Problem with Cap female friend

This situation has gotten out of control. Here is short version:

Very close friend insulted me after over hearing a phone call I had with another mutual friend. Thought I was being discompassionate with friend. Said "I cant wait until your meds kick in and you become more compassionate". Referring to my depression meds. Thing is...my convo was fine with my friend, she just didnt like a friendly boundary I had set re: that friend.

I confronted her comment, she was defensive, unapologetic and blamed it on her lack of english comprehension as Spanish is her first language. Bullshit. She has never had that problem in past with me. She just couldnt cop to her insult. I went home after a very unpleasant exchange.

She emails me, I dont read it because I want to have a 2 way convo when my anger subsides. If I read it whilse angry, my scorp moon would rip her to shreads. This I know about myself. I wait a week, call and ask if she is willing to meet me to discuss, say I love you and you mean everything to me. She refuses to meet, instead says if I want to know how she feels, I should read her email. Total disregard for MY feelings, my thoughts on things. She is a victim and takes no responsibility. I let it go by saying if you feel open to two way conversation, please call me, I am here. Three days later, get another email where the subject line says "This is MY CHOICE on the matter" (caps on those 2 words). It sounds and feels hostile and angry again. I delete it because I enforce my boudnary. I wont engage in someone spewing their will onto me without benefit of hearing me and having a dialogue.

Clearly she is very hurt and in fear, however, is unable to be mature and understand SHE has a part in this and I have a right to be heard. So, my question to you Caps....is this typical female cap behavior?

She is a wonderful friend who cant grasp spiritual or emotional maturity at the moment. Im hoping she gets her shit together soon. Her attitude after the fact is killing my desire to want to keep the friendship. It's like she keeps adding fuel to the fire.

Thanks

She may feel that having to meet and sit down about a comment that you already confronted her on is a bit much. I don't know, but It doesn't sound like she had harmful or hurtful intent in saying it, she just lacked tact. Caps don't always choose the right words, or tone and sometimes don't know how to smooth a situation. Not to say it as an excuse, but just saying it can be a part of our nature at times. Also not to say that you shouldn't feel what you feel, but I don't think you will get what you want from her regarding the situation. She's definitely no victim, but I don't think she's look at you as one either, especially not if she felt you were harsh in dealing with your friend. Just saying.

My mother is friends with a Leo, who was once really close to a Cap. One day they were in the mall and the Cap snapped on her about a something random and the Leo snapped back. The Leo don't really deal with the Cap anymore because of her flip-flop moods of going off on people, or saying whatever she feels at the moment. I guess it boils down to being something you can or cannot take in the end.

"I don't know, but It doesn't sound like she had harmful or hurtful intent in saying it, she just lacked tact. "

Scratch this.
Re-reading what you wrote, I think she did say it to sting you in the defense of the other friend.

She admitted she was being judgmental of the phone call. And guess how *important* the issue was? It was over how fast I wanted to walk! Yeah, the call was to set a date with a friend to walk for an hour. Friend wasnted to go slower paced, I wanted a fast pace workout, so we decided to scratch the walk since he couldnt keep up with me. she hears this and says I should not dictate how fast he should/could walk. WTF—

I said I was just telling him my needs (setting a boundary for myself), he told me his needs and they were different. No probs. She just felt the need to judge me and all hell broke loose. During the unpleasant convo that followed, she became so belligerant, I had to insist we end the discussion because I was angry and felt I was say things in anger I would later regret. She wouldnt stop, so eventually I said that MY phone conversation was not her business. That got her to stop.

Now, she is incredibly hurt and acting out via email. I talked this out with my sponsor and it was suggested I maintian my boundary of requiring open 2 way communication, but to write her an email acknowledging her email. I will tell her that since her subject line is confusing to me, I dont know if its safe to read so would rather we speak directly. Im telling you, the written word can HURT people, esp when in high emotional states. For fucks sake, woman, lets grow up and COMMUNICATE!!

impressive tactics BGP. you've clearly learned alot over the years. be proud 🙂

i only know one cappy woman and that's my ex mother-in-law. marvellous lady. she almost had tourettes when it came to saying the wrong thing at the wrong time though but i'm pretty sure her motives were always innocent but she kind of had an edge to her so that sometimes, you weren't really sure if she was getting at you or not. she also could sulk for days without saying what the problem was. it would usually be her misinterpreting something that was said but when she sulked, it was horrible...totally different woman.

i wish i'd enforced a few 2-way dialogue boundaries with a certain leo knobhead before now, lol!!

