Question for the Crabs

Cancer's men are the most difficult creatures in the world to figure out to me. Anyway I won't make my question to long winded...

So the question I would like to ask is...

Do Cancer Men care when they hurt your feelings?

I'm giving up on my Cancer. I am honestly tired of the roller coaster ride. Not to mention I caught his ass red hot in a lie.

what did he lie about..........

what did he lie about..........

Sinder it is such a long story...

Do you really want to know so you can give me your honest opinion?

yea, I will give my thoughts on it........

I'll tell you but answer my question first.

Do you think Cancerian men care when they hurt your feelings?

I don't think so, I think they just get mad because you told them they hurt you, and that makes them feel bad.
I think they are in a self centered world looking for oppurtunities and benefit

cancer men will feel bad for a sec..then it is back to the same old "it's all about me"
funny, when they cheat it isn't about sex..it is about connection on some level..

I am in a relationship for the first time with a cancerian man. I would have to say yes and no about if they care if they hurt your feelings. In some ways i see extreme care in this man than i am involved with. in other ways, i see extreme self centeredness or thoughtlessness. It could also be inexperience dealing with females in general that may cause a misunderstanding. How long have you been with this man?

See it's like this. I am not really one for making long posts. So I am gonna try and keep this short and to the point.

Me and him have known each other for 13 years. We slept together for the first time last year July 06 (My birthday present to him) prior to that we were like brother and sister. I blame all the things happening to me on myself because I thought since we are both older and more mature things would progress. We have always loved each other. Always. But hey life gets in the way and he went his way and I went mine BUT he was never out of my heart.

Anyway about the third time after we slept together and I was at his house. I forgot what we were talking about but he said "I don't want to be in a relationship" I'm not good in relationships. That broke my heart into a million pieces. I am not some random chick. I don't just sleep with men! So I got up and left and he couldn't figure out why I was leaving all of a sudden.

I left him alone after that. I would text him sometime and tell him I was thinking about him or I love him. So afterwards he started calling me again. Drunk and just acting up. Asking me who am I in the bed with, Am I sleeping with anybody. Just a bunch of madness...

So we began talking again and wind up sleeping together again! We really connected the very last time. I'm sure he felt it too because as I was leaving he told me he wasn't a "Jump Off". I told him I never tell "Jump Off's" that I love them.

Do you guys want me to continue?

if you want to go on.........

i think they are alot like women, and thas why we find them hard to understand lol oddly enuff.
i think we know how they feel.... we jus want people to prove to us we are right, since they dont tell us directly.

Continuing...

So after I left that night. We didn't speak until Dec 15th. Now he was never off my thoughts but I decided to cut him some space because after all he isn't my boyfriend and I had met someone new and my time was occupied somewhat. So he finally called me. After 2 months. He told me I never call him and just some other harmless chit-chat. He asked me to come over his house and I asked him "For What"— but that's neither here nor there. I told him I would call him later on that night. Which I did and he didn't answer. Which was fine by me.

He called me back 4 days later at about 11:00 at night but I didn't answer. And I know this sounds like childish back and forth ness because that's what it is.

Anywho what happened next...Oh I went to his house a little before Christmas and left a Card and some Hershey kisses (you know in the Candy Cane form) on his door. Just to let him know he is always on my thoughts and on my mind. Then for New Year's I texted him and told him Happy New Year. Now keep in mind I hadn't heard from him since he called me and I never answered.

So I had been thinking about him so much I decided to do something very damn stupid. Ride to his house. Why did I do that? Now in our neck of the woods yesterday it was pouring down raining. So I rode to his house lo and behold there is a car right in front of his-He had a visitor I was so hurt. Not really angry but devestated.

Ugh this is a long story not to mention painful...

Anyway...I took pictures of this car and his car-Yeah I'm crazy 😉 a good crazy though. So I decided to call him to see if he would pick up. I called the first time. He didn't pick up. I called right back and he picked up. So he was Happy to talk to me and I asked Did he have company and he wouldn't answer right out. So I said okay I will call when your company leaves.

I didn't have to call him back he called me back almost immediately. By then I was back home and crying my eyes out-Not really but crying enough. So after a little bit of talking I said "so your company went home huh"? He said "I'm not even home". Now why did he tell me that?

I started laughing I said "Funny when I just rode past your house I saw this white car right in front on yours".

He simply said "Oh Sh*t" Like I'm busted. So I simply said I already know what you were doing for New Year's and I hung up.

