Scorp Fem/Cancer Male - Driving me Crazy

Ok I've been dating this Cancer guy for a year and a half now. It was such an intense connection but it was hard to get him to commit until I realized that I had to give him his space and live my own life. After about 6 months he gave me the keys to his apartment and after 8 months he said the L word. I was really patient with him especially since he was so protective of his feelings. We have so much fun together and he never really showed me his moodiness (but was moody with others). Well the past 2 weeks, boy have I seen the moodiness. He is being very distant, not being sexual, and has just been really down. He even said "i don't feel like myself". And now last night he has said to me that he doesnt know if he wants to be in a relationship or not, doesnt know what he wants to do with his life, doesnt know if he still wants to be in new york, and doesnt know what to do about his drinking. All of this caught me by surprise and I didnt know what to say other than i know what your going thru and we all go thru it and I'm here if u need me or if u just want to talk. Nothing major has happened in our relationship like a fight or anything recently. Only thing I can think of is him turning 30 in July and feeling down about that.

Do I just leave him alone until he comes around and not contact him at all and let him have his space? I havent seen him since Wednesday and only spoke to him Saturday night when he called and Sunday night when I called to ask him what was going on with him being distant. I know i should just let him be, but it hurts that he backs away so much like that. All scorps love a challenge but this is hard. Any thoughts?

SPACE - now, and lots of it. Completely back off and let him come back to you. He likely will. This is true of most men, regardless of sign - if you care for him, you'll do just as you've done and offer support/love but don't do more than offer.

Hello

I am a female Scorpio with Cancer husband. Let me paint a typical scenario for you dear.Give him space for 2/3/4 not more days. Now he will start missing your atention. He must be thinking that you have given up on him and will be dying to call you. Hold you in his arms. But but but. He fears rejection. So he will be spending many hours tapping his fingers on the telephone keys. Then he will search for a perfectly good reson to call you and then chat you up. But that again wont lead you both anywhere. so the best solution is that you call him. As this will assure him of your affection to him. Tell him you were down with flu. he will immediately open his protective umbrella and be all over you. Take full advantage of the situation then sweetheart.

Same trick can be practiced with some variations.

Good luck and let me know how this worked.

You have got to be kidding me! Why do Scorpio Women have so much trouble from Cancer males?

Lady Scorp-So what he will be turning 30 in July-What does that have to do with him being depressed? I mean I am not attacking you in any way shape or form. I mean it's a shame though we have to go through all these mood swings when dealing with Cancer Men and they say Scorpio's are mean...sheesh we have to be dealing with this mess.

Sorry 🙂 Your man will come around. At least you got yours to commit. I'm personally ready to disown mine.

Karima....haha....I'm only guessing that the turning 30 is the reason for him being down and "reflecting" on what is going on in his life at the current moment and wondering if this is what he wants because I don't see what else is getting him down. When he finally told me what was going on thru his head he also said he didn't want to talk about it so I backed off with every intention of speaking to him about it in a few days.

I agree with you that everyone goes thru it and I don't see the big deal in turning 30, but I guess we'll see how I act in 5 years when I finally do.

Getting your cancer guy to commit is definately a challenge. If you really love him for who he is, let him be himself. Cancer guys have to feel secure that you accept them for who they are, good and bad. All I can say is patience is key here. Are you a scorpio yourself?

Atleast us scorpios are only mean when we are defending ourselves, cancers can be real assholes when they are moody. But I still love mine and I accept every part of him whether I understand it or not.

Normally if he was down about something I know how to cheer him up and make him laugh. But the fact that he is questioning our relationship is what's throwing me off.

Thanks to everyone for the advice. I will give him space for a few days. Wednesday's are our date nights where we alternate cooking for each other either at my place or his. I'll see if he calls to make the plans. If I dont hear from him at all I will give him a ring on Friday or so.

I'll let u guys know what happens.

Lady Scorp-I am a Scorpio 🙂 very much so...

Good Luck with your man! I hope I can find a Cancer guy who is a sweet as everyone says.

Yes, when you give him his space, I guarantee he will be running back to you especially if he loves you. They usually want what they can't have. Everything works around their time, so now it's time for you to pull yourself back for a moment, no phone calls, absolutely nothing and he will come around trust me.

hi,
i think that the fact that he is about to turn 30 is relevant, and i'll explain why : at around 28 years old untill around 30, everyone goes through a phase, astrologers call it "saturn return". It all depends on the choices you made until that point, for some it's easy, for others... not so easy. At the end of this cycle, some decisons are made for improvement, or at least what that person thinks it's a change for the better. Your bf saturn is in leo, my ex-husband had also this position. He decided he wanted a divorce 2 years ago, i agreed, and now, he's, well... sorry. tough luck.
Also, to be on-topic, i would go with "space" thing, but then again, i'm lurking here to find out more about cancer men 🙂 i found 19eleven's comment very helpful, that might work also.
best of luck!

krobe
I agree, give space until he comes around, or until U just feel like U have gave him enough space that does not make him feel that U R totally ignoring him.

