Please HELP anyone wanna die!!

being with cancer man for 1 year relationship (on and off, silent treatment, moodiness but simply i just go with the flow). a month ago he told me he just made other relationship with other girl, and told me please do not talk think discuss about other just think and enjoy in this relations and keep it.

he said it's not cheat LOL cos he told me the truth. i cant accept it but we discuss and i confront him not to talk to her again.

lately found out he is going out with the girl (someone told me). he keep convincing me (might his manipulative way) not to break the relation with him and dont think about others. i believe there's some motives behind making other gfs but i still dont know the truth(he told me undirectly)

he's my first love, he said 'dont want to break this since it's already a year, i sacrifice a lot for him due to sex beliefs and he knows well i love him so much, he mentions i do not have much friends and feel lonely' that's wht he said (sad but true)

i usually doubt he loves me truly, it seems to me he just want sex from me. yes we go to movie (rarely spending time with him), have lunch, but after that sex. lol sometimes meeting just for sex. during sex he said please tell me that u love me, but sometimes just silent.. confused

he is flirty person, always come and go as he please, it is huge chance he talks to other girls when he is in 'gone mood' but after 3-7 days he come to me. i read in internet it's criteria he's not interested into me due to not giving enough time blabla, yes he might stop testing me and drag me into exit door.

its already heart-broken for me since i always commited to him, trust him 100% , love him, i always want first love is the last love now i realise its only fairytales.

been thinking not to commit to anyone till i found the 'right one' i dont want to be hurted like this anymore

just dont know what to do. i cant deny that i need human interaction, affection.should i just let him go? but still dont wanna lose him or should i be his 'best friend' (not gf cos i dont want later i lie to whoever be my bf is) enjoy everything as usual just not commit anymore while waiting for the right guy? desperately need advice... T_T Thank You

him : sun cancer moon gemini, venus cancer
me : sun venus sag, moon virgo

Calm Down!! Inhale deep,10 times ....then move on..😉

'i always want first love is the last love now i realise its only fairytales.'

welcome to the club !

life is never perfect. the sooner you learn to make the most out of it, the higher the chance that you will live a fulfilling life. it's all about trial and error. people change jobs, change their partners, change their lives. be open to change. meet new people.

and most importantly, realize that your love life does not define you. you must build confidence reserves like making lots of good friends, having hobbies and improving yourself(learn a language, an instrument, how to paint, cook etc), getting some sort of education and a job and you must also learn to look at yourself and love yourself for your own original self.

that way, when you are unemployed, or your relationship doesn't work out,etc, you have these huge reserves to support you to get back up in no time.

life is not a fairytale but it's beautiful ! but that doesn't mean you have to put up with shitty relationships. you know you are better than that and that you deserve more.

what is something that you have always wanted to do , that you thought would define you or make you look cool ? like skateboarding, or playing the piano, or acting ? why don't you start doing that today and meet some new people, get in not just one but many different social circles.

I also want to tell you this. I had 2 friends who dated the same guy in university. It was their first love/sex relationship. He treated them both the same way. The first girl had self confidence so she soon broke up with him and for the next 3 years she didn't even have a bf. But she graduated and eventually she attained a phd from cambridge and has a great job and a very handsome bf now.

The second girl stayed obsessed with this guy for years. She had sex with him a few times a year, but she totally let him break her confidence into pieces. She quit the jobs she found because all she cared about was having a bf. Her confidence was always dependent on men. She is unhappy and she dated a few guys way below her on many levels, which of course didn't work out. She doesn't have any hobbies, and all her brain does is think about that guy(she is still obsessed), how he didn't love her enough, and whether she should stay friends with him or not.

You can focus your brain on anything but please don't focus it on just a man, never. It's the biggest insult to your brain.

My only advice is that don't make your love/sex life your only source of happiness. If you can't feel happy and confident unless you have a bf or unless you can have sex, something is missing in your life or in your character(maybe you don't have enough self esteem) and you are trying to compensate that by obsessing over boys.

I'm not saying she would do this, but just a little warning 🙂

Thank you so much guys I really do appreciate all the comments
. @aquavita ure absolutely right , being together with him is like riding in the roller coaster, we never know which way to go in the next minute.

I already said to him be my best friend, I accept him even at his worst but my heart can't accept him being with others, I also mentioned if I stay with u, once a man come, he will go knowing I'm in relationship with him.

