Cap guy confusing an Aries woman

So this cap guy I work with has got me so confused. For months he's been flirting with me hardcore at work. He's always raising his eyebrows at me like he wants to rape me at my desk, he changes his voice with me only when he talks to me, he gives all the other girls bro handshakes but with me he shakes my hand like a gentlemen, he tells me he wants to take me out to lunch too. I invited him to my place last week and he was so nervous, shy and quiet. We watched movies and he kept looking over and smiling at me and his eyes were so big. He's in his late 30's but he was acting like we were in junior high school on a date. I wanted him to kiss me but he never made a move, so I grabbed his arm and put it around me. He was hugging me and squeezing me. Now here's the good part. I was hugging him back and my hand accidentally brushes along his package and he was rock hard, and seemed blessed in size. But when 2am came around he went home. He hasn't asked to come over. It's like he wants me to make all the moves and do all the asking for him to come over. It bugs me that he doesn't ask me out. I think his shyness is kind of cute but at the same time a girls got needs, know what I'm sayin! Plus I want to feel wanted, and me being the pursuer doesn't always feel good. What's up with this dude? Does he like me? He texts me 5 times a week but he's SOOOOOOO shy and it's killing me. I want to be man-handled!! Should I talk to him about it and say hey "I wish you would call me and ask me out, aak me what my interests are, ask me when I'm free, kiss me, etc" or would that scare him off? Weve been flirting months now and he fliers back hardcore but he's just moving way too slow for my taste to the point where it makes me feel bad because I want to feel desired.
Help!

Signed,
Impatient Aries woman

He's not that into you...But he's physically attracted to you, don't mix the 2 or you'll get your feelings hurt.

My suggestion would be to STOP, stop chasing him and let him do his part, you've done your part so now the ball is in his court and if he does nothing, stop responding to the flirting, go on about your way, don't be so easy to get and I'm not just talking sexually, BE A CHALLENGE or he won't do anything. Cut back on the lazy text messaging, give him an incentive to pursue you, if you behave like you're satisfied with his behavior he won't budge--meaning he won't put in any effort, he'll do the minimum (if that). Don't allow yourself to be pushed into the masculine roll, don't let your wants and needs push you to chase eg BEG him for it, yep chasing feels like begging so don't do it.

You took the MINIMUM, you opted for flirting for months, you created an attachment to a guy that is clearly being THE GIRL in this whole thing (being the girl means using his feminine energy) and this is a towing the line kind of behavior because if you continue to be in this NOTHINGNESS position you'll be growing not only more attracted to him but you'll also begin to create a strong bond that you'll be reluctant to break because you're growing emotionally invested as each month passes you buy.

Suggestion would be stop all the text talking, be short but polite, give it a 3 text minimum and call it a day, if he call talk for a minimum of about 5 minutes--end the call first, if he goo goo eyes with you at work--polite smile to acknowledge him and keep it moving and this will help you slowly wean yourself off of a guy that is not interested in developing anything real with you.

I'm not accusing him of using tactics on you but this is one of those things some men will do to RAMP UP ATTRACTION, RAMP UP SEXUAL ATTRACTION to get your defenses down and it'll make it easier for him to get you in bed IF he chooses to and he's spent nothing, no time, no energy, no dates so he's not losing money, he's not losing his heart to love, and to clarify why I said if well it ain't no telling how many other fish he has on the line wanting him, needing him and waiting to be devoured sexually.

So I suggest you go out on a few dates with OTHER MEN to get over this guy so you can see what's really going on...NOTHING.

He may just step up and do his part but until then MOVE ON. If a guy is shoving you into text message friend NEVER PUT UP WITH IT, raise your standards, you're worth a date, you're worth a man ASKING you out for date/drink. If all he's been doing is flirting endlessly and relegating you to text messaging for months, his actions is SAYING to you that you aren't good enough to be with but you'll do for now.

Throw a monkey wrench in this BS or suffer in the end and the ending most likely won't be in your favor...

I guess it came out wrong about My sexual intentions. I do want to be intimate with him because I am very attracted to him and I really do like him a lot. But he goes MIA sometimes and gives me mixed signals. One minute it seems like he likes me and then the next minute it seems like I'm just interrupting his life if I bug him with texts. I guess you can't for e someone to treat you the way you want.

