What is the best way to deal with Cancer silences?

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AlexanderSupertramp
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My gf is a Cancer. It should be noted that she is also bi-polar. I think the two together make her more moody than the average Cancer. I love her to death and she calls me the love of her life. Early on in the relationship she said to me, "You know I'm going to marry you, right?" This is what I want too. My problem is, she has a tendency to get very caught up in her moods. No effort to move beyond them. Her problem always takes precedence over anything I may be dealing with. Right now I am dealing with a death in my family and she is so caught up in what she is going through that all I am getting from her is radio silence. Naturally, this is forcing me to take a long hard look at our relationship. When she crawls into her shell (and sometimes this is due to med changes) I have backed off but sent her an e-mail a day reminding her that she is loved. Is there a better way of dealing with her silences, especially right now when her attitude is really ticking me off. I love her but I am not interested in being her doormat!
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Damn I thought I heard it all. A bi polar cancer woman? She probably is a lot like my friend. You might think she has a mental problem because of her eccentric Asperger's syndrome looking ass. How did you fall in love with her? How did you connect with her if she's so distant? But I do feel like I know my friend now made and out and to took hard work. But you can do it if you try. Once your in and they trust you they will do anything you ask them to and answer whenever you need them. And why doesn't she know you had a death in the family? How distant are you two— What is it like being her man? I think you need to just talk to her. Cancer women can be swept away by their goals and imaginations so sometimes you need to tap them and then they will realize tey were zoning out again and say sorry! Where were we?
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Posted by StarChild63
Damn I thought I heard it all. A bi polar cancer woman? She probably is a lot like my friend. You might think she has a mental problem because of her eccentric Asperger's syndrome looking ass. How did you fall in love with her? How did you connect with her if she's so distant? But I do feel like I know my friend now made and out and to took hard work. But you can do it if you try. Once your in and they trust you they will do anything you ask them to and answer whenever you need them. And why doesn't she know you had a death in the family? How distant are you two— What is it like being her man? I think you need to just talk to her. Cancer women can be swept away by their goals and imaginations so sometimes you need to tap them and then they will realize tey were zoning out again and say sorry! Where were we?



We connected over a mutual love of music and many of the same writer's. It was instantaneous. Like meeting someone you've know forever. We are very close and very open with each other, until she goes MIA. I kind of think she uses her bpd as an excuse to not deal with things she doesn't want to have to deal with. She does know there was a death. She is in London right now and is just not responding to my attempts to get ahold of her. She is an artist and that can happen if she is painting, but she knows I am dealing with a lot right now. I stopped trying to get ahold of her last night. I'm not going to beg. She has said that I am there for her and understand her more than anyone ever has. This, however, I do not understand. This is just rude and insensitive and I'm not sure I can get past it. I do always offer people the benefit of the doubt...things do happen...but she had better have a damn good excuse. Is this typical of Cancers?
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AlexanderSupertramp
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Posted by Koniucha
Sounds like a nightmare. How can you have a relationship with no communication?



We do communicate. She knows there has been a death. I'm just not understanding why she is behaving like this. She has had some significant deaths in her family so perhaps this is all too much for her. But she lost her godfather a couple of months back and I was there for her every step of the way.
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canerleo101
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I used to go through the same kind of mood swings but I grew out of it and it helped to drive my husband crazy. My husband used to baby me and feel sorry for me when I got into my moods. Once he left and I didn't have anyone to feel sorry for me, I learned how to appreciate the life that God has given and I finally got better. Do not feed into her moods be stern with her and let her know that her moods are selfish and unacceptable behavior and that happiness is a choice and that she needs to fight for her own happiness and sanity. It will only help her in the end. And this is coming from a person who was an orphan and never had parents.
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Posted by canerleo101
I used to go through the same kind of mood swings but I grew out of it and it helped to drive my husband crazy. My husband used to baby me and feel sorry for me when I got into my moods. Once he left and I didn't have anyone to feel sorry for me, I learned how to appreciate the life that God has given and I finally got better. Do not feed into her moods be stern with her and let her know that her moods are selfish and unacceptable behavior and that happiness is a choice and that she needs to fight for her own happiness and sanity. It will only help her in the end. And this is coming from a person who was an orphan and never had parents.
Thank-you, I appreciate this. I think part of the problem is I have babied her too much. I also think she has been allowed to use her bpd as an excuse and this is helping to keep this truly beautiful soul stuck. Keeping her from being everything she is capable of being because she shuts out learning experiences with excuses. Thank-you!
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The fact that she is a Cancer, bi-polar and an Artist I can see why you are frustrated.
Most men would have gone MIA themselves by now.
You must really be in love.
Or a glutton for punishment.