*****UPDATE********

So he didnt call to make our date night plans yesterday, so I called when I got off work, and to no surprise he did not answer the phone, I left a message and no call back. So an hour later I just showed up at his house to say hey, and to see how he was doing.

I could see he was still down. Barely looks at me, doesn't even touch me. So I said ok wait a minute, what's going on in your head, he says he doesnt want to talk about it. So I stop and go to the bathroom. Come back out and tell him how I feel like he's pushing me away and it hurts alot. Of course, he disregards my feelings and says that I'm making this about me and it has nothing to do with me. I tried to make clear that he needs to tell me what he wants (as far as space and time) and that I am not a mind reader. He had no problem with me showing up last night or even staying. I just told him that I wanted my boyfriend and that was all. I know he feels bad but he doesnt show it. Something has come over him and he doesnt know what to do with himself. Looks like I have to be strong for the both of us.

He basically tells me that he will never talk to me about it because he has to figure it out (I have no clue what "IT" is by the way) He does make a comment that he doesnt know if he will be in New York (where we both live) next month (no clue what he is talking about) I told him I understood and I will never ask him about it again. And trust me I won't. I'm just confused as to how someone can make comments to their comments saying "I don't know if I want to be in a relationship or not, and I don't know if I am going to be in New York still next month" and expect me not to worry at all. Nothing makes sense. I don't know where he would go nor do I know why.

Good thing is that my Aunt reads cards and she will be coming over Friday night to give me a reading. She is actually really good and being that she is family, I trust her a lot. So she will give me some insight on what is going on in his head. I just want to protect myself and don't want to get hurt.

In prior readings, she has seen that he has a lot of love for me and has seen marriage in the future. I know he's a really good guy, its just hard when someone doesnt know how to deal with their moods. I almost feel like dealing with cancer guys is like dealing with somone who is bi-polar.

Sorry for such a long post....just venting.

Do u guys think its wrong of my to invade his priv

I bet you knew I would answer right 😉 I couldn't help it.

At any rate. I don't know what to say because me myself. If he wouldn't have called me, I called him and he didn't call me back. I would've said fcuk it. I wouldn't have gone to his house. So you have one up on me with that situation.

He seems like he is "flaking" out a little bit. I don't remember you saying-I'm just confused as to how someone can make comments to their comments saying "I don't know if I want to be in a relationship or not"

^^ Did he tell you that? And the comment with him not being in NY-maybe he is going through something very personal and he doesn't know how to tell you. So he is being evasive.

At any rate. You are saying you don't want to be hurt...the reality of the situation is that you are already hurt and very scared to lose him. Which is why you are having your aunt read the cards for you.

I just wish you the best. Scorps have a hard time letting go. You are displaying that now. Sometimes it's best to try and cut your emotions off. It will save you a lot of headache and heart ache in the long run.

Karima,
I could not have said it better than U. Never expose ALL your emotions. Letting go is good! Real good! It shows that U have self confidence in yourself.

I knew u couldnt resist Karima....lol

Yeah he definately flat out said " I don't know if I want to be in a relationship" along with other things, including being in NY next month. Just so weird and out of the blue.

I just dont want to hurt in the fact that he disappears and I hear he is in some african country and pulling a brangelina or something.

I'm ok now because I know it has nothing to do with me personally or anything that I did. And yes it would be hard for me to let go. But don't have a problem giving him space. I can live without him, life is just better with him. We have a lot of fun together and he has a lot of qualities that I look for in a long term relationship.

I'll let u know what auntie says.

I'm ok now because I know it has nothing to do with me personally or anything that I did. And yes it would be hard for me to let go. But don't have a problem giving him space. I can live without him, life is just better with him. We have a lot of fun together and he has a lot of qualities that I look for in a long term relationship.

Yeah, however this is what U want. He can since this. This is a man's test to see if U have self confidence in yourself. U have to just let go. Don't look at it as giving him space because what if he says hey, I don't want to do this, we R done! What if he says this because U R constantly showing him what U want. Let him go, if that is what he wants. Don't stalk him. Give him time to come back around to U, if that is what HE wants. What is most important in his life is what is best 4 HIM. U will B included in his plans if that is what HE wants. He is aware that U want him.