If you really feel he's sincere then slow down and you can do that just by getting busy, go out on other dates with other men, find something fun that you love to do and focus on that, take up some dance classes or go to karoake every week, do something so exhilarating and fun that you're not REVOLVING your whole life around what he's doing and not doing, GET RID OF THAT NEEDY ENERGY so he'll move towards you and stop being there all the time, stop being so available, give him an incentive TO CLIMB A MOUNTAIN like the true goat he is, he's a Capricorn so be transparent to a certain extent which you have but make sure you don't sit around hoping--wishing-waiting for him, you do not want create desperate energy, he'll feel it and STALL even more so get busy, stop worrying about him and what he's doing, if he's interested he'll ask you out, if he's not he'll do nothing and continue to do nothing and at least you'd have developed some interesting things to do while he's stalling, it won't be a complete waste of your time and energy.

If he goes MIA and gives you MIXED SIGNALS....Well THINK for a second. Is that the kind of guy you can depend on not to hurt you? Do men that really want you and really want to be with you. Is that how he'll behave? Is this how you want the man of your dreams to behave with you? Is this how you want to be treated by a man?

Being MIA and giving MIXED MESSAGES is not good, it's not good because men who want to be with you don't do that so I would suggest you quit being so available for an UNAVAILABLE man or you're going to be deeply disappointed in the end when you look back and see how much of your life, your thoughts, your precious energy and time you gave to this guy only to get SOME, only to get A LITTLE BIT in return, you are so much more worth more than that but if you don't think you are worth more well you'll get what you get, NOTHING.

Stop bugging him, matter of fact stop initiating text messages and let him do the work, if he's interested he'll make an effort, let him make an effort, that's the only way you'll know for sure.

You don't want him to associate any negative feelings with you so the best way to do that is to not bug him, don't initiate contact and stop STOPPING your life just to text through a phone, until he ask you out don't be available for chit chat, CHIT CHATTING IS FRIENDSHIP STUFF and he's treating you like a friend so stop being a friend and just be friendly, keep it short, keep it moving.

Tiki33 thank you for your post. My last post came through before I read yours. I think you are right and I just realized that I've been acting like a FOOL! We've been instant messaging each other on our yahoo apps on our iPhones but you know what? I'm going to sign off, and as much as it's going to hurt me to not log on and wait for his IM's like a sick puppy dog...I'm going to do it. I'm so sick of this bs of waiting for him to come around and give me his heart. I am ready to give my heart to someone and I'm sick of being led on. What an idiot woman I've been. What a waste of my time. OMG thank you so much. That's just what I needed to hear, seriously.

Tiki33 thank you for your post. My last post came through before I read yours. I think you are right and I just realized that I've been acting like a FOOL! We've been instant messaging each other on our yahoo apps on our iPhones but you know what? I'm going to sign off, and as much as it's going to hurt me to not log on and wait for his IM's like a sick puppy dog...I'm going to do it. I'm so sick of this bs of waiting for him to come around and give me his heart. I am ready to give my heart to someone and I'm sick of being led on. What an idiot woman I've been. What a waste of my time. OMG thank you so much. That's just what I needed to hear, seriously.

Chill don't count him out okay, he may just pick up and DO SOMETHING but if he doesn't least you know you didn't waste anymore of your precious time, energy and thoughts on him. You don't want to develop an attachment to him through your phone and he clearly has some issues that you can't help him sort out by being super understanding, doing that will just turn you into a doormat.

So yes sign off the phone/apps for a little while, go out and breathe, go out and have fun, take your mind off of the DREAM/ILLUSION you are being fed daily.

He could have some commitment issues and loving him more, giving him more of yourself won't resolve that issue ACTUALLY being AVAILABLE will only make things worse because he'll begin to treat you worse as he feels more and more suffocated by the relationship.

SAVE YOURSELF b/c this shit can kill your self esteem and I'm going to put your feelings to rest, IT'S NOT YOU--IT'S HIM, he's the one sending out mixed messages, he's the one coming in and out of your life when it's convenient for him, you haven't done anything wrong for the exception of believing there could be more if he just stop being so elusive and mysterious. Your only error is putting up with it.

He may be shy but he's also AMBIGUOUS, he's PHOBIC and he's LAZY and not even a hard on could push him to stop being this way so really you are wasting your time.

