Cap was seeing his ex platonicly

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by Cat34 on Wednesday, August 29, 2012 and has 15 replies.

Profile picture of Cap4Life
@Cap4Life
14 YearsCapricorn

Wait- What!? He was hanging with his ex as friends? That is FISHY as hell right there. When i am DONE with someone. I am DONE. I Don't wan't ANY contact. The only time i will stay friends with an EX is if i still have feelings for them and i can't let go. I would walk away if i were you.

Profile picture of truecap
@truecap
14 Years10,000+ Posts

I can still be friends with exes. Like cap4life, when I'm done, I'm done - but that means romantically. When I'm done, I feel nothing, notta, zilch romantically or emotionally. If I enjoy the ex'es personality, I can remain friends - only after a reasonable amount of time has passed. Can't do it immediately, though.

I guess it depends on the situation of the relationship/break up. Sometimes I don't want to be friends. Sometimes there is too much water under the bridge.

Actually, two of my best guy friends are ex boyfriends - one is from 25 years ago and one is from last summer. The friendship bond was too strong to give that up, but there is NOTHING romantic about our friendships.

I think its because most of the time, caps build a friendship before they build a romantic relationship. Friends first philosophy and all.

Profile picture of Pidelight
@Pidelight
15 Years

When you say dating do you mean you are his girlfriend and it has been officially stated by him and confirmed with an agreement of exclusivity between you both or does the dating allow you both to see one another but others as well?

Typically, Cap men (unless you have turned into a cookie monster of the first order) remain loyal and continue to care for people they have finally allowed into their inner circle be it family, friend or ex. Probably because they are slow to let others in. However, when they do, unless you burn some major bridges on the way out of the relationship, they will be there for you until the end. I would only be concerned (and not that much since it's only been 6 months) if you aren't the official girl in his life by his own admission. Cap men are usually loyal to those they have outright claimed and can say no to other women.

Profile picture of Cat34
@Cat34
14 Years

Oh cowpuncher, I think I would have just liked to know as common courtsey, I mean I'm still friends with me exes but I am very upfront with my cap about that. I felt slided. I really like him and he seems to be being honest and i think my old relationship issues has all my guards up. This cap is awesome im just damaged

Profile picture of ArticleL
@ArticleL
14 Years5,000+ Posts

I agree with TC and CP. Mainly the point that stands is they might be to slow for you. Caps are cats selfish as fuck if you dont say the right things you wont even get a inch. Trying to understand the top of the mountain when your at the bottom is futile. Unless your willing to climb are you? Relationships and climb in general is the essence of something greater the quick and easy without building a foundation fall by the wayside. Your choice.

Profile picture of Cat34
@Cat34
14 Years

Well it looks like I'm going to try to climb, and try my hardest to be patient, I did explain to him my concerns in re: to time and progress and he seemed understanding, my issue was never about he giving all his time to career, fam or friends, but my feelings were hurt to know he was with an ex when he just made a comment about wanting to spend more time with me and he was with her. He wanted me to make my mind up, its like he turned it all around to me, he said I told you how I feel, you can continue to just see me or be free to see other people either way I would like to cont to see you ( that last part kinda confused me, like why would he want to see me if I want to see other people, or maybe I took it out of context) so I said I only wanted to see him, he was pretty much all I was lookig for and just needed it black and white, that I'm not saying lets be bfgf but see where this goes. He said he likes that. I'm not a fast moving person, just need to know exactly where we stand and makesure we are on the same page.

So I guess here goes nothing...I just hope im not the only not seeing other people

Profile picture of ArticleL
@ArticleL
14 Years5,000+ Posts

As CP runs around here and expertly explains Cap males to every knuckle head I follow but on a slightly different track. The best thing about relationships is doors if there open meaning your key should always be communication. Meaning you should ask him every single damm thing that throws you for a loop.

