Confusing Cap ex-boyfriend

My Cap ex and I broke up two months because we were having some issues in our relationship due to not communicating well. During our breakup we only talked a handful of times, he still helped me with a problem I encountered with my car, and I kept my distance and made sure that he saw I was doing okay.

We're both in college and when we came back for fall semester he started approaching my friends, even ones who don't even like him, and would talk to them. And then would look around for me trying to see if I was there. One night I finally let him run into me and he began to cry about everything he went through with our breakup and how confused he was. He explained that he's always thinking about me, misses me, and that it's been difficult for him even now.

The other day I decided that we should probably sit down and talk again. So when we did he said that although all of what he said is true, he doesn't want to work on our relationship. He said he wanted to be "unencumbered" and to not have a relationship as he finishes his last year, and that since we're heading in different directions our relationship will have a shelf life. I don't know what other directions he even meant, but he seemed really convinced that we were going to breakup again and didn't want to go through that.

I can tell he's confused because that's his response to literally everything. But he still wanted to have me in his life in some form, which I saw as having his cake and eating too, so I said no. And now we're completely separated, bound to continue running each other, and I just finally sent all of his stuff back.


I guess I don't really know what to think about it all, I do love this kid but now feel just as conflicted as he seems to be because I just don't understand what he's doing at all. Or how I should handle it.

I think he means after college, you will both be chasing the career path and you should be able to be free to do that. You shouldn't be tied down or limited to career options because of each other. You should be able to just pick up and move to where ever and what ever job you find.

If you stay together and one of you gets a job offer four hours east and the other has a job offer four hours west, then one of you will lose out or you will end up breaking up then (because we ALL know long distance relationships don't work).

Posted by sunkissed4018

.... this kid ....

So, you're an adult and he's a kid?

Or, are you being condenscending, while he's actually your peer?

You've made sure to keep your distance, according to you


He's identified that he wants to keep getting to know you and having you as a friend, but, not have a relationship, and you've decided that you don't want him in any way except YOUR way.


And you say you're confused and you don't know what's going on ... when in reality you know exactly what's going on. I will share it with everyone else.




You are pushing this guy away, while dangling yourself in front of him to keep him interested ... he doesn't take the bait because his studies are more important than your game. And you can't stand it. So, you come in here and pretend as though you're so confused, and what in the world is going on with him.


You're not fooling me .. I had your number at this moment: "... look around for me trying to see if I was there. One night I finally let him run into me ..."

In reality, if you weren't there, you don't know what he is or is not doing ... and second if him running into you is according to your manipulation of him, then that means you're playing him.


He's not interested .... and what better justice is that for the way you treat him.

@P-angel I'm not playing him or trying to manipulate him. I'm trying to protect my own feelings and interests because it appears that he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I don't know how to interpret his actions, especially since lately he's been going to my friends talking about how much he misses me and wishes I would just talk to him. He made the decision that he didn't want to have our relationship this year, and I'm responding by taking steps back and giving us distance so that I can get over him. Sometimes I just don't understand his actions, it's like he wants me but doesn't. So I wouldn't say I'm manipulative, just hurt.

Posted by truecap
I think he means after college, you will both be chasing the career path and you should be able to be free to do that. You shouldn't be tied down or limited to career options because of each other. You should be able to just pick up and move to where ever and what ever job you find.

If you stay together and one of you gets a job offer four hours east and the other has a job offer four hours west, then one of you will lose out or you will end up breaking up then (because we ALL know long distance relationships don't work).

I definitely understand what you mean. But that's a year down the road, maybe I'm not thinking about it logically but I'm a take it one day at a time kind of person.

I had a boyfriend senior year in college. I was graduating, he wasn't for another year after. But the knowledge that I would be leaving hung over us like a black cloud. We ended up breaking up before graduation. I didn't want ties and wanted the freedom to persue the career. And he wanted the freedom to enjoy still being in college. We both knew long term relationships don't usually work out. So it was better to do a clean break. It was sad.

Posted by truecap
I had a boyfriend senior year in college. I was graduating, he wasn't for another year after. But the knowledge that I would be leaving hung over us like a black cloud. We ended up breaking up before graduation. I didn't want ties and wanted the freedom to persue the career. And he wanted the freedom to enjoy still being in college. We both knew long term relationships don't usually work out. So it was better to do a clean break. It was sad.

Such a sad situation, I can understand why it's so hard. I think that could be a good reason why he's so conflicted. He still needs to figure his life out, but wants me to be there. And I just can't because it will literally tear me apart emotionally to be caught up in something not concrete