Top 5 deathbed regrets...

Top 5 deathbed regrets...

A nurse reveals...

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.
I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I??d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children??s youth and their partner??s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your life style and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new life style .

3. I wish I??d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Manydeveloped illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way,you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy life style to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called —comfort?? of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

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wow. this is very cool. *thumbs up*

great message right? i'm going to set a reminder of this every day.

Thanks for posting. Great read

Hahahah....sounds like her patients were mostly Caps....jk jk...these are really good.....4 & 5 are especially relevant to me....I think considering life, from the vantage point of death, can really motivate you to make changes. We all are going to have to look back and assess like this one day.

Thank you for reminding me that there are sources of greater regret than loving and having lost. This brought home something that I wasnt taking into consideration, life is so much bigger than single events and as long as there is breath, there is a chance for change and redemption.

Posted by lnana04
Thanks for posting. Great read

avec plaisir 🙂

Posted by TaurusLovesScorpio
Hahahah....sounds like her patients were mostly Caps....jk jk...these are really good.....4 & 5 are especially relevant to me....I think considering life, from the vantage point of death, can really motivate you to make changes. We all are going to have to look back and assess like this one day.

hardy har har lol i've also always loved listening to those who've been around to see a lot of eras come and go. their advice is so real and so so relevant. it's timeless. stuff young minds all too often let fly in one ear and out the other. these 5 points are just like that. i wish we could grasp it more readily. how different do you think people would be if we did? rhetorical q

Posted by Lucriu
Thank you for reminding me that there are sources of greater regret than loving and having lost. This brought home something that I wasnt taking into consideration, life is so much bigger than single events and as long as there is breath, there is a chance for change and redemption.

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glad your taking something away from this 🙂

lol @ CC

perhaps that just goes without saying

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by CreepyPants
lol @ CC

perhaps that just goes without saying

good sage advice🙂 I think about this alot actually, and why i don't want a workaholic husband, i don't want a bum either, but someone whom can enjoy his children and be a good dad. It's hard to balance.

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i agree. the taurus i had my eye on??_ is beyond workaholic. red flag and i'd better make a smart decision about it now. let him be the one to regret later. i'm done being that person.

well i mean it when i say he's beyond it. i consider myself pretty well balanced on the work and play front. i can understand and admire someone who works a lot and hard, but it is really something else for him. 12+ hr days on the regular. then moody and quiet, thinking about work when he's not there.

if you are working so much that you don't seem to care about anyone or anything else? well, then...

no

thank

you

and he knows it too. what does it say about a person that knows he should be doing one thing and instead does another ??_religiously?

😛 yea that seems very astute of you. that's kinda what i get from him too. i saw it a little in other situations when we first started dating.

i just abhor the idea of being in a relationship where i have to teach a man how to be a man. unless he plans on teaching me how to be a princess??_ lol

thanks CC i really hope i am maturing cuz i'm so over this bs of making the wrong decisions. but maybe that's what it takes ...just being effin over and done with things not working out and having to live with choices you've made.

i'm all about the connection too, but i'm starting to realize that if you want a future, then your wishes for your future need a voice in the present or it'll never happen. in the past, any strong connection i had was made very much in the present and with what was going on "here and now." and THEN an attempt was made to build a future, but it just never worked out.

Truly fabulous post Creepy! BRAVO!!! These are things we should all remember, but mostly all forget. Thanks for the reminder!!!