Kissing Friends

Please explain cap contradictory behavior. I'm in a "pseudo-relationship" for 7 months and we both know we don't do FWB, although to me sometimes it seems that way considering we don't talk much and he told me he doesn't want a relationship bc he will constantly be nagged bc he works too much. Sitting on the couch I'm wanting a kiss, and he jokingly is resisting.
I said, "I dont do FWB okay"
Cap: Do you kiss you friends
Me: What? no why the hell would i?
Cap: do you kiss your friends?
Me: then they wouldn't be a friend, they'd be more than that.
cap: *proceeds to kiss me*

what a merry go round

SMH oh lord...

lol i was horny ok. i'm an aries and i have needs.

Yeah, I feel that cap guys like the pseudo-ness so they have the time to 1)test you 2) see you like them enough 3) go all psycho and crazy like "omg u dont call me everday or text everyday blah blah"

I think we're both more just busy to put any effort into this so it became pseudo

LOL least your honest but try not to call him contradictory when realistically your the one setting the pace, making up your own rules and not sticking by it. You said you don't kiss friends but proceeded to kiss a friend, that's contradiction.

But he is more than a friend to me. He's my pseudo BFFF LOL

LOL well your heading into disappointment. Cap has made it clear he doesn't want anything real with you, per your own statement you don't kiss friends and a psuedo bfff is a friend, friend with benefits so if you don't want to be back here howling and crying over this guy, analyzing his every move and word, basically turning into a stalking nut over this guy you better stop while your ahead or at the least stick to your rules to alleviate confusion.

He doesn't want relationship right now, bc he needs to put his career first. we were in a "three month relationship seduction" for 3 months straight, talking about our future together etc, plans to do this and that, but when his career picked up, he tells me to have a patience with him, but he needs to reach the top. months later, he told me he doesn't want a rship bc it wouldn't be fair to me. Because I'd get disappointed bc he cant be the BF i want him to be.
thus entering pseudo-ness.

i think he's afraid bc he doesn't know how i feel about him. (i love him but i ain't tell him that)

Girl, don't just walk, but run away.

I don't understand how nobody seems to get offended by a guy telling them they don't want a relationship right now. I mean, that is highly offensive imho. I would snap so hard and quick on someone telling me that.

He's telling you the truth, but still will mind-screw you into getting what he wants from you. Them darn Cap guys. They are honest, yet set a trap. Its a no-win situation so really, just break it off.

Posted by lnana04
Girl, don't just walk, but run away.

I don't understand how nobody seems to get offended by a guy telling them they don't want a relationship right now. I mean, that is highly offensive imho. I would snap so hard and quick on someone telling me that.

He's telling you the truth, but still will mind-screw you into getting what he wants from you. Them darn Cap guys. They are honest, yet set a trap. Its a no-win situation so really, just break it off.

What she said....

Get out now while your still using your logic...Stick around any longer in this one sided situation your going on a long roller coaster ride were it ends with your heart scattered all over the road...No happy ending

yeah, honestly everything wht capguy in that thread a few weeks back wrote explains him to a T. He is cautious, doesn't spill his feelings until he knows where I stand first. He is afraid of love, because he doesn't want to get hurt. He always reassures me that I'm the only one in his life and he doesn't waste his time with skanks. He is busy working 60-70 hours a week and I know deep down he doesn't want me to get disappointed bc he can't be what i want him to be.
I never told him where I stood but I do love him, and truly care about his future, his success, and his family.

I believe I'm gonna just have to lay out my cards about my true feelings for him and walk away. Because as much as I love him, I know that I deserve someone that cares about me as much as I do about him!
WOOHOOOOO but it'll be okay, there is plenty of love to go around!!

Lay out your feelings..oh lord

Why don't you just take a couple days away from him and figure out what you really really want for yourself with a man and stop all the head fucking bfff headfucking stuff your doing to yourself. Just tell the guy what you want...If you want a real relationship just say that instead of spilling all these feelings that will create distance just be prepared to let him go away to think about it and figure it out for himself.

