PLEASE help with cancer ex. IS THIS FOREVER?

Maybe, she is internally fighting her feelings for you, but right now, there is nothing you can do. You have already contacted her and she was clear with you that she doesn't want to go on.
Pressing further will get you nowhere plus will make her even more unsure of you.
Let her take her time to figure out how she feels, if she misses you, she will slowly come back to you.
It is very important that you dont overwhelm her or contact her..I, as a woman (also water sign) would cringe if a guy keeps on insisting after I made clear it is a NO.
What sign are you??

remember crabs are sensitive and when threatened, go to their shells and stay there...you can't force her out..dont blow it more than it is already blown!! good luck dear!

thank you. i think i feel the same way. That she is fighting her feelings. I also think that her parents and friend(s) have a lot to do with it. what do you think abotu the facebook thing and the time in between it was done? odd? maybe is hving a hard time?

So how long is a good time to leave her alone. And as a cancer do you still think she misses me?

im a taurus

Taurus, how nice 🙂

I believe you were a bit too intense with her, and too pushy in your mails and messages.
If there are feelings, she will come back to you, the Crabs have a hard time letting go of the past, also know that family is crucial for a Crab, and I dont know what you did, or what crime you committed but it could be scary for her...and for her family who is maybe insisting she doesnt see you or have nothign to do with you...
let time heal all wounds...
DONT INITIATE ANYTHING, EVER....if you go on pressing, you'll lose her.
You have done enough, there is no more you can do now..just try to reflect on all and go on with your life..

ok will do thank you. what do you think is a long time for her if i dont hear from her. 6 months-1 year? is that a long time or not?

I believe shorter than a year...! I know you are suffering but put that energy in YOU..in getting stable, in getting better...all happens for a reason. If you two are meant to be together you will.
I think Taurus is a nice sign for a crab.
But right now..although I know it is hard, try to focus ON YOU....

SOunds good thank you very much. If you were leen one way of other would you say she is done completely? going to both zodiac and human insticts

its tough i was pushy with my crab and got all positve responses and i sent a bunch of text daily saying im here for her etc and she asked for time and space, and some people say give her time and space...tough one ,so now im trying both lol

sort of.

wow i wasnt sure if the door was still open. Seeing as how she has not seen me in 3+ months and have talked to me twice in about 2 months + her saying that its clear i have no place in her life anymore and beeing very stern saying not he call him because it upsets her, i didnt know i could still have a chance. I did think it was odd that she said that there was nothing to talk about and how she was very serious because ive never seen that side. Also odd that her friend deleted me 1 week after she ended things and the cancer girls 2 and a half weeks after. weird. Also, she may not beable to have the pics and stuff avalible because it affects her. just a thought.

perhaps a long term crab dance?

maybe she is still hurting. didnt sound like it though.

Not a Cancer woman, but a Pisces (also twentysomething) here. I think you might be missing a really big point here about how this crime probably affected her view of you (or anyone else you know, for that matter) despite the solid relationship you shared before. You've said it was "sort of" a violent crime and the first question that would occur to me if someone I knew had done that would be how well I knew them. Since you seem so insistent, I'd say the small part of her that remembers what you had together is wondering if you really are who she thought you were. Like, wondering what your boundaries are, how you behave when you get angry...and how dangerous you could be. Rather than focus on how much you'd like to talk to her, I would try to remember if you have any history on her at all regarding past violent boyfriends, parents, etc. that could be playing a part in her response.

Maybe part of the reason she was so blunt is because she isn't sure if you're able to show you have your emotions totally under control and she needed to make it clear she wanted you to leave her alone. I disagree with what a previous poster said about "shutting her out" by saying goodbye. I think there's a decent chance she understood you were trying to make considerate gesture. If you ease off, I mean really ease off and let her alone, the chance that she thinks you're bad news decreases by the greatest margin possible. I mean, she did ask you to leave her alone "very sternly," so you should probably extrapolate from there that the last thing she wants are any hints that you still want to interact with her. Realize that asking for any reassurances that she'll deal with you in the future just adds stress to her situation. Pushing for a time in the future when you both will talk again speaks to a desire of yours, not hers. All she might want to know is that you really are a decent person and that if she said no to you, clearly and straightforwardly, you would respect her right to do that and not continue to demand her attention. People tend to be stern when they feel intimidated in some way. Not many people want to be in a relationship with someone who might turn out to be a ticking bomb.

extrempjunk:

