Help with Cap Guy

Hi Cappies:

I've been dating a Capricorn fellow for a short time. We've been on 5 dates, and last night we both had a bit too much to drink and slept together.

I have had only 2 texts from him today, neither terribly engaging and neither asking how I am doing, what my plans are for the remainder of the weekend, etc.

How do I interpret this? We had been seeing each other or talking on a daily basis until now.

And last night we both said that we are not presently dating others -- but am I to interpret this to mean we are not to date others? Oh dear, sleeping together seems to have complicated things.

Thanks so much for your help!

LS67

Hi there!

Thank you so much for both of your replies! Libra guilt -- LOL! More like my stupid Scorpio obsessive nature...

We met on line, and talked by text & e-mail for a bit before meeting. We have a lot in common, and our conversations have always been very natural and easy. Here is my true concern: we have known each other for only a couple of weeks, and I fear that I gave up on "the chase" part too soon, by sleeping with him too soon. We have seen each other almost daily since we met, usually over coffee. Last night was out first proper date, and I feel that I hav royally screwed it up, so to speak.

His text this morning was kind of cold, but I was still cheerful in my reply. A few hours later I reached out again, but no response. I have let him be since then, knowing that Cappies love their space much as Librans do. Still, I am disappointed, and the Scorpio part of me (which got me into this mess -- that damned sex drive of ours & lack of self-control) has me upset that he hasn't asked to see me again, maybe tomorrow or some time next week. Or even contacted me to chat.

And as an aside -- for anyone who questions whether Caps are sexual -- OMG -- he put my Scorpio ex to shame! He was incredible.

What do you think?

Love, LS67

It's way too soon to tell, but in regard to giving it up after a couple of weeks? Yep. Too soon.

You Libra chicks need to control your vaginas better. You give it up too fast and then are all sad face because the guy no longer sees you as a relationship but a piece of ass.

Well, just saw he's on line on the dating site, so I guess I have my answer!

I got a text back, but blah blah stuff, no date request. Ah well.

Love, LS67

Thanks Elle....

Thanks, all.

I went on the dating site just to check e-mail, since I am talking to one other fellow. It hasn't progressed to anything more, but he has asked to meet and I will give it a go.

Maybe I shouldn't have, but I e-mailed the Cappie, said I saw him on line and VERY light-heartedly said something to the effect that I wanted to clarify that I'm talking to others too, and it's OK with me if he is too. I wanted to get that out there anyway, since I don't want him to think I expect him to be ring shopping just yet. I haven't texted or e-mailed him at all since then, or since late this afternoon (in response to his text).

I will back off and give him, and me, some space to chill. I'm such a f-ing cusper... Head and heart constantly at war. But I will just chill on the guy, and let him do what he's going to. I've got to see what is out there too. I've been divorced for almost a year and my ex is getting remarried in 2 weeks, so I guess I'm kind of raw right now. I'm having terrible nightmares, where my ex's family and others are yelling at me ... Last night I even dreamed that the brutally beat me up, physically, while we were sleeping. Emotionally, I'm in a rough place and clearly I'm terrified of being hurt again. Sorry to unload here, but I'm always everyone's go-to person in "real life," and don't have anyone with whom I can open up with the way this site allows us to.

Much gratitude, all.

Love, LS67

Edited to add that I dreamed the Cappie had beat me up ...

"one week or two weeks is too soon. but who knows down the road what happens.
give him some space. if he really likes you he'll invite you out again. enjoy the moment & date others so you wont feel the guilt and lonely.

It dont matter if two weeks or six months of wait. these capricorns behave the same.
I took six months before having sex with one, altho he was really sweet the next morning to me. but after a little argument sent me right to hell. sex is of no importance.
it was just sex period. it was good. at least it was good.

Good luck :-)"

LOL!!!@Love me some Metoo, and "ice-over" too funny and unfortunately she is not lying either, all true.

Personally I don't feel you messed up, please try not to develop neurosis over doing something that is completely natural, if you can try to stay cool, calm and at peace with yourself and not develop all these heavy neurotic feelings so by the time you meet again you're acting weird-nervous & your bad energy is pinging all over the place that he just wants to bolt for the door, if you can manage not to do that then you're going to be just fine. Do some yoga, get centered.

