Advice on how to deal with Cap fears.

OK, I pop in here a lot as I like you guys and it's a nice board (as I've told Sirhorns on his visit to the Sag board 🙂 I also have a couple of Cap spots in my chart, one being Mars.
I've been getting to know this Cap guy who is a real honey, very sweet, completely bowled over by him and it's felt very mutual. We've been talking (messages and phone) since May. He's taken time to talk to me, get to know me and things were going really well. He's been away for a week and sent a message to me telling me that his friends have told him he is being
''silly and way too positive thinking of developing a relationship with someone who isn't on my *doorstep*''
I know he is being authentic with me, he's never been anything else. And from the rest of the message I am pretty sure he is not happy with his decision. He has asked if we can still be friends.. well I am Sag so ofc I will still be his friend, regardless.. I like him, I'm not going to stop liking him because he can't face starting something up because we are a little way apart (he's Cap so obviously doesn't have a lot of free time because - work) And to me.. he was thinking about to talk about, surely... and 90 miles is not that much to me...
I can't help feeling we both have lost a potentially rewarding experience as we are stupidly compatible (he's 25th Dec, so on the cusp of Sag too and has about 3 Sag placements, inc. Venus and Mercury)
So... any advice on how I deal with this? I want to be his friend if we can't do the relationship thing, because he is lovely. I'd value your thoughts and opinions on this.. thanks in advance.
(I also thought it was a pretty big deal that he's told his friends so much about me tbh)

Well, time and getting to know each other better might be one good way to deal with it.

And you're right. 90 miles isn't that far, but it kind of is in the early stages when you're not spending the night with each other. Heck, I drive 74 miles just to go to work. After you got to the later stages of a relationship, when you're spending weekends together, it wouldn't be too bad.

Something to consider, if it ever got serious, would either of you be willing to move and live in a different city?

I'm not a big fan of long distance relationships, but 90 miles isn't too bad. But it does kind of suck when you can't be spontaneous about last minute activities, family and friends get togethers, etc.

My advice is work on the friendship. Give it time. Be patient. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Posted by truecap
Well, time and getting to know each other better might be one good way to deal with it.

And you're right. 90 miles isn't that far, but it kind of is in the early stages when you're not spending the night with each other. Heck, I drive 74 miles just to go to work. After you got to the later stages of a relationship, when you're spending weekends together, it wouldn't be too bad.

Something to consider, if it ever got serious, would either of you be willing to move and live in a different city?

I'm not a big fan of long distance relationships, but 90 miles isn't too bad. But it does kind of suck when you can't be spontaneous about last minute activities, family and friends get togethers, etc.

My advice is work on the friendship. Give it time. Be patient. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Thanks for your input, I appreciate it, truly 🙂
Yes, I'm not the kind of person who will rage because he has decided he can't do it. I guess the feels got real and he has started to think of the practicalities rather than the fantasy... People must be allowed their path.
Both of us would be willing tbh. He's done it before and so have I.. I think he's just got used to where he is at right now and cannot see beyond that atm. I live by the sea and he really wants to move to the coast at some point.
I am Sag, I can totally manage 90 miles of spontaneous 😉
And thanks again, that is my plan.. I am quite popular and have a lot of eggs, but I really like that egg and that basket, lol... he... got under my skin.. lovely man.

Posted by Jenova

Posted by truecap
Well, time and getting to know each other better might be one good way to deal with it.

And you're right. 90 miles isn't that far, but it kind of is in the early stages when you're not spending the night with each other. Heck, I drive 74 miles just to go to work. After you got to the later stages of a relationship, when you're spending weekends together, it wouldn't be too bad.

Something to consider, if it ever got serious, would either of you be willing to move and live in a different city?

I'm not a big fan of long distance relationships, but 90 miles isn't too bad. But it does kind of suck when you can't be spontaneous about last minute activities, family and friends get togethers, etc.

