I think I gave to much of me to my Cappy....HELP!!

darsaun I mean no disrespect when I say this but you got played, you gave to a man that hadn't confirmed his love for you through his actions, when women and men give like that people take advantage, he offered you crumbs and you gave a full course meal, now your seeing the results of too much giving and too much loving, he's being neglectful and the less he gives the more you feel you need.

Key reasons that show you got played

"in the beginning..he was very persistent..texng everyday all day. we became really close.we were intimate..."

thats the way it always starts off, he starts feeding you attention and he gauges your reaction to his attention giving as a barometer to see how much you are needy/clingy and wanting, the more you responded to his romantic gestures the more he knew he could play you, now you gave something special and he took it...told you he loved you....you were conquered and he sealed the deal...he's gone/barely there for you, he's off to conquer someone else but doesn't have the balls to tell you just like he didn't have the balls to tell you he had a girlfriend when you first met him.

"he admitted that he was living with another female"

he knew this all along, to tell you last minute is an insult, there was no turning back now was there and he knew it, if you had stayed home that would have messed his game up but you came anyway another way to confirm his thoughts that you were emotionally desperate for him, i'm sure you had already bought your plane ticket or had a full tank of gas by that point.

"I came home and later found out that he lost his job and couldn't pay the rent..."

was there any way you could confirm the job loss, I'm sure you took his word for it and he took your money.

"I also sent little gifts for him that I know he needed and would like...."

He didn't do anything to deserve those gifts, in his mind you were buying his love and appreciation...now you are seeing the end results of what he truly feels about all that, he's barely speaking to you

"he still tex every morning to wish me a great day...."

sounds to me he is doing just enough for you not to ask for your money back or ask for more emotional love from him, again he was freely giving you love and attention and now you feel like a beggar for that same affection he used to give willingly.

"I want to talk on the phone more than tex. emotionally, I need more from him than 1 tex a day.. although when I do tex he always answers back. but its just one word..we never talk like we use to.... I told him my concerns. he says "dont trip over nothing, I got cha back and front".

Now he's making you feel silly for wanting more by telling you to stop feeling what your feeling, he's minimizing your feelings because he has no interest in helping you feel secure, he could have easily said ok, your right i haven't gave you the attention you deserve but now he's using work and friends as an excuse to not interact with you more...lame excuse if you ask me, now your texting (chasing him) and he's being elusive making you want more which will make you give more...thats game....stop contact and I hope you kept receipts so you can take his ass to small claims court to get your money back and if you didn't well charge it to the game and let this be a lesson to you, you never have to GIVE men anything, all you have to do is be ready to RECEIVE his love and men that truly are on the real will never take from a potential lover like he did.

"more important to him than me. He adores his friends..and he doest make me feel like that..Ive given him all my love and tried my best to show him i will be there for him ... I feel unappreciated,enuff will never be enough with him and he will never admire me as he do his friends"

Listen to that statement, he's loving and appreciating people that did NOTHING for him, he has no respect for people who did NOTHING for him..do you see the difference between people who gave nothing and your giving?

You never had to give him anything, he would have survived without you, why do you think he didn't ditch people that weren't there for him because he NEVER NEEDED anything. He's treating people that were clearly not there for him with more love and respect because men don't need to be nurtured with love in that way, I know giving is a temporary high but when men and women give like that people call them wussy's, doormats, needy, desperate, I don't feel you were intentionally trying to send that message, you thought giving would make you 2 become closer but it never does have that effect, it has the opposite, people run from givers b/c they don't want to feel pressured to love and give back.

I don't want you to feel inadequate, I broke it down this way b/c I want you to see the 2 extremes of whats going on. In the end you have to decide to stay or go, your emotions are already involved so your going to have to be strong and cease all contact if you decide to go, of course he's going to chase you once you do that not b/c he loves you or wants you...he will be chasing the gifts and ego stroking, so get ready.

sorry typo

Listen to that statement, he's loving and appreciating people that did NOTHING for him, he has respect for people who did NOTHING for him but you give to him and you get NOTHING....do you see the difference between people who gave nothing and your giving?

I noticed that typo from the beginning. Not sure why Tiki didn't respond to it but I love how she always focuses on the person's behavior and not their sign so that doesn't matter.

But...

Is that Aqua behavior? I have dated a few and befriended a few Aquas and they tend to be givers. Well at least among their friends and lovers so I'm not sure if that makes the difference. I've only dated one Aqua who needed anything from me which was he left his wallet at home while we were out to breakfast.I gave him $ 40 (our bill was 20'something) to cover it and I only got $ 20 back (weird) but he always gave to me in that 8mos relationship so I couldn't really complain. In fact the breakfast was for my first day out of a 3-day hospital stay for food poisoning and he picked me up from the hospital. Maybe I did pay for my own meal but I won't overanalyze it.

As for darsaun, I think he is definitely a taker more than anything, the minute he doesn't need anything from you or you refuse to give him anything you will lose power and his dismissing you will seem justified to him as "you are now mistreating him". Definitely move on, not sure if you're like me but I would NEVER be able to forget his bad behavior no matter if he became Prince Charming for the rest of our romantic time together. Screw him...

Best,

MsA

You said he's Feb. 6... which makes him an Aquarius. Maybe you'd get better feedback on the Aqua board.

