How much emotional support do Caps need?

My Cap is going through some serious stuff right now (health scare, he's stopped drinking, and work related). I'm not sure how much emotional support to give him. He doesn't ask for any, has only asked for some time. Now I know that Caps like to withdraw and deal with things on their own. However, he has a tendency to wallow and get very negative. It's a fine balance for me right now between giving him space, cheering him up, and pushing him a bit to be more positive.

We're still spending as much free time together as we both have. Plans are being made for the future. I feel like I've been contacting him more for the last 2 weeks. It's not really my nature to do that for a prolonged period of time so it feels weird, but it's not about me right now. Should I stop reaching out and let him come to me? or continue what I'm doing?

Oooh Sunmoon I feel for you right now babe, I'm sure it'll be fine.
Hoping really hard you both are okay...
I go through similar stuff with my Cappy all the time, if it's not work related stress it's health or something else.
But I can't really advise because we live together so definition of space and working things out etc are a bit different.
I think you're doing fine though x

Such things are difficult. Personally, I think the most important thing is to make sure he knows you're there for him. I would keep checking in on him occationally, so that he knows I care. If he asks for alone time, then give him that, imo, but not for too long - again, just make sure he knows he can count on you. Good luck and best wishes!

Posted by SunMoonStars
It's a fine balance for me right now between giving him space, cheering him up, and pushing him a bit to be more positive.

This.

That's what he will need. you are doing it right. Good luck

Posted by wagtail
Oooh Sunmoon I feel for you right now babe, I'm sure it'll be fine.
Hoping really hard you both are okay...
I go through similar stuff with my Cappy all the time, if it's not work related stress it's health or something else.
But I can't really advise because we live together so definition of space and working things out etc are a bit different.
I think you're doing fine though x

Thank you wagtail.
It isn't easy being around him during this time, I joke that I'm the only one who would encourage him to stop drinking and brave his wrath. However, I feel like if I'm going to be someone's friend, I shouldn't enable them, and push them to be better. Wish us luck 🙂

Posted by HappyCapper
Such things are difficult. Personally, I think the most important thing is to make sure he knows you're there for him. I would keep checking in on him occationally, so that he knows I care. If he asks for alone time, then give him that, imo, but not for too long - again, just make sure he knows he can count on you. Good luck and best wishes!

Thanks HappyCapper! I will do what I can, hope it helps him.

Posted by dixie
My dad is a Cap...he needs a lot of emotional support, especially in trying times such as health scares. He may not admit it but I can see right through it.

Yeah dixie, he would never admit it. If it were up to him, he'd get over this on his own. I don't think he likes admitting weakness let alone let me see it, but he laughs a lot when I'm around so that's how I know he's happier.

Posted by anna1

Posted by SunMoonStars
It's a fine balance for me right now between giving him space, cheering him up, and pushing him a bit to be more positive.

This.

That's what he will need. you are doing it right. Good luck

click to expand

Thank you Anna1!

Posted by SunMoonStars

Posted by wagtail
Oooh Sunmoon I feel for you right now babe, I'm sure it'll be fine.
Hoping really hard you both are okay...
I go through similar stuff with my Cappy all the time, if it's not work related stress it's health or something else.
But I can't really advise because we live together so definition of space and working things out etc are a bit different.
I think you're doing fine though x

Thank you wagtail.
It isn't easy being around him during this time, I joke that I'm the only one who would encourage him to stop drinking and brave his wrath. However, I feel like if I'm going to be someone's friend, I shouldn't enable them, and push them to be better. Wish us luck 🙂

click to expand

any time hun, please don't hesitiate to PM me for a chat either...
Don't be forget to be his biggest supporter, and don't be afraid to stand firm for everything you both believe in- including coping with his drinking habits/ health etc

Posted by wagtail

Posted by SunMoonStars

Posted by wagtail
Oooh Sunmoon I feel for you right now babe, I'm sure it'll be fine.
Hoping really hard you both are okay...
I go through similar stuff with my Cappy all the time, if it's not work related stress it's health or something else.
But I can't really advise because we live together so definition of space and working things out etc are a bit different.
I think you're doing fine though x

Thank you wagtail.
It isn't easy being around him during this time, I joke that I'm the only one who would encourage him to stop drinking and brave his wrath. However, I feel like if I'm going to be someone's friend, I shouldn't enable them, and push them to be better. Wish us luck 🙂

any time hun, please don't hesitiate to PM me for a chat either...
Don't be forget to be his biggest supporter, and don't be afraid to stand firm for everything you both believe in- including coping with his drinking habits/ health etc

click to expand

I definitely agree. And don't get sucked into the guilt trip thing. Addicts can get pretty nasty when defending their habit - I know from experiance. My friend ended up stopping seeing me, as I was the only one in her close surroundings who refused to enable her drinking. Her comments of me not being a friend and her accusations of me not trusting her(which I indeed did not do when it came to alcohol) were hurtful, but I knew that it was her addicion speaking. Don't forget that he is the only one who can save himself - don't put up with just anything and forget about you in the process. All you can do is to support him. Super good luck! It's not going to be easy, but hopefully it will end well.

Posted by SunMoonStars
My Cap is going through some serious stuff right now (health scare, he's stopped drinking, and work related). I'm not sure how much emotional support to give him. He doesn't ask for any, has only asked for some time. Now I know that Caps like to withdraw and deal with things on their own. However, he has a tendency to wallow and get very negative. It's a fine balance for me right now between giving him space, cheering him up, and pushing him a bit to be more positive.

We're still spending as much free time together as we both have. Plans are being made for the future. I feel like I've been contacting him more for the last 2 weeks. It's not really my nature to do that for a prolonged period of time so it feels weird, but it's not about me right now. Should I stop reaching out and let him come to me? or continue what I'm doing?

It's not that we WANT to go through hard times alone-a lot of us just don't know how to ask for help and/or support. We're trying to fix things on our own but sometimes, the more we try, the more we overanalyze, and the situation pulls us down even more. So we do need friends who are willing to make plans for us to pull us out of whatever muck we may have burrowed ourselves into.

Keep being a good friend, he appreciates it more than you think :-)