Cap Man: Ambition, Career, Influence of a Woman

I need some insight on this Cap man, this is all based on stuff he has told me.
He's 33, exceled in many areas in high school, went to the Army, lived oversees, served 4 years became a Sergeant, got a Bachelor's degree. He met a woman while living overseas, came back to the States and brought her over about a year later and got married (he was 22-23 yo then). She wanted a baby so they had one a year later. During this time after he left the Army (engaged/married/baby) he worked as a Bartender and says he managed the restaurant. After a couple of years, she did not like where they lived so she decided to relocate on her own to find work/be closer to her ethnic community. The son stayed with him and his MIL for a while (so the wife was alone in another state). He moves to the place where wife relocated, he wants to do the right thing and remain a family. She tells him what work to do based on her connections, since he moved to the new place (also a more costly location) without a job. He hated the work he did, but she "bullied" him into doing it, all commission and sales, so he gets a night job as well since the cost of living is so high in the new place. Meanwhile, she has cheated on him. He tries very hard to keep the family together, but she wants a divorce. He is now stuck in a town that is not home because out of devotion to his son he has to be around. He gets layed off from the job he didn't really like anyway. Here now is this very intelligent man, who talks only about his successes from the past (high school and Army), because he has not had a career. He is now living week to week, driving a taxi, has a 2nd job a couple of nights week, rents a room, doesn't have a lot of belongings/savings/health insurance, etc. He sees his son regularly (although it is at his ex's house since he doesn't have a place of his own and his ex controls things). I guess I'm wondering all that you read about Cap ambition and drive when it comes to career WTF happened? That trait doesn't seem to apply to him. He's still young and talks about a couple of options but doesn't seem to move on them (or doesn't have the time?). He could be doing such BIG, GREAT things as a leader and I feel like maybe he got caught in a trap of devotion to a woman/family?

This is more in line of Caps I know than what I read on us. Every Capricorn you meet won't be a business owner, entrepreneur, or multi-millionaire. I'm not sure why people seem to get so caught up in what they read about Caps and career ambition.

Btw, he can still be ambitious, but maybe with his savings, family, social life etc. It doesn't begin or end with a career, regardless of what you feel he is capable of.

It does sound like he feels kinda trapped. He doesn't sound lazy or unambitious. Sounds like he thought he had a family and was doing all the right things and then, whamo, she wants a divorce. Seems like he's trying to figure out how to make his life work and be in his son's life. Being in a different location is very hard. I'm sure he is struggling with what to do and like a Cap, this may take a while. I think having the child really makes it hard for him. He probably would move back to where he's from if not for his son, so he has to make it work there, and it's not what he planned at all. He sounds like a good person, just having to readjust after his wife moved him and now divorcing him. I think he'll figure it out; just be patient and encouraging.

The cap I know seemed to have issues with his x-wife and career choices. He hasn't opened up much about it, but what he has said, she did try to influence him. I also think he felt she had opportunities for him...being in an industry he could benefit from, having connections and money, that he thought would help advance his career. I think they ended up clashing over these issues, from what I can gather. So I think they can influence, but in my Cap's case, seemed like in the end, he did what he wanted. Of course now that I'm seeing him, he doesn't know WTH he wants. He's "day-to-day" with everything now. I understand how you must feel; I'm getting kinda tired of the limbo too. But I do understand where they are and why.

Posted by lnana04
This is more in line of Caps I know than what I read on us. Every Capricorn you meet won't be a business owner, entrepreneur, or multi-millionaire. I'm not sure why people seem to get so caught up in what they read about Caps and career ambition.

Btw, he can still be ambitious, but maybe with his savings, family, social life etc. It doesn't begin or end with a career, regardless of what you feel he is capable of.

Yes, that makes sense. From what I can tell he works hard (long hours, 2nd job) and lives within his means, is responsible too. He reads the news, has a lot to talk about, and generally is interested in stuff I talk about. It does seem like a waste of intelligence though. He seems like he has ambition and drive in the traditional sense (school/career) in his head but not sure what he does to act on it.

Posted by protector
It does sound like he feels kinda trapped. He doesn't sound lazy or unambitious. Sounds like he thought he had a family and was doing all the right things and then, whamo, she wants a divorce. Seems like he's trying to figure out how to make his life work and be in his son's life. Being in a different location is very hard. I'm sure he is struggling with what to do and like a Cap, this may take a while. I think having the child really makes it hard for him. He probably would move back to where he's from if not for his son, so he has to make it work there, and it's not what he planned at all. He sounds like a good person, just having to readjust after his wife moved him and now divorcing him. I think he'll figure it out; just be patient and encouraging.