Posted by LibraScorpio67

Maybe I shouldn't have, but I e-mailed the Cappie, said I saw him on line and VERY light-heartedly said something to the effect that I wanted to clarify that I'm talking to others too, and it's OK with me if he is too. I wanted to get that out there anyway, since I don't want him to think I expect him to be ring shopping just yet. I haven't texted or e-mailed him at all since then, or since late this afternoon (in response to his text).

I will back off and give him, and me, some space to chill. I'm such a f-ing cusper... Head and heart constantly at war. But I will just chill on the guy, and let him do what he's going to. I've got to see what is out there too. I've been divorced for almost a year and my ex is getting remarried in 2 weeks, so I guess I'm kind of raw right now. I'm having terrible nightmares, where my ex's family and others are yelling at me ... Last night I even dreamed that the brutally beat me up, physically, while we were sleeping. Emotionally, I'm in a rough place and clearly I'm terrified of being hurt again. Sorry to unload here, but I'm always everyone's go-to person in "real life," and don't have anyone with whom I can open up with the way this site allows us to.

Much gratitude, all.

Love, LS67

Oh no! Do not do that, you are stuck, a lot of women do this, she begins to feel insecure and she doesn't want to back off, she wants to explode her insecure feelings onto him & literally just kill the possibility to move forward, stand down, that's right STAND DOWN, put down your insecure weapons, take a nap, take a jog, go work out, go scream in a secluded place, just stand down, don't start the ugly habit of talking to him before you even know what's going on, don't play your hand like that, CHILL OUT, he could be deeply in love with you and here you are telling him he can do this or that, now he just thinks your pushy, I mean hell he already know what he can and cannot do, he don't need you telling him anything, you definitely don't want to be seen as the controlling neurotic mom. Stay off the dating site for awhile until you feel balanced.

One thing I don't see you doing is ROOTING FOR YOURSELF, you are already being a loser and this can only inevitably end any possibility to move forward, if you can't cheer yourself on then why would a man fight for you, stop beating yourself down inside, that dream is a huge warning that you are on the wrong frequency, you are beating yourself up, I mean give yourself a break.

5 good dates doesn't mean something is wrong with you, clearly if he gets the sex & runs off then it wouldn't matter if the dates were good or not, he was in it for the sex but if he continues to contact you even after the sex no matter how dry or how warm he's still around, so that means it wasn't just the sex and if it was well that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

If this is how you react after having sex, I suggest you cut out the intimacy until you can handle it.

Ugh typo...I meant to say LOL!!!Love me some Metoo

Hi all:

I got a response from Cappy, saying that he had checked his phone while bored at the party he attended last night. This is an untruth, as I had seen him on line almost first thing in the morning.

He thanked me for asking about seeing other people, and that it was OK with him. No mention of seeing me again, just a "talk to you soon."

I replied acknowledging receipt of his note, stated that I was on my way out the door and wishing him a good day.

If he is already lying, when he doesn't have to, it's not a good sign. Part of me wants to send him a note saying that I'm sorry that the sex queered the whole thing, and that I understand. But this is based on a gut feeling, the fact that he hasn't asked to see me again, called or been more communicative, I won't, though. Every time I've done something like that, it's backfired and I've regretted it. So I will just keep my cool and go about my day.

If he reaches out, fine. If not, so it goes.

Love, LS67

He responded, leave it at that, speculating that he's lying will surely get you in trouble by keeping you off balance, the key is to stay balanced inside so you can see things clearly. He doesn't owe you the truth, he isn't your man, he isn't your boyfriend, he's a guy you had sex with but I am curious to know the details of your thoughts regarding what you perceive to be a lie, maybe some of us can help you sort through that thought.

Your reply was short and simple, which is good, I believe the Cap is feeling you out attempting to see if you'll go all rambo psycho on him and typically that's were the leaning back doing nothing part comes in, he know if he behaves this way with a woman it'll drive her crazy (true) and he's seeing if you're that kind of woman.

Whatever you do DON'T apologize again and again, ugh just makes you appear pathetic and desperate as if you're a grown child, you don't have to apologize for anything and what you don't want to do is continue to send all these weird desperate messages that he can't find a response to and thus continue to fall deeper in the pit of despair, the key here is confidence, keeping your cool and you can't do that if you're apologizing for mistakes. If you think it's a mistake that you both had sex then he can't help but think YOU WERE A MISTAKE, being with you was a mistake and he'll aptly leave you alone.