I guess I'm learning as time goes by, now when he is in silent mode let say for 2 weeks max, I disappear as well
Didn't chase him. But every time I want to move on he keep coming back-_-

I guess If I refrain sex he will have no problem do with others. Abt sex I feel hurt since I put high value on doing it (my belief)
I gI've everything he needs but he still looking others. So I hope u understand.

All u guys are correct, I need to live my life and yes!! Welcome to real world. I always put my family and study numero uno. I do enjoy my day, i dont mind going cinema alone, in fact sometimes I do enjoy being alone, however there comes a time I feel sad see other couples holding hand while Me and hI'm in silent . My bad habit is I care too much of others feelings towards me. If I've done something bad to people. I need to act, if I Wont it will affect my thoughts, cant focus doing things.

Problem is when he comes back wht I need to do? He ask to meet chance are we will do sex. Don't want to be cheap but don't want to hurt him as well. And I can't deny myself 2 weeks no human interaction with him is like a year. It I'd really hard to make cancer man out of his shell

@Beggarsblanket thank you 🙂
I always feel happy simply doing little things in my life. I might like this cos I guess I'm lonely Here, I'm not obsess lol. I might too emotional over something. Just want everything is alright. He's my first love just try to keep this relationship.

You are going to say no to him. It might feel awful at first, but in the long run you will be able to look at the mirror and respect yourself. This is the guy you once loved so much, there is no way to turn it into a fwb relationship without you getting hurt.

It will also show him that you are a classy girl. Never be easy to men. Allllways make them work for it. You will see the difference in their approach towards you then. Never settle for less, you want the man who will take you out to dates, treat you with respect, introduce you to his family and friends, give you all his time and see you as his one and only girl. Maybe it will last for a year again, or maybe more. But never lower your standards. It will only be self-destructive and time-consuming.

Another tip, always be one step ahead of your bf. Have more friends than him, be a little more social, have your own life, be a challenge to him. Choose your type, are you a traveller, an artist, a musician, maybe a nerdy type of girl but just be something that a guy will see and think ' wow she would never date me !'

Im glad he talk tpo me abt this, abt going out, he works everyday with no day off. He always said if i have time I give u the time. He is homey person he rather sleep then going out. Whereas me like us we love adventure yay!

Honestly, I don't want to be the first second third etc. And I can't stand if my man being touched by others! I would rather go.

Let see how things will be later on. I m still with him as best friend, while opening up myself to other things in my life. I will not chase him. Do nothing. And if one day we meet I will try my best to say no Co's he's really good at convince someone into doing something that he wants. It's best if I don't meet then 😄

It's really hard for me giving sex it takes time for me like almost a year.

Hahaha I did watch once try to please him to know more abt it.
Thank you

Posted by beggarsblanket
You are going to say no to him. It might feel awful at first, but in the long run you will be able to look at the mirror and respect yourself. This is the guy you once loved so much, there is no way to turn it into a fwb relationship without you getting hurt.

It will also show him that you are a classy girl. Never be easy to men. Allllways make them work for it. You will see the difference in their approach towards you then. Never settle for less, you want the man who will take you out to dates, treat you with respect, introduce you to his family and friends, give you all his time and see you as his one and only girl. Maybe it will last for a year again, or maybe more. But never lower your standards. It will only be self-destructive and time-consuming.

Another tip, always be one step ahead of your bf. Have more friends than him, be a little more social, have your own life, be a challenge to him. Choose your type, are you a traveller, an artist, a musician, maybe a nerdy type of girl but just be something that a guy will see and think ' wow she would never date me !'

OMG thank you!! I always try to be classy love Audrey so much.

But there is no doubt he even going out with other girl. So wht can I say.. hahaha lol I hope I can but it's kinda odd for me: p

My experience and view with Cancerian men (sun sign) is not the best.

I have usually found them very emotionally manipulative in a negative way. Very needy and moody, and extremely draining.

I avoid them like the plague.

I love her too! 🙂 good luck girl

The problem is you've invested 1 year in a hot/cold man and they don't translate into commitment or happiness. The moral of the story here is knowing when to cut bait and swim. You're not happy with what he can give and I don't blame you at all. He might well be checking out other girls because men who run hot and cold often do this in order to keep THEIR OPTIONS open. Bottom line, this had a year to get solid and it hasn't. Therefore, you won't be happy sticking with this guy. Cut bait and swim. Don't settle for half baked nonsense. Think more of what you have to offer and this man isn't making the grade. You will be just fine without a non-committed guy dragging you down.

