Forgive and Forget

I am a Capricorn and I know how hard it really is for me to forget the mistakes of other people and forgive them. Sometimes my friends and family says alot against my this kind of gesture. They say you are egoistic! But tell me if any one had hurt you so badly would you ever forget that and forgiveness is something my ego will never allow to me. But yes it depends on the importance of that person in my life. Some times I will forgive people but "Forget" is a NO to me. What say caps?

I rarely forget.

Forgive? Well, it depends greatly on what it is. If the roads were slippery and my friend ran over my dog UNINTENTIONLY, I would forgive the person. If the person did it with full intent, I would never speak with him or her again.

Broken trust and/or loyalty is a huge nono.

Unintentional slights that could easily have been avoided with an itty bitty use of brain, I maaay be able to forgive, but it would probabably take a while for me to trust the person again.

But it's difficult to define. As said, it all depends greatly on the slight.

Why would you make what someone else did, so important to you that you have to ponder the forgive and or forget options. What if someone lied to you and went.. Ok well I don't really care, that's your problem not mine, have a good day!

Posted by Astrobyn
Why would you make what someone else did, so important to you that you have to ponder the forgive and or forget options. What if someone lied to you and went.. Ok well I don't really care, that's your problem not mine, have a good day!

Personally, I don't have to ponder any options, that comes naturally in the situation. I was trying to explain how it normally works for me. And your example, that is a situation I probably would not forgive or forget unless it was a total stranger that I really didn't care about.

What kind of expectations are you putting on other people? What gets you into these positions in the first place. I just don't understand the concept well.

Posted by Astrobyn
What kind of expectations are you putting on other people? What gets you into these positions in the first place. I just don't understand the concept well.

Not sure if you ask OP or me. In case it's me:

I expect very little of strangers. I expect much more of my friends, but I will not expect anything I cannot give in return. Loyalty, honesty and trustwordiness are high up on the list.

Example.
I told a friend of mine something that she swore she would not tell anyone. She did anyway. I confronted her. She said she didn't understand why I wanted to keep that a secret. I told her that was my choice(I had my reasons, and they were good) and she had accepted the confidentiality, so it didn't really matter. I was pissed but let it go. She then found out something about me that she also swore she wouldn't tell anyone. Rinse and repeat. When a similar thing happened...again I stopped talking to her after having explained why. This is something I will never forget nor forgive. She completely broke my trust and I lost all respect I ever had for her.

If she hadn't been such a close friend I might not have given her even a second chance.

but to do realize you were the first one to betray your own secret? You are blaming her for something you couldn't even do yourself.

I'm saying who the fuck cares? why are you making it all so important?

Posted by Astrobyn
but to do realize you were the first one to betray your own secret? You are blaming her for something you couldn't even do yourself.

These are pure assumptions and you assume wrong. This was not your random gossip. In two of the cases I had to inform her of things on behalf of a board, and they instructed me to make her promise not to tell anyone about it and I didn't want her to tell anyone about it either because it could ruin our chances in a large international competition. It should also have been in her own best interrest not to tell anyone prior to the competition, but she was apparently too dumb to get that. It was nothing illegal, but certain tactics that you don't go around blabbing about to your opponents. She needed to be informed of the tactics as she was competing herself.

The third(second in order) thing was something she saw.

In all three cases, she made me promises not to tell anyone and in all three cases, she did anyway. Does that strike you as a trustworthy person? You are very welcome to choose friends for yourself that you can't trust, but I don't accept bullbutter like that. Personally, I need to be able to trust my friends.

Posted by Astrobyn
I'm saying who the fuck cares? why are you making it all so important?

I care(and apparently you too, since you ask) and I don't have to make anything important - it was important.

Im a Scorpio and for me it is forgive but not forget. Who has biggest trust issues? Scorpios or Caps?

Forgiveness yes. Forget... never!

Posted by Astrobyn
Why would you make what someone else did, so important to you that you have to ponder the forgive and or forget options. What if someone lied to you and went.. Ok well I don't really care, that's your problem not mine, have a good day!

If they had that attitude, I probably wouldn't want to be their friend anymore. Oh, I'd be friendly, but they would be in the outer circle, just an aquaintance that I know.

Posted by HappyCapper

Posted by Astrobyn
What kind of expectations are you putting on other people? What gets you into these positions in the first place. I just don't understand the concept well.

Not sure if you ask OP or me. In case it's me:

I expect very little of strangers. I expect much more of my friends, but I will not expect anything I cannot give in return. Loyalty, honesty and trustwordiness are high up on the list.

Example.
I told a friend of mine something that she swore she would not tell anyone. She did anyway. I confronted her. She said she didn't understand why I wanted to keep that a secret. I told her that was my choice(I had my reasons, and they were good) and she had accepted the confidentiality, so it didn't really matter. I was pissed but let it go. She then found out something about me that she also swore she wouldn't tell anyone. Rinse and repeat. When a similar thing happened...again I stopped talking to her after having explained why. This is something I will never forget nor forgive. She completely broke my trust and I lost all respect I ever had for her.

If she hadn't been such a close friend I might not have given her even a second chance.

click to expand

I'm the same.

Posted by Astrobyn
but to do realize you were the first one to betray your own secret? You are blaming her for something you couldn't even do yourself.

Aren't secrets between good friends sacred? You just don't blab something someone told you. If someone can't give me the respect and loyalty I give them, then they aren't worthy of keeping in the inner circle.

For me forgiveness depends on who the person is, If they are in my acquaintance list or someone not very close to me I wouldn't forgive them. "Not forgiving" someone doesn't mean I will take revenge its just that somewhere in the corner of my mind that person will always be guilty. If the other person was my friend I will act friendly but now that person can never enter my close circle again. And that person will be able to feel strong repelling vibes from me lol

But when it comes to the people that are closer to me I would probably forgive them even without them asking so.
And as far as forgetting is concerned. NEVER !

Posted by Hotbeefy
It remind me of this one (It's a post from someone):

"The best advice I ever read was from P-Angel. Forgiveness is not necessary. It's just a trap of a hurt ego. Over time, there is nothing anyone else can do against us that needs forgiving. Time and perspective is all that's needed."

click to expand

It sounds wise, but I don't quite get it. Time and perspective...isn't that what cause forgiveness. That doesn't make forgiveness necessary, ofc, but ... What I mean is that it doesn't explain why forgiveness is not necessary. I'm not arguing against it, just trying to understand it.