just curious

an ex bf from 10 years ago has been contacting me quite a bit lately. first started with a friendly/perhaps more than friendly text a few weeks ago. then another last night and a phone call a few minutes ago. the first text made reference to something we'd say to each other as a love reminder.

i've not responded at all.

am i complete bitch?

i feel like i should give him a friendly ring and update him on life. gonna ask the bf tonight. suppose that's really the first move.

i'm peeved. 10 yrs later and out of the blue ya wanna start blowing up my phone as if i'm just available to reminisce on an old fire?

thoughts anyone?

When that happens to me I always answer in a friendly way and when the topic about what I'm doing nowadays comes up, I tell him about my work and stuff, and about my boyfriend and ask him about his life. Never been a big deal for me, tbh. Don't worry. It will settle itself.

And if my boyfriend got mad that someone else contacted me, then I would get mad.

Posted by flyover
Hmm... Idk. Bf may get mad :/.

given the attempts at contact, i'd probably be mad too if i were in bf's shoes. i have a feeling he won't like it, but will probably see reason in me contacting the ex to clear the air.

Posted by HappyCapper
When that happens to me I always answer in a friendly way and when the topic about what I'm doing nowadays comes up, I tell him about my work and stuff, and about my boyfriend and ask him about his life. Never been a big deal for me, tbh. Don't worry. It will settle itself.

definitely. i've had to do it before, but these last few weeks have been so hectic helping my bf with work ... literally going days without sleep @.@, responding to the first text slipped my mind. a big part of me def allowed it to, given what was texted.

Posted by FrenchKpricorn
always though you were a guy,

anwsers him that you are with you are with your lovely husband and your daughter of 4 years already know how to multiplicate number

lolololololol. i'm a chick. that's pretty funny. and that's a fun thought, but i'm the most unconvincing liar there ever was.

ehhh... i might as well continue blowing him off then.

I totally get that bf wouldn't like it, but why get mad? At you, for recieveng texts? At your ex who doesn't even know you're in a relationship? I don't get it.

Posted by HappyCapper
I totally get that bf wouldn't like it, but why get mad? At you, for recieveng texts? At your ex who doesn't even know you're in a relationship? I don't get it.

oh, no. i meant he'd prob be pissed about it in general. not mad at me. if mad at anyone, mad at the ex.

Posted by FrenchKpricorn
the thing that i think is weird its that you have the same mobile number since ten years!

lol, yea i've moved area codes twice now and haven't changed it. a little afraid to alter anything with ATT, as i wouldn't put it past them to use it to cancel my unlimited data.

Posted by CreepyPants

Posted by HappyCapper
I totally get that bf wouldn't like it, but why get mad? At you, for recieveng texts? At your ex who doesn't even know you're in a relationship? I don't get it.

oh, no. i meant he'd prob be pissed about it in general. not mad at me. if mad at anyone, mad at the ex.

click to expand

Ah oki. 🙂

Honestly, its your job to shut this thing down. He's not texting you for fun, he either wants to rekindle or feed his ego.

Your BF would be right to be mad if you let the texting linger. Allowing someone to text you for a prolonged period of time,means you've been texting back.

Shut it down, and if your BF finds out, points for you for being loyal and honest.

just talked to my bf about it. i don't do contact with exes behind his back. there's never a need for "if my bf finds out." my mo is nothing to hide. he's all good with me calling or texting to shoot the shit and let him know my stat. i'm sure it'll go down just fine.

Posted by CapricornLaurie
Honestly, its your job to shut this thing down. He's not texting you for fun, he either wants to rekindle or feed his ego.

Your BF would be right to be mad if you let the texting linger. Allowing someone to text you for a prolonged period of time,means you've been texting back.

Shut it down, and if your BF finds out, points for you for being loyal and honest.

sadly my ex husband and ex's know where my family lives, so i had one time my ex husband show up two times total in the time we broke up. He has the audacity!!! one time drunk as hell. but then got caught after ward.

anyway, last time before he went into prison years ago, he showed up on his motorcycle (yes they gave him back his license cause he was a good boy for awhile but it doesn't last sadly) and then he had the audacity to ask about his personal belongings from long ago.

i just ignored him. i can't take that kind of harassment. Seriously. it's done and done.

move the hell on.


it seems you dont wanna move on, or you need closure with him, creepy. It sounds like you need closure for your ex's all the time.

