Calling the ex Cappy

Ok, I know we all discussed whether or not to call and what not. Well I broke down tonite and just wanted to talk to him. He actually answered, still don't know why he answered, must mean he still wants to talk to me, but it made it worse on me. I've been so fine since he called me on Sunday but now I'm missing him again. I'm being strong with it tho, just trying to think that what's meant to be will be and not worry about things. So I'm sitting here, just mins after hanging up with him and wishing I was with him. We had a great conversation, but still said nothing about us, just about what's goin on in our lives. Then right when I hung up, I said to myself, awww...I miss him, wonder if/when I'll ever talk to him again. And why do I continue to torture myself? So I suggest to all u ladies who are wanting to talk to ur caps, don't call it will only make it worse!

It does make it worst. I still miss my ex cappy but slowly, the feelings are starting to dissipate. I seen him on sunday and couldn't even look him in the ear, i was just so nervous because i didn't see him and two weeks, and he got mad that i didn't hug him. I just disconnected my feelings and just started dating. It doesn't really help but hey, progress is slow with a broken heart.

Ur right, it's hard to pick up and date with a broken heart. I couldn't do it when me and my cappy were broke up a while back. I went out with a guy, but it just wasn't the same, I couldn't stop thinking about the cappy. I knew I'd have to get over my broken heart before I even tried to get involved with anyone else. I couldn't even really have fun.

So he got mad because u didn't hug him? what does he expect you to do?

That's what I'm saying. Did he expect me to be all lovey-dovey and just forget it ever happened? Asking me "dumb" questions like, are u gonna kiss me? Uh, NO. I don't know what he's thinking, he can be very confusing.

Yeah, it's funny. One nite while me and cappy were broke up I showed up at his house, and when I was getting ready to leave, he said do I get a hug, I was like no. He said not a friend hug, I said no. Then of course by the time I was going to leave he had asked me to stay the nite with him. They can be so confusing.

Good for you! My sister, who is a capricorn always tells me to go with my instincts, she says, "what do you feel deep down about him?" I am guessing you are in love with this guy, and its hard for you. He also appears to be the one holding the most control which is hard for a stubborn, control freak Taurus to admit too! You know my story, I am with a cappy for 5 months, we have had a couple rough patches, but one thing I have never done is not call. Even when he was a total jackass I went right to the phone, he always picked up though, I forced him to face me and our situation (with the least amount of drama).

He really likes you, its just that some cappys like women like us because we are fun and childlike, so when we act 'bad' they end up trying to disipline us like we are children...tell him not to treat you like he is your father, and that its ok to have a little fun sometimes. It was just fun, no one got hurt, you got a little out of control, hey isn't that kinda why he likes you? cause you are cute and fun?

Yes wheretomylady, that is why he likes me. I think he just has a hard time admitting to himself how much he really does like me. My cap actually called me about an hr ago. He called and asked if I called him early this a.m. I said no, I was sleeping. He said ok. We talked about random things for a half hr and then he said he had to go, that he was just calling to see if that was me that had called. He said I'll talk to ya later, bye. That was it. It's like torture to me. To hear from him and not be with him, and for him to not mention anything about our relationship.

he flippen knew you did not call him!! lol silly goat hes checking in!! ha ha!!!

I love it, he's what they call testing the water...hang in there sweetie have a wonderful weekend!! Im staying off the boards this weekend!!

GEG~

MyCap,

I agree with GEG. Your cappy really cares about you, yes, loves you. Just be patient. He'll be back. All the signs are there.

That is too funny, MyCap! "Did you call me??" LOL Lame, lame cover-up! Pathfinder said it right, in my opinion.

Thanks girls. You guys are reassuring me that he will be back, which is good, but I want it now...lol...I know, I have to have patience, it's just the hardest thing for me to do. Yeah, he knew I didn't call him. I think he's freaked out about the way that I've been kind of avoiding him lately. With not calling him and talking about us and wanting us to get back together. It's funny how he has to make up an excuse to just call. When he asked if I called, I said, don't u think I learned my lesson with calling you over and over again, or calling u at the early morning hours. I mean afterall he did end it because of that, so why would I continue doing it. He said, well it would shock me if that actually changed u. Whatever that meant.