I agree, put your foot down. Let her know her behavior is creating problems in your relationship.
But if she truly is suffering from a mental illness, meaning diagnosed by a Psychiatrist not herself or a street corner doc.
Then you will have to do research on how to handle this aspect of her life.
Because there are other factors that may be beyond her control. Meaning she needs new meds.
Sometimes the body builds resistance or perhaps having adverse effects affecting her mood.
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Posted by LunarMaiden
Posted by canerleo101
By the way my husband was a Leo and I am a day shy of being a Leo so I am speaking from experience.



I know this is off topic but if you don't mind me asking, why did you and your Leo end?
click to expand



He would be the sweetest person one minuet and then exstreemly abusive the next he choked me until I was unconscious on another occasion he stuck a loaded gun in my mouth and to my head. But what made me leave is that he almost killed my four year old daughter. I won't go into detail becouse it would be too graphic for this site and yes it was reported to the police.
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AlexanderSupertramp
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Posted by LunarMaiden
The fact that she is a Cancer, bi-polar and an Artist I can see why you are frustrated.
Most men would have gone MIA themselves by now.
You must really be in love.
Or a glutton for punishment.

I agree, put your foot down. Let her know her behavior is creating problems in your relationship.
But if she truly is suffering from a mental illness, meaning diagnosed by a Psychiatrist not herself or a street corner doc.
Then you will have to do research on how to handle this aspect of her life.
Because there are other factors that may be beyond her control. Meaning she needs new meds.
Sometimes the body
builds resistance or perhaps having adverse effects affecting her mood.



I really do love her. She just confuses the hell out of me.

She was diagnosed with bpd when she was 11. The younger the diagnosis is made the worse it is. I've done a lot of research into exactly what the disorder is and more natural ways of dealing with it, but not so much how to handle the behavior. Seems stupid on my part now but, honestly, that hadn't occurred to me. I know that part of the problem is the fact that she is in the process of adjusting to a new med. Trust me, I have made a lot of allowances for this. This is her 3rd new med in 7 months. She has promised me on multiple occasions now that she will not do this anymore. Then it happens again. I try to be understanding about it but she is able to talk to other people. I have told her if she will just say, "I'm having a hard time and can't talk right now" that is all I need to hear. She has done this a couple of times and I have been careful to do exactly as I have told her I will. I give her her space. It's the ignoring me, especially when I am the one going through something this time that I cannot abide. This just smacks of rude and should be beneath both of us. It's just so confusing. One day she is all over me talking about marriage and babies, the next she won't speak to me. And after those occasions, she doesn't apologize either.

I do love her, but I am growing weary of the punishment. I think that at this point the ball is in her court. I just feel like this time she has pushed it a little too far.
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She's using the bps as a crutch. I know so many oeople diagnosed with mental illnesses including my mother and they all use it as an excuse. Have you ever considered that deep within she may not want to get better because then she can not use her mental Heath diagnosis as an excuse to feel sorry for herself. I got over my mental Heath issues without any of the medication that I was prescribived. The key to my success was I stopped feeling sorry for myself. And people stopped feeling sorry for me.
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boxcarmirnta
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Well I've dated many people with bpd unfortunately and I have to say....as magnetic as they can be, they are the sickest most self absorbed jerks I've ever met. None of them.ever cared about anything I was going through no matter how horrible. Because they are severe narcissists! I would blame the majority of this on that, not cancer stuff...but bad combo..having a relationship with someone with that disease is the worst experience I've ever had..dunno how long you've been together but I have a feeling its gonna get a LOT worse, not better. I do not envy you. 😢 sorry.
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Posted by boxcarmirnta
Well I've dated many people with bpd unfortunately and I have to say....as magnetic as they can be, they are the sickest most self absorbed jerks I've ever met. None of them.ever cared about anything I was going through no matter how horrible. Because they are severe narcissists! I would blame the majority of this on that, not cancer stuff...but bad combo..having a relationship with someone with that disease is the worst experience I've ever had..dunno how long you've been together but I have a feeling its gonna get a LOT worse, not better. I do not envy you. 😢 sorry.