Posted by CreepyPants
just talked to my bf about it. i don't do contact with exes behind his back. there's never a need for "if my bf finds out." my mo is nothing to hide. he's all good with me calling or texting to shoot the shit and let him know my stat. i'm sure it'll go down just fine.

oh that's good. that you don't contact the ex's.

i'm sure if they had your email they're gonna contact you.

or Phone number ect.

ugh and funnily the personal belonging he was asking was given to me!! gosh if he is using that kind of bs. He can have it.

Posted by CreepyPants

Posted by FrenchKpricorn
the thing that i think is weird its that you have the same mobile number since ten years!

lol, yea i've moved area codes twice now and haven't changed it. a little afraid to alter anything with ATT, as i wouldn't put it past them to use it to cancel my unlimited data.

click to expand

you can Always ask for another number you know?


it's different if your family lives in the same place. They like their house and property ect.

but one can Always Always change their Phone number. and mark it unlisted.

a Taurus right?

i personally dont see the big issue with running away from and cutting off exes.

i dont know if i said that right.

i dont see the issue with keeping in contact with an ex. id never tell a guy i was dating to cut his ex off because of me.

lisa, how do you gather that i'm the one who went looking for closure in this situation. i have a need to be respectful, yes. past relationships would be reduced to a waste of time, and i'd only regret myself if i just blew off someone trying to make contact who didn't know any better not to. otherwise, lol, i'm not the one who contacted the other. after 10 yrs no less. by reaching out, he's the one trying to re-open the line. i'm the one trying to figure out how to close it. in a way, yes... i am seeking to close whatever he's re-opening.

same thing with my more recent ex you might also be referring to, if he and i are going to keep running into each other, then i can do without the nasty stares i get from him. i'd like to shut that down too.

me not wanting to move on isn't really right. i've blissfully moved on. they are more likely the one's who have not and out of respect for myself and my bf, yes i do need to give the exes the closure.

the ATT thing... you're saying you know it's possible to change your number without changing your phone plan? it's just every time i've talked to att about altering some little thing on my plan... they can't give me a straight answer about whether or not it takes away my unlimited data ...something they're notorious for canceling by tricking you when you change something on your plan. they use a crafty phrase, "we won't know until we change it over" whatever, ATT.

lnana... yep, taurus.

i used to feel the same way about keeping in touch with exes, until it just seemed to cause trouble on one end or the other. even a little bit of an issue between a couple, mine or theirs, was enough for me to feel it might be better to move on completely. being able to is ideal. it's just never really worked out for me.

Posted by CreepyPants
lisa, how do you gather that i'm the one who went looking for closure in this situation. i have a need to be respectful, yes. past relationships would be reduced to a waste of time, and i'd only regret myself if i just blew off someone trying to make contact who didn't know any better not to. otherwise, lol, i'm not the one who contacted the other. after 10 yrs no less. by reaching out, he's the one trying to re-open the line. i'm the one trying to figure out how to close it. in a way, yes... i am seeking to close whatever he's re-opening.

same thing with my more recent ex you might also be referring to, if he and i are going to keep running into each other, then i can do without the nasty stares i get from him. i'd like to shut that down too.

me not wanting to move on isn't really right. i've blissfully moved on. they are more likely the one's who have not and out of respect for myself and my bf, yes i do need to give the exes the closure.

the ATT thing... you're saying you know it's possible to change your number without changing your phone plan? it's just every time i've talked to att about altering some little thing on my plan... they can't give me a straight answer about whether or not it takes away my unlimited data ...something they're notorious for canceling by tricking you when you change something on your plan. they use a crafty phrase, "we won't know until we change it over" whatever, ATT.

i have no idea of the ATT thing. I don't live in the U.S. BUt if it's a BIG company which i can google, then i'm sure they have plenty of plans to keep their customers happy?

maybe your ex thinks you're single, that's why.

who knows. maybe he had a dream about you, and he wanted to connect to see if you're still alive?

all kinds of things. But who cares. he's ancient history. i know that sounds horrible, but would you want your boyfriend to have an ex girlfriend contact him??!!

think about that.

if you're the super duper jealous type, your? gonna get PISSED Off. if you dont have jealous feelings then whatever makes you happy.

you are people pleasing your ex's.

because the only one you should be pleasing is your man.

and you still have feelings for the OTHER ex, why? because you get all uncomfortable when he's around you. You still have feelings. how can you go on in another relationship full on when you have feelings for another man?

that's cheating on your boyfriend not because you screwing him, but your feelings are for someone else. If you don't care, then you don't care. but you do care. so obviously you CARE about someone else all the while being with a boyfriend.. So tell me, who feels cheated?

Posted by lnana04
i dont know if i said that right.

i dont see the issue with keeping in contact with an ex. id never tell a guy i was dating to cut his ex off because of me.

are you serious, inana?

i wouldn't tell them to cut them off, they should KNOW by respect to cut them off.