Thank for your response! I would like to agree with you to. I kept saying that i would leave her alone but i never did. Mostly because of the stress of my situation and because of her responses, or lack there of. After I said thank i should let her go because i thought i was leaning on people that did not want be leaned on and that i understand that its not that black and white. She said that it would open things up if we talked about the heavy stuff when we talk. 2 weeks after that i send her an email saying that that i should not have spoken on her behalf and that i didnt when that i want to let her go. No reply. 2 weeks after that i send a long and nice e-mail basically asking for her to let me where she is with this and that i know it must be hard for her and i 100% support her. she responded by blocking her wall on facebook 2 days later. I send her a message saying understood and best of luck. i ended up calling her a few weekend after when i was out with mutual friends of ares. Her roommate later that night ended up going to my friends room crying and yelling saying how she dont want me to call of text her because if upsets her and messes with her head kept saying how could he do this to her. So clearly there is some type of emotions out there. Then 2 days after i texted her saying please give me one minute. And you guys no how that one went. Also during that call she was mad because she was supposed to go out with those friends that night and could because i was there. Odd thing to bring up in a conversation like that i thought. then deleting me TWO weeks after.

Sorry for the repeted details i just would like to try to best understand where she possibly could be at. How long of a 100% ease of would you think that she would wonder out me if she still cares. It has been one month as of now. I just wanted to hear her say something about where she is at and kinda forced it and gave her no choice but to do what she did when maybe she kept not responding it was because she didnt know what to do or how she felt. I just hope that i did not put the nail in my own coffin. The facebook deleting 2 weeks after really confuses me as to whether she is completely done with me though. because it was her and her closest friends. Thoughts?

Also, what did you mean by: I disagree with what a previous poster said about "shutting her out" by saying goodbye.

I think the other poster say saying that she it shutting me out.

wineaux:

Thank you for your reply. There are two parts to this; before and after the news came out. After i got arested she called my mom and asked if there was eanything she could do. she after i got out of the overnight jail i called her and she was very happy to hear from me.a few days after i emailed her and told her how much a cared out her and how i fear more than anything to lose her because of this. She called be back to tell me that she got my message and that it was very nice. I kind of pressed the issue on the phone about if she would leave me ect...she said she dosnt know and that she dosnt want to have this convo of the phone. She said if its any constellation i think we will be alright. She said not to call her becasue it was a huge distraction becasue she had a huge job interview that week. One week later she caem over and we had the best talk ever. She said she loved me for the first time.

Part 2:

the story of my arrest him the news about 3 weeks after. The second i found out i called her and told her because i wanted her to hear it form me. She went home that weekend to talk to her parents i called her that weekend and we got into it. A lot of emotion and tears. she said her parents gave her strict rders not to talk me me and alot of other stuff. The next morning she called be back and said that she is hear for me and that I am not alone and that she is mad at me but needs time. Called me the next weekend to see how i was. that was good. Then a few covos after with me asking if she is over me and if she would be there after this is over. She said she dosnt know and she cant anwsore that.Also a lot of emotion from both of us. Then i left her the drunk message saying how i owe it to her to let her go because i felt i owed it to her. Then you know the rest

I guess if you look at the positves, she did pick up the gift i sent her and after she knew everything she still said that she dosnt know and called me when she was told not to, which is a huge deal with her and respecting her parents.

thank you. I think we just had a different veiw of time. If i didnt talk to her for a few weeks i would get nervous. I wish i could go back and do things differently. And i told her that. That i didnt know how to handle it. That i thought i was doing the right thing for her and it was killing me.

I do think her parents have a large part in it. But that dosnt explane why her 3 closest friends deleted me to.

How long do you think i would have to wiat IF she is still interested and misses me. Because i never gave her a chance to.

So you dont think that her saying I have no place in her life and her deleting me and making me not be able to search her leaves no hope for a turn around? I dont really know if that is common for girls to say and do stiff like that.(it was a fyll moon that night to ahah)

Tell me what happend with you... when you did all that stuff did you believe that it was over for good? then what happend in your head?

It just seems like she is REALLY trying to move on. Because she may think she has to. A little in duality. Even her friend said that when you wnet to yell at my friend that night, that she is trying to get oveer me and move on and that she cant do that is a keep calling her. So i dont know how things could turn around if she is putting this much effort into doing so...

cmannnnnn

Oops, I misquoted - I meant that you didn't "blow her off" when you told her, even drunkenly, that you owed it to her to let it go. I'm glad you appreciated my response for what it was because I was being brutally honest. Now that you've given more details in your replies to my post and wineaux's, I can say I think you played your cards wrong after she told you she loved you, as you said, for the first time. You don't sound like you appreciate all that meant - you could have held onto that statement of support if you needed it to get through this. The fact that you point out that you phrased your messages (asking the same questions) "nicely" shows you really don't know how this might have come off. It's just like saying, "think about me, think about me," over and over again when she already gave a pretty big statement of support without you having to ask for it. Asking after she tells you she doesn't want to answer probably just made her resent you.

