Hold on or move forward...virgo woman confused

I am in need of some helpful advice, my analytical mind is driving me insane. I have fallin love with a confusing Cappie man. We spent the last 5 months, talking daily, going out a few times a week, and building what I thought was a strong and stable relationship. Slow and steady was our moto, though he spoke of us moving out of state together, in two years...building a cabin up in the Kentucky mountains and living our lives together. He carried me over mud puddles while we was hiking, so my feet would not get soaked. Planned evening trips to different places that took my breath away and left me in awe of his thoughtfulness. He was affectionate, attentive and caring every moment and I was helpless at falling for this man that was, what seemed to be, a dream come true.

We never spoke of our feelings, only that we liked each other and enjoyed spending our time together. Then, everything just stopped. He started talking about not wanting to feel obligated for my feeling and asking questions about missing my freedom. I got very confused with this behavior and asked that he please explain what is going on. The reply I got, "Things get too complicated when explanations are needed."

It has been two weeks since we last spoke and in truth, I am displaced emotionally by all of this. Recently, I discover I have a few of his personal items: His riding leather jacket, a coffee cup and some miscellaneous articles of clothing. He has yet to ask for them back, nor has he made an attempt to return the few things of mine left at his place.

Any kind of advice would be greatly appreciated.

I had a beautiful relationship with a Cap man for 6 months( more than 2 years ago).
It was absolutely like in those romantic movies.holding my hand all the time, making plans with me, etc,etc.But after exactly 6 months he invited me to seaside-i said something like'' i dont have the time and the mood to go there''and POOF he broke it write there on the spot.I didnt know he had such a big ego, even if i apologised ,he didnt want to be an item with me anymore.
So maybe you upset him with something?
We met some weeks ago on the street and he looked me streight in the eyes and said '' HI'', but that was everything.
After him i had other relationship with other Cap man( i broke up with me for about 2 weeks-he has a problem with drinking and he is asking to be back again, very clingy).
Being a Virgo myself, i know how hard is to let go..
I think is good to let him come back to you,i know is hard to wait...even if you are not together ,who knows maybe you will be in the future..
keep yourself busy with other stuff.

I am not sure how this would upset him, but one night we spent an evening together at his place, talking, dancing and having a really good time. It got too late and I was too tired to drive home, so he offered I spend the night. I woke up when he did, for work, but he said I could stay and get more sleep, since we was lucky if we got 3 hours. I was not arguing...so i laid back down. Only to wake up mid-afternoon. I called him at work told him I just woke up. He said to go ahead and make some some coffee to wake up, telling me where everything was. So, I did...being the virgo woman that I am...while drinking my coffee, I proceeded to cleaning his kitchen. I did the dishes, wiped down the counter and cleaned up the mess we had left from the night before. He got home just 2 hours after I woke up, just after I finished with the kitchen and thanked me for cleaning, though "I did not have to do so"! When he was talking about feeling obligated and freedom, a month an a half after that took place, he made mention that when I had cleaned his kitchen, he was taken back because he did not need "help" cleaning his home. I explained that I was just trying to keep myself busy and I was not implying that he could not do it himself. It is just how I am.

how old are you?
i know about cleaning and a virgo person..
maybe he is a bit scared of his feelings,everybody says that: when they are getting really love feelings ,they need to step back and rethink.
take it easy..he will come back to you, in some time.
A cap man can tell you better how it will be.

Both of us are in our 40's and divorced.

Maybe cleaning the house was too "wifely".

Posted by truecap
Maybe cleaning the house was too "wifely".

I am not sure about that "wifely" thing, though it is an interesting theory. It is just who I am, if I am sitting idle...I look for something to do. We have been friends for 10 years prior, so he knows me outside of the "dating" thing.

I have read through some of the other threads, I like your input...it is straight and to the point. Could you share some of your advice about my dilemma, if you find a minute or two....

Sounds like he got spooked. I notice that Cap guys are usually GREAT when they are spending time with you, but they don't want to feel obligated if there's no title. Hence the hot and cold..

Posted by dlwwolf

Posted by truecap
Maybe cleaning the house was too "wifely".

I am not sure about that "wifely" thing, though it is an interesting theory. It is just who I am, if I am sitting idle...I look for something to do. We have been friends for 10 years prior, so he knows me outside of the "dating" thing.

I have read through some of the other threads, I like your input...it is straight and to the point. Could you share some of your advice about my dilemma, if you find a minute or two....

click to expand

I"m really not sure what is going on with him.

Sometimes men feel a shift in the vibe. Women are fun and relaxed and men get a good feeling when they're with them, then all of a sudden something changes; the vibe changes and now they're feeling pressure instead of fun. Some women tend to start trying too hard to "prove" they'd be good wife material or some women start feeling too comfortable and proceed with a wifely attitude rather than a girlfriend attitude (demanding instead of receiving with happiness) and some women start feeling insecure which leads to neediness. Regardless of what causes the vibe, it creates a shift and men notice it, though they probably don't even know what it is.

Men fall in love with a women when they get a good feeling from just being around her. They fall in love with a women when they are giving to a women. When a woman starts giving to a man, it changes the shift. So we, as women, need to curb our instinct to give and learn to let him do things for us and just simply say thank you.

I have no idea if that's what happened here. But the cleaning may have caused him to feel that shift for some reason.

If you feel the need to reach out to him, just ask him a question about something he knows about, like a recommendation for a good mechanic or something that gives you a reason to contact him. Whether you contact him or whether he contacts you, when you do hear from him, let your voice be friendly and happy and let him know you're happy to hear from him. Don't start asking why he disappeared, it just sounds nagging and won't give him that "good feeling" of being around you.

