Heart vs. Head

Im so down tonight and been feeling it for about a month. Still with Cap bfriend but still have not gotten a i love you. We are in a exclusive committed relationship but i cant stop myself from analyzing everything to death!

Why is it that we share every intimate details of our lives us, our kids, sexually etc...after getting out if a 18 year marriage i told myself i wouldnt let my gaurd down so easily that i wouldnt give away enough of my heart that someone could hurt me or break me every again. Thats all good in theory but i have always been a person that wears my heart on my sleeve.

He says cares about me deeply and that hes working towards being abke to say those words but he will not until he truly means it. He says he thinks futuristically about us, etc...My problem is that i feel that after 11 months of dating the natural progression would be that he coukd say i love you...My head keeps screaming to pull back but my heart cant stand to that....

I told him all this...My mom committed suicide in 2003 and my dad died in 07 and i have felt "left" by alot of people in my life. I knoe this had alot to do with this. I want to hearthe words then i feel like i could breathe and not stress out about why i might not be good enough ....

Feeling lost and dont know which obe i should be listening to....I just dont know anymore....

Sorry for all typos crying and posting is not good for grammer

Thanks guys! He has stuck by me through some crap in my life as well. I dont like feeling like this. I feel needy and insecure and that isnt who i am. I appreciate the replies more than you know....

SMH I hope you aren't nagging him about this. He shows he cares about you; let it happen naturally and don't keep putting a timetable on it. Sheesh if you lose him you'll be in here asking why...ijs.

Someone women have it good and just seem to want to ruin it! I'm happy for you...just let it be and keep loving him--the words will come...

GemStar im not nagging him im talking to yall for an outlet and im not trying to do anything to "ruin it" your kinda rude....just sayin'

Eusive thank you sweetie!

MeToo and WL,

THANKS so much for your sweet words it was just what i needed to hear....You guys are really uplifting.....I know we have something good guess thats why i dont understand why it isnt progressing into love for him. I will continue being patient i realize hes not on my timeframe....

Gem- sometimes capi guys can't say I love you until a really really long time after it doesn't meant they don't feel it inside. I knew a month in I loved my capi I called to tell him he didnt answer so left him a vm it was my birthday and I was very young. He rang back but I was watchn a movie with friends. Anyway years later he told he how happy he was to hear it even if he couldn't say it back that early on. I'm very open with him and used to tell him lots as soon as the words were out he'd hold me tight n kiss me passionately. Still couldn't say it back.. They show you thru their actions how much they love u back. It used to get to me too so I'd scale back n stopped saying it then a long time later we happened to go past somewhere we used to go a lot when we first meet and reminisced. I told him I loved him n he smiled and said I love you too it felt natural and soo warming I gave him a sweet kiss on his neck and that was it

Very sweet story Sam....

I hope we get there and it just flows.naturally for him too. Hes worth waiting for, hes got something very good in him and he makes me want to be a better woman!

Posted by GemJenn
GemStar im not nagging him im talking to yall for an outlet and im not trying to do anything to "ruin it" your kinda rude....just sayin'

Eusive thank you sweetie!

Gem I wasn't being rude sorry you took it that way. I said the same thing other folks are saying
I just didn't say it how you wanted to see it... I still stand by what I said. The man loves you
you may ruin it by demanding the words. When they will come you will wonder why you were all
stressed out about it.

GemStar,

Maybe i was just being really sensitive last night. I see what your saying and i want to say i dont demand it from him cause it would befake that way anyways....

I guess i need to get it through my brain that ive gotta live in the moment and not constantly worry about what tomorrow might bring but thats so much easier to say then do for me...

I will work on it and try not to let my past sense of abandonment dictate my future. Thanks for the advice either way , duly noted

Well, jenn, you know I feel your pain and I am feeling the same fustration. I've been 15 months with Mr Aqua (cap venus) and I haven't heard it yet either. I try to focus on the actions and that helps.

— u Jenn!