" I feel, you can continue to just see me or be free to see other people either way I would like to cont to see you "

The first thing a person does is jump to negativity with a thought like this. I have said this myself in my own way, I have standards I had them before you arrived, understand that. This is why Caps being cats fail because some are unwilling to to spread there great mind. Almost as a Virgo is unwilling to break down his great mind in detail. Jumping to assumptions and going woah this means he said its cool to fuck the world only makes the mountian you stand looking up at ten times taller. To climb and love you need to understand so no matter how much you want to leap over hurdles in conclusion that thats the finish line. Dont.

Profile picture of Cat34
@Cat34
14 Years

Article L could you please state that in english you just confused the hell out of me, I know myslef and I would say something like to save face so I took it as that.

Profile picture of ArticleL
@ArticleL
14 Years5,000+ Posts

Posted by Cat34
Article L could you please state that in english you just confused the hell out of me, I know myslef and I would say something like to save face so I took it as that.

Posted by ArticleL
" I feel, you can continue to just see me or be free to see other people either way I would like to cont to see you "

The first thing a person does is jump to negativity with a thought like this. I have said this myself in my own way, I have standards I had them before you arrived, understand that. .

click to expand

In other words as Metoo said but with a posistive twist Caps have standards....before you come along. If a friend called to visit and I declined as I was with another "friend" then that is that. The only difference is your in a relationship so him hanging with a X seems oh so serious. Basiclly do not to jump to conclusions. If I tell a woman im seeing a X whos a "friend" drama tizing that will send you to the "dont matter" pot. Just future advice for "climbing" the relationship mountian with a Cap.

Profile picture of truecap
@truecap
14 Years10,000+ Posts

If he knows it bothers you, he should make an effort to spend a lot less time with her. Watch and see what happens. If he doesn't make that effort, he doesn't care about you. If he does make the effort, appreciate it and know he cares.

Profile picture of CaribCappy
@CaribCappy
13 YearsCapricorn

Posted by truecap
If he knows it bothers you, he should make an effort to spend a lot less time with her. Watch and see what happens. If he doesn't make that effort, he doesn't care about you. If he does make the effort, appreciate it and know he cares.

^ +1

Profile picture of Cat34
@Cat34
14 Years

88Pisces whoa!! First of all I'm not cliggy, I'm anything but that, my issue was more about why not mention he was spending time with his ex. I always mention it to him if I am seeing my ex who is just a friend or talking to an ex who I have no feeling for, because I know he has trust issue. I had no problem with him seeing her, except he always said how busy he was yet had time to go out for with drinks her, after he told he he wish we could spend more time with me. And as I told him if he tells me they are just friends, then I believe him, until he gives me a reason not to which is the truth becuase I'm very trusing, but once you break it its gone. I also realized that I feel like I'm dating myself right now, my ex even told me that the things he is doing are some of the exact things I've done to him.I dont want to see a man everyday, but going days without even a text saying hi is weird to me, one two days not a problem 3 days a problem. I am very aware of the great guy I have, but with any relationship there are problems esp when although you have been dating them for months, you're still in process of learning their personality esp when you only see them once a week and they aren't the most forthcoming indvidual. Acting like a child would be not addressing my concerns and just letting things be, instead I'm trying to understand the logic behind his actions and let him know what my expectaions are so we can determine if we can work with it and compromise. I feel like we both really like each other and he is someone I can fall in love with, but we both have issues to overcome and the fact that I'm trying to be as patient as I have been speaks volume, becuase I'd usualy walk out the door and not look back, but instead I'm working on building a foundation for a promising relationship.I may rant and ask for advice, but its only because this sign is confusing and I am very black and white and need to know exactly what expectations are, so when I'm confused and actions and words dont add up, I question the entire situation. Also CAP and SAG isn't the worst match, challenging yes, but we actually have a lot in common,and balance each, other out, but as long as we continue to work on things and understand each others needs and wants and make an effort, Im okay with it also SAGs are mutable signs meaning flexible, adaptable and thrive on change.