I mean he can sense this. Have self confidence in yourself. If wants to move out of NY let him. ONLY GOD has the power over love, if it is meant to B, it will B.

Thanks Krobe for the advice. We have both let each other be ourselves and live our own separate lives outside of the relationship.

No stalking or neediness from me....he would have been out the door a long time ago if that were the case. He expected to come over last night because he was not shocked at all.

I am definately letting go at the moment and letting him make his way back to me if he wants to. Because the worrying takes too much energy. Looks like its going to be a nice weekend for me with the girls full of manicures and cocktails.

Yeah
LadyScorp
That's it!

Lady Scorp

Well at least that is what my Cancer male said to me when I didn't pressure him to hook up. He wanted to hook up with me on his time, and I said No, go ahead and do what U need to do. I will hook up with U another day. He was like yeah, under his breath. However, I KNEW that he was thrilled that I had control of myself.

lol i love how the non-profanity version translated my c.o.c.k.t.a.i.l.s to chickentails

u sure hes not seeing someone else or at least wants too?

I really dont think he's seeing someone else. When I saw him last night I could tell he had been down. Hasnt shaved in days (not like him at all). As far as wanting to see someone else....I doubt it because I make him go crazy in good ways(yes that's my scorpio ego talking) but who knows.

One of my many theories was that he did cheat and feels guilty about it. But I somewhat dismissed that (but not completely cuz u never know) because I dont know how that would explain leaving NY.

The last theory that I had come up with is that he has a job offer or a potential job in another state and is contemplating going after it. And he doesnt know whether he should or not because of me. So he's faced with either taking me with him or leaving me behind. If this is the case, I'm not sure I would go with him if he asked because I'm only 24 and just got my own place 9 months ago. Not really ready to live with anyone yet.

its definitley something screwy though....thats when i start acting squirrely.

***Update****

Ok I got my cards read, its definately not another girl. There is a job in another state that he is contemplating. Also, there is an old friend of his coming around him and he is nothing but trouble. MY aunt saw danger around him because of this guy and just bad things. She thinks its has to do with drugs possibly and money.

All I kept thinking was "are u kidding me?" I know this guy is an old high school friend and my cancer guy has moved away from all the neighborhood he grew up in because it was nothing but trouble about 10yrs ago. The old friend has contanstly come by his apartment leaving him notes to call him and my cancer guy has ignored the notes. MY cancer guy did end up calling the old friend a few weeks ago and did go to a bbq that he had. thats all the contact with the old friend that I know of.

She said she sees he is very confused and that she doesnt sees us breaking up. She doesnt think he will leave to get the other job and sees that it is probably because of the love that he has for me. She said there might be a chance that he goes out of NY but he will come running back really quick. She said I have nothing to worry about and he will figure it out.

As far as this old guy, I think he's trying to get my cancer guy into selling drugs or something and talking about how much money he can make. I am just really surprised at that. I knew with the leaving NY comment that my cancer guy made was either because he was running to something or running away from something. All I know is that I'm not leaving NY and he knows that. All my worries now are in the fact that I hope he makes the right decisions and doesnt get into trouble. I know it would definately be the money luring him in. Now I know why he said he will never tell me what is going on, he knows he would get punched in the face.

LadyScorp...so lets forget sbout astrology right now....

I definitely think you should pray for this man, and pray that he does not allow himself to be blinded by money and sucked into a potentially dangerous and dead end sitution. Maybe (if you feel comfortable) you should talk to him about it, just to see where his head is, and if he is willing to listen to wise advice and not get involved in this riff raff.

Now beyond that, leave this alone! Silly Cancer men sending mixed messages and acting a little screwy is one thing, selling drugs is a whole nother' ball game! Be careful and remember not to allow yourself to be put in harms way emotonally, mentally and/or physically.

So, please please be careful and make sure that you make a wise descision!!!! Good luck, and you will be in my prayers. Keep us updated!

Thanks for the advice and support Maianm. Yeah, the problem now is far from astrology and dealing with the cancerian mood swings. I'm not going to talk about it to him because first I told him I would never ask him about it again, and second, I wouldnt even know how to bring it up. He doesnt believe in astrology or card readings. I am just praying he makes the right choices now and doesnt fall into a bad situation.

In my heart though, I believe he will make the right choice and get this guy out of his life.

I am going to slowly try to do things with him so he won't have time to even see this bad guy. But I can't be too pushy at first because he is still is his mood. Do u guys have any ideas on how I can get his attention away from the bad guy?

LadyScorp

No just C what he is going to do first. Trust him, he will make the best decisions. Then if U C that he is not, then start doing things to steer him away.

well cancer does have a hard time with thier emotions..but.....if this is a major thing hes going thru...i think somehow u should be involved or at least informed, the only time i dont express myself like that is if what i say will hurt the other person.