So yes if he reaches out fine, if he doesn't fine, what you want to leave is an open space for him to come back to you if he so chooses and he will if you stay cool but until then be cool, go out and have fun, enjoy a few friendly social dates, forget about him, there are other men in the world that you have a chance to get it right with, so focus on that because that will BUILD YOU UP INSIDE, keep your confidence level balanced-high and voila the cap is back ready for another round with you.

Choose which girl you're going to be and commit to being that.

Are you going to be the cool girl?

Or

Are you going to be the insecure girl that can't keep it together when things get tough & seem wrong?

Posted by Metoo
Awwweee Tiki!! Xo

😄

I'm going to be the cool girl, dammit!!

Truth be told, he could have been logged in from before & showing up as on line, so who knows? I think I'm so afraid of rejection at this point, I tend to look for reasons to pull the trigger before someone else dumps me. That, compounded by the fact that my one serious post-divorce relationship was completely full on from day one (and completely smothering and co-dependant, which is why I ended it) and everything else that is going on, and I'm a recipe for disaster in trying to decipher relationships.

I'm just going to sit back, and see what happens. If he doesn't call or ask to see me in a few days, I'll have my answer.

On with my life ....

Lots of love & gratitude,

LS67

Posted by LibraScorpio67
Hi all:

I got a response from Cappy, saying that he had checked his phone while bored at the party he attended last night. This is an untruth, as I had seen him on line almost first thing in the morning.

He thanked me for asking about seeing other people, and that it was OK with him. No mention of seeing me again, just a "talk to you soon."

I replied acknowledging receipt of his note, stated that I was on my way out the door and wishing him a good day.

If he is already lying, when he doesn't have to, it's not a good sign. Part of me wants to send him a note saying that I'm sorry that the sex queered the whole thing, and that I understand. But this is based on a gut feeling, the fact that he hasn't asked to see me again, called or been more communicative, I won't, though. Every time I've done something like that, it's backfired and I've regretted it. So I will just keep my cool and go about my day.

If he reaches out, fine. If not, so it goes.

Love, LS67

Next time, don't give it up so fast. I was being blunt about putting out, but it's the truth. I've known a lot of Libra women who gave it up too fast and then were all butthurt or shocked that the guy changed gears after. It's kind of lame, considering that women have sexual needs too and want to get it as much as guys do, but man, if we give it up too fast, the guy changes and runs off. But it's perfectly okay for him to go out and hit it and quit it with no consequences. You don't often see women pulling the same distancing act after sex that guys do.

That said, if you want to keep a guy around that you would want something more with, remind yourself that whenever you wanna get some nookie that it may be too soon and that you're risking him running off afterward. Wait it out. His true intentions usually become clear pretty soon anyway.

OK ... I get it. Forget this one, lesson learned for next time. He hasn't reached out once today, other than to communicate about the dating site.

Love, LS67

Your insecurities over the 'early' sex is what caused the problems, not the sex itself.

Its funny how the energy we give off comes right back to us.

IMHO I feel you have way too many unresolved wounds and your woundedness is ruining your fun, ruining your confidence. Try not to give other people so much power over your happiness, if something doesn't work it, it doesn't work out but that doesn't mean blame yourself for it, the mere fact that you would beat yourself down inside about one guy not working out means you have a lot of work to do before you can actually date someone and be at ease with the pace of the relationship. Maybe it's too soon to be dating anyone.

Just wanted to update . . .

After minimal contact over a number of days, I finally sent Cappie a note saying "Well, at least we won't have to worry about running into each other." (Because we have worked in the same building for eons, and have never laid eyes on one another before).

He responded "It felt like things just moved too quickly. Sorry."

I responded "Good that you let me know before we slept together -- or was that my decision alone? Leaving me hanging has been a nice touch. NVM -- you got what you wanted."

We have not seen each other since, and I have been completely NC.

Here is my pathetic, ego-driven question: Do you think we will ever reach out again?

Thanks, and be gentle . . . it's a Monday . . .

Love, LS67

*meant "Do you think HE will ever reach out again"*

Yeah, I guessed as much. There is some aspect in my planetary positions which makes it hard to let go, especially when someone comes on strong and then disappears after sex.

Onward! Which in my case means chilling for a bit ... I took my on-line profile down a few days ago. I need more alone time to figure stuff out.

Thanks so much ...

LS67