I don't think he intentionally hurt your feelings.... It sounds liek ya'll two are playing cat and mouse games. It doesn't sound like you've told him exactly how you feel. I mean you've told him that you love him but, you can toss that word around to a cancer and specially to cancer men actions speak louder than words so it may not mean much to him besides that he knows you care about him. I dont' think he knows he really hurt your feelings all he did was lie to you because he didn't want you to know he had company. I don't know what his intentions were by lieing to you but, if I didn't care what you thought and there was nothing between us then I would have been up front and honest about having company. I know that as cancers we tend to stay distanced from a person just to see if they are interested. If they call or if they care. I dont' know what else to really say but, it sounds like whatevers going on you put yourself there by running away the first time and not saying why!!

woah........I am so sorry to hear that. I know what that feels like...........He obviously is only concerned about his own feelings and not taking your relationship seriously. The thing is, is that if you two do not have an established relationship, how can you expect him to be exclusive to you? Did you speak to him since this last conversation?

I never close my mouth. He knows exactly where I stand. I can honestly say biting my tongue is not really my strong suit. I know why he lied. I can understand that. I'm just responding to him. I normally do not do the cat and mouse thing. I am straightforward. All the time... it usually scares people away.

Thanks for the advice though. I wrote him a letter that I am giving him today. Of course I didn't attach my name though. But he will know.

good luck to you

I don't have the answer for you,

I just want to say that it is really, really sad that the two signs like Cancer and Scorpio, which bond and feel so deeply toward one another, play these silly games. And I know that it is usually the Cancer man who is the player. Poor Scorpio gets out of her mind.
It really is one of those connections, when they meet one another, that's it, it is like the love drug, they can't let go of each other, mentally and emotionally. True soul connection. I am so not surprised that you thought about him for so long (13 years), I noticed this a lot with Cancer - Scorpios. I somewhow sense that he does love you, but he doesn't want to commit, and there is not much you can do about it, unfortunately. He probably lied to you because he didn't want to hurt you, I know a lie is still a lie, but this is what I think.

I just remembered something. My close friend, a Scorpio Girl met a Cancer two months ago. They hit it of instantly, already travelled together to celebrate New Year in Paris. She is head over heels (presumably him as well), but she told me that he is the one in controll of when they see each other, but otherwise he is apparently the love of her life. His birthday is also on 6th July, this is why I remembered her reading your post (I am sure she also gave him great New Year's present, she is gorgeous, a true seductive, magnetic Scorpio).

Thank you guys so much for your advice and input.

My decision for right now is to leave him alone. I just dropped this letter off to his house and I'm done. I know he loves me but if he is not willing to stop whoring around then I can't be bothered.

You sound like a sweet person...........it is definitely his loss.

Well if he does know how you feel then you don't deserve it. I think that he does care about you though. I think that he knows he's a whore and so he doesn't want to hurt you by commiting to you and then he ends up hurting you more than he already has. That's what I wonder about this situation. He said he didn't want a relationship then he came out to tell you he wasn't a jump off... Sounds like he's confused his damnself and he knows it...

Whether or not a cancer cares about hurting your feelings will depend on your history with them. Cancer are generally compassionate people so if they give a whip about you they would do anything to aavoid hurting your feelings.

HOWEVER, cancer is THE most intuitive sign in the zodiac and so in tune with the feelings of others that RARELY will we hurt you by accident. If the cancer feels that you have wronged them (and they may be right or wrong depending on the value system and maturity of the person involved) they WILL hurt you, or at least try to...as payback. Even if they appear confused or even better yet during your suffering, they are really laughing inside feeling that you are getting just what you deserved.

Then again, all human beings are capable of unknowingly hurting people...once again, whether or not your cancer feels sorry about this will depend on whether or not he feels there is a score to settle with you.

" confused or even better yet during your suffering"

should read " confused or even better yet sorry for you during your suffering"

Sinder, Lubenica, And Ms. HoneyGirl 🙂

Thank you all so much for your advice and support. I can't fault him because he is NOT my boyfriend but it still doesn't help dull the pain any. I've been knowing him to long for this B.S we go back to high school days.

Sorry for being such a downer today. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.

CancerLA he doesn't owe me for anything. I have done nothing but love him. He never gave me a chance to hurt him or love him the proper way.

Karima27 I don't know who this guy is, but bottom line if he isn't treating you the way that you want to be treated, leave him behind and go on with your life.

"When people show you who they really are, BELIEVE them" - Maya Angelou

You are very welcome, K27

I am a Cancer (female one, though), and I full well know the torture and huge emotional pain in Cancer-Scorpio tie, that for one reason or another cannot happen. It is so hard to let go, those two signs are addicted to one another, but it doesn't stop them torturing one another, too. Of course, there are many happily mated ones, but when they play the games, it really is soul wrenching.
Yes, I believe you are doing the right thing by moving on...as for forgetting him, that probably won't be so easy. My Scorpio is always, always on my mind, no matter where I am or what I do, that's just the way it is. Best of luck, L.

Hi Karima,

I'm a Scorp female, actually divorced from a Cancer male...