**********Update

K I saw my cancer guy today (last time was wednesday that I saw/spoke to him) Only reason why I saw him was because I wrote him an email about making a payment for the trip we took 2 months ago that I charged on my card. He hadnt talked about any payment arrangements and the bill is due tomorrow. I simply said that i was just wondering what was going on with that because he hadnt mentioned anything and that i thought we had an understanding that he would keep me posted on what he planned to do about the payments. I also mentioned that I was home sick from work today. He called when he got off work and seemed very concerned that I was sick. He has been sick with bronchitis for the past 2 weeks and looks like I caught a case of it as well. He kept asking if I needed anything and he said he would stop by to drop the money off and apologized about the money. I was so prepared earlier to tell him how unfair and disrespectful he is being to me and that it hurts so much. I was just so fed up with him.

But of course when I saw him, all those ill feelings went away. First off, he just looked too damn cute. Second, I could tell that he does not mean to treat me this way and doesnt know what is going on in his head. I know it is not his intention to hurt me and I know that it hurts him when he hurts me. He doesnt know how to deal with it though. Thats what hurts the most. He seems to be doing a little better though as far as his state of mind. He was being more talkative than last wednesday and actually made eye contact with me a lot.

As far as him getting into trouble with this guy that my aunt saw in my reading, I don't think this has happened yet. And hopefully it wont happen. I don't see any signs of that. He told me he hasnt been out with the guys in 3 weeks (not like him, he goes out every friday night with the guys) and i believe him.

But guys, obviously he is going to be up and down for the rest of his life, i just dont know if i can deal with that. i mean i really do believe that i will spend the rest of my life with him and i gotta take the good and the bad. but i really have to think about if i really do have the patience to deal with the bad. i mean geez, im a scorpio, patience really isnt in my nature. But for now I'm going to stick with him.

I know he's probaby surprised that I havent gone pyscho on him and that I am actually being patient with him. I know he needs to feel that sense of secur

I swear this board is so theraputic. Thank u guys for listening to me and all of your advice. I don't know what I would do without everyone here.

But guys, obviously he is going to be up and down for the rest of his life, i just dont know if i can deal with that. i mean i really do believe that i will spend the rest of my life with him and i gotta take the good and the bad. but i really have to think about if i really do have the patience to deal with the bad. i mean geez, im a scorpio, patience really isnt in my nature. But for now I'm going to stick with him.

The ups and downs is just a part of HIM! It is like love it or leave it! That is how he is. If U don't think about it being like that, U probably will B able to deal with it better. What I am saying is, what makes the average female upset with this type of behavior, don't let it bother U. That is how I deal with my Cancer. I know he does things that will drive someone nutso, if U let him. However, I don't let him! I just go with the flow. It works! I know it makes U seem as U have no backbone, however, a more calm cool approach works better. And what do U mean Scorps don't have patience! Yes U do, alot of it and more than U think! Just remind, to B calm, COOL, and in control and C how he handles that! Plus it is a opposite mechanism.

Yea ur right Krobe. Thats exactly how I dealt with him in the beginning of our relationship when he acted like this. Deep down I knew he was confused and didnt know how to deal with his emotions. I did end up telling him this later on and he told me I was right. He says he trusts me because I understand how he feels and I let him be who he is. We did have about 13 months straight without any moods towards me (we've been together 1 years and 7 months now). I guess I forgot how to deal with it but I know I can. I just have to make sure when he gets like this that I spend even more time with the girls and take care of myself. Thats what I did before and it worked great!


I think also the only reason I let this mood get to me like this is because I thought it had to do with me and I thought he was having thoughts of breaking up with me. We did have our first argument on vacation 2 months ago because he was getting on my nerves and teasing me. I was already on edge because I'm a nervous flier and I couldnt relax the whole vacation because I was dreading the plane ride. I ended up saying some really mean things to him that hurt his feelings. And he kept to himself for about 2-3 weeks after that, even left town on a ski trip for the weekend and didnt even tell me. Needless to say, after I came over unannounced in my schoolgirl outfit, he didnt keep to himself much after that, except for now. So I thought he was thinking about what happened on the trip again and I got insecure.

Lady Scorp
U R doing really good. That is how it is supposed to B. Go back to enjoying your life. Do what U want to do. He will B back around, he needs space right now. Start getting alittle emotionally unattached. I have noticed that this works! However, don't totally ignore him in the process. If he wants to B bothered OK, If he does not let that B OK too! U know us ladies just have to have control of ourselves.