Some other time in your life, this might be a different story. Once you graduate and start working from 9-5, you will have many less opportunities to socialize than you did in school. I can attest to the fact that this mellows a lot of people out, and they put more priority on maintaining old relationships. It's just hard to hold onto someone still in school in a serious way. Either they like you and keep up with you or they don't. Sometimes in school it's hard to even keep up with people you like. So you need to get that what you were asking was unrealistic. You mention she also had a job interview. The job will be one more place besides school for her to meet people. Most people consider college a good time to begin having significant personal relationships, and as many of them as possible. Now I'm assuming you won't be there for a while, and her life will move on because odds are...it just will. You never know though, she may have ended up single by the time you got finished sorting everything out.

The point is to maintain good feelings and a sense of understanding with her. Nagging her to an empty pointless promise does not do this and comes off as controlling. I say the promise is empty because even if she agreed to wait, you really have no clue if what she will wait until all of this is over and you find her there (or not). Beyond that, when she told you wouldn't answer the question the first time, all the times you asked her after were just guilt trips. Not your intention I'm sure, but you have to realize most people see this as you having jeopardizing your situation and just regretting what you lost. She hadn't even told she loved you before, which is a far cry from pledging her undying devotion. Someone who took the time to build a "solid, mature relationship" with you probably has clear reasons for holding off on making that declaration. She was probably still evaluating you to some extent. Your one chance was to keep her liking you; a good way would have been to make a gesture commensurate to the one she made for you. I think you did, but then you went back on it.

You mention her emotions and lots of little details about that, but that sort of analysis doesn't really pan out to anything. She's not the one in trouble and she's come to associate you with the stress in her life. There is nothing weighing on her to give into the feelings of love she had for you. You pushed it far enough that even though she's talked to you herself many times, she actually got her friend to confront you. You should take this to mean she's probably talked to lots of people, probably in unflattering terms, just about how much this is stressing her out. Now she's not on your side and neither are the people around her. Hopefully this isn't salt in the wound, but if you had said, "hey, I love you but right now I don't have my stuff together, I'm going to work on that and I wish you all the best," I think you'd be in a pretty good position to check up on her in a few months. The way it is now (from what you've said) you've made everyone around want to keep her away from you. She's college-age, so I assume she's able to act independently, but that doesn't really help until she stops resenting/disliking you. I would think, like, maybe a year or longer is what it would take for her to be open to something with you again. By then her friends and family will probably be less fierce about it too. It's gonna be a while.

so you think i pushed her passed everything and forced her to write me off? and that prob could be it if she has done all the ingnoring and deleting and stuff. Or if if honor her this time saying dont call ect ect it could still be worth something. I know i played it wrong, and i told her that the last talk. I said if i could go back i would do things different, i just didnt know what to do and thought i was doing the right thing. I kept saying i hope you dont hate me and she got pist and was like a dont hate you stop trying to get a reaction out of me. Like she wasnt ready to say anything.

Its just such a coin flip. If i honor her saying dont call me(which i have to) then how will she know i am stable ok better than ever and more mature? I just cant see her calling me in the next few months. And after this is all over, say in a year, what am i going to call her after not talking to her for sooo long? Is that normaL? its possible the she is forcing herself to move on even if she dosnt want to and feelings could arise down the road i guess.Over on no in your opinion? i mean inever gave her a chance to miss me and forced her hand.

good to know, thank you. I think i just smothered my cancer girl after she didnt know or want to say anything. I forced her hand and dono if time will chance that.

"I kept saying i hope you dont hate me and she got pist and was like a dont hate you stop trying to get a reaction out of me."

This is what I mean by guilt. This is probably what she sees more than anything else. It might not look normal to call someone in a year without any indication from them that they want to talk to you again. At least some small gesture, like unblocking you on facebook would be what I'm talking about. She wants to see you moving on I think, because it'd be proof you won't use the relationship, if you have it, to go to pieces. She seems pretty focused and serious, so I would think she would want to see you two have that value in common. Nobody wants to see someone else melt into a puddle and continually ask them if they're still loved and all that. I'm just cautioning you about looking for emotion, or maybe displays of jealousy or something dumb, because I don't think it's a practical indicator of anything. She also seems too mature for that. I think she wants you two to be in a good place individually before being in a relationship again. The answer on the future is still indefinite. If this means move on to you, then you probably should.

damn i fucked this up. youd think she would give me the benefit of the doubt because of my state and crisis but i guess its past that. Thank you by the way. i think you are right and have been a huge help. she said if was clear the last 2 weeks(bakc then) that you have no place in my life, which i think could mean she thinks i am inmature that i went out and got drunk and called her when i shoudn't have. girls all business. I suppose if there if something to salvage she will make an effort in some way.