The cap I know seemed to have issues with his x-wife and career choices. He hasn't opened up much about it, but what he has said, she did try to influence him. I also think he felt she had opportunities for him...being in an industry he could benefit from, having connections and money, that he thought would help advance his career. I think they ended up clashing over these issues, from what I can gather. So I think they can influence, but in my Cap's case, seemed like in the end, he did what he wanted. Of course now that I'm seeing him, he doesn't know WTH he wants. He's "day-to-day" with everything now. I understand how you must feel; I'm getting kinda tired of the limbo too. But I do understand where they are and why.

So interesting because it sounds familiar. He actually said she "bullied" him into getting this one job in particular that he hated. He said his ex-wife is power/money hungry. He is opposite and I'm not that way either, however my 2nd time around (divorced) and 36 yo I would like someone with somewhat of a "career", the satisfaction in a job that you like also helps I think. If he's not able to use his brain and energy in the way he wants it could affect a person (and ultimately a relationship). On the other hand, I am financially secure and not looking for anyone to take care of me, move in or take care of my kids so what he does shouldn't matter to me. One day though if I'm with someone long term I'd like for them to at least have someone money/time to travel with me!

Posted by dietdrpepper

Posted by lnana04
This is more in line of Caps I know than what I read on us. Every Capricorn you meet won't be a business owner, entrepreneur, or multi-millionaire. I'm not sure why people seem to get so caught up in what they read about Caps and career ambition.

Btw, he can still be ambitious, but maybe with his savings, family, social life etc. It doesn't begin or end with a career, regardless of what you feel he is capable of.

Yes, that makes sense. From what I can tell he works hard (long hours, 2nd job) and lives within his means, is responsible too. He reads the news, has a lot to talk about, and generally is interested in stuff I talk about. It does seem like a waste of intelligence though. He seems like he has ambition and drive in the traditional sense (school/career) in his head but not sure what he does to act on it.

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It may seem like a waste to you, but probably not at all to him. A few of the Caps I know, myself included, have a love/hate relationship with school. Deep down we feel it's necessary to attend, but don't always like being there, however feel it's a necessary foundation. After that, it can take a long while to figure out what's next. Many do, many don't, but your guy could very well be content with driving cabs for a long time, and we are usually not the type that reacts well to suggestions or being pushed on how to live our lives, so I'm not sold on the stories these guys are telling about their exes lol.

Posted by lnana04

Posted by dietdrpepper

Posted by lnana04
This is more in line of Caps I know than what I read on us. Every Capricorn you meet won't be a business owner, entrepreneur, or multi-millionaire. I'm not sure why people seem to get so caught up in what they read about Caps and career ambition.

Btw, he can still be ambitious, but maybe with his savings, family, social life etc. It doesn't begin or end with a career, regardless of what you feel he is capable of.

Yes, that makes sense. From what I can tell he works hard (long hours, 2nd job) and lives within his means, is responsible too. He reads the news, has a lot to talk about, and generally is interested in stuff I talk about. It does seem like a waste of intelligence though. He seems like he has ambition and drive in the traditional sense (school/career) in his head but not sure what he does to act on it.

It may seem like a waste to you, but probably not at all to him. A few of the Caps I know, myself included, have a love/hate relationship with school. Deep down we feel it's necessary to attend, but don't always like being there, however feel it's a necessary foundation. After that, it can take a long while to figure out what's next. Many do, many don't, but your guy could very well be content with driving cabs for a long time, and we are usually not the type that reacts well to suggestions or being pushed on how to live our lives, so I'm not sold on the stories these guys are telling about their exes lol.

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I think he hates that his ex influenced the him taking those jobs, and he may even hate the fact that he let her. But, he also didn't have any other opportunities as far as I know because she was "connected" with people in the new town already and he came with nothing/not knowing anyone, and really without any skills (aside from the army a degree and bar manager). Maybe his situation is unique for a Cap, plus the whole getting married/having a baby at 22-23 was premature IMO. He didn't have his career in place and once you have a kid and then have to pay child support it's not easy to go back to school.

Oh, the other thing I noticed is that he talks about his past (8-12 years ago) successes a lot. I think that is fine, and I love to hear about them and his stories, but when you don't have any current acheivements and you are stuck in the past, well maybe that's not okay? He has had so many different jobs and types of jobs that as an employer I may think he's all over the place. But once again, how does this matter and relate to what I want in a long term relationship - that's what it boils down to. I completely realize and understand that you get what you see and don't expect people to change.