I feel much much better now. Thanks everyone🙂
Im still glad I know him despite all the fact he treats me like shit
I take this as lesson for me not being 'nicest girl' for him or any other man and learn respect myself

Yes! The unpredictable mysterious way of cancer man always drag me into him but can't believe after all ive done
its paid off like this
Wht can i say ,C'est la vie. Hope one day can meet nice cool man like (jason statham perhaps :p) who appreciate my love.
And till then juSt live at my best today, alwsys be happy & stay classy

Have a great days everyone!! 😄

Posted by aquavita

may be ... you did Not really love him. yesterday you wanted to die without him, today you are happy so happy without him. thanks to cancer man you know a little more about yourself, about life. he could have cheated and NOT tell you. he coudl have demolished your heart completely. if he really did so. but he did help you out. in the sense he could have not told you, if he really was just "USING you for sex". u see, some man could have had u for few more years , just for sex, so be thankful to him. also, if sex was so good, i dont think he d be going around much. love is not an appreciation moment, it is a spark and work and growth. u were so lucky, touched by cancer man, u naughty sag girl. what awaits you? 🙂"jason startus? or just many more men.... how are u going to figure it out? yes, stay classy. sometimes the price to classiness is loneliness as well. life is not so easy

it happens sometimes. i mean, at least now she values her worth. be classy, girl. you fell for the wrong man. he has much to learn.

btw. what's with these cancerian men cheating? my ex cheated with one. he still has his gf though, and my ex is okay with it. what's with them?

Posted by aquavita
men cheat, gt used to it. with the abundance of available women, it does "happen". cancer is the leats likely to cheat, when fully in a relationship they are loyal 100% . and also what is typical of cancer is that they give 100% in the moment. i dont see what the guy can learn from this. nothing really... i wish. i dont think something who knows what happened here... he has not done anything "horrible" or disloyal. had a lover, may be he loves her more than she thinks. i dont consider what u call "cheating" to be a reason to leave a person. there has to be more.

are you sure aquavita? that cancerian guy is in a relationship with another girl. and he is CURRENTLY cheating with my ex. also, this guy, isn't he in a relationship with sagirl?

During the day I'm happy smile to everyone hide, but when night comes always cry. Even though I say I'm happy deep inside still really care and love him. We still contact each others. He still texts me.

I get confused now 😢 how do u know if he loves me?
I always with him but just Dont know wht to do?

Yes he is with me... but He told me he just made another relationship with others. I found they going out together
I'm just thinking if I stay still be his girl. Once he already love other girls he will cut me off and dump Me.

I don't point my finger and say him blabla. Cos I know everything happens for a reason I make him like this. Sometimes I feel we arguing too much just Co's of simple thing. I'm too blunt where he is too sensitive
I'm not saying I leave him it's hard I'm too attached to him. Just stay with him as his best friend. Co's I want someone who treats me right. I want to see myself happy...

Posted by sagirl
During the day I'm happy smile to everyone hide, but when night comes always cry. Even though I say I'm happy deep inside still really care and love him. We still contact each others. He still texts me.

I get confused now 😢 how do u know if he loves me?
I always with him but just Dont know wht to do?

Yes he is with me... but He told me he just made another relationship with others. I found they going out together
I'm just thinking if I stay still be his girl. Once he already love other girls he will cut me off and dump Me.

GET A GRIP! This is cliche but you deserve someone better. It's pretty clear from what you've said that he doesn't love you. And you are afraid that he will cut you off and dump you? Where is that sense of worth last time?

That',s wht I mean. I m afraid that if it happened, therefore ibe decided just being friends.
I won't judge him he loves Me or not.I agree with aquavita he is young still need to explore anything. I won't blame him it's all his own choices.

So right now just enjoy everything in my life, just go with the flow and let the best things decide to happen 🙂 I don't mind at all being friends with him, im so grateful I meet a man like him. And I don't regret to love him sincerely. Now i need to learn to love myself first, im still young need to explore and learn everything till then hopefully one day find the Mr.right.

Both of you have so much to learn. 🙂

I never got to learn what happened now! ahhh :/ If it's not too late I wanna know mann this story was interesting..