trust, friendship, battles, baaaaaah!!!

i know this guy, everyone thinks he's a dick but i love him, he makes me laugh and feel young. we've known each other for almost seven years. he's a cancer fellow with a pisces moon. so, i (aqua girl, cancer moon) listened to some gossip and allowed myself to become very upset about things i heard he'd said. every time i saw him after he looked so pathetic & when no one else could hear, he'd whisper hellos and goodbyes to me. i didn't speak to him or look at him or acknowledge him for weeks, not even out of spite but just because i was so hurt.

someone very close to both of us but much closer to him died soon after this row began and i thought (hoped) that the death would shake us both out of it. i stuck my neck out, apologized, tried to show kindness, even brought his favorite cookies from the best bakery in our area. he said to me "that'll give me diabetes." i'd made several paintings for him since i met him, he told me he "doesn't have them anymore," not to contact him ever, to just let go.

he's pissing people off. they love him but i hear the murmurs, people think he's a cocky asshole. i told him a long time ago that i'd never give up on him and that was a promise, more to me than it was to him. besides that, i can see he's in pain, about the death i mentioned but also about something else, i can't tell what but i can tell it's something and he's pushing people away. i'm worried about him.

i can speak of one, maybe two friends that i've given up on. the one i can think of, i think she had some emotional issues. i've had plenty a hardship with friends, weeks, months, even years of hurt & silence but they were still in my heart and always, at some point, i would try again. i have great faith in friendship (typical aquarian...) and i'm very VERY STUBBORN (cancer moon? eh, who knows...).

i'm going to keep trying, even if i look like a fool, because he matters that much, i miss him that much and i feel his pain that much...but any advice for an approach would be greatly appreciated. i've read these message boards for years and years and i picked tonight to make an account because this one issue has been making my heart heavy for almost a year now. i miss my friend, i don't have any one in my life that listens like he does. maybe it's a lost cause but...my heart doesn't feel that way at all. i'm just not sure what to say or how to say it...

I've been friends with several cocky types in my life and what I learned is when they start doing this, back off. Guys and their egos is just bullshit to deal with when it gets this bad. He's gonna do nothing but hurt you more and make things hard to salvage in the long run.

Let him lick his wounds, let his ego settle, and let him get over this on his own atm. He clearly wants to be left alone, but you keep pushing, which also will not do you any favors. Let him wallow in the situation he created for himself.

IF he truly thinks of you as a close friend, he'll snap out of it and come back around once he's got everything settled in his mind.

I'm not saying abandon him, but stop being pushy about it and let him be. If he's going to be a childish asshole, fine. Let him be by himself.

However, if you want, feel free to rip into him about what an ass he's being and how he's treating you is NOT okay. Leave it at that and leave him alone.

In society, guys are coddled far too often in all sorts of relationships. Links back to the whole mommy thing. It's really eye roll worthy. They throw tantrums to get their way, just like they would with their moms when they were 5. Funny how they never grow out of that...

you're right...and it's funny, that's along the lines of how i've been thinking but i guess i needed to hear it from an impartial party. i think my problem is that i want to fix everything and i have to realize that some things (LOTS OF THINGS!!!) aren't up to me to fix, i just have to go with the flow. i also know that he's a big wimp, not one to stick his neck out, so i worry that if i don't do something, nothing will ever get done. but alas, "ever" is a long time and it's beyond my humble little self to attempt to see that far into things. i also just miss him. the big confession is that i like him better than most of my friends, even though he's an ass...maybe even BECAUSE he's an ass and i like the puzzle. i'm an ass too, i can't paint the picture of trouble without admitting my part in it...but whatever, i appreciate your commentary, it settled some of my heartburn. i just don't wanna be a bad friend...but i can't be a good friend to someone who won't let me in. so i'll just be a good friend to the people who want what i have and if he comes around, he comes around. simple. thanks again.