My advice is work on the friendship. Give it time. Be patient. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Thanks for your input, I appreciate it, truly 🙂
Yes, I'm not the kind of person who will rage because he has decided he can't do it. I guess the feels got real and he has started to think of the practicalities rather than the fantasy... People must be allowed their path.
Both of us would be willing tbh. He's done it before and so have I.. I think he's just got used to where he is at right now and cannot see beyond that atm. I live by the sea and he really wants to move to the coast at some point.
I am Sag, I can totally manage 90 miles of spontaneous 😉
And thanks again, that is my plan.. I am quite popular and have a lot of eggs, but I really like that egg and that basket, lol... he... got under my skin.. lovely man.

click to expand

I just love the Sag spirit and "can do" mentality! This is why you guys are good for us. 🙂

Posted by Nephilim
Be his friend.
Personally, I'd make him question himself. Who lets their friends make their relationship decisions for them? I can see the acceptance thing though if he's that type of person or they're those types of friends..

I would also do that travelling that you do.
We really do like each other a lot and it seems that he was talking to his friends about having a relationship with me and being really happy/upbeat about it and they've managed to turn a little distance into a big thing because his last relationship went wrong where there was distance. That's as I stated on another post/another topic - like kicking someone at the bus stop you got off at because of something someone did at the bus stop you got on at.
My psychic instincts have been telling me for a while that he has female friends who have their own agenda despite him making it clear he feels only friendship, but we women know that there is nothing sneakier or more underhand than a woman with a motive..

Posted by stillwat3r
hi Jenova,

I'd mention this part to him:

"I can't help feeling we both have lost a potentially rewarding experience as we are stupidly compatible"

Just basically let him now that you wouldn't mind being his friend because he's an amazing person but you believe something better can come out of it, and if it doesn't work then you guys can end up friends anyways.

Caps love options.

Thanks, I'll try and get that across to him. I've written an email to him but holding off on sending it today as I feel it's a bit much for both of us, he indicated that he feels a bit overwhelmed atm (and he something he has to do tomorrow that he is dreading and I have neither desire, nor intention of adding to that,iyswim?)
And being the person he is and I am, I have no doubt you are right... 🙂

Posted by truecap

Posted by Jenova

Posted by truecap
Well, time and getting to know each other better might be one good way to deal with it.

And you're right. 90 miles isn't that far, but it kind of is in the early stages when you're not spending the night with each other. Heck, I drive 74 miles just to go to work. After you got to the later stages of a relationship, when you're spending weekends together, it wouldn't be too bad.

Something to consider, if it ever got serious, would either of you be willing to move and live in a different city?

I'm not a big fan of long distance relationships, but 90 miles isn't too bad. But it does kind of suck when you can't be spontaneous about last minute activities, family and friends get togethers, etc.

My advice is work on the friendship. Give it time. Be patient. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Thanks for your input, I appreciate it, truly 🙂
Yes, I'm not the kind of person who will rage because he has decided he can't do it. I guess the feels got real and he has started to think of the practicalities rather than the fantasy... People must be allowed their path.
Both of us would be willing tbh. He's done it before and so have I.. I think he's just got used to where he is at right now and cannot see beyond that atm. I live by the sea and he really wants to move to the coast at some point.
I am Sag, I can totally manage 90 miles of spontaneous 😉
And thanks again, that is my plan.. I am quite popular and have a lot of eggs, but I really like that egg and that basket, lol... he... got under my skin.. lovely man.

I just love the Sag spirit and "can do" mentality! This is why you guys are good for us. 🙂

click to expand

^_^ bless you, I've seen a few of your comments and replies on here and you seem very much a ''can do'' person too and always find a way to say things in a nice way... one of my main rules (for me) is that there is always a better way to do/say everything.

For the time being, I've told him I cannot respond properly to his message but that ofc I want to be his friend and ofc he has my support for the rotten thing he has to do tomorrow...

Thanks Jenova.

🙂

Posted by CluelessCancer
"My psychic instincts have been telling me for a while that he has female friends who have their own agenda despite him making it clear he feels only friendship, but we women know that there is nothing sneakier or more underhand than a woman with a motive.."

Yep

Hey CC, I'd have to travel by train to see him, changing in London (I hate London)but I'd happily do it... I have audio books and music and kindle all on my phone... the time would fly.

And regarding the other woman.... I'm not impressed but I guess she wants something so bad she can't see straight.... karma will sort that one out. I'll send her love and healing.... because she must be very unhappy to want to keep him single rather than see him happy (which he frequently told me he was since we started connecting)
He'd also opened up to me a lot and shared a lot of stuff about his life.... It's a real shame, but he must walk his path. He will have a damn good friend in me though... I'll make sure of that.

