Mimi38
@Mimi38
9 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 16 · Topics: 2
If you have a moment....
Oh, and the main reason I decided to move forward in this relationship is I "expected" him to show me a good time, show me how to have fun but I don't think he knows this... Well I didn't tell him. I usually don't even think about the other person. Just go off and bail out.
I used to feel just like you do. I learned to speak up. Just do it from the get go before you're all upset about something.
Like the first time it happens, just tell him how it makes you feel. Don't blame, just say I may be misreading the situation and was hoping you could shed some light on it. When you did this, I felt like this and I didn't like feeling like that.
It's all about presentation.
Think about different responses he could have and have a plan how you're going to respond to each. That way, you will be prepared if he says something you don't like and you'll already have processed that reaction, so you won't be as upset about it as you would be hearing it fresh.
If he says he's going here (appreciate the honesty he's telling you his plans) just say, that sounds like fun, I'd love to do that. Then maybe he will invite you. Or just come right out and say "I wanna go".
When I was 3 months in with my aqua, his son was involved in sports and aqua knew I wasn't really a big sports fan. I wanted to go to the games just to spend time with him, but he thought I wouldn't want to go. So one day I just said I'd like to go to a game sometime. He seemed all surprised and said he didn't invite me because he didn't want me to feel obligated. I said I wasn't sure you really wanted me to go. He was like Heck Yeah I want you to go - it sucks sitting there by myself. After that, I started going to the majority of the games. I say all that because communication is important.
You already said he knows you like to stay home. So it may be that he doesn't think you want to go. Communicate!!!
Just be sweet no matter how he answers. Don't make him feel attacked or guilty or anything negative. Wait and see if things get better and be proud that you spoke up. Guys are attracted to a woman because of how she makes him feel when he's with her. So, don't give him a reason to feel anything negative when he's with you. Of course, you can't let them treat you like dirt - that's a different situation.
Just communicate what you want. He's not going to know unless you tell him. He can't read your mind.
Like the first time it happens, just tell him how it makes you feel. Don't blame, just say I may be misreading the situation and was hoping you could shed some light on it. When you did this, I felt like this and I didn't like feeling like that.
It's all about presentation.
Think about different responses he could have and have a plan how you're going to respond to each. That way, you will be prepared if he says something you don't like and you'll already have processed that reaction, so you won't be as upset about it as you would be hearing it fresh.
If he says he's going here (appreciate the honesty he's telling you his plans) just say, that sounds like fun, I'd love to do that. Then maybe he will invite you. Or just come right out and say "I wanna go".
When I was 3 months in with my aqua, his son was involved in sports and aqua knew I wasn't really a big sports fan. I wanted to go to the games just to spend time with him, but he thought I wouldn't want to go. So one day I just said I'd like to go to a game sometime. He seemed all surprised and said he didn't invite me because he didn't want me to feel obligated. I said I wasn't sure you really wanted me to go. He was like Heck Yeah I want you to go - it sucks sitting there by myself. After that, I started going to the majority of the games. I say all that because communication is important.
You already said he knows you like to stay home. So it may be that he doesn't think you want to go. Communicate!!!
Just be sweet no matter how he answers. Don't make him feel attacked or guilty or anything negative. Wait and see if things get better and be proud that you spoke up. Guys are attracted to a woman because of how she makes him feel when he's with her. So, don't give him a reason to feel anything negative when he's with you. Of course, you can't let them treat you like dirt - that's a different situation.
Just communicate what you want. He's not going to know unless you tell him. He can't read your mind.
And it's NOT pathetic to say "I want to go".
Posted by truecapThaaank You, You do know just what I mean. I knew I needed to communicate with him but, you're right, it's my approach that's freaking me out. I want to keep him around so that's why I've been quiet but all I need is the oomph to simply say, "I wanna go" and not sound demanding. Thank you so much.
And it's NOT pathetic to say "I want to go".
Off to rehearse. LOL. I have to though. This feels like laying it all out on the line to me.
Posted by Mimi38Nah, it's a lot easier than you're making it out to be.Posted by truecapThaaank You, You do know just what I mean. I knew I needed to communicate with him but, you're right, it's my approach that's freaking me out. I want to keep him around so that's why I've been quiet but all I need is the oomph to simply say, "I wanna go" and not sound demanding. Thank you so much.
And it's NOT pathetic to say "I want to go".
Off to rehearse. LOL. I have to though. This feels like laying it all out on the line to me.click to expand
I was scared too until I tried it once - and it worked! And nothing bad happened! You'll see!
Posted by Mimi38Nah, it's a lot easier than you're making it out to be.Posted by truecapThaaank You, You do know just what I mean. I knew I needed to communicate with him but, you're right, it's my approach that's freaking me out. I want to keep him around so that's why I've been quiet but all I need is the oomph to simply say, "I wanna go" and not sound demanding. Thank you so much.
And it's NOT pathetic to say "I want to go".
Off to rehearse. LOL. I have to though. This feels like laying it all out on the line to me.click to expand
I was scared too until I tried it once - and it worked! And nothing bad happened! You'll see!
Posted by cheekyfaerieThanks, Cheeky.
I see this all the time around here and I don't get it. Not picking on you, just saying you're hardly alone in this and I find it sad. I may lose relationships for other reasons, but it won't be because I wasn't assertive. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. The partner you choose to have in life is one of the most influential people in it. They affect your overall wellbeing. Your health and happiness. Please don't make yourself smaller to try and be someone else's perfect fit. Find someone who's yours.
Truecap gave good advice. I hope you'll follow it.
Posted by cheekyfaerieI hear ya.Posted by truecapI didn't mean to go all whatever, but all these threads are starting to get to me. • This is one of those areas in life where ya get to be a lil selfish, ya know? If you don't find the right person for you, you're just gonna end up being hurt and hurting them in the long run. *sigh* See a dxp break in my near future.Posted by cheekyfaerieThanks, Cheeky.
I see this all the time around here and I don't get it. Not picking on you, just saying you're hardly alone in this and I find it sad. I may lose relationships for other reasons, but it won't be because I wasn't assertive. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. The partner you choose to have in life is one of the most influential people in it. They affect your overall wellbeing. Your health and happiness. Please don't make yourself smaller to try and be someone else's perfect fit. Find someone who's yours.
Truecap gave good advice. I hope you'll follow it.click to expand
At 39, what else you have not tried?
Oh come on, I can't imagine if I will be the same. But Caps do constantly change each time faces failure, I guess?
It is still the feelings that Caps can't overcome. Therefore this post from you, right?
I can understand but do not know how to help. LOL
Oh come on, I can't imagine if I will be the same. But Caps do constantly change each time faces failure, I guess?
It is still the feelings that Caps can't overcome. Therefore this post from you, right?
I can understand but do not know how to help. LOL
Communication is key without a doubt. And you have to get out of your feelings a little. Say what you need in a relationship, thats only normal.
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