my cappy man stressed and detached

i am a cappy woman and met a cappy man online thru mutual friends. we were hooked when we first started talking and continued talking and texting everyday for the next 2 months. we talkid 10-12 hrs a day. always having things to talk about. he told me he loved me quickly. i had a wall around me (im a cap. lol) and he broke it down by being so open and caring. we shared everything and talked about the future with me coming down there a few times till i could eventually stay. i finally let him come get me after two months(he was counting days. lol) and i stayed for 6 weeks. we already loved each other deeply before i came. when i got there, all of the openess and mushy stuff seemed to stop and we went into routine like we had been together for years. i became close with some of his family and friends. one of his friends wife kept saying negative things about his past with women and such ( although she really wants us to work out...like they all do) but he told me to stop listening to that negative stuff cause i know him . he said it is affecting the way i act towards him. all his friends said he seems happy and says he loves me. while i was there , his niece and her daughter were staying with him and his bills went sky high. collectors were coming and i could see the stress even tho he hid it from everyone else. around me , he didnt cut up and laugh like he did when anyone else was around. we knew i had to go back for a while eventually but he never said anything. after 5 weeks, he said that he would take me back next week so he could work extra and concentrate on getting straightenend out and then he would come back and get me. we left a lot of my stuff there . since i have been back, he stopped communicating like he was and it scared me. i would ask why he wasnt talking and he would get defensive and said that i was distracting him from what he had to do. that he loved me but he had to get things straightened out before there could be an us. i felt like i was dying because we had always talked about "we" and how we would do things together. we still talk most every day but it is very detached. he does not want to talk about us . his friends call me most daily and they ask him when im coming back. now he gets bothered when they ask. we have so much in common and i do love him. i believe he loves and cares for me, but i don't know wether to hang in there or not.

Things moved too fast.

he got a lil detached at the end while i was there, when the money started getting worse and teaching slowed (he is a native american history professor, among many other things) he couldnt do things with me so i think it bothered him. and yes, it did move fast. i was the one who made him wait as long as i did because he knew i did not want to let anyone in. yes, we talk every day with only a couple of exceptions, but sometimes it is very short. i feel like it is good that he is at least contacting because his/our close friends are not hearing from him either. his niece just told me that she called him 3 times and he didnt answer or call back. that is not like him normally. he does not want to talk about us right now at all. its like its added stress and he cant focus on both. he seems cold, but he says im just being crazy and he is tired and stressed. but i feel very alone. i am a patient person and will do what i have to do here and give him some space. he gave me his diamond earrings and turquoise ( he is native and that is a big deal) when i left. dont know if that was a going away or he was trying to say something. he is difficult. most ppl dont understand him. he hides things well. he is aware of this too. i guess he is letting me in as much as he can tho. i think it is hard for him because i am capricorn too and understand some of his actions because i realized watching him , that i did that to other ppl. since we are a lot alike, both of us cant be that way. haha. other than history he has a law, psychology, seminary and culinary degree and was in the military and federal gov for 20 yrs. (4 wars and he only just turned 40. ) so there is a lot that goes on in his head other than just being a cappy in itself. im not giving up on him yet. i do genuinely love him and he says he does me. just confused

and yes, when i talk to him now, i don't bring up anything about us. just normal talk, like nothing is wrong

Posted by possibilities
and yes, when i talk to him now, i don't bring up anything about us. just normal talk, like nothing is wrong

That sounds positive. I'm a Cap-female, and I know that when I'm stressed about work I can withdraw a bit. Normal-talk can be quite positive during times of stress.

Let me rephrase that:

If he is stressed and has a lot on his mind, he will appear distant. He is focused on the stuff happening and is probably finding it hard to be entertaining and jovial and humorous and is probably also trying find something to talk about besides the boring (he's afraid you will find them boring) issues he's dealing with. He probably needs a distraction from those issues, so it's up to you to find interesting topics of conversation. Aqua and I talked about the ridiculousness that people think there will be a zombie apocalypse one time - it turned into a really interesting conversation actually - silliness and all. Anyway, he is maintaining contact so that is a GOOD thing!!!!

Just keep being your sweet, fun self and you will keep him interested. Remember, Cappys need humor in their life in a big way (especially if we have a lot of stress going on) - if you can provide that, then you're more "in" than you know!!

someone, quick summary of what OP wrote?

thanks. i am feeling more positive about it. like i said, i am a cap too, so i do understand. and our birthdays are only 11 days apart so our charts are quite similar. that can be a pro and a con. lol. and yes, i have to have someone who makes me laugh too. brain and sense of humor are not optional.

ironic...as i was typing that, he called out of the blue and we chatted for a while. just being silly. he seemed more relaxed. we were talking about something (i forgot) and he said, we will get back to the things we used to do when i get thru this rough patch, right now i can't concentrate on anything else. i said, i know...i think i understand better now. he likes to pick on me to get me going. we like that playful banter, and he was doing that again. the backing off has really made a difference. i can already tell, but i think there is a balance. i think if he sees me too aloof, it will have a negative effect. im riding the fence for now. hehe.

Yeah, if you're aloof, he will be aloof. You know how insecure us caps can be!! lol!!!

I think he really likes you. 🙂

everyone does, his abrupt change in his words and communication scared me, but in retrospect, i think its his insecurity of not being "a man" for me. im just worried about our "perfectionist" outlook for ourselves and that he will never be in that "perfect" place and procrastinate too long. i seem to misss him more than him me and i have the need to tell him that and that i love him. he seems to need to put it all on the back-burner for now...as if he can't act like that or be that unless everything is situated with himself. i want to help each other and he wants to do it by himself now. maybe its because its still early. only 4 1/2 months now. and only 6 weeks in person.
thank you for all of your input. it helps tremendously. you know us caps tend to worry and that leads to drawing the wrong conclusion from over analyzing. hahahaha. do it all the time

Just be patient. I know its hard to do! Believe me!!! 🙂

by the way...he is capricorn with scorpio rising and moon in aquarius.....i am capricorn with taurus rising and moon in aquarius. needless to say , we are very similar in many aspects. just hope there is more pro than con to that. lol

Omg 10-12 hours talking is way too much!
How do you guys get any work done??

Capricorns get stressed when there's a lot going on and have lots to think about
Just give him some space to think and be productive at work to help pay the bills. When he does get in touch it's tempting to go back to talking for hours but he might only have a few
Before he has to get back to work or other stuff that has fallen behind on.