This is what I have realized

*DISCLAIMER* :This post is NOT aimed at anyone personally. It's for everyone here (myself included -to an extent).Also,not for the sensitive rebellious ones.

I occasionally come here when I have an issue or an update to make about my cancerian ex and thats when I read some posts and try to help with an advice. The way people (including myself at times) go crazy about an ex driving them crazy or an ongoing relationship falling apart or whatever it is, makes me wonder "what is your purpose of life?"
Is your self worth solely based on some guy/girl's validation?
Weren't you happy before you met this person?
Don't you have any goals in life?
Don't you have people to feel proud of you?
Don't you see that you just can not hold on to someone if they wanna leave?
If your boyfriend/ex/crush/date/friend/fwb isn't putting in that effort to stay in your life then why stoop down your standard ,throw out your self esteem and beg them to be back when they don't want to? Does it even make sense?
Do you think you are THAT worthless,really?
It's perfectly normal to try to salvage a situation with a talk but there is a limit to everything.A saturation point. Get in that person's shoes and think how would you feel if someone pestered you,tried tricky ideas to get your attention,sat all day hoping for a text from you even though you don't like that person? The first thing to happen is that you'd lose all the respect for that person. You'd say "oh this person doesn't have a life o what?"
It's normal to panic and go crazy when you go through a fresh breakup. But I promise you,someday when you'd find the right person and more importantly make yourself proud(not by finding a bf/gf but by fulfilling your ambitions) ,you'd look back to this day and think how foolish you were to have behaved so crazily. I still love this guy very dearly but I love myself more to understand and realize he's not the sole purpose of my life. He's not the reason why God created me. And I really hope some people cribbing here realize this about themselves too.
We both still talk at times. We both check up on each other sometime in between and I keep myself busy with other things. Moving on doesn't mean jump for a new guy/girl. Believe me you are better than that. Moving on is resuming your life the way it should be. If that person isn't contacting you,you really have nothing to lose because you are carrying on with your life anyway.
It's normal to want suggestions and advice about a situation.We all need that at some point. But going ridiculously crazy over someone and especially over someone who told you he/she doesn't want you in their life, is a little too preposterous. Think about it.

You go girl! That's the spirit!

Posted by KsamCancer
All the women on the Cancer board are stay at home wives whose goal it is to get their Cancer man back so that they can continue their stay at home lives.

I hope this isn't what my Cancer is looking for!

I like my job and love my independence. Fuck all that stay-at-home-wifey shit.

Yea ksam that doesn't even make sense. I'm the complete antithesis of a stay at home anything. And my cancer and I are crazy adventurers...sorry.

But yea this is spot on, gia.

Very nice.

Since most of the posters here have been women,reading some of the posts ,comments and their behavior despite the plethora of suggestions pages over pages,at times it gives me an impression that the OP is just fetching for attention.Also, when I see some of the most ridiculously desperate behaviors over an ex, I think it's not just the fact that the relationship ended but more about the fact that they can't tolerate the fact that they have stopped receiving the attention from the guy which is making them behave so crazy.
I have had issues with my cancerian ex too and I still do. Even I wish things were back to being like before. Even I feel low at times even though i keep myself busy. And hella,I have deeply loved this guy and I can't imagine when I won't but I have accepted the fact that I am not his priority anymore. And I just let it be.
It's all about the attention actually.
The long arrays of replies here on this thread and the ex not replying anymore. Some people here will repeatedly keep bumping the posts to get the attention and have more replies.Some even go to the extent of bumping someone else's post with their story instead of helping the OP. These are the same women who flood their ex with crazy texts. Crazy attention seekers.
We all need advice which is basically the point of this forum. But some behaviors are ridiculously hilariously preposterous.

Posted by goligold
Are you both single still and how long were you together, just curious..

We were together for a year and we brokeup on April this year because I betrayed his trust with a lie. We have been single since but we were always connected everyday talking for hours even after we brokeup. We never disappeared on each other even for a day because our attachment and bond was really strong. But it all changed since mid July when he failed in an important exam the 6th time and he has been away since. We still checkup on each other occasionally though. At least once a week or so. He told me "it's the mental occupancy and not the change in mentality.It would have been this way even had we been in a relationship today". So I just let him be and go with the flow.

Actually some.of are genuinely seeking advice and aren't attention seeking at all...thats pretty pointless in my opinion.

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Actually some.of are genuinely seeking advice and aren't attention seeking at all...thats pretty pointless in my opinion.