Posted by ellessque
Don't pigeon hole yourself like i did. i became nothing more than a place where he felt safe and accepted. when he needed that feeling, he ran straight to me for it. he got his recharge and went away again. i know now, i wasn't more than a fix to his self esteem when he needed it. something tangible to keep him from being swallowed up from his perceived black hole. i was never looked at as relationship potential, even with the words he spoke that implied that.

He may be so broken that he will be content living the rest of his life like that. That's probably a choice he's already made and you don't know it.

As a scorpio, you have to straddle that line carefully. we want to save, fix and martyr. he screams "help" in everything he says and unfortunately, to us...duty calls. just be aware that you need to take care of yourself first. ALWAYS. weigh what you are able to give and what you are not. also weigh what you need in return and if you don't get it, do not feel bad about having to walk away.

Thanks for your reply, good insight! I don't see the self-pity you mentioned in the PP...yet. It's only been 4 months and he comes off as very confident and a hard worker regardless of what he does (best employee where he is, respected). As far as my history, my ex was an alcoholic, so I have all the traits of a spouse of an A plus being a Scorp that you described above. I've really enjoyed my time with this man, I generally feel at ease when I'm with him, he treats me very well, attracted to him physically and mentally. However there is something off with my emotionally being able to open up and I find myself growing distant/aloof, like is he my best friend/boyfriend that I should be able to pick up the phone and call and vent to or not? I'm also feeling like I can't be bothered (maybe because I already know deep down that he may not be it based on his work/career??). There is another big thing - he spends time at his exes when he visits his son, even though he says she is hardly there during those 3 visits per week. He doesn't have a place to bring his son (rents a room but I've seen it and I think it's another excuse, he can bring him there once in a while) and his ex seems to control the visiting arrangement. He doesn't have family here so he is also going to his exes best friends house (son and ex will be there) for thanksgiving. He knows th

Posted by dietdrpepper
Oh, the other thing I noticed is that he talks about his past (8-12 years ago) successes a lot. I think that is fine, and I love to hear about them and his stories, but when you don't have any current acheivements and you are stuck in the past, well maybe that's not okay? He has had so many different jobs and types of jobs that as an employer I may think he's all over the place. But once again, how does this matter and relate to what I want in a long term relationship - that's what it boils down to. I completely realize and understand that you get what you see and don't expect people to change.

Talking about past achievements happens a lot with Caps.

My friend does it all the time, although he's working on things now. He had a big show that he put together in his hometown that brought in lots of money, and he always talks about it and how he was able to pull it off. My dad ALWAYS talks about how he was the man in high school, and I'm surprised he even remembers that far back, but you can tell he misses that era I guess lol. It's just something some of us do. I can see how it can get a little irritiating.

I just realized my post got cut off...

He knows that it bothers me that he spends time at his exes, and the thanksgiving thing, and if you're "just dating" then I guess that's fine but when it becomes a lont term serious relationship well these things can matter more. I wonder if it is all tied together (relationship that happened with ex, her controlling the visitation arrangement and him going along to not stir the pot, plus his income and room rental = an excuse/reason for not bringing the son to his place for visits).

"it is what it is and you won't be able to change him. i've often sat perplexed with all the really great strides i made because of his advice, while watching him spiral downwards. never understanding why he couldn't take his own advice. i'm a living, breathing example of his instruction. it is just something we will never "get"."

My mothers Capricorn ex was a great influence in a lot of the career decisions she's made. She went on to do extremely well financially and he's at the same level he was at when advising her.

Part of his problem has always been that he can't get along with anyone. He's never able to advance how he'd like in his career, not because he lacks the skills, but because of his attitude. Very arrogant, cocky, straight-forward.

He was a very successful club owner back in the day, here in the city we live in, and he closed it down determined to open a club back in the city where we are from. My mother helped him a lot in pushing him to do more(we can also procrastinators) and he was grateful to her for that, but the bottom-line, even then, was again his attitude. He got into it everyday with someone, people who tried to help him, and eventually he couldn't get anyone to work for him, and people just stop coming. You would think he would have tried to open up again back where we live, but he's never been able to shake what he couldn't make happen back home, and he's burnt a lot of bridges so it probably will never happen.

Caps know how to advice people because we know the attitudes people should have. Also many people are able to get by on their personalities, which is not a strong suit for many Caps. My mother, whether she knows what she is talking about or not, she's convincing, plus she knows how to make people gravitate to her through personality. That's a lot of what you need to survive out here, plus you need humility and that ability to never be too proud to ask for help when in need. Many Capricorn men, especially, lack ALL of that, at-least the ones I know. It all eventually boils down to, if "I'm going to make something of myself, I'll have to do it myself and start from the ground up."

