Should I give up on this cancer man... Help

I'm a 34 year old Libra lady who was seeing a older cancer male for a few months now. Everything with him was amazing. About two months in when he dropped mE off at work he told me I cannot be with anybody else but him. I only smiled but he was serious. I really started to like him and was falling in love but one day we were talking about work and I spoke to him about my future plans of wanting to break away from the company I was working and go off on my own in business. He was very harsh and UN supportive and I was shocked to see that side of him. I told him I didn't want to see him again because I really man would be supportive so I told him off. I didn't hear from him again and in a few days I called him up to apologize but he was the one kinda sorta apologizing. After that he calls me all the time and would hit me with a million texts a day and if Im at work and didn't answer on time he would call office phone leaving alot of messages for me.

In April I was on facebook and was telling my family about him. My aunt being all excited asked if he was on facebook because she wants to see him and eventually meet him(we are a close family) and to my horror he is married. I had to tell her no he doesn't have a profile and moved on to a different topic. I text him about it and he told me that he is separated from his wife and going through a divorce with a child involved and it's messy because his wife wants half the company and wants to take away his son. I understood completely well but it was too much for me. I stopped talking to him. He calls and texts and I just didn't want him in my life because I've gone through this type of situation already. Eventually I called my family and got on a plane. I just wanted space and not deal with it because he didn't understand that I had a right to choose if I wanted to be with him. I did however call him when I went overseas. We talk everyday and he assures me that his divorce will be finalized come this month August but he wants me to come home. We have had many ups and downs especially with his wife calling me while Im overseas which of course he has an explanation for.

I'm now home at his request and he just stopped talking to me a day after I came home. I got angry and told him how I felt because I could have started over a new life where I was and moved on. I told him I didn't appreciate it because it's a huge sacrifice to come home and start over and I did it because I love him.

It's been weeks and I haven't heard from him. I text him apologizing and told him what my expectations were of him because he was the one who wanted another chance after so many troubles on his behalf. I love him and his son very much and though I haven't met him he always tells me about him and sometimes he talks about visiting his mom which I encourage him to do without delay because they haven't seen each other since a few years. Im left hanging. Now what? He won't talk to me.

Dearest, please get over him. I know it is impossible but just think what you are getting yourself into. He is probably not even thinking of divorce. Don't want to see you hurt. Well you already are but let's say don't want to see you hurt more. Hugs

He will talk to you when it suits him. He is busy now. He will come back.

Don't kid yourself. You don't have the emotional capacity to dump him.

You are codependent and he has an abusive personality. This combination goes together and it's destructive.

Your relationship with him will go on cycles between talking and not talking. Every time he comes back he will give you a buzz of excitement and a lot of more drama.

Every time you will wish he had invested on you more and every time you will feel let down. He will chip away even more of your self esteem and confidence.

I am really sorry you are going through that.

I have no intention of leaving him but whatever must be has to be. If I didn't love him i wouldn't have come back.

I miss him alot. What Im actually doing right now is trying to have my life without him. Emotionally I'm not ready to move on as yet with anyone. Im just gonna concentrate on making myself super busy.

This is yet another example of why it's stupid to mess around with married people.

The worst part about the story is that he tried to control this girl's relationship status while being a married man.

What hole did this POS cancer slither out of?

You should take a step back and listen to yourself.

Does this sound healthy? And you went through it all before, why would you again?

You've also never met him so how do you know his entire life isn't a lie?

Another big red flag is his wife calling you. Why do you think she is calling you?

You should block his number and every other form contact. You should call your family and ask them to take you out. Totally distract yourself until you realize how ridiculous it is to fall in love based on empty promises and some silly idea you have of a person rather than who they actually are.

You don't have to feel like that, and you won't forever as long as you focus on yourself first ??

Posted by Silvuh
You should take a step back and listen to yourself.

Does this sound healthy? And you went through it all before, why would you again?

You've also never met him so how do you know his entire life isn't a lie?

Another big red flag is his wife calling you. Why do you think she is calling you?

You should block his number and every other form contact. You should call your family and ask them to take you out. Totally distract yourself until you realize how ridiculous it is to fall in love based on empty promises and some silly idea you have of a person rather than who they actually are.

You don't have to feel like that, and you won't forever as long as you focus on yourself first ??

+1

Her final text message should say, "Please leave me alone, and slither back into whatever hole you came out of."

Shanmack, you alone know what you have gone through and are willing to go through. Would you do what he did to another human, especially one whom you claim to care about and love. If yes, continue being in this situation but if not, then think this through, you have given up so much for someone who doesnt want to communicate. Are you waiting for a temporary buzz just to be let down again? Yes you may love him but is he worth it? Give yourself some credit and be strong. Take your power back!

Posted by Silvuh
You should take a step back and listen to yourself.

Does this sound healthy? And you went through it all before, why would you again?

You've also never met him so how do you know his entire life isn't a lie?

Another big red flag is his wife calling you. Why do you think she is calling you?

You should block his number and every other form contact. You should call your family and ask them to take you out. Totally distract yourself until you realize how ridiculous it is to fall in love based on empty promises and some silly idea you have of a person rather than who they actually are.

You don't have to feel like that, and you won't forever as long as you focus on yourself first ??

She met him. How else would he pick her up from work??

Posted by AnOdeToNoOne
This is yet another example of why it's stupid to mess around with married people.

The worst part about the story is that he tried to control this girl's relationship status while being a married man.

What hole did this POS cancer slither out of?

I didn't know he was married and I did break the relationship when I found out immediately by hopping on a plane and left the country. He assured me divorce will be final this month hence why I came home to try with him. I don't go out all my way to be with other people's husbands. Not my style .

Posted by Shanmack

Posted by AnOdeToNoOne
This is yet another example of why it's stupid to mess around with married people.

The worst part about the story is that he tried to control this girl's relationship status while being a married man.

What hole did this POS cancer slither out of?

I didn't know he was married and I did break the relationship when I found out immediately by hopping on a plane and left the country. He assured me divorce will be final this month hence why I came home to try with him. I don't go out all my way to be with other people's husbands. Not my style .

click to expand

Even so, he kept a marriage hidden away from you.

The only reason you found out is because another family member informed you.

Regardless of his pending divorce, you have one sneaky and controlling mo-fo on your hands.

Is that the kind of thing you want in a relationship?

Sounds unhealthy as hell to me.

Posted by AnOdeToNoOne

Posted by Shanmack

Posted by AnOdeToNoOne
This is yet another example of why it's stupid to mess around with married people.

The worst part about the story is that he tried to control this girl's relationship status while being a married man.

What hole did this POS cancer slither out of?

I didn't know he was married and I did break the relationship when I found out immediately by hopping on a plane and left the country. He assured me divorce will be final this month hence why I came home to try with him. I don't go out all my way to be with other people's husbands. Not my style .

Even so, he kept a marriage hidden away from you.

The only reason you found out is because another family member informed you.

Regardless of his pending divorce, you have one sneaky and controlling mo-fo on your hands.

Is that the kind of thing you want in a relationship?

Sounds unhealthy as hell to me.

click to expand

Yeah it's unhealthy alright. I've got alot of nice cancers in my family along with a few lovable cancer friends-even my mom was a cancer so I got alot of experience with them. This one was just a shock to me because yes he clearly has personal issues.

I don't want this kind of relationship but honestly I still love him. I just have to concentrate on me and move on slowly but surely. Honestly Im not sure how I would react if he ever should come back. I'm slowly cutting of all routes of communication as best as I can and yes am feeling the urge to hop on a plane again