Keep the door open, see if he'll walk through it but until then GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

OMG thank you so much. I'm going to read your posts tomorrow whenever I get down or tempted to reach out to him, which I am not going to do anymore. I'm going to just move on. I'm so sick of this. I deserve someone who shows they want and desire me just as much as I do them. I'm going to wake up tomorrow a confident woman and be strong!!!

Posted by Chillgirl9001
Now here's the good part. I was hugging him back and my hand accidentally brushes along his package and he was rock hard, and seemed blessed in size.

Signed,
Impatient Aries woman

LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Tiki gives good advice! Glad you are listening to her.

Caps move slow, but once they're in, they're in. Don't rush it.

Just remember this - while he's deciding whether you are someone he wants to date, you need to step back and be objective and decide if he's someone YOU want to put time into. Women, myself included, are bad about getting hung up on trying to get the guy's attention and of trying to be in a relationship, we forget to notice the little, subtle things that determine whether he is worthy and actually someone we want to have a relationship with.

I signed of last night and am still off and am going to remain signed off for good. Right now my thoughts are that he's not going to come to his senses and realize he lost a good thing, and u know what... I could care less. I'm moving on!! Today I woke up in a good mood because Tikis advice was exactly what I needed to hear, seriously I feel like a huge weight got lifted off my shoulders. Thanks again for the advice!! Actually I have a date with a new guy this Friday who is interested. I'm SOOO moving on.

You go grrrlll!

this was a great read. capricorns are so strong but they are so insecure inside, but that what makes it lovable not take advantage but to love how wonderful you are guys are inside.

i am a guy, been pursuing a cap woman with venus in aqua for 4 years now, every time she feels close to me or start to have deep feelings she pulls away, and then i have regain control by moving forward with my life and leaving her alone. it gets tiresome, but i do love her very much, and she very concentrated on her career so she dosen't date anyone else, i guess, if you i truly her i just have work with the gratitude that she unique.

because of your guys on this boards that helping me to learn a lot about capricorns and how great some of you guys are. i am aries, my brother is capricorn and sometimes he confuses me. haha.

Good luck with snagging a Cap with Aquarius in Venus, you'd probably have a better chance of winning the lottery.

Good luck Chill, you know deep down inside you deserve better than morsels of attention, I mean who really wants to be attached to some app on her phone, that's miserable but I don't have to tell you, most importantly look at Blazin and that's YOU had you stayed, you don't want to be like that, stuck on NOTHING, no offense blazin but you definitely could use a heavy dose of self esteem so you can move on to someone who wants you.

you are right tiki. maybe as an aries i want to win the lottery. but i didnt take any offense, true that i low esteem, but i am good looking guy, and many girls chase me, but i guess its something i have to really consider, my gut tells me it would not make it longer soon because i do want something more stable and solid.

i learned a lot from you guys thanks.

Good looking guy with low self esteem, she hit the LOTTERY lol, if only all the girls that run after you knew that about you well you'd really be screwed, but seriously I don't speak man language so I wish you the best, whatever happens I hope you grow and gain inner strength from your experience, maybe this is something you need, need to know how it feels to be on the opposite end of acceptance.

I think this is a matter of I WANT WHAT I CAN'T HAVE...See ladies, see how some men are, they CHASE what they CAN'T HAVE so as long as your available he won't chase you, men can't chase nor pursue a stagnant object so take a page out of blazin's girlfriends page---get lost---get busy for a little while and things could change, he could be like blazin, longing and yearning and wanting what he can't have.

Posted by tiki33
Good looking guy with low self esteem, she hit the LOTTERY lol, if only all the girls that run after you knew that about you well you'd really be screwed, but seriously I don't speak man language so I wish you the best, whatever happens I hope you grow and gain inner strength from your experience, maybe this is something you need, need to know how it feels to be on the opposite end of acceptance.

I think this is a matter of I WANT WHAT I CAN'T HAVE...See ladies, see how some men are, they CHASE what they CAN'T HAVE so as long as your available he won't chase you, men can't chase nor pursue a stagnant object so take a page out of blazin's girlfriends page---get lost---get busy for a little while and things could change, he could be like blazin, longing and yearning and wanting what he can't have.