Thanks, RM 🙂 I took advice from a friend and sent the below message this morning. Frankly, Im done after this. Im sick of catering to an emotional cripple, esp when it feels like she is sucking my energy.



"I see that you emailed me and understand from the subject line that it's your preferred choice for communication at this time. I do want to communicate with you, however I still feel it would be best that we speak to each other rather than write to each other. I have not read the email as I don't want to risk misinterpreting anything you've written. Emotional miscommunication via email/text is what ended my relationship with (scorp). I don't want to repeat that again. It's been my experience that verbal communication is best - it's harder for things to not get lost in context or misconstrued that way.

I will be here to talk whenever you're ready"

i LIKE it!! 🙂

Well...I thought I'd come back to cry on your shoulders some more. Sadly, this woman has totally amputated our friendship. Since I sent the email saying I wanted us to talk mutually, and would wait till she is ready, I have not heard from her.

Its been over 2 months now, she continues to avoid the weekly 12 step meeting we both attend. A few weeks ago, the 23 yr old son of mutual 12 step friends died of an overdose and I sent out the notice of the memorial service. I included her on those 2 emails, but no reply. She even went to the service, saw her at the reception. I saw with a lot of mutual friends, but she avoided our table.

I cant describe how much this hurts. Well, yes I can....she did to me what the scorp (with cap moon, cap rising and few other cap placements) did....when he was hurt, amputated me in dead silence. Ive thought about reaching out again but you know what....*I* am valualbe too...and I am not a door mat. I deserve respect. Anyhow, thats my sad update.

I actually thought about the two of you and hearing progress on this situation yesterday.

Sorry to hear the way its turned out. We can definitely have our ways.

I was told something the other day, forgot what it was, where I kind of shut down. My behavior reminded me of my old taurus friend, which also reminds me of your cap friend behavior. Its like if given an ultimatum, if presenting a situation as if we have to come to you or your terms, or if throwing the options we have(as if we dont know what the are) in our face, then most likely we'll shut down every single time.

It had finally dawned on me why my taurus put me on ignore, and I realized how I react, which is the same way or worse, to those situations.

Anyway, hope that gave just a little insight. Hope the situation gets a little better.

Its got to be pretty bad for me to amputate completely. I'll usually come around after a while. Sorry this hasn't worked out. Maybe you weren't as good friends as you thought and you're better off. *shrug*

She is really one of the most gentle friends Ive ever had. We are opposites in that respect. I am the assertive Leo, she is the quiet, thought processing Cap. She speaks softly but inside she can be bawdy and forth coming. I dont know what to do..today is sucking ass...I probably shouldnt do anything but eat icecream.

@ metoo:
I agree with the written communication. I'm much more comfortable expressing my thoughts and feelings in the written word than verbally. You can think and word it just so as well as edit. Its just a lot easier for me to say what I want to say and how I want to say it written, than verbally. So often my verbal words are taken different than I meant them. Plus, its harder for me to verbally express myself.

You probably deserved it. When a scorpio ( or a wannabe scorpio anyway) accuses me of lacking social tact I am all deaf ears. Because its just the pot calling the kettle black. You were probably being rude and nasty to the mutual friend because he couldn't keep up and she was defending him by pointing out YOUR weakness aka YOUR MEDS.

You were all acting tough but what she pointed out was that you aren't all that tough and since everyone needs to cut you some slack you need to do the same.

I hang out with so many scorpios. The lack of self awareness and compassion always gets to me. So ME ME ME.


Learn to live a little.


I'd have totally taken that shot. You probably took a similar shot at him and her and she was just returning the favor.

She is a Leo. Where Scorpio come from?