My nineteen year old Bipolar niece was just living with me and she knew how to turn that shit on and off and she would only act that way with certain people.
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What kind of excuses? I think you can relate to me the most when talking about this type of cancer woman. This type seems more like a cancer-fire-air-cancer-Scorpio. These type are something else. Their close family can't even decode them all the way the cancer can't even decide herself. They have horrible communication patterns like theyreba cyborg or something but then they are the most beautiful souls you ever saw in your life like nothing else on earth no one else is like that. My friend is an artist too and connect to people through almost anything because she's adaptable and so changing and so good with emotion and people. It's almost unfair. But if she learned to share that she would have too many people up her ass. But you are actually committed so idk what to say. I don't know how to take someone whose bipolar for real. When you got a commitment out of her how did you do it?
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Posted by Arielle83
She can't deal with death. She knows what you're going through but for her to correctly connect with you during this time is difficult because of how she internalizes it. Do you know anything about bpd and triggers? This would be one. She's avoiding it, prob acting like everything is ok but if she starts rationalizing it she may fall deep. She might see death as more of an existential thing since it's affecting you and then she may associate your grief with her own. It appears selfish but she is avoiding something bigger than you'll understand. Does she seem more manic?

I don't get how the fuck someone compares bipolar to "aspergers looking ass". Ignorant as fuck.

I'm a cancer female and bipolar.


These are all excuses OP please don't buy into the self pity.
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AlexanderSupertramp
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Posted by canerleo101
She's using the bps as a crutch. I know so many oeople diagnosed with mental illnesses including my mother and they all use it as an excuse. Have you ever considered that deep within she may not want to get better because then she can not use her mental Heath diagnosis as an excuse to feel sorry for herself. I got over my mental Heath issues without any of the medication that I was prescribived. The key to my success was I stopped feeling sorry for myself. And people stopped feeling sorry for me.



You sound very much like another friend of mine who also has bpd. She decided she wanted to take control of her life and went off of all of the meds. She thinks that some people just get addicted to being sick and all of the attention, good and bad, that comes with it. I definitely believe there is that element to it.
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Posted by StarChild63
What kind of excuses? I think you can relate to me the most when talking about this type of cancer woman. This type seems more like a cancer-fire-air-cancer-Scorpio. These type are something else. Their close family can't even decode them all the way the cancer can't even decide herself. They have horrible communication patterns like theyreba cyborg or something but then they are the most beautiful souls you ever saw in your life like nothing else on earth no one else is like that. My friend is an artist too and connect to people through almost anything because she's adaptable and so changing and so good with emotion and people. It's almost unfair. But if she learned to share that she would have too many people up her ass. But you are actually committed so idk what to say. I don't know how to take someone whose bipolar for real. When you got a commitment out of her how did you do it?
I told her I don't share. She is either with me or not, but I don't share. She felt the same way. It was going to be to weird for both of us to see the other one dating other people. I do trust her that she is faithful. She know she can trust me too.
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Posted by Arielle83
She can't deal with death. She knows what you're going through but for her to correctly connect with you during this time is difficult because of how she internalizes it. Do you know anything about bpd and triggers? This would be one. She's avoiding it, prob acting like everything is ok but if she starts rationalizing it she may fall deep. She might see death as more of an existential thing since it's affecting you and then she may associate your grief with her own. It appears selfish but she is avoiding something bigger than you'll understand. Does she seem more manic?

I don't get how the fuck someone compares bipolar to "aspergers looking ass". Ignorant as fuck.

I'm a cancer female and bipolar.
Can you explain this a little more? I know what a trigger is in theory, but why is death specifically a trigger for bpd? She is definitely NOT connecting to me correctly. You have that right. She has experienced the deaths of people very close to her. Best friend, brother, grandparents..... Why would this one, of a person she did not meet, have such an effect?
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Posted by Arielle83
She can't deal with death. She knows what you're going through but for her to correctly connect with you during this time is difficult because of how she internalizes it. Do you know anything about bpd and triggers? This would be one. She's avoiding it, prob acting like everything is ok but if she starts rationalizing it she may fall deep. She might see death as more of an existential thing since it's affecting you and then she may associate your grief with her own. It appears selfish but she is avoiding something bigger than you'll understand. Does she seem more manic?

I don't get how the fuck someone compares bipolar to "aspergers looking ass". Ignorant as fuck.

I'm a cancer female and bipolar.