IF you have to nag them to cut them off, then these types of men are NOT for you.

i kinda wanna ask you, lisa... what is going on with you?

either you don't understand any of my posts and need to start reading them twice or it's hysterical the way you wanna peg me for emotional infidelity because you bring it up so much. why?

and your stance on an ex making contact is inconsistent. you're saying i shouldn't contact my ex but i should go ahead and let them incessantly contact me? how does that make sense?

what gives you the idea that i have feelings for the recent ex? why do you assume i get uncomfortable when he's around me? what exactly gives you that idea? and how often do you think he's around me?

"maybe your ex thinks you're single" ...what makes you think i haven't already thought of that possibility? seriously... the whole point of this thread was how to handle an ex who's very likely trying to rekindle a fire. clearly he's under the assumption that i'm single or just doesn't care what my status is. i thought everyone already understood that.

and who cares? i care... i care that he's blowing up my phone while i'm cuddling with my bf. wouldn't you care if your man just allowed an ex girlfriend to continuously call and text him?? or would you really approve of him wussing out and not doing anything at all. cuz i find that disrespectful.

that you think ignoring guys to stop them from disrespectful behavior will always work, says a little bit about your understanding of men.

Posted by lisabethur8
i wouldn't tell them to cut them off, they should KNOW by respect to cut them off.

IF you have to nag them to cut them off, then these types of men are NOT for you.

i wouldn't nag. idk, im not jealous like that. i figure if in a relationship with me, a man is where he wants to be and vice versa. i wouldn't have time to worry or care if he's still friends with his ex.

idk, if you were a part of my life like "that" i couldn't completely cut you off. it takes years and years for me to get close to someone.

Posted by CreepyPants
i kinda wanna ask you, lisa... what is going on with you?

either you don't understand any of my posts and need to start reading them twice or it's hysterical the way you wanna peg me for emotional infidelity because you bring it up so much. why?

and your stance on an ex making contact is inconsistent. you're saying i shouldn't contact my ex but i should go ahead and let them incessantly contact me? how does that make sense?

what gives you the idea that i have feelings for the recent ex? why do you assume i get uncomfortable when he's around me? what exactly gives you that idea? and how often do you think he's around me?

"maybe your ex thinks you're single" ...what makes you think i haven't already thought of that possibility? seriously... the whole point of this thread was how to handle an ex who's very likely trying to rekindle a fire. clearly he's under the assumption that i'm single or just doesn't care what my status is. i thought everyone already understood that.

and who cares? i care... i care that he's blowing up my phone while i'm cuddling with my bf. wouldn't you care if your man just allowed an ex girlfriend to continuously call and text him?? or would you really approve of him wussing out and not doing anything at all. cuz i find that disrespectful.

that you think ignoring guys to stop them from disrespectful behavior will always work, says a little bit about your understanding of men.

um YOU're the one that feels bad that they're calling you. and feels bad that you should talk to them. That's what i get from the earlier posts. That's why even some people said you shouldn't bother.

well for ONE thing, my man's ex's don't bother. I guess it's because he just knows how to burn that bridge. *shrug* I have no fucking clue. With women, i suppose it's harder for us to get rid of those fuckers. Who knows. Some guys have respect and don't bother but there are some really dumb asses that keep coming back for some hello how are you doing time.

and you seem to take HUGE offense to what i said to you for some odd reason by saying stuff like, you know very little of men because if you think that they will stop contacting blah blah, ...i mean you wouldn't even mention that unless my posts really upset you for some reason. Maybe it's the way i wrote it that poked you too much. Who knows.

Posted by lnana04

Posted by lisabethur8
i wouldn't tell them to cut them off, they should KNOW by respect to cut them off.

IF you have to nag them to cut them off, then these types of men are NOT for you.

i wouldn't nag. idk, im not jealous like that. i figure if in a relationship with me, a man is where he wants to be and vice versa. i wouldn't have time to worry or care if he's still friends with his ex.

idk, if you were a part of my life like "that" i couldn't completely cut you off. it takes years and years for me to get close to someone.

click to expand

well that's the point i was making.

but i'm jealous very much. Even my husband lols about how freaking jealous i am. just the thought BOILS my bloood so much i wanna break something. *calm* *breathe in and out softly* * meditation* wheewww.

um, Inana, you said if they were still a part of your life you can't cut off?

then that means you have feelings. you can't move on.