Yeah no kidding Tiki. Not to crap on the Aries guy because I totally know how how feels...I think we have something in common. Some people like to be chased like his Cap girl. We this impatient Aries girl air goona take it from my Cap dude. I was actually thinking last night that if this guy comes to his senses and starts jocking me he will turn around and pull the same crap on me once he's hooked and reeled me in again and honestly life is too short for this drama. A funny thing is that he wrote on his Facebook page that he doesn't want drama but it's always those people that are all about drama and are selfish and self-centered, only thinking about themselves and their own needs. OVER IT!

Thanks Tiki for the reply to the Aries guy because it points out how I'm being. I hope the advise helps him too. It's not about failing on love, it's about going after what you deserve and not settling. Someone that truely is IN LOVE would not treat someone like this. I think these Caps have issues they need to work out, and if not find some other puppy dog to put on the shelf.

Has he been the first man to flirt with you this year? If not, are you upset with him or upset with yourself for considering to give him a real chance?

Selfish would have been him sleeping with you when the opportunity was there THEN pulling this crap, which many men do, just read around.

To many unavailable men the ultimate goal is sex. Not to say its not what he wanted but to say he was going to make sure its what you wanted first.

I understand coming to your senses in realizing maybe he's not the one for you but I don't understand the anger. Its not like you were completely lead on, strung along, or used. From what you've posted he sounds like the typical Moody wishy washy cap male, and its not like you had sex or was in a relationship, so what did you really lose?

I would keep an emotional distance, but it sounds like you are angry with him. I wouldn't be mean or too mad.

The anger is being STRUNG ALONG, that will make any woman angry and I can't speak for chill but I know for myself if I was the one stringing myself along I'd end up PISSED at myself for allowing myself to do that to ME, takes 2 to tango and I believe she's angry at him but she's also angry at herself for allowing this emotional-mental affair to go on for so long, here she is WAITING AND ANTICIPATING for this guy to use his masculine energy to pursue something beyond the phone/app social network they use to communicate and he acts like a GIRL--continues to use his feminine energy TO DO NOTHING and she was confused by his behavior. He appeared interested only to string her along mentally--emotionally and that kind of behavior would piss off even the most confident secure woman.

Months have passed and getting a NEW PERSPECTIVE, getting clarity has helped her get out of this deep fog, coming from out of this spell she's under, this has happened to many women including myself so I can understand her anger, this anger is NEW so she'll sort out who she should be angry at as time goes on.

Inana04, I'm not angry. Impatient and hurt feelings YES. Your right, he opted to leave that night which Im so glad he did, but I'm sure it was only because he had to get up really early that morning. You are right in that I'm not loosing anything more than a relationship with my phone app.

And yes, it was all in my head. I thought he wanted something with me but I was wrong and now I feel stupid. He did lead me on but I got sex and relationship and really wanting to be with someone confused and that's what Tiki pointed out. It doesn't mean that I have to be his friend outside of work. I have enough friends. I don't need to prove I can be a big girl by giving him "just" friendship". He doesn't want me, I don't want to be his friend, so that's it. Will I be nice and civil with him at work...absolutely. Will I move on and find someone who will be my friend and lover...hell yeah. And I know he doesn't want to be just friends either. He flirts with me hardcore and I know he wants to get in bed with me eventually I'm sure his reluctancy is from not wanting me to get emotionally attached to him if we do knock boots. But again, none of that is going to happen now. I am a person and I have to protect my feelings too.

Posted by Chillgirl9001
Inana04, I'm not angry. Impatient and hurt feelings YES. Your right, he opted to leave that night which Im so glad he did, but I'm sure it was only because he had to get up really early that morning. You are right in that I'm not loosing anything more than a relationship with my phone app.

And yes, it was all in my head. I thought he wanted something with me but I was wrong and now I feel stupid. He did lead me on but I got sex and relationship and really wanting to be with someone confused and that's what Tiki pointed out. It doesn't mean that I have to be his friend outside of work. I have enough friends. I don't need to prove I can be a big girl by giving him "just" friendship". He doesn't want me, I don't want to be his friend, so that's it. Will I be nice and civil with him at work...absolutely. Will I move on and find someone who will be my friend and lover...hell yeah. And I know he doesn't want to be just friends either. He flirts with me hardcore and I know he wants to get in bed with me eventually I'm sure his reluctancy is from not wanting me to get emotionally attached to him if we do knock boots. But again, none of that is going to happen now. I am a person and I have to protect my feelings too.

