers can drive you crazy if you let them...But they are sweet and gentle and loving and amazing AND THEN can SEEM cold and heartless and non-caring and selfish.

Update - he calls again, and trys to talk to me. Aske me did i tell his cousin he left me for someone else, i said yes we are not together, you drop out of sight, dont call, dont care and im suppose to asssume this is a normal relationship. He said he's stressed and I dont know the half of it, and he didnt leave me he ran away. Now Iknow im older, but run away—?
Then he's expecting me to say something, id odnt know what. His beahvior is sick and bizzarre, cruel and distant. I wasnt going to smother him with I love you's and its okay you pick me up and put me down liek a used book. So tehn he got mad for i was quiet, tehn when i did say something, he said i had a attitude, which i did not. The convo was short, and i know he was dying to ask fro thos eminutes, said he would call me later since i was at work, liek all his promises of course he didnt. Again back to that uncaring dustant behavior. Hadthe balls to tell me he just cust everyone off when he is stressed, is aid im not every one. Also he really doesnt seem to think his non caring not being with me at all behavior is unormal, in fact he said i was trying to change him. I replied i only acted the way i did to aman who said he wanted a life with me, and to do better than what he was, tehn when i tried to help him and work with him in that direction, he accuses me of trying to change him. Maybe the truth is he bit offmore than he caould chew in this real relationship, our ages, backgrounds etc.. are farrrrrrrrrr different, and he's to happy n his ghetto fabu gangster life to want to see or thrive better for hinself. Im losing love for him daily, and tehfact he wouldnt man up and come to see me and talk in person doesnt help either. So I still dont have closure, but next time if any when we do, i will insist either your with me all the way, or lets part. This you want me when you wnat me, you gotta be in the right moon mood, etc.. I need a damn handbook to work with this cancer guy, no relationship should be this roller coaster of an emotional trip at any age..

sorry for the zillion typos.. just crazed and at work.