I'm curious...I hear all these women falling in love and these men have done absolutely nothing to gain that same feeling for the woman because a man in love will throw it all away just to have the woman of his dreams (THE ONE) in his life. What exactly has this guy done to get you in his life and keep you in his life that makes you feel all these loving feelings towards you? I'm not questioning if your feelings are real, I'm curious.

If you prefer to wait until he finish climbing that mountain then wait...your life, your choice but remember you only have one life to live so you better make damn sure your living the best life you can with or without a man.

Callisto11:

Maybe i will sound a bit insensitive but, every time i read this sentence in a forum:

"He is afraid of love, because he doesn't want to get hurt."

Seriously. Man or woman doesn't make a difference. We were all hurt at one (or two) point of our lives. Don't make excuses for him.

I can't have oppinion of your situation, i don't know you or him, and how the two of you together. But i can tell my opinion about what you say. Please let me!

Actually i don't understand this "pseudo-relationship". You are an Aries woman, would you really settle for being a pseudo-girlfriend? You are the one who will determine your own value. Respect yourself please otherwise you may get hurt later.

"Because I'd get disappointed bc he cant be the BF i want him to be."

Yes, many times we meet men, and they are cool, gorgeous and generally good people. And many other times we already have an ideal in our mind. Like i want to meet a man like this and this, and when we see somebody who can fit our own ideal, we see him as aprize and make false ideas like he is the only one who can make me happy etc. Stop it. Now.

I am not saying he is any less of a man.
I just try to go after how you may think about this relationship, or why do you let him treat you this way.

Since the kiss already happened i see it as a dealbreaker. How he willa ct and what his steps will be in the next time, i think, will decide if he is the man who can make you happy or not.

(Wow, i got fired up a bit. Sorry!)

Why do I put up with crap? What crap though?
He is brutally honest, caring towards me, and introverted so he has trouble dealing with feelings. And when he told me straight up what he can't offer right now, I admired him more due to his honesty. When we hang out, its light, free, and we have deep convos about the future, where our lives are heading, our career aspirations and dreams etc. Then he goes back to his 70 hr work week and Then I go back to my world of my career, my hobbies, and friends. We are in the in-between phase of not quite being in a relationship, that point has not come yet because I was OK with where things stood. When I met him, I was getting over another 5 yr relationship, so I needed time to assess me and what i want. So during those 7 months, I didn't want another rship where i talk every night "oh baby i miss u blah lahh" I just wanted to know a person for the sake of knowing a person.

HOWEVER, I know I will be reaching a point where I expect more. Maybe I'm already there, because these feelings for him grows the more I see him. So I will be laying out my cards and if he can't offer anything more, then so be it!

But I don't think I'm gonna have this convo until a few weeks later, bc I'm going on vacation with my gals and I got a big project coming up!

Oohh these men... But you know what, these men can't do anything that we women do not allow them to. With that said, I agree with the ladies on the thread, don't walk...run as fast as possible before you get any deeper involved.

if it ain't broken, don't fix it! but women like to fix, fix fix, lets all just chillax, sit back and remember life is good

"He is brutally honest, caring towards me, and introverted so he has trouble dealing with feelings. And when he told me straight up what he can't offer right now,"

He obviously don't have that much trouble dealing with his feelings, he told you straight up that he can't offer you anything right now, that's a feeling, so he clearly has a good grasp on his own feelings...As Flora pointed out stop making excuses for this man. He can feel if he wants to be with you right now or not so he can feel his feelings.

BAIT "When we hang out, its light, free, and we have deep convos about the future, where our lives are heading, our career aspirations and dreams etc."

I'm sure your envisioning yourself in the future with him....This is what you and many women do, they sit up with a guy that clearly cannot give her anything and she talks about her future and her dreams and listens to his dreams and his future aspirations and unfortunately that can turn into an assumption, some day one day he if I hang around I will be the exception, I will be the girl he share his life with....NOT

Do me a favor...Say that to him....Say "We are in the in-between phase of not quite being in a relationship" And see what type of answer you get...He will most likely end up dumping you right then there b/c as you stated he's made it clear he cannot provide you with what you want so for you to believe that your the in-between phase of not quite being in a relationship is absolutely ridiculous and makes no sense.