+1
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Posted by StarChild63
Damn I thought I heard it all. A bi polar cancer woman? She probably is a lot like my friend. You might think she has a mental problem because of her eccentric Asperger's syndrome looking ass. How did you fall in love with her? How did you connect with her if she's so distant? But I do feel like I know my friend now made and out and to took hard work. But you can do it if you try. Once your in and they trust you they will do anything you ask them to and answer whenever you need them. And why doesn't she know you had a death in the family? How distant are you two— What is it like being her man? I think you need to just talk to her. Cancer women can be swept away by their goals and imaginations so sometimes you need to tap them and then they will realize tey were zoning out again and say sorry! Where were we?


Please repost the story about the time your cancer friend kick you in the head
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Posted by Kim31
Posted by StarChild63
Damn I thought I heard it all. A bi polar cancer woman? She probably is a lot like my friend. You might think she has a mental problem because of her eccentric Asperger's syndrome looking ass. How did you fall in love with her? How did you connect with her if she's so distant? But I do feel like I know my friend now made and out and to took hard work. But you can do it if you try. Once your in and they trust you they will do anything you ask them to and answer whenever you need them. And why doesn't she know you had a death in the family? How distant are you two— What is it like being her man? I think you need to just talk to her. Cancer women can be swept away by their goals and imaginations so sometimes you need to tap them and then they will realize tey were zoning out again and say sorry! Where were we?


Please repost the story about the time your cancer friend kick you in the head
click to expand




This is something you probably can't understand. This type of person is rare. She's not a bad person AT ALL. Confusing and socially different yea but she's the most beautiful and caring person I have ever met. She taught me what real love is and how it moves. You won't get what I mean unless you live this. I will always love her with or without her as mine.
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by canerleo101
Posted by Arielle83
She can't deal with death. She knows what you're going through but for her to correctly connect with you during this time is difficult because of how she internalizes it. Do you know anything about bpd and triggers? This would be one. She's avoiding it, prob acting like everything is ok but if she starts rationalizing it she may fall deep. She might see death as more of an existential thing since it's affecting you and then she may associate your grief with her own. It appears selfish but she is avoiding something bigger than you'll understand. Does she seem more manic?

I don't get how the fuck someone compares bipolar to "aspergers looking ass". Ignorant as fuck.

I'm a cancer female and bipolar.


These are all excuses OP please don't buy into the self pity.


I'm not making excuses. I'm explaining what could be real for her; however, I guess since you know some morons who use things as an excuse, then that theory must trickle down into my response for you.

Please don't imprint your reality onto others. Have some compassion.
click to expand