Also, hope you are OK now, CC....

I have a Cap friend (girl) who has tried to deal with long distant relationships twice and each time she told me it was difficult for her because she needs constant attention and she can't thrive in a world where that person isn't close by. She was with a Cap (military) and Gemini (prison lol) and god knows she tried but each time she grew more distant because she felt that the attention was lacking. I'm not sure if that's a cap thing or not, but my dad is a Cap and he is the same way. They work a lot and if a person isn't there when they get home then maybe they feel that that person will just take up more time far away, and time isn't something they usually have 😢

I say stay friends and see where it goes, but keep in mind they are earth and we are fire. And like you, I am blindly optimistic about anything so any trivial obstacle can be overcome especially distance. They are more realistic and we are idealistic. If perhaps you found a way to stay by him even though you're apart, he may come to realize that it is doable. Thus, creating a realistic approach that you two can make it through the obstacle 🙂

Also I'm dealing with a Cap myself and live about 20 mins away from him and he makes it seem like I drove so far to see him when really it's not that far... he makes me comfortable by showing me a good time though lol but if 20 mins is far to this Cap, imagine what 90 mins is for another Cap? lmao

Posted by JoanieSagi707
Also I'm dealing with a Cap myself and live about 20 mins away from him and he makes it seem like I drove so far to see him when really it's not that far... he makes me comfortable by showing me a good time though lol but if 20 mins is far to this Cap, imagine what 90 mins is for another Cap? lmao

OMG! 20 minutes is nothing! That's how far aqua and I live from each other. Harder for spontaniety, but not too bad.

Posted by truecap

Posted by JoanieSagi707
Also I'm dealing with a Cap myself and live about 20 mins away from him and he makes it seem like I drove so far to see him when really it's not that far... he makes me comfortable by showing me a good time though lol but if 20 mins is far to this Cap, imagine what 90 mins is for another Cap? lmao

OMG! 20 minutes is nothing! That's how far aqua and I live from each other. Harder for spontaniety, but not too bad.

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lols! That's what I said... idk my Cap is unique ahah he's playing hide and seek right now though

Posted by Nephilim
Yeah, try 4-5 hours!

I did it for 2 years.

It was worth it.

Posted by JoanieSagi707
I have a Cap friend (girl) who has tried to deal with long distant relationships twice and each time she told me it was difficult for her because she needs constant attention and she can't thrive in a world where that person isn't close by. She was with a Cap (military) and Gemini (prison lol) and god knows she tried but each time she grew more distant because she felt that the attention was lacking. I'm not sure if that's a cap thing or not, but my dad is a Cap and he is the same way. They work a lot and if a person isn't there when they get home then maybe they feel that that person will just take up more time far away, and time isn't something they usually have 😢

I say stay friends and see where it goes, but keep in mind they are earth and we are fire. And like you, I am blindly optimistic about anything so any trivial obstacle can be overcome especially distance. They are more realistic and we are idealistic. If perhaps you found a way to stay by him even though you're apart, he may come to realize that it is doable. Thus, creating a realistic approach that you two can make it through the obstacle 🙂

It really feels like he is letting his head rule his heart atm. He wanted and needed my support last night and this morning (and he has a shit ton of friends) for this thing he had to go do that he was really stressing about.... And I messaged him my support and then again this morning, he replied right away and he promised he would let me know the outcome - which he did as soon as he was able... and was just being the way he usually is... so goofy and sweet and adorable... and he was so grateful for my support. Then he went off to sleep and is probably having a marathon sleep right now because he didn't sleep last night.
I just feel that this is something that due to a bad experience he is making a block that doesn't need to be there. My understanding with Caps is they are careful and cautious and he was talking to his friends about me and clearly telling them that he wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with me... I mean men don't do this anyway, let alone Caps, IME...

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by Nephilim
Yeah, try 4-5 hours!

I did it for 2 years.

It was worth it.

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I've done the distance thing before... it's not that big of a deal, certainly not in England. There is nowhere that is cost prohibitive at all....

Posted by truecap
Thanks Jenova.

🙂

Missed this.... YVW.... I don't say things I don't mean (tis a Sag affliction, lol)