Just a bit on the "getting your money back" issue-- if there was no verbal or written agreement that it was a loan or that he'd pay you back, you will not get a judge to rule in your favor, as it will be deemed a gift.

Otherwise, agree with Tiki. Even if he wasn't intentionally playing you, this is a bad way to start out a new relationship-- helping dig a guy out of a bad spot. When a guy is at his lowest AND you're just meeting him, you don't want to be his savior/angel. It sets up the wrong dynamics for longterm male-female roles. Sort of think "Jerry McGuire" movie...

darsaun didn't I tell you he would come back LOL!! The bottom line is that he was taking you for granted and now he sense that you have gained a bit of a back bone he's on the chase, take your time, you have to show some strength and not DO so much, he's not a child, he can take care of himself and in the near future politely say NO when men insinuate help needed by telling you all his problems and directly asking for help. Only you know what to do, we all can say dump him but thats a decision you will have to make for yourself.

tiki33...you were soo right..It was if he was asleep and now awaken..All I had to do was disappear..not answer, be aloof..basically act like him...he was working today, but it didn't matter..he texed all day.. and said we need to talk more on the phone? WTF?..I cant believe the turn around..he also said to watch my mailbox this week...Thank you and the forum for your advice..and I promise to take it slow and keep my money to myself.

i have to add to this. i don't entirely agree with tiki, but there were some valid generalizations. as a capricorn, i have to tell you...work will always come first. he was probably uncomfortable with being dependent on this woman he lived with and wasn't prepared for the finacial "burden" of living alone. we always like to know what's coming ahead and freak out when we don't (we are mountain goats, always climbing). he hit a double whammy with losing the job and with losing his finacial stability. our worst fear is being poor, so he was probably really ashamed and embarrassed (which is why he took so long to ask for help). i am very good with money and very ambitious, but one time i got laid off and i went into a serious depression. i couldn't even leave the house. finally, about 2 days before the rent was due, i asked someone special to loan me the money (i couldn't even form the sentence, he had to ask for me). still to this day it was one of the darkest periods of my life.

he will always struggle with maintaining his career and responsibilities because that is a barometer (for caps) as to how worthy they are in a relationship (and in life!). it's not always best to go and offer help, like i said, so embarrassing. we'd rather be told we're bad in bed than to hear "do you need any money?" so when he goes through these periods, be supportive by distracting him and making him laugh...offer a night out that doesn't involve spending a lot of money (bowling, hiking, miniature golf). we ARE romantic, but in a traditional way...he won't text all the time in the future because we "get used" to love and believe that being there and being loyal and honest is the best expression of love. that, and buying gifts, hence the bahamas cruise. there is no better way for a capricorn to express their emotions than through gifts. it's so 50's, i know, but that's how we do. just be patient. and encourage him to be more affectionate when you're together. as you know, we goats are always horny. 😉

Thank you so much for that warholian...He does have a lot of pride and I know it was hard for him to come to me. I just wanted him to know that I was there for him.. I didn't think I was being a wuss. He now knows how I feel and he is more affection now. I knew when he was living with the other women he was use to two incomes..I did think about it and I had been in his life for 8 months already without him asking for anything..so I decided to help, he hasn't ask again.

If he's Feb 6, he's an Aquarian. I like what War said, though. True for male Cappys, especially the horny part. 😉

Ferdy - yeah, we can be dicks. real bitchy and all that. it takes sometime to get used to it. you shouldn't take us so seriously, it'll only get you into trouble. we're just what others call "brutally honest." if you can't handle that, well, that's kind of your problem. hugs and kisses. 😉

Cappywench, he's a Cappy for sure..I made a a typo..His birthday is Jan 6..And they are very honest.. they tell you just how they feel lol ..You cant wear your heart on your sleeve at all with them...And I heard that when they leave, they leave for good.. I ask my cappy if he would consider going back to the women he left..he said no..He doesn't love her...he has said he loved me twice..he doesn't use it a lot.. I just wanted to be sure if he had left for good because they had been together for so long. He says Im a hand full and he loves my crazy ways.. I love having fun..I make him laugh all the time.Im a Sagg and we are not suppose to be a good match...He likes the fact That I'm Jazzy and I love looking and feeling sexy..Boring isn't in my vocabulary. He said he likes that. His ex continue to send me nasty notes on myspace..I just ignore her..thats not my style ..she's only confirming that he has truly left.

Ferdy,I heard if they care they always come back..How did you push to hard if I may ask?
Because in the beginning of our relationship..we bumped heads left and right.. I was controlling, bossy, He was blunt and Im a Sagg and I am bold with words as well. He was very serious and I took nothing serious..I was immature to him..and to me he was a boring stiff. we are the opposite in every area..but we both are ambitious and thats the core of our balance.. I said things that I thought he would never come back..but he said we were going to make it work. And that's just what happen. I toned down. we began to respect each other and then the friendship started. Our arguments are debates and we always end it with one of his jokes and we move on. I came on the message board because I was feeling insecure thinking that because he was so aloof latley that he was loosing interest.

Just give it some time Ferdy..You still may have your cappy..

Tiki and War gave me ausome advice. Huggs to them both..

Excuse my ignorance but what is cookiemonster— I hear that word often on the board..lol and I wanted so bad to ask..what does it mean to be a cookiemonster?

the "cookiemonster" and "butter" talk is all part of this forum's auto-replace feature which replaces naughty words...i was wondering about that too. and i thought i was hip to pop culture!