MyCap, this comment needs clarifying in my opinion:

"He said, well it would shock me if that actually changed u."

Why would it shock him if you are changing how you deal with him? I'm sure you are tired of apologizing and feeling bad about yourself when he gets pissed off about *whatever*. He may be being sarcastic. Guys use sarcasm, cockyness, jokes, etc. alot to cover up their sensitive feelings.

You have his attention b/c you are not begging him anymore, which he may have gotten used to. Yes, you stay in touch and don't bring up the status of your relationship with him, but not for reasons he may think. You must be being very cool about this, MyCap, b/c he is getting nervous that maybe you don't care anymore. Let him keep feeling like this. Give him something to think about. They don't like "change", but it seems they indirectly try to "change" women to fit into their idea of what she should be.

Be yourself, MyCap, and take the lessons you've learned to ARM yourself. Be wise and be cool. Keep showing your good sense and sensitivity. He already loves you, and you'll find yourself rising to the top in your book, AND in his.

Hey! I didn't say "chickenyness"!!! dxpnet filters strike again!!

I said "c0ckyness"!

I love how they change words on here. Actually pathfinder, I'm doing exceptionally well I would have to say myself in this. I'm not being c0cky, but I'm really shocking myself with this (and him also). It's like everytime he calls I'm just being myself, and I guess showing him that I'm still happy without him, and having a life without him. See I made him my life for so long, while he wasn't making me his life. His life was working, and just fitting me in when he could, that wasn't right.

He is getting nervous about this whole situation now. He's seeing that I'm not calling him all the time, haven't texted him one time, and to him, this just isn't me. I used to text him a lot and call every once in a while. Now I do nothing. I think he's scared that he's losing me, and that's why he's coming up with these random excuses to contact me. I have changed (my own doing), and learned from just this last breakup with the cap. I realized that my drunk dialing calls were immature and that I needed to grow up. Yeah, when I would drink I wanted to talk to him, and at the time it didn't seem silly to call him, but it was. And in the past two weekends I haven't done that once to him, and I'm sure he's shocked about that. Let him be. Right now, I'm just saying that if he truly wants me, he'll be back. I got to the point where I felt like he loved me, but for some reason just didn't really want to be with me. Like I wasn't really important in his life. I guess we'll see how it all goes. I wonder if he'll call today with another excuse? Oh well let him.

This weekend has been one of the best weekends in a long time. In I guess 8 mos. I have went out, met a lot of cool people and just had a blast. And for once the cappy wasn't the only thing occupying my mind. If felt so good.

BRAVO, MyCap! I absolutely LOVE your attitude.

I have no doubt that your cappy is in love with you. He does want to be with you and you are important to him. But like you said, he will have to make more of an effort, and he WILL, just you watch and see. You are definitely shocking him by your not calling as much right now, and that's not a bad thing b/c you are still open to seeing/talking to him. You have a life and you want him in it. You are a special woman who wants to love him, but you don't NEED him to BE that woman. He will respect you much more for this than you will ever know.

God bless!

Well, my life is free'd up again and I'm sure I'll be back on the obsessive bandwagon here w/ you all again! haha I expect something to happen and to see him this week. My pessimistic side wonders though if this will ever be any more than it is now... Don't know if I can handle seeing him and then it still going at a snail's pace with weeks between get togethers.

MyCap~ Has it been that long since the "break up" (2 weeks)? Was that drunken call Friday night the week ending your fretting over lack of responsiveness? Just analyzing and wondering of one of you subconsciously set this up for pushing the other away...

CapGurl,

Go get that man! 😉

Thanks pathfinder, I feel a lot better with the attitude that I have now! Well he called me again yesterday, wanted to know what I was doing for superbowl, etc. I told him and he said he had to work. Well he calls back later, then says something about wanting to see me, but that he has to work til early this a.m. So he tells me that if I want to see him then I could go to his house, get his spare key and then he'd be home when he got off. Well I did it, and I spent the whole day with him today. It was nice, but again, we never mentioned our relationship. It's kind of crazy. AT one point and time to day, he said he just can't seem to get enough of me.Was it a mistake for me to do that last nite? I'm not sure.