Posted by CreepyPants
i kinda wanna ask you, lisa... what is going on with you?

either you don't understand any of my posts and need to start reading them twice or it's hysterical the way you wanna peg me for emotional infidelity because you bring it up so much. why?

and your stance on an ex making contact is inconsistent. you're saying i shouldn't contact my ex but i should go ahead and let them incessantly contact me? how does that make sense?

what gives you the idea that i have feelings for the recent ex? why do you assume i get uncomfortable when he's around me? what exactly gives you that idea? and how often do you think he's around me?

"maybe your ex thinks you're single" ...what makes you think i haven't already thought of that possibility? seriously... the whole point of this thread was how to handle an ex who's very likely trying to rekindle a fire. clearly he's under the assumption that i'm single or just doesn't care what my status is. i thought everyone already understood that.

and who cares? i care... i care that he's blowing up my phone while i'm cuddling with my bf. wouldn't you care if your man just allowed an ex girlfriend to continuously call and text him?? or would you really approve of him wussing out and not doing anything at all. cuz i find that disrespectful.

that you think ignoring guys to stop them from disrespectful behavior will always work, says a little bit about your understanding of men.

btw, it's NORMAL to feel that way, if you still have slight feelings. We're all human!! for god's sake. If you hadn't burned that bridge, or froze them out, cut them out of your life because there's something about your ex's that yuo can't find with your own man, then that's why you are having feelings??!

i'm just throwing that out there, but maybe that's why? *shrug*

lisa, please stay off my threads.

this is now the FOURTH time you've made these accusations. you mistake my being really annoyed for being offended. and i know i'm not the only one you've done this to. every time you've questioned me, i've given you the respect of addressing all your points. never mind that i've had to explain now FOUR times that these are moral dilemmas to squash issues perpetuated by others. not emotional dilemmas that i'm initiating.

i ask you a few questions, then you play the martyr and make more accusations without giving me the same courtesy i've always given you. ironic that you can't take what you dish. i wonder how well you handle being ignored.

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by CreepyPants
an ex bf from 10 years ago has been contacting me quite a bit lately. first started with a friendly/perhaps more than friendly text a few weeks ago. then another last night and a phone call a few minutes ago. the first text made reference to something we'd say to each other as a love reminder.

i've not responded at all.

am i complete bitch?

i feel like i should give him a friendly ring and update him on life. gonna ask the bf tonight. suppose that's really the first move.

i'm peeved. 10 yrs later and out of the blue ya wanna start blowing up my phone as if i'm just available to reminisce on an old fire?

thoughts anyone?

IME it may be best to just continue ignoring him. When I've had exes who have come back and I've told them I have a bf now, it's done nothing to stop them. As a matter of fact, their level of desperation seems to increase and it gets worse.

I blocked them but then they show up where I work. My point is, if their boundaries are bad, you can't control what they do. I just let my bf know what's going on and reassure him that I'm not interested in anyone but him. You can't control what people have in their minds to do.

You may have better luck though. If he's already stayed away for 10 years, there's hope that he does have better respect for boundaries than that.

click to expand

taking the effort to set the record straight has more often than not worked for me in the past. plus, unless he's changed, he's a respectful guy that will hear loud n clear what i'm saying if i only mention that i'm in a relationship. i think in this case, it'll all work out fine. that's what my gut tells me.

Posted by Everything
Lisa is a psycho. She takes her inner shyt out on innocent people on this page. I've seen it alot. She's done it to me to. Just don't read her posts cause she chooses to understand everything in a pscyho way. Haha she's so wack

i'm both glad and sad that i'm not the only one who's noticed the obsession.

Posted by lnana04
i dont know if i said that right.

i dont see the issue with keeping in contact with an ex. id never tell a guy i was dating to cut his ex off because of me.

I agree. I also think being able to remain friends is a healthy sign that you have moved on; no resentment, no regrets. Also, it is OK to still care about people from you past...

Posted by CreepyPants
lisa, please stay off my threads.

this is now the FOURTH time you've made these accusations. you mistake my being really annoyed for being offended. and i know i'm not the only one you've done this to. every time you've questioned me, i've given you the respect of addressing all your points. never mind that i've had to explain now FOUR times that these are moral dilemmas to squash issues perpetuated by others. not emotional dilemmas that i'm initiating.

i ask you a few questions, then you play the martyr and make more accusations without giving me the same courtesy i've always given you. ironic that you can't take what you dish. i wonder how well you handle being ignored.

?? what? i didn't make any accusations. i just mentioned what i thought was happening. I remember you even said that you found your ex that you ran into had something you wished you could have had.

because they have something your current doesn't have.

@Everything, i knew you hated me. lol

why don't you go find yourself a man instead of putting people down huh and charging on me when others are hating on me too.

you are such a follower.