Umm..I would have to agree with what honeygirl said on page one -- also Cancerla has made some great comments on other recent threads...really helped me understand what went wrong with my marriage...

What I noticed is that Cancer is not as "moralistic" as Scorpio..doesn't matter who's the guy, who the girl..

The Scorp needs to direct the relationship by "feeling" it...Cancer will never be as analytic as us...we can step out of ourselves and evaluate things...Cancer cannot (my husband freaked when I asked him to do this!)...and once they get into a rut it is near impossible to get them out...

Cancers always trust their feelings..Scorps occasionally do not...which is a problem as our intuition is just as strong as theirs...

You have to play a relationship with a Cancer moment by moment...trying hard not to offend them!....manipulation is essential -- I wasn't good at this as I was "moralistic"...but that doesn't work with Cancer...you have to beat them at their own game...be aware of the balance of power in the relationship and play it...Cancer is always aware of who has the power...ultimately Scorps are better at doing the power thing as we crave it and Cancers want to do the domestic thing, and we are more *fair* than Cancers anyway, so it's best for us to be in charge...Cancers expect this, and love it.

But, yeah, don't write this thing off...the Cancer man can never forget the Scorpio female -- this I know, because my ex is always trying to draw me back in....

Eaglegirl

eaglegirl, you're right about never forgetting a Scorp girl.. I still think about the one I met on the plane back to the US this past summer. I barely knew her but I couldn't help feeling an overwhelming attraction to her.. I just wanted to kiss her, touch her, hold her, stroke her hair, hold her hand.. etc. Even when we were just getting seated.. we locked eyes for a moment and I had a shiver run down my spine. The next time she looked at me with those big green eyes.. I was pretty much a goner..

It was the most intense, alluring and mesmerizing look anyone has ever given me.. she had me conquered right there. It's doubtful i'd care much at all about any balance of power.

eaglegirl, you said your cancer ex always tries to draw you back in. Even if you don't go back, don't you still feel an attraction/connection to that person?

test

Karima,

Having said all I did about Cancer/Scorp, I have to add the following...

A Scorpio female is capable of having the life she desires...she has the knowledge and power to make it happen just the way she wants it...

I know, because this is the life I am living now...

Breaking up with my Cancer husband was possibly the worst event of my life, but I now realise (after five years) that he taught me things about myself no one else could....

My deal is: I believe you create your own life through your energy, thoughts, feelings, beliefs....learning all this stuff is yet another journey, but one I deeply believe in...

Letting go of the second-rate...this has been my path...I have to grow, evolve, create...perhaps other women are content with the status quo...I never have been...

All I can say is that after the crucifixion, there is the resurrection, and it is glorious...

Eaglegirl

P.S. SRG...Thanks for posting...I'm sure you'll meet another Scorpio lady soon...it's almost destiny with Cancer/Scorp!

SRG,

We were posting at the same time and I just noticed your new message!

Ummm....I have to be honest....I no longer feel any attraction to my ex...

But please don't let that reflect on your situation!

If I ever married again, I think it would be to a Cancer....when it was good, it was so so good!

Eaglegirl

SRG,

Why didn't you follow up on the attraction, I mean asked her for her e-mail address or something so that you can stay in touch?
And I know what you mean about instant attraction, you just want to jump their bones straight away, hehehe. Sco-Can attraction is so mad, it can drive person crazy, LOL.

"!....manipulation is essential -- I wasn't good at this as I was "moralistic"...but that doesn't work with Cancer..."

This really makes sense to me. It encapsulates how I reckon I should be acting with the cancer man I am currently seeing. I too aproach things form a moralistic stance. I, being aquarian and a fixed sign as is Scorpio, tend to be be set in my ways in how I feel romance should be contducted.

I identify with a lot of the posts that I have been reading about cancer men based on what I have been experiencing and noticing myself. I don't know whether the aquarius cancer relationship has much success rating. But I do think that at the moment, he is calling the shots which basiclly means he has the power at the moment.

I also tend to become too focused on my guy when I embark on a relationship/liason/whatever you want to call it. It's not a good way to be for lots of reasons: my sense of self becomes dependent on how much attention he does or doesn't give me, I start physically and mentally to become strained from wondering what's going on, why he doesn't want me, what's wrong with me....blah blah blah. Essentially it's not a healthy attitude to have and now I am thinking that I need to pull back and focus on myself and build myself up again.

And also it's much easier to be manipulative when you are sure of yourself and reserved in a way and not completely giving yourself to the other person. This is a bit of a challenge for me because I naturally want to be intimate with my mind as well as my body when I am with a guy. Ok ok, let me clarify that...I aspire to be be mentally intimate with him because I am an aloof aquarian after all.