That's why many become determined to start their own, but then the issue is "What am I passionate about?" cause it won't work if there's no real passion for it, and you still have be pleasant to people if you want help along the way. It's like we need people, but we don't want to.

Posted by ellessque
you are making alot of excuses for him.

nobody is holding a gun to his head to spend time with the exes. he is doing it all himself.

nobody makes a cap man do anything they don't want to do, especially a woman. they aren't virgos 😛

I'm not sure if the following is an excuse on my part or not lol...but he's not spending time WITH the ex because he wants to spend time with her, he says he can't stand her, he is AT the exes place while she is at work or out, spending time with his son. He says she is not there 90% of the time, occasionally she is in her room watching TV while he is in the living room with his son, most times she is out. The going to his exes friends on Thanksgiving he says is because he has no where else to go, he has a couple of friends here (foreign and don't have a traditional thanksgiving dinner). He never considered spending it with me as an option he said he figured I'd be with my family. We are having communication issues and things are just suddenly just not sitting right with me this week. Maybe the lack of communication is the problem.

I had to revisit this issue and post again. This man is really wonderful. I enjoy my time with him, he treats me so well, tries hard to work at having/building a relationship with me, he's respectul, kind, caring, patient, understanding, knows/tries to communicate with me, wants to feel connected to me emotionally, not to mention our physical attraction to one another. However, I feel that if his job situation is bother me now and doesn't change, he may not be the right person for me long-term. I'm conflicted about a long-term relationship with him. There is a grey area when it comes to dating/exclusive/commitment. I don't want to hurt him. Honestly, I don't know what to do, just continue what we've been doing..I mean it's only been 4 months, close to 5. We have fun, see each other when we can, no talk of future plans, although we did have a brief convo of introducing each other to kids/family down the line. Some would say why waste your time and don't lead him on. But others would say that is what dating one person is like early on (getting to know them and see what happens). I think I feel guilty/bad because I already know this one thing bothers me and I haven't shared it with him (I mean how can I??).

Maybe this post doesn't belong on the Cap board anymore, but since I started it here already I'm continuing my thoughts here...

Posted by dietdrpepper
I had to revisit this issue and post again. This man is really wonderful. I enjoy my time with him, he treats me so well, tries hard to work at having/building a relationship with me, he's respectul, kind, caring, patient, understanding, knows/tries to communicate with me, wants to feel connected to me emotionally, not to mention our physical attraction to one another. However, I feel that if his job situation is bother me now and doesn't change, he may not be the right person for me long-term. I'm conflicted about a long-term relationship with him. There is a grey area when it comes to dating/exclusive/commitment. I don't want to hurt him. Honestly, I don't know what to do, just continue what we've been doing..I mean it's only been 4 months, close to 5. We have fun, see each other when we can, no talk of future plans, although we did have a brief convo of introducing each other to kids/family down the line. Some would say why waste your time and don't lead him on. But others would say that is what dating one person is like early on (getting to know them and see what happens). I think I feel guilty/bad because I already know this one thing bothers me and I haven't shared it with him (I mean how can I??).

Maybe this post doesn't belong on the Cap board anymore, but since I started it here already I'm continuing my thoughts here...

I know what its like to want everything to fall into the right place, but there seems to be no glue holding you to him. It's still early, but if you have someone that is treating you right, and you want to put a stop to it because of a job situation, then I think you just feel deep down that he isn't the one. If that's the case then it is wasting time since you're clearly looking for him. I think the job issue may be an excuse for a bigger issue, because although it is something big, I don't think it's as big as you are claiming it to be. There seems to be something else, maybe you don't feel you'd have the control/influence over him that you'd like? Not sure, but you should probably have a talk with him and if it goes no where then end it.

So as an update...it's been 6 months and we are still together. We just had a talk about his job situation and how it's not right for me long term. He was so happy that I was honest, he completely understood. However, we both agreed that we SO enjoy everything that we have thus far and neither is in a rush to do more than we are doing now with each other so why not just enjoy the present? I think we are lucky that we were able to determine this with each other. I don't have to feel guilty or bad anymore that I'm judging him. We can just relax and be happy with what we have NOW without ties that this must be forever because it's been 6months. Some people do say why waste time if he is not the one. But he is the one for me RIGHT NOW and he says I am for him too.

Everything you need to know about a capricorn is right here.