Yea I agree with you but there are some who create a mountain out of nothing.
You say "he told me to stay out of his life" ,we say "don't text him" ,you say "sorry,i still texted him" ..like what response do you expect? A sympathy or a sugarcoated irrational answer like "don't worry,he'll still be back" ? And when there is no response from anyone then Day 1-"he still didnt respond"
Again no response from anyone here,Day 2 - "still no response.Can't I do anything?"
and if still no response on their original post,then bombard someone else's post with their issue instead of being any helpful.
As I said,we all need advice which is why we are here but going over the top crazy about someone not wanting to be with you is obnoxious and self respect sucking.
This post is for those people even though I now doubt if they would still regain their senses and self esteem back.

and by "you" I didn't mean you boxcarmirnta. You seem to be a matured person. By "you" i mean't some of the posters here in general.

Posted by gia
Since most of the posters here have been women,reading some of the posts ,comments and their behavior despite the plethora of suggestions pages over pages,at times it gives me an impression that the OP is just fetching for attention.Also, when I see some of the most ridiculously desperate behaviors over an ex, I think it's not just the fact that the relationship ended but more about the fact that they can't tolerate the fact that they have stopped receiving the attention from the guy which is making them behave so crazy.
I have had issues with my cancerian ex too and I still do. Even I wish things were back to being like before. Even I feel low at times even though i keep myself busy. And hella,I have deeply loved this guy and I can't imagine when I won't but I have accepted the fact that I am not his priority anymore. And I just let it be.
It's all about the attention actually.
The long arrays of replies here on this thread and the ex not replying anymore. Some people here will repeatedly keep bumping the posts to get the attention and have more replies.Some even go to the extent of bumping someone else's post with their story instead of helping the OP. These are the same women who flood their ex with crazy texts. Crazy attention seekers.
We all need advice which is basically the point of this forum. But some behaviors are ridiculously hilariously preposterous.

After giving some very helpful advice to OP myself I then saw that some other people responded with some sound advice and did ask them to have a look at what I had posted too. I don't think there is anything wrong with that if we're all looking for advice anyways and trying to help each other out and give some insight to one another. Not like I ignored OP or didn't try and help. Your initial post was something I was actually going to praise but this one I've quoted seems very accusing and harsh. You're also one of the people who posted a question about her ex so I don't know why you're judging others for doing exactly the same? Some people may have found it harder to deal with or may have had a completely different situation which resulted in them behaving a certain way. Every situation is different and every man in question is different. My ex said that shit to me a bunch of times and then tried on a few occasions to get me back and messaged my phone emailed me social media text just to get my attention and it's happened a few times so forgive me for being confused about wth is actually happening. I did stop speaking to my ex weeks ago haven't spoken since nor will I ever text him again but I still feel hurt over his treatment of me. I think people should be a little more sensitive to other people's situations and emotions.

Not surprised to read this at all.I knew this wouldn't go well with some but you can't please all,can you? As I clearly gave a disclaimer in the very beginning that it's NOT aimed at anyone in particular. It's not about helping or not helping. I have appreciated all the sound advises I have received here and have helped some here too.Have personally pm'ed you regarding your situation as well. And btw,you never mentioned about him trying to get your attention or winning you back.You only mentioned the disrespectful things he threw at you and so I gave you my suggestion accordingly.
Anyway, the main point and message of this post is to help people understand that you can't revolve your lives around trying to win back someone who doesn't want to be a part of your life anymore. While its perfectly fine to feel sad and wonder (we all do that) but it's very irrational to ' desperately want to win back' and 'go crazy ' over someone who just doesn't wanna be with you anymore.
As I clearly said,we all need advice which is why we are here but there's a difference between wanting opinion and going crazy. I stated my situation and have appreciated the suggestions.People said I shouldn't text him as much,live my life and let him come to me. I found it sensible and so have left it at that respecting the opinions I have received. If an important event happens and if I do feel the need,I'd surely update it here but I haven't bombarded with questions like "should i text?"... "should I text?".. "should I text?".
And come on @LibWman. What do you even mean by every situation and man is different? Yes,situations and men are different BUT the underlying issue is the same for all - THE GUY LEFT YOU (now before you pounce on me again,by "you" I mean't every poster here including you and I). And when someone leaves,you JUST CAN NOT BRING THEM BACK UNLESS THEY THEMSELVES WANT TO. So why not live your life normal instead of plotting some plan or planning what to say,when and how and going ridiculously crazy over some text or action.
We all go crazy when someone leaves us but it's about the intensity of craziness.It's not about being desperate to receive an advice or wanting him back because we all are. It's about the intensity of the desperation which sucks your self respect.

Posted by thinktoomuch
I like this. GOOD idea.
Especially the *tricky ideas* - people are planning things down to the minute almost: "so if he does answer, should I not answer or maybe wait around 15 hours and 36 minutes before i respond in a cool, calm and totally over him way—?". You can´t outplay a player either, remember that 😉 Why they don´t bite, is they know all the tricks in the book.