The instant attraction thing. I felt the for the first time in my life and we are a Pisces/Cancer pair. We knew each other and were in different relationships and worked on a professional level and never illuded to having desires for each other or anything. but the first time we were alone together we like a magnet to steel and made out (didn't acutally have sex though it was a miracle it didn't happen) for 8 hours. I was more comfortable in that situation than i had been to the guy i was married to for 7 years (gemimi)

Yes, sinder, I agree

it is like that between all combos of water signs. My two most unforgettable attractions were with Scorio and Pisces. Magnetism and comfort at the same time, that's it.

I'm jealous 😢

Cos I'm air so astrologically speaking I just give him gas and he just rains on my parade 😢

Don't be jealous, MellowDee,

because Aquarians very often turn out to be the fatal attraction for Cancers. I am not kidding, there is loads of magnetism and attraction between these two. They may not be the match made in heaven personality wise, but the attraction is undeniable.
My ex husband is Aqua, and I am generally an Aqua magnet, and find them unbelievably sexy and attractive. For me, I wrote this on some other thread as well, Scorpio and Aquarius are the most common attractions. When I feel instant sparks and magnetism with someone, it usually is a Scorp or Aqua (strange, because they are two completely different signs!). But different "feel" of attraction, with Aqua it is more sexual, with Scorpio, just like snider said, both sexual and comfortable at the same time.

MellowDee:

I was with an aquarian for 3 years and it was awesome. some of the best sexual experiences that i ever had. He opened up my mind and i opened up my heart. its just that the water/water thing is very deep. it feel soulful and spiritual. do you agree lubenica?

don't get me wrong i really was attracted to the aqua guy, he was very hot and magnetic. i think it depends on what type of attraction is important to you and what is most important that you need to fulfill yourself.

Lubenica, ok I'll try not to be jealous. I just don't like the idea that I am not deep or soulful because I am an aquarian. I don't know whether it's clicking with this cancer man I am with. He is very distant and elsuive and I feel it's because he doesn't want to be with me which of course is not a nice way to feel. But as I said I don't want to start letting the way he may feel about me affect the way I feel about myself.

I like being really cuddly with my partner. I love close contact especially when we are going to sleep and he is beside me. I don't particularly go for hot magnetic attraction. I mean I do find that physical attraction is what gels any relationships I have had. It's not the be all but it is an important factor. I think I am more like an earth sign in this way. I feel like my capricorn planets come into play in relationship matters. Feeling like I can rely on my partner and vice versa is important. I don't like games. They make me feel uneasy and sick.

Sinder, you have some incredible self-control.. under different circumstances(i.e. not being on a plane) i'm certain we would have had sex. I wanted her so badly I had a hard time controlling myself.

SRG- I can't believe we didn't. we were in my car and ended up naked and we did get off and off and off and off 🙂 but never actually had sex. (There was no protection either) but it was over and over again until the sun started coming up. I never felt like that in my life. I didn;t know it was medically possible 🙂 it was like knowing instinctively how to play an instrument you just got. (that might sound weird) i just don't know how else to describe it. it took me at least 2 days to feel normal again. it was like every emotion i ever had was there on the surface all at the same time for the first time. maybe it is because i have never been with a water sign before. but the connection was insane. it felt like energy coming off us. he said he never experienced anything like that that was so instanteously either. I felt like i was in a movie, honest to God.

"it feel soulful and spiritual. do you agree lubenica?"

Yes, that's it, out of this world.

I have to admit that I do find most air signs more rational and mental (not all, though), but this does not mean that they cannot be deep and soulful. An Aquarius may have many planets, or a few, in Pisces in his/her horoscope, and this would click wonderfully with a Crab.

It is just this certain quality of interaction between water signs that is overwhelmingly emotional, it feels like drowning in oceans of feelings, and is hard to describe unless the member of the water signs. It can even be unbearable at times, because it gets very intense. But still, I wouldn't say no to an Aqua, that's for sure, they are very special people.

P.S.

Mellow Dee, you have Capricorn planets, Caps are very deep. My Aqua had Venus in Capricorn, too. I think Aquas are great, and perhaps your Cancer has some Gemini planets, very likely, so this would all mix very nicely.

Sinder,

You described beatifully the heat of Pisces-Cancer. This is the right word you used "energy", definitel "the energy".

Sorry about my spelling, guys, meant to say "definitelly". Where is "modify" button here!!!!!!

Isn't that energy feeling beautiful though? Its like pure peacefulness and joy with that person. I am glad other people can relate to this because the intensity is a little overwhelming when you experience that with someone and its nice to talk about it.

I had to stay away from him for a long while because on a logical and physical level i wasn't sure just what to say because I didn't really know him and he didn't really know me but I knew 1000% that it was ok and just felt so natural being together and i am usually extremely paranoid about being intimate with anybody.