If your relationship was heading in the right direction, you (the woman) would never be put in such a weak position to talk about the relationship. When a relationship is moving along in the right direction typically the man will pick up the were are going reigns and initiate the conversation, the very fact that you have to initiate that kind of conversation says a lot about how he feels about you.

You don't have a relationship, not even a pseudo relationship. This guy is merely an acquaintance getting the benefits of some female companionship. Go ahead and initiate the talk, I can pretty much predict what his reaction will be.

Posted by tiki33
"He is brutally honest, caring towards me, and introverted so he has trouble dealing with feelings. And when he told me straight up what he can't offer right now,"

I'm sure your envisioning yourself in the future with him....This is what you and many women do, they sit up with a guy that clearly cannot give her anything and she talks about her future and her dreams and listens to his dreams and his future aspirations and unfortunately that can turn into an assumption, some day one day he if I hang around I will be the exception, I will be the girl he share his life with....NOT

If your relationship was heading in the right direction, you (the woman) would never be put in such a weak position to talk about the relationship. When a relationship is moving along in the right direction typically the man will pick up the were are going reigns and initiate the conversation, the very fact that you have to initiate that kind of conversation says a lot about how he feels about you.

I know too. He will say, "I'm sorry I can't be a good boyfriend bc I am busy making my business. This is bad timing and if you cared enough you would understand that I need to make my empire." I know that a Capman won't feel complete until he reaches the top, and right now his eyes are on the top. Nothing wrong with that, its very admirable. Except I'll be living my life with or without him, but I won't be burning my bridges either.

I understand where he is coming from, as last year I worked 50 hours going to school full time and building a strong financial foundation for my future. We are in different cycles right now, but there is no point in being "EFF off!"

I'm glad i wrote my thoughts out. this really helps.

Your bridge is burned, he burned that bridge when he made you an option instead of priority...While your sitting there hoping to be his exception he's still covertly hoping for a better option but you will do for now, covertly searching for the one. Many men have managed to be a good boyfriend and still reach the top. You worked 50 hours, school full time and you would have still managed to be a good girlfriend if you loved the man and wanted a future with him in it...EXCUSES

If a man REALLY WANTS to be with a woman, he will do just that. Yes, it's great that he is focused and building his "empire". However if he wanted to both be in a relationship and build his business he would. Think about all the doctors and lawyers who devoted countless numbers of hours in school, interning, doing residentcy, establish a practice all while being in relationships; many married with a family. Or, actors who spend months at a time traveling all over the world for their career. How do they do it!? They had someone in their life who they felt was worth the sacrifice. Not to savrifice their dream, but the sacrifice of sharing a place which holds high priority in their lives. We do the things in life that we prioritize. As tiki said, having a relationship is not a proirity to him and there is nothing wrong with that. But just be real with yourself. Please be honest with yourself. It's not about him bring scared bc men aren't scared when they meet the woman of their dreams. Don't
create reasons and excuses bc in the end excuses only work against you and keep you in a stagnant position. Be honest, be real and keep it moving. You deserve that! 🙂

One more thing. Please don't try to down play or suppress your true desires. Remember, you created this thread for a reason. It sounds like you are not happy with how things are. Don't ignore that.

Callisto do what ever you want to do ... just don't get physically involved with him until he officialy had made you his girl ... this way if either of you decided to run away ... you'd have preserved your self, and don't tell him what you feel, he is a cap, bet he can tell already ... if you want to have him around that's alright, just don't hope for anything out of it ... I am dealing with a cap right now, been 2 years ... still going no where, so no more bending the rules for him ... treat him like any other guy friends ... if he wants more, let him work for it

it's a cappy thing
they r more into kissing than sex! so they will be perfectly ok with just kissing...

hmm... okay... just kiss then... as long as it doesn't go any further than that... actually don't do it again... gonna lead to awkward moments between you.. but if your friend was up for it then continue kissing... no, don't do it again, seriously...can people just stick to their decision for once?..,lol, I'm just confused, typing this...