Understood, I guess what works for some doesn't work for all. I just see how bad my mother has allow her mental health to deteriorate and everyone just babies her and feels sorry for her. And the OP's girlfriend reminds me of how I used to be and how my mother still is.
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After reading this my friend and your girl are similar but not alike. Sorry you gotta go through that. But what my friend has taught me to do is be open about my needs and hers. When she's feeling distant she can now tell me and I will know to back down as give her a day or two. But now she doesn't tell me she needs space she will tell me she's feeling distant or tell me what's going on with her instead of choosing to deal with it by herself in her shell and won't be distant if I tell her I need her. She had to learn to tough it out when she felt like being alone and got comfortable with me in her space when she's feeling flighty. And I had to stand up and say no! I need you now and I won't wait. Now I think I helped her realize that she can go a wall on people and she likes when I let her know when she's being distant because she doesn't know sometimes she is in her own zone.She did say she ices people out when it's best to because of drama but if you are stable she will entertain you. So if you are to low or high with your energy then she will feel like not dealing with you. She is actually pretty affectionate and touchy and open. But my friend is not aware of shit happening in other people's lives unless they tell her because even when she gets on Facebook she doesn't look at people's pages just articles. When people hint at things she can't get the hint. She can't get subtle things you have to tell her because she doesn't think like most people so she doesn't get the main point she might get lost on details and miss the point. Dudes that approach her can't get her at times because they approach her same way they do with most women and don't see she can't pick up on one liners or common sayings or common pop culture stuff because she doesn't get it. I had a talk about this the other day. She said she's not in a emotion mood swing she's exploring herself and searching her soul for treasures and she's said she's usually either ok or happy. So sometimes it's just a thing of saying what you need. Because she's a very available person and people who have guts to step to her and ask her she gives in because she knows it took courage to step to her. Sometimes she says she doesn't want to be around people because people are too involved in things that don't matter and they stunt her growth. Piggy backing off of Arielle my friend she doesn't see things the same way most people do. She doesn't have issues with either attachment or detachment she just is. When she
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When she grew up she spent years living without any parental supervision at all and had to take care of her siblings and survive on her own so she never really grew up with normal ways people attach but at the same time going through that she learned to be kind and humble and empathetic so she can and will attach if she knows you want it. Times she really does want to attach she will and if she won't it's because she did before and got rejected, she did attach then then person started stalking her, she attached then dude read her all wrong and hurt her more, she attached then her attaching brings the wrong attention and makes people jealous. She is just now starting to go after what she wants without caring about other people's reaction. She also was changed by death so certain things offset her and put her in a bad spin sometimes. Even if she doesn't know the person. These are just thoughts not so much advice. Something I said could help.
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Posted by StarChild63
After reading this my friend and your girl are similar but not alike. Sorry you gotta go through that. But what my friend has taught me to do is be open about my needs and hers. When she's feeling distant she can now tell me and I will know to back down as give her a day or two. But now she doesn't tell me she needs space she will tell me she's feeling distant or tell me what's going on with her instead of choosing to deal with it by herself in her shell and won't be distant if I tell her I need her. She had to learn to tough it out when she felt like being alone and got comfortable with me in her space when she's feeling flighty. And I had to stand up and say no! I need you now and I won't wait. Now I think I helped her realize that she can go a wall on people and she likes when I let her know when she's being distant because she doesn't know sometimes she is in her own zone.She did say she ices people out when it's best to because of drama but if you are stable she will entertain you. So if you are to low or high with your energy then she will feel like not dealing with you. She is actually pretty affectionate and touchy and open. But my friend is not aware of shit happening in other people's lives unless they tell her because even when she gets on Facebook she doesn't look at people's pages just articles. When people hint at things she can't get the hint. She can't get subtle things you have to tell her because she doesn't think like most people so she doesn't get the main point she might get lost on details and miss the point. Dudes that approach her can't get her at times because they approach her same way they do with most women and don't see she can't pick up on one liners or common sayings or common pop culture stuff because she doesn't get it. I had a talk about this the other day. She said she's not in a emotion mood swing she's exploring herself and searching her soul for treasures and she's said she's usually either ok or happy. So sometimes it's just a thing of saying what you need. Because she's a very available person and people who have guts to step to her and ask her she gives in because she knows it took courage to step to her. Sometimes she says she doesn't want to be around people because people are too involved in things that don't matter and they stunt her growth. Piggy backing off of Arielle my friend she doesn't see things the same wa
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AlexanderSupertramp
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Not sure what happened there. I was just saying that they do sound very similar. When my girl is on she is so amazing. I think this is what makes it so much more difficult when she goes radio silent. Especially at a time like this. I don't need her to hold my little hand through all of this, but asking how I am doing once in awhile, and showing up when she says we can talk would be nice. Right now, I am hurt and angry. She is 22, so I think there is some immaturity at play, definitely. I'm 23 so we are young. I just really feel like she tends to give into her every mood. I can't help but think that she could do more to fight. When I can get her to talk when she is in a mood she always ends up feeling better. When she is like this I e-mail her once or twice throughout the day just to let her know I love her and she is valued. She has said this helps. Right now...I just don't know how to proceed. I really feel like the first move should be hers. When she didn't show up to talk I just lost all patience. It can't ALWAYS be ALL about HER. She can be so warm and compassionate and loving, and then, this. I really needed the other side of her through all of this. (It was my grandfather that passed and we were close and his death was sudden.)