I know right!! You have no idea how many websites scam people by taking advantage of their 'freshly broken hearts' and persuade them to buy their e-book. It's all the same matter - Push and Pull game. Make your ex jealous. The 30 day NC rule.Not replying too quick. And at the end of it they write "when you can't get him back,just move on" and I laugh in disgust thinking how they make a fool out of vulnerable hearts into spending money. Some go over 100 USD. Ridiculous. I don't know where do they fetch the email ids from. I didnt even subscribe to any such and I had a "Get him back in 30 days guarantee" news letter. Every letter starts out with "I PROMISE THIS IS SOMETHING YOU HAVE NEVER READ BEFORE AND I PROMISE YOU'LL GET HIM BACK IN YOUR ARMS AGAIN.Click on the video below" and it redirects to some page where you gotta buy their stupid e-book. I once even mailed the guy back and wrote "dude,get a degree and a real job!" I received an automated reply from them saying "Thank you for your response.Please share our website with your friends"
LMAO!! >_

Posted by gia
Not surprised to read this at all.I knew this wouldn't go well with some but you can't please all,can you? As I clearly gave a disclaimer in the very beginning that it's NOT aimed at anyone in particular. It's not about helping or not helping. I have appreciated all the sound advises I have received here and have helped some here too.Have personally pm'ed you regarding your situation as well. And btw,you never mentioned about him trying to get your attention or winning you back.You only mentioned the disrespectful things he threw at you and so I gave you my suggestion accordingly.
Anyway, the main point and message of this post is to help people understand that you can't revolve your lives around trying to win back someone who doesn't want to be a part of your life anymore. While its perfectly fine to feel sad and wonder (we all do that) but it's very irrational to ' desperately want to win back' and 'go crazy ' over someone who just doesn't wanna be with you anymore.
As I clearly said,we all need advice which is why we are here but there's a difference between wanting opinion and going crazy. I stated my situation and have appreciated the suggestions.People said I shouldn't text him as much,live my life and let him come to me. I found it sensible and so have left it at that respecting the opinions I have received. If an important event happens and if I do feel the need,I'd surely update it here but I haven't bombarded with questions like "should i text?"... "should I text?".. "should I text?".
And come on @LibWman. What do you even mean by every situation and man is different? Yes,situations and men are different BUT the underlying issue is the same for all - THE GUY LEFT YOU (now before you pounce on me again,by "you" I mean't every poster here including you and I). And when someone leaves,you JUST CAN NOT BRING THEM BACK UNLESS THEY THEMSELVES WANT TO. So why not live your life normal instead of plotting some plan or planning what to say,when and how and going ridiculously crazy over some text or action.
We all go crazy when someone leaves us but it's about the intensity of craziness.It's not about being desperate to receive an advice or wanting him back because we all are. It's about the intensity of the desperation which sucks your self respect.

No I actually thought your first initial post was some really sound advice and I liked what you had said. I think the post I quoted wasn't tough love but had a real strong air of judgement to it and kind of putting someone down for feeling the way they did be it a little crazy or over the top or whatever you want to call it. I know you haven't pinpointed anyone in particular but obviously it's still about some of us who have recently posted. I completely agree you can not force someone back. One hundred million per cent agree. Nor should you put your life on hold fo

No I actually thought your first initial post was some really sound advice and I liked what you had said. I think the post I quoted wasn't tough love but had a real strong air of judgement to it and kind of putting someone down for feeling the way they did be it a little crazy or over the top or whatever you want to call it. I know you haven't pinpointed anyone in particular but obviously it's still about some of us who have recently posted. I completely agree you can not force someone back. One hundred million per cent agree. Nor should you put your life on hold for the sake of another person. Nor should you take shit from someone who doesn't care for your feelings. I agree with most of your points. It's just the way you've said it sounded quite harsh and as though you were attacking some people for going through a hard time and not handling it as well as they could. Most of us after an initial break up don't even know what to think and when I say each situation if s different I mean everyone feels differently and reacts differently to certain things. Also each man IS different. Your guy seems like one of the better ones whereas you know the guy I dealt with or someone else's guy may have been an absolute asshole and sometimes we don't see things for what they really are especially when they get that dark. Some men rope you in and slowly chip away at you bit by bit where you don't even realise it's happening. I put an end to it when the cussing and shit happened because that was my wake up call. Plus some people may want someone back because they felt they screwed up or it could be salvaged and maybe there are steps they can take to at least begin to repair the relationship etc. It could be a marriage or children might be involved. As I said it's not black and white every situation is completely different. Yes I didn't mention the fact he tried to get me back on a couple of ocassions because I was concentrating on the last few weeks of the end of it all. Sometimes when I pulled away significantly after an argument he would try and get a hold of me by hook or by crook even if I switched my phone off etc. Then at the end he just started being really nasty and that's why I was just baffled as to what made him behave in such a nasty way. I pm'ed you cause I genuinely felt like you had some very helpful things to say and even now I'll say it again I agree with most of your points from previous posts etc. I know it's a little much that some people get so worked up about messages etc but women can be sensitive creatures and I think we as women should be understanding towards one another as we already have enough people to cut us down. Tough love can be good and being blunt and straight forward is good too but I felt it was a little harsh that's why I commented. To each their own I guess. It is your post and your thread after all.