Not sure if I'm much help here, because I"m baffled too, but thought I'd throw some of those tips out there.

If someone cleaned my house, I would wonder if they pilfered through my stuff. The "cleaning" would cover up the evidence of things being moved around.

The only time I've ever cleaned my guy's house is because I stayed there for a week after the tornado and he was out of town for that time period. It was my way of being appreciative for the place to stay. And I told him I was going to do it before I did it, to give him a head's up and a chance to decline the offer.

And, I think we're all too focused on the cleaning. That could have nothing to do with it, but since he mentioned it again later, I wonder if it really bothered him.

Posted by truecap

Posted by dlwwolf

Posted by truecap
Maybe cleaning the house was too "wifely".

I am not sure about that "wifely" thing, though it is an interesting theory. It is just who I am, if I am sitting idle...I look for something to do. We have been friends for 10 years prior, so he knows me outside of the "dating" thing.

I have read through some of the other threads, I like your input...it is straight and to the point. Could you share some of your advice about my dilemma, if you find a minute or two....

I"m really not sure what is going on with him.

Sometimes men feel a shift in the vibe. Women are fun and relaxed and men get a good feeling when they're with them, then all of a sudden something changes; the vibe changes and now they're feeling pressure instead of fun. Some women tend to start trying too hard to "prove" they'd be good wife material or some women start feeling too comfortable and proceed with a wifely attitude rather than a girlfriend attitude (demanding instead of receiving with happiness) and some women start feeling insecure which leads to neediness. Regardless of what causes the vibe, it creates a shift and men notice it, though they probably don't even know what it is.

Men fall in love with a women when they get a good feeling from just being around her. They fall in love with a women when they are giving to a women. When a woman starts giving to a man, it changes the shift. So we, as women, need to curb our instinct to give and learn to let him do things for us and just simply say thank you.

I have no idea if that's what happened here. But the cleaning may have caused him to feel that shift for some reason.

If you feel the need to reach out to him, just ask him a question about something he knows about, like a recommendation for a good mechanic or something that gives you a reason to contact him. Whether you contact him or whether he contacts you, when you do hear from him, let your voice be friendly and happy and let him know you're happy to hear from him. Don't start asking why he disappeared, it just sounds nagging and won't give him that "good feeling" of being around you.

Not sure if I'm much help here, because I"m baffled too, but thought I'd throw some of those tips out there.

click to expand

Thank you for the insight, truecap, I think you are on the right track. The only one that can give me the real answers is him and I have accepted the fact that I will never gain this knowledge. My main concern is understanding were to go from here. Is this just a bump in the road...since he has not requested we swap our person

"Thank you for the insight, truecap, I think you are on the right track. The only one that can give me the real answers is him and I have accepted the fact that I will never gain this knowledge. My main concern is understanding were to go from here. Is this just a bump in the road...since he has not requested we swap our personal belongs back and just needs some time to rationalize? ~OR~ Is this the end for him...so, just take the initiative by returning his items and walk away happy to have experienced 5 months of perfection?"

If you take the initiative of returning things, that's like saying "it's over". He may be processing. Then, again, he may not care if he gets his stuff back. But, caps are pretty territorial and we don't like losing things we spent our hard earned money on. So, I think, hopefully, it's a bump in the road.

If you reach out to him, make sure you have a reason to do so and be friendly. Like "you mentioned there was a good place to buy ____, for the life of me I can't remember what that place is, could you refresh my memory" or anything that he's knowledgeable in to get a recommendation. Keep it friendly and upbeat and sincere.

For the love of puppies, don't ask him "where do we go from here". That's too much pressure.

Posted by Gobshite

Posted by truecap
And I told him I was going to do it before I did it, to give him a head's up and a chance to decline the offer.

That should be the ideal way of approaching the situation - any drastic changes should require either advanced notice or permission.

But I don't think she only washed-up the dirty dishes and threw out the trash...

Posted by BlackMamba
The Virgo cleaned my place a couple of times and I was pissed. Because he put my papers my business away in box and I'm just like wtf you sneaky secretive azz Virgo has the nerve to go through my stuff but not even be open yourself. It really annoyed me. I told him not to touch my stuff.

Anyways I love how Caps treat Virgos like crap. Thank you from all zodiac signs. They deserve it. I wish I could be that brutal

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Thank you both for your responses. Though, stereotyping virgos was not exactly what I was looking for, not all of us lack boundaries of respect for another person's privacy or space, especially someone we trust and care about.

Applauding the cruel treatment of another person of any Sun Sign is whole different story, though. However, save your applause...this man was never cruel to me and I have no bad words to say about him. He was nothing but a charismatic gentleman who cared about me by doing things no another man has. For that, regardless of this outcome, I will always appreciate the person he is.

Posted by truecap
If you take the initiative of returning things, that's like saying "it's over". He may be processing. Then, again, he may not care if he gets his stuff back. But, caps are pretty territorial and we don't like losing things we spent our hard earned money on. So, I think, hopefully, it's a bump in the road.

If you reach out to him, make sure you have a reason to do so and be friendly. Like "you mentioned there was a good place to buy ____, for the life of me I can't remember what that place is, could you refresh my memory" or anything that he's knowledgeable in to get a recommendation. Keep it friendly and upbeat and sincere.

Excellent advice...though, I think I will wait for him to come to me. I know his leather jacket is important to him, so eventually I will hear something. Friendly and sincere is not a problem...the upbeat will all depend on rationalizing and reining my own emotions.

Testing testing testing
Gotta make sure before taking the next step, right?