Do you have anymore insight into why the death of someone that she has never met would trigger her? (She has lost all of her grandparents and they were also close.) I have asked the person that originally brought that up but have not heard anything back. I am trying to be understanding, but I have also thought for several months now that there is more that she could be doing to pull out of some of this. I think that she tends to give into it when it is more convenient for her to do so or just straight up uses it as an excuse. That is sad because the person she is capable of being could torch the world. She can be such a bright, beautiful person. Right now though...I don't know that I have ever been more confused in my life. I have to admit, there is a part of me that thinks I should just walk away if, when things are bad for me, this is the best she can do. It's just not good enough. I really appreciate your taking time with this. Thank-you.
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My fault for joking bout bipolar disease. I don't know much about it but I'll work with what I know about my cancer friend. Someday a she's a very popular and lovable social butterfly who is brilliant and artistic somedays she is a hermit crab who is brilliant and fascinating and happy with being alone somedays she is a zombie with no feelings and she is nothing some days she is brilliant and fascinating and sociable but is silent. Most people see this as moody. This is not moody. She has a lot of goals to accomplish for herself and in order to do it with brilliance she got to be alone with no distractions. Sometimes her writing and art can make her a hermit for days because she's trying to pinpoint a feeling or a human experience she's writing about so to do that she will live in that experience best way she can even if that means "alienating herself". Sometimes she cares about finding the answer to some theory more then being sociable. Sometimes she wants to be sociable. But people will see this as moody or fickle. She's not that she's just occupied by her mind and goals. My friend is the same. She can torch the world and she knows it. That's why she works so hard in her quiet time and shuts the world out. She has a lot of friends and family that depend on her for shit and that's why she does the shut out because all those people and things will distract her from the things she wants. More
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Sometimes she's distant on purpose. These are the times she can't keep herself AND keep someone else too. If it gets to be to much for her she will shut you out on purpose. Most of the time she shuts people out on purpose she doesn't want to.? It happens cuz we don't listen when they are telling us we are overwhelming them--mostly because they are too polite to tell us boldly or ask for what they want because they feel like they are intruding. My friend knows how she comes off but she doesn't agree with it-she says she's misunderstood all of the time. She told me it hurts when she's misunderstood and people still don't believe her when she's trying to clear it up so she stops trying. Said she gets tired of people being afraid of her ecause of her intelligence wit fiery attitude or the way she is. She can't stand when certain people handle her with kid gloves even when she is nice and open and understanding and communicates her needs. Or when they make her feel bad for just being herself. She gets tired of being called weird or looked at sideways or people be stunned and back off because they never saw one of her types before. It's hurtful to her and makes her feel like a freak so anytime someone starts treating her like that she end it like that. That's when she purposefully shuts out.i feel like a bipolar person would feel the same stigma and hurt from being "a freak". She's just a normal person and should be treated like one. More
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StarChild63
@StarChild63
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 1190 · Topics: 29
About death. Took me a while becaus I had to ask her. She has a problem accepting death but she understands it. In your situation she said your girl might be acting that way because she is reliving someone else's death or she knows she has issues so she doesn't want her issues to overpower your grieving process. She might think that you think she is unfit and can't be there for you the way you need so she distances herself. My friend said she does that to people when she feels they are not strong enough to put up with the random drama in her life or strong enough to work through it together. She said she won't give someone distance unless they give her distance unless it's a violent or complicated or risky situation. That or she said she's just a giant asshole of a witch. She told me that when she had a abortion it took her back to other deaths and she also could telepathically speak to her child and new she was wrong for doing it so now any death from violence or killing or something like that gets her in a mood. Now this is a good example of a mood and not just a way of being. Might help here
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AlexanderSupertramp
@AlexanderSupertramp
10 YearsLeo

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 1
Posted by StarChild63
About death. Took me a while becaus I had to ask her. She has a problem accepting death but she understands it. In your situation she said your girl might be acting that way because she is reliving someone else's death or she knows she has issues so she doesn't want her issues to overpower your grieving process. She might think that you think she is unfit and can't be there for you the way you need so she distances herself. My friend said she does that to people when she feels they are not strong enough to put up with the random drama in her life or strong enough to work through it together. She said she won't give someone distance unless they give her distance unless it's a violent or complicated or risky situation. That or she said she's just a giant asshole of a witch. She told me that when she had a abortion it took her back to other deaths and she also could telepathically speak to her child and new she was wrong for doing it so now any death from violence or killing or something like that gets her in a mood. Now this is a good example of a mood and not just a way of being. Might help here
Thank-you. I appreciate your speaking with her on my behalf. I have just spoken with my gf. She has been having some serious trouble with her meds and did not want to burden me with it with everything else that is going on. I told her we are partners and she should not keep things like that from me. She has been abandoned by people before because of her bpd and, when she is stable she knows I would never do that. When things get bad she feels like she needs to hide it for fear I will change my mind. No amount of reassuring will change that. It will just take time and her seeing that I stay every time things get bad. Apparently she has tried to go off of her meds in the past but it got a million times worse. I really, really appreciate your time and energy on this. Thank-you so much!
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StarChild63
@StarChild63
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 1190 · Topics: 29
Your welcome. Yea you got it. I don't know how someone with that illness is when they are having bad reactions but next bad reaction just hold her and tell her you love her and that both if you will get through it and no disease can scare you away from loving her the way she deserves. Mean it and she will learn to stop fearing your abandonment and will be more open and not shell on you. Don't pay attention to the illness just act like it's not there and treat her like a normal person. Don't forget to always tell her what you want and need and talk to her about anything you want to talk to her about without holding back.Your welcome.