Posted by NotaNewbie
You probably deserved it. When a scorpio ( or a wannabe scorpio anyway) accuses me of lacking social tact I am all deaf ears. Because its just the pot calling the kettle black. You were probably being rude and nasty to the mutual friend because he couldn't keep up and she was defending him by pointing out YOUR weakness aka YOUR MEDS.

You were all acting tough but what she pointed out was that you aren't all that tough and since everyone needs to cut you some slack you need to do the same.

I hang out with so many scorpios. The lack of self awareness and compassion always gets to me. So ME ME ME.


Learn to live a little.


I'd have totally taken that shot. You probably took a similar shot at him and her and she was just returning the favor.

Haa ha..look at you...so judgemental for someone who wasn't there. Have you forgotten YOUR meds, babe?

oh ya, and Im not a Scorpio, Serpico.

But I got a scorp moon and I'll cut ya...douche.

Posted by Metoo
One more thing...she doesnt know you deleted her emails without even reading them.
So for all you know she recognized her blame in all of it.
Its not always about who is right or wrong, life can be so stressful you never know what
is going on with someone beneath the surface. If the issue was rather small, it could have been
dropped with a "agree to disagree" allowing both sides to feel validated in some respect.
You said she was a wonderful friend?
Drop your pride, Make it right.
I know its hard on the ego but good friends are HARD to find.

Uh, she does know...cus I told her. See, I do know how to communicate. I CALLED her when she emailed me. Just because caps are scared of direct conversation doesnt mean I have to engage in written miscommunication.

Not pride, self respect. And yes, good friends are hard to find..she found a great friend in me, as well.

"Just because caps are scared of direct conversation doesnt mean I have to engage in written miscommunication."

I mean, being direct would have been settling it all when it was said, at that moment. So what if you felt you would tear her to shreds, you would have handled it completely then and there.

I think this is Cardinal energy vs. Fixed. We are kind of on to the next after an apology or trying to reach out. Sitting down and talking about it would have most likely made the situation worse, especially if the two of you couldnt come to an understanding right after it happened.

Posted by BigGirlPanties
This situation has gotten out of control. Here is short version:

Very close friend insulted me after over hearing a phone call I had with another mutual friend. Thought I was being discompassionate with friend. Said "I cant wait until your meds kick in and you become more compassionate". Referring to my depression meds. Thing is...my convo was fine with my friend, she just didnt like a friendly boundary I had set re: that friend.

I confronted her comment, she was defensive, unapologetic and blamed it on her lack of english comprehension as Spanish is her first language. Bullshit. She has never had that problem in past with me. She just couldnt cop to her insult. I went home after a very unpleasant exchange.

She emails me, I dont read it because I want to have a 2 way convo when my anger subsides. If I read it whilse angry, my scorp moon would rip her to shreads. This I know about myself. I wait a week, call and ask if she is willing to meet me to discuss, say I love you and you mean everything to me. She refuses to meet, instead says if I want to know how she feels, I should read her email. Total disregard for MY feelings, my thoughts on things. She is a victim and takes no responsibility. I let it go by saying if you feel open to two way conversation, please call me, I am here. Three days later, get another email where the subject line says "This is MY CHOICE on the matter" (caps on those 2 words). It sounds and feels hostile and angry again. I delete it because I enforce my boudnary. I wont engage in someone spewing their will onto me without benefit of hearing me and having a dialogue.

Clearly she is very hurt and in fear, however, is unable to be mature and understand SHE has a part in this and I have a right to be heard. So, my question to you Caps....is this typical female cap behavior?

She is a wonderful friend who cant grasp spiritual or emotional maturity at the moment. Im hoping she gets her shit together soon. Her attitude after the fact is killing my desire to want to keep the friendship. It's like she keeps adding fuel to the fire.

Thanks

Many Capricorn bitches are absolutely reprehensible when it comes to personal responsibility.

Best advice to you is to completely break contact with the little cunt, because you sure as hell are not going to get anything honest, dependable and/or fair out of her sorry and selfish

Scorpiofish, I thought you only disliked Cap men. You can talk about them as bad as you like, but im gonna need you to chill when it comes too the ladies. We are totallly different from the men lol.

Reallly though, your Cap rants sound extremely familiar. I think I remember you from another forum. This person was a pisces as well. Alllllll very interesting.hmmmm