G/J
FIND SOMEOMNE ELSE SWEETS
WE JUST AREN'T WORTH THE TROUBLE.

To me "I love you" is a feeling shown threw action. I can count the times I have verbally said it. Only in times of need or of extreme comfort I may say it to ease some of the pain...

I may be wrong for not saying it. But to many people use this phase for all the wrong reasons. I love you to me means "I would do anything for you, even die for you"!!

Posted by GemJenn
Im so down tonight and been feeling it for about a month. Still with Cap bfriend but still have not gotten a i love you. We are in a exclusive committed relationship but i cant stop myself from analyzing everything to death!

Why is it that we share every intimate details of our lives us, our kids, sexually etc...after getting out if a 18 year marriage i told myself i wouldnt let my gaurd down so easily that i wouldnt give away enough of my heart that someone could hurt me or break me every again. Thats all good in theory but i have always been a person that wears my heart on my sleeve.

He says cares about me deeply and that hes working towards being abke to say those words but he will not until he truly means it. He says he thinks futuristically about us, etc...My problem is that i feel that after 11 months of dating the natural progression would be that he coukd say i love you...My head keeps screaming to pull back but my heart cant stand to that....

I told him all this...My mom committed suicide in 2003 and my dad died in 07 and i have felt "left" by alot of people in my life. I knoe this had alot to do with this. I want to hearthe words then i feel like i could breathe and not stress out about why i might not be good enough ....

Feeling lost and dont know which obe i should be listening to....I just dont know anymore....

Here's something for you to ponder on GemJen the next time you are feeling down about YOUR situation. I have been with my Cap for almost 25 years. We met when I was in my early 20's and I fell in love with him at first sight. We were friends for 10 years dated for 5 broke up for 8 and have been back together for 3. And guess when in all of that time he first told me he loved me? Yep...in the last 3 years. LOL Now he says it all the time and has given himself to me completely mind, body, heart and soul. I don't have to ask or wonder ever about what he feels for me. This is on top of his constantly showing me that very love I wanted him to so desperately verbalize all those years before when I too was insecure about his feelings for me because unlike me he didn't verbalize his emotions he acted on them. When your Cap is ready he will say the words. They will flow from his mouth effortlessly without feeling pressured into doing so. It isn't about you really. This is how these men communicate...through their actions. I've dat

Been reading everyone else's input. Wish I had some to add but I'm new to the whole Cap dating scene.

Really I just wanted to know if you're feeling any more at peace? Even I, a newbie, can tell you deserve as much 😉

Im feeling better i guess...just needed to vent. I realize my timeframe is not his timeframe and i feel like once i stop worrying about it it will happen. Im sure he can feel my tension about it. Im not naive to think that he doesnt know i have been thinking about it and want this from him cause we have discussed it. I dont want him to feel pressured, i only want him to sax it because he feels it flowing through him. Thats the inly way it would be sincere...

Thanks you guys for letting me bend your ear, you guys are to sweet!!

Vick

Posted by Stinger Baby
understand one thing about caps - THEY ARENT VERBAL. one has to damn near teach these ppl how to express what they are feeling in words. dont expect a shower of words or 'i love yous'. one day, maybe he'll say it, but it's not in cap's nature. these ppl are DOERS. if they love you, they SHOW you. they go out of their way for you, be there for you, and are dependable. they make sure they secure you as best as they can. that's a keyword for capricorns - SECURITY. because security is love to them. i think you're much better off with a person that shows you how they feel about you every day but hardly says a word, rather than a person that has only words for you but does nothing to back them up.

this isnt something to get upset over. just tell him how you feel instead of getting emotional. tell him that you appreciate how he shows you his love, and it would be an extra gift just to hear him say it. it's not hard to get them to say 'i love you'. they may feel weird, but it wont bother them too much, especially when they really do love you.

Can totally relate to this!!

WE AREN'T VERBAL
I THINK WE RUN OUR MOUTHS TO MUCH