"I am a person and I have to protect my feelings too"

Amen to that! Nothing is wrong with that at all.

I just wanna also add that I understand your hurt feelings. These type of situations really do happen all of us at one point in time, and that's why I'm starting to feel it's important to go after what I want, instead of always letting it come to me. It's like these type of guys are addicted to the chase. Hope everything goes well from here on out.

@tiki, I agree with your post.

Maybe I'm approaching this all wrong. I just thought of something really clever. I'm going to look real cute at work and flirt with him hardcore and then tell him I'm going to call him, leave him hanging and then go out with other guys. He will be in the office tomorrow. I'll fill u guys in on how he likes being fed a bowl of dog caca.

Anyone see that movie "Act Like a Woman and Think Like a Man"?

This will probably be his response...

Have to agree with Squishy...This kind of behavior will backfire, do yourself a huge favor, DON'T ACT DESPERATE, yep your behavior is desperate behavior. You're an Aries for christ sakes! Go out on as many dates as you can until you get yourself a boyfriend and forget the Cap, let him get in were he fit in. let the best man win and if he don't budge HE LOSE, that's the breaks.

Okay okay...I get it, lol. No games. He came in the office today and walked right up to me with that sexy look in his eye and shook my hand. I shook it back professionally, and thats it. No games...I was happy and content, doing business as usual with no care in the world. I have been thinking about him, I can't lie. But I'm goona ween myself off him and go about my business. I have a date with another Cap next weekend 😉

I'm happy.

I was half heartedly joking when I said I'd flirt and tell him I'd call and them not call in an effort to get revenge. These Cap guys move slow! So I've been signed off my yahoo instant messanger since Tuesday night but my yahoo account still records IM's I get while offline and I've noticed that he's sent me 2 hellos since then. I haven't gone online once though.

Okay what should I tell him if he comes info my office and asks me "hey why did you sign off your IM phone app"?
I don't want to lie but it wouldn't be cool to say "cuz I'm trying to get you out of my head buddy"!

"I don't want to lie but it wouldn't be cool to say "cuz I'm trying to get you out of my head buddy"!"

I'd tell him exactly that or something similar.

Posted by Metoo
^^^ My whole thing about is that would give him an ego boost and if he is an emotionally unavailable player type, this would be a signal to string her along more to keep her interest after all he likes the attention without having to take any true action.
I still vote Say nothing, live your life and play no games. Shrug and tell himm your busy. Why confirm something that makes you tou look vulnerable. Especially because sometimes flirting is just flirting. It doesnt always mean someone wants to be with you or take it to the next level. He may have always intended on just friendship but because you felt an attraction to him you saw it as leading to more.
Years ago, I slept with a guy who worked 4 floors down from me. He emailed all day and asked me to meet for coffee of breaks in the lobby, showed lots of flirty interest....then once we slept together he still contacted for a few days. Flirty yes, but more distan then less and less...then finally one day I emailed and asked him why the sudden difference...he said "Wait a minute, I am not your boyfriend"
Looking back he never said he really liked me or mentioned anything relationship like...flirting was just that and sex was meaningless, I took it as more...it meant nothing, LOL and it was over like that.

See, this is what I'm talking about. It's best to look at the situation for what it is, and get out before this BS can be pulled. I would still be furious if I were you, but it seems you took it like a champ and learned from it, which is good. I see his point, but I hate that some guys will let you go the whole nine before saying what it is or is not.

I see what you mean about the ego boost, but I figure if she stick to moving on then he really lost cause he'll eventually get the hint she's serious about moving forward and it's NOTHING he can do about it. That ego would get a boost then get deflated quick if she completely ignored his flirting and advances. Of course, I'm not sure I'd ever tell a guy that LoL, but I think there's a bit of good that comes out of complete honesty sometimes.

+1 to Metoo and Inana

Chill he won't ask so don't even worry about what to say. I know this is very difficult, wounds are fresh, your mind is moving forward when there is nothing to move forward to and this can be quite difficult but stay busy and cut off your IM alerts as well, I'm sure you can so you won't know what's going on ONLINE anymore.