You found it judgmental because I WAS judgmental on purpose. I wanted this post to hit you hard so that some understand that it's extremely demeaning to one's own self when you let yourself go so crazy over such things. I perfectly do understand that it's not at all easy when you try to move on from these things,especially if you have been deeply involved. My own breakup issue had caused me a loss of appetite,insomnia and decline in my work productivity. So I very well know what it is. As I said, I myself still love the guy very deeply and the reason why I even posted anything that I did was because I see my situation as salvageable because we have otherwise been respectful,are still in talking terms even though significantly reduced and there is no 2nd girl in the scenario. Obviously there are times when I feel low and sulk about our present situation but there's a huge difference - I don't go over the top crazy about it. I wont ask for an opinion each time I find an opportunity. I won't ask for every cancerian's advice each time he makes a move. If he doesn't respond well I wouldn't go about asking "why is he not responding—" " what can i do about it—?" I do when I feel there's an update which can change the course of the ongoing situation or a situation where my actions might count into towards positive or just a general opinion at times from people about my opinion.
When you hear someone say "he's not replying me anymore what do I do?" and when someone replies "carry on with your life.Don't text" and then you say "but i still texted and he still didnt reply.What do I do?" ,you really can't expect anyone (even the most sensitive and understanding woman) to say "awww..he's a jackass.You are a good girl.Keep trying". This is what my point is.
I wouldn't apologize if my comment hurt you because I still stand by what I wrote and it is supposed to be harsh but I'd say you should take it with a pinch of salt..My role as a woman is not to be understanding towards the silliness which makes a woman look dumb and low in self esteem. My role is to help some people here understand that you can't sink your value so low by behaving a certain way which some do during/after a breakup. Anyway,this is not a feminist post. It's only mean't to help the dumpee realize that your craziness is only pulling you low. This post is supposed to empower you and not make you feel low. That's all.
PEACE AND LOVE!

Posted by goligold
I'm curious to know what that lie was? You both are still very young if your still friends maybe you'll be able to pursue something later on.

That is what I learned with my guy...let him be. But I've never have had the issues a lot of these girls have. He has made it clear he wants a life with me, he is also older and ready to settle down.

Yea I am 23 and he's 24 and we did discuss that neither of us want to settle until we are at least ~28. The lie was actually bit personal. He had an important project due and since he was workedup with many things already he asked for my help and I helped him .You aren't allowed to plagiarize but since he had only 5 min remaining to submit the project, I had no option but to get 50% of the material from the internet and when he asked if I got it from the internet I purposely lied saying "no" because I knew he wouldn't have submitted the project had I told him the truth and that would have led to a 0 score straightaway. After submitting he kept asking where did I get the stuff from in such a short notice (I was actually supposed to have the material with me on my laptop but something went wrong and some files had got deleted) so I lied again by saying that I sent him the materials I had with me already. Didn't tell him about the deleted files. So in short,i had to lie again many a times to cover up the original bigger lie. But I somehow felt guilty about the lie and 2 weeks later I told him the truth. He said it's not about what I lied but the fact that he never expected I could lie to him and for such a prolonged period. Also,he has insecurity issues. Didn't mean to brag but he knows I have always been academically bright and things are going good for me *touchwood* so even when we were together he used to be like "How did i manage to get you.What do you see in me?" and even after breaking up along with "I have trust issues with you now" he repeatedly said "Future is uncertain and this gets me confused. I am not good enough for you and you'd realize this someday. I don't know where I'll land up with a job and I don't think i'd be able to earn as much as you". I told him many times that it doesn't matter. All I have wanted is a decent stable relationship,decent earning and a simple happy life. So his 6th time failure in his degree finals exam has hit his self esteem rock bottom and so he changed since his results got out. I respect his decision to work on his stuff.and he knows I have always been supportive and understanding. Wish we interacted and connected a bit more than what it is now but there's nothing much that I can do about it and he has also been working crazy hours in office (no sunday leaves at times) so I know he's too workedup. So I just do my thing and go with the flow and we check up on each other at times.That's all.

I hear ya.

Alll hugs all around! Chest slams!