@Creepy, if you don't like what i contribute then fine. You only seem to like the one that make you feel good.

Posted by Everything
Lisa is a psycho. She takes her inner shyt out on innocent people on this page. I've seen it alot. She's done it to me to. Just don't read her posts cause she chooses to understand everything in a pscyho way. Haha she's so wack

if you don't like what i read, block me. Funny how you enjoy reading my shit anyway even when you're loggied off (if you do block me)
ironic.

Posted by lisabethur8
um, Inana, you said if they were still a part of your life you can't cut off?

then that means you have feelings. you can't move on.

Not all feelings are romantic, and we are the kings and queens of compartmentalizing. Besides, I'd personally never want to go back to something that didn't work the first time, especially when I'd already know what the results would be.

Posted by lnana04

Posted by lisabethur8
um, Inana, you said if they were still a part of your life you can't cut off?

then that means you have feelings. you can't move on.

Not all feelings are romantic, and we are the kings and queens of compartmentalizing. Besides, I'd personally never want to go back to something that didn't work the first time, especially when I'd already know what the results would be.

click to expand

I agree, Inana04. I have personally kept exes as friends which has worked very very well and with no romantic feelings involved.

I didn't read in OP's post that she was in any way still interested in the ex. It even seemed to me that she wanted to just deal with the guy and be over with it - not as friends, not as enemies. So why not just say hi, tell him about her bf in a normal conversation between old friends. You just steer the convo so that the guy gets it. Always worked in my cases, but if the guy still didn't get the message, then maybe tell him again and if that didn't work I would probably ignore him, yes. Just be open and frank - no unnecessary drama.

why are you still trying so hard in here lisa?

Posted by HappyCapper

Posted by lnana04

Posted by lisabethur8
um, Inana, you said if they were still a part of your life you can't cut off?

then that means you have feelings. you can't move on.

Not all feelings are romantic, and we are the kings and queens of compartmentalizing. Besides, I'd personally never want to go back to something that didn't work the first time, especially when I'd already know what the results would be.

I agree, Inana04. I have personally kept exes as friends which has worked very very well and with no romantic feelings involved.

I didn't read in OP's post that she was in any way still interested in the ex. It even seemed to me that she wanted to just deal with the guy and be over with it - not as friends, not as enemies. So why not just say hi, tell him about her bf in a normal conversation between old friends. You just steer the convo so that the guy gets it. Always worked in my cases, but if the guy still didn't get the message, then maybe tell him again and if that didn't work I would probably ignore him, yes. Just be open and frank - no unnecessary drama.

click to expand

yea this isn't a tough one. when the convo goes down, i'll update on how it goes.

Posted by CreepyPants

Posted by HappyCapper

Posted by lnana04

Posted by lisabethur8
um, Inana, you said if they were still a part of your life you can't cut off?

then that means you have feelings. you can't move on.

Not all feelings are romantic, and we are the kings and queens of compartmentalizing. Besides, I'd personally never want to go back to something that didn't work the first time, especially when I'd already know what the results would be.

I agree, Inana04. I have personally kept exes as friends which has worked very very well and with no romantic feelings involved.

I didn't read in OP's post that she was in any way still interested in the ex. It even seemed to me that she wanted to just deal with the guy and be over with it - not as friends, not as enemies. So why not just say hi, tell him about her bf in a normal conversation between old friends. You just steer the convo so that the guy gets it. Always worked in my cases, but if the guy still didn't get the message, then maybe tell him again and if that didn't work I would probably ignore him, yes. Just be open and frank - no unnecessary drama.

yea this isn't a tough one. when the convo goes down, i'll update on how it goes.

click to expand

Please do!

Posted by CreepyPants
why are you still trying so hard in here lisa?

um i'm trying here because i do like you, you seem like a nice person.

so i'm trying to help out. i didnt call you names or say nasty things to you, but if it's not helping and it's making it worse, by mentioning whatever it is i mentioned, fine.

i never even suggested that you wanted contact at all. I get that.

well then fine. hope it works out for you.

Posted by lnana04

Posted by lisabethur8
um, Inana, you said if they were still a part of your life you can't cut off?

then that means you have feelings. you can't move on.

Not all feelings are romantic, and we are the kings and queens of compartmentalizing. Besides, I'd personally never want to go back to something that didn't work the first time, especially when I'd already know what the results would be.

click to expand

oh ok, thanks for the clarification. i get you on that last part.

You and I have the same birthday creepy. My long ago ex came back and we are working on getting back together. Im still in love with him..hes a sag dec 21 im dec 23 cap