CapGirl, we became exclusive and were exclusive for a week. At the end of that whole week, is when I made the drunken call, which was exactly a week ago from this past Sat. So no it hasn't been two weeks yet. What r u saying about this pushing each other away?

MyCap~ I wonder if he over-reacted to the drunk call, i.e. saying it's not working, etc., to escape the confines of exclusivity and put things back in limbo. Maybe he didn't do it with pre-meditation or purposely, but it could have been a knee-jerk reaction to underlying feelings of not wanting to be tied down, etc. Just something to think about... You know what you supposedly did wrong, but it was a bit rash of him to undo it all just bc. of a silly call.

Ur right CapGirl, and honestly I was thinking the same thing. When he actually told me we were exclusive, it changed how both of us acted towards each other. It's like we really don't need to put a label on us because labels make us feel funny or something. Kind of hard to explain. Ending it over a drunken call was very stupid, and not called for, but that's what he did. I don't know what's going thru his mind right now. I did call him last nite, and told him that we were bad yesterday because we were going back to the same thing we did for 8 mos. See each other as pretty much friends w/benefits, and that was it. I don't like being like that, and he doesn't really either.

I relate to all of that, MyCap. I wanted the label and to define things too, but I've gotten the subtle hint that he's not comfortable with that, like it's too much pressure, anxiety and panic for him perhaps, and undermines the friendship foundation? I'm trying to just go with the flow now and not discuss any of that. When it comes to getting intimate though, it's difficult to trust and accept that a label's not going to make a difference. All the darn dating advice and categorizing of "relationship" vs. "friends w/ benefits" is enough to make you crazy, as though the 2 have to be separate and distinct. I've stopped visiting those advice sites and reading the dating advice books, as much as possible, bc. it's all conflicting complicated opinions. It is what it is betw. two people, and no rules, games, labels are going to change that. This is what I'd like to believe and follow, but it's VERY difficult...

"It's like we really don't need to put a label on us because labels make us feel funny or something."

"Friends w/benefits" sounds like a label to me and would make me feel funnier than being labeled his "Girlfriend" since I'd really want the latter "label" and it sounded like you did too, until now. Wow, does your being called his girlfriend, his lady... really make you feel funny? I guess I'm old-fashioned.

No it's not that it made me feel funny. I guess it was bad for me because I wanted to talk to him all the time since we were 'exclusive' and I was his girlfriend. Hes the kind of guy I guess that doesn't want to take the responsibility of being a boyfriend. I don't think I'm explaining this right to you for u to understand clearly, but I think CapGirl understands. I'd rather just go with the flow than to actually discuss what we are all the time. What got us to the exclusive part was when he was seeing that other girl and he said that since we werent exclusive than we could both see others. I hated that, and still do.

Labels and calling you his girlfriend---
For some dumb ass reason these guys really squirm when labels appear, what the heck is going on? After 8 months you deserve to be called something more than lover or friend with benefits especially if he openly shows love and affection for you....

Tell me about it. I think he feels that I'm his girlfriend, but just doesn't want to call me one. It consciously makes him feel as if he's being held down or something. But if we don't have a label, i guess it makes him feel that he's a free man and can do what he wants. It's weird. But then it makes me wonder, are we ever going to get past this point?

I don't get if you've split up with your cappy why you keep going back to him..Why not just call it a day and let them go away..have some self-respect..Once i've split up with someone its final...no going back..don't care how bloody nice they were..

I don't know missmorals....something keeps bringing us back together. I really can't explain it. We both still have strong feelings for one another.

Aww MyCap..I hope you have some sort of closure for your sanity if anything..Good luck with it all..I am sure you will work it out..but you should set yourself time limits..i.e..if within a month he hasn't said blah blah..then I will do blah blah..and then discipline yourself..its the only way, otherwise you can go on like this forever..

Oh I know. I will definetely have to set limits. I'm kind of brainstorming it all right now. I'll talk to him on Wed when he gets back into town and we'll see from there. I have to have some good closure to get past this one, that's for sure!