If he truly is INTO YOU he'll ask you out and if he doesn't then he wasn't serious and you can sigh relief that you are not wasting anymore of your time nor developing anymore strong feelings over a man that just won't come through for you. And then you begin to sort out the REAL STUFF from the NOT SO REAL STUFF, healing can begin.

Get busy, take up a new hobby, stay away from your computer and cell at your usual hours that you communicated with him online, turn the alert system on your phone OFF and give it a break, you really have this stinky desperate vibe on you right now and you gotta get rid of it and the only way to really do that is to get busy, you've revolved a huge amount of your life around this man, so how you feel is EXPECTED, I've felt it--many of us have been in your shoes, when you revolve your day, your life, your thoughts around this man, when he becomes a DAILY part of your routine, something happens and sometimes women don't even notice this until it's too late, he become OMNI-IMPORTANT to you, he becomes your life, for some women he becomes her GOD, he becomes the most important thing IN HER LIFE and letting him go, the man that's become your HABIT is beyond difficult.

You're attached to him and to be honest it's all a fairy tale because he's not in your life, not really, he hasn't taken you out on any formal dates, he hasn't made a strong commitment with you, he hasn't really treated you all that well to be honest and so your feelings as real as they may seem TO YOU right now, those feelings are based off of an ILLUSION, something developed over shallow ambiguous flirting, this kind of spell is really hard to break, some women take years to get this shit out of her system, I would suggest you do everything you can to stay busy, change your number if you have to and DELETE the old account if you can, delete all the emails you exchanged with him or put them in a password protected folder, and get FORMAL and PROFESSIONAL with him, no smiling, no flirting, NOTHING....MOVE ON, he'll move on to and if he can't move on he'll attempt to re-establish what's comfortable FOR HIM, another onl

MOVE ON, he'll move on to and if he can't move on he'll attempt to re-establish what's comfortable FOR HIM, another online ambiguous relationship that serves him not you, maybe at some point it was good enough for you but now it's not.

Once you get your feelings sorted out then you can slowly be friends with him but as long as you want MORE than what you have with him you'll always feel needy and desperate inside to coerce things into a particular outcome and it won't work.

Suggestions would be get a hobby or focus on an old hobby, volunteer at an animal shelter or just volunteer for a cause that's important to you, get out of the house and do something that will take your mind off this guy, volunteer at an animal shelter, get a part time job, get a boyfriend someone who will occupy a good amount of your time. Once you see how fulfilling your life is without him you won't feel needy anymore.

If he confront you which I doubt but if he does let him know you had fun but you've been busy pursuing other opportunities to date seriously, although you enjoyed his friendship you have enough friends so you can't afford to give him your time anymore, wish him well and MOVE ON.

Run

Dear Impatient Aries Woman. How deee! me a cap hea...and i wana help u with this cap crap...i wish i could change my birth sign but i cant...we caps are the worst creatures on earth when it comes to showing affection...i m 35. i couldnt figure it out why cant i show my affection. i go out of my ways to help the people i love. but for some unknown reason...i want it to be secret...saying "i love u, i want u" is like being dead for us...give me a break!!! we cap guys are inconsiderate pricks...like this strong wall of defense is our ego and we cant go back on our MASCULINE EGO...we see a beautiful woman and believe me we want her to be the last to whom we wana talk to in say office...that shows how strong we are ... F*ck me!!! we are hopeless possessive about our serenity and integrity...we are afraid of REJECTION...that poor guy who went off home was so much in love with u...trust me on this...if a cappy text u 5 times a weak...u ask his life and he would happily die for you...you ask him all the pints of blood in him and he would happily do it...we caps are sick...but u gotta move him...we are ridiculously suffering from inferiority complex...even most handsome capricorn guy take compliments from ladies as a joke...(i m biggest example of being such a jerk)...so my lady...next time he is at ur home...hold this goat from his horns and tell him exactly what i write next and believe me he will not leave till death do u two apart...hold him and tell him..."Mr. xyz. listen this once for all coz i dont give a shit to what u or people thing about me...i love u and u know u love me and if u denied...i m gona burry u right here after i break all your bones...u r mine..and dont the fuck u think u can go n e where...now tell me u r gona marry me first or f*ck me first..."...say exactly like this...and then send me my cut...😉