What helps you guys move on?

So a while back I posted about my situation with my ex but I'll give cliff notes version of story. She is a Scorpio who I met through a mutual friend. We hit it off really well and after about 5 months of dating we finally turned the corner (started saying I love you every time we parted/ spoke, cleared out space for her in my closest etc) . Unfortunately, that's also when I found out she had been cheating. We broke up but we mutually agreed to give it another shot yet she never really re-entered the relationship (saying that in hindsight). And the closer I tried to get to her, the more she withdrew. Eventually, she ended things by stating trivial reasons-(which leads one to conclude that the actual reason was she simply didn't want me). I didn't get a chance to distance myself and things ended while I was still well attached.

Fast forward a couple months and, with the help of the wonderful people on this forum, I felt I was in a much better place. I decided that I wanted to leave things on a positive with her (we had talked in the interim- the conversations weren't negative but they weren't helpful either). So I hand wrote her a letter (8 pages) expressing to her the good I saw in her, the good I took from our relationship, how my feelings for her grew, why I was willing to fight to keep us together and how I truly wish her the best- no hard feelings. I sent it to her with a bouquet of flowers and informed her that a response wasn't required. She chose to do so and the response was difficult to comprehend. These were her words verbatim; " I got something from our relationship too-- I became a better cook because I cooked more than you did". She wasn't joking or trying to be mean (at least I think- in re being mean). After a year and a half of dating, that's all she could come up with.

It was a painful realization that, whatever I thought was there, whatever connection I thought we may have had- none of that ever existed on her end. You would think that fact would make it easier to move on but it hasn't. The person I loved was a fiction, but the feelings and the pain are very, very real.

So I am asking my fellow Caps (and anyone else who would be so kind as to chime in) what strategies/ techniques do you use to move on w from heartache?

And thanks in advance for you replies!

So I am asking my fellow Caps (and anyone else who would be so kind as to chime in) what strategies/ techniques do you use to move on w from heartache?

And thanks in advance for you replies!

IMO there is no good answer, time and being good to yourself with patience and now I am trying hard to not let my head go there - doesn't always work but I know I must fix this within myself ...

I just read last night that we need to resolve things (ourselves) before we move on to "another" - which is absolutely necessary but with that said, if there is no "other" than that leaves just us wondering what gives and our minds wander constantly to the hurting place. I'm trying to go out on a date and get to know another when I still am pining over the last one so I have to fix this I know but it's so hard - all the what ifs and all ... geezus ...

I'm sorry for your pain ... I feel ya!

Posted by Capri-sun
Been thinking a lot. Sometimes we hold on to the best in a person. It might take you focusing on the negative to get over this one.

Some people will say if someone could take her from you then she was never yours to begin with. She has moved on in her life and it is time for you to do the same.

I know it's difficult. Try to focus on the logic instead of the emotional. There are many good women out here who would love and appreciate you for who you are as you are.

Her response to your letter speaks volumes. You seem like a decent man from what I know of you on here. When you are emotional and mentally ready get back out there and try again. Life will continue, the same way it did before you met her.

We can't make anyone love us or feel something that they don't feel.

Keep a special place for her tucked away in your heart if you want, and there is a woman out there waiting to have the remainder of it.

Thank you. Your kind words are most helpful. Additionally, I read your post about your Scorpio. I hope at some point he sees that he over reacted. If he expects privacy on a public internet page, then the confusion lies with him- not you. As someone who is also very private- the last thing I'm doing is putting information I don't want people to know on the internet- whether it be youtube, facebook etc. And, as others have pointed out, if he doesn't realize this- then you may have just dodged a very dangerous bullet my dear.

Hope you have a great day!

Keep yourself busy

Meet new people

Change your life style

FLIRT.

Posted by pisceanloves
Keep yourself busy

Meet new people

Change your life style

FLIRT.

I've done 3 of the 4. The Flirt part is where I need serious improvement lol

Posted by Caplove
I'm going through the same here, so I feel your pain. ((Hugs)) Like Capri-Sun mentioned, it really helps to focus on the negative aspects of the relationship and pull yourself away from all the positive ones (at least for now while you're grieving the loss). For me, if I linger on all the positives I start to feel pretty horrible and miss him like crazy. It's already bad enough that you feel like a part of your body has been severed from you and you're wondering how to move forward. 😢

So focus on the downsides and things you didn't like, why she was not right for you. Even if it was a tiny comment, magnify it x 10, exaggerate it and remember it. I actually made a long list so when I'm feeling bad I pull it up and read through it. It's helped immensely.

Also, I'm working on projects that mean a lot to me. I'm fixing up my place and doing home improvement things here and there, painting. Find something that you REALLY wanted to work on that you put away for **later**. Now is the perfect time to work on it. Even if you only devote an hour or two a day to it.

Thank you. Picking up a project from the backlog is an excellent idea!

Daron76 like you said - The person I loved was a fiction

I have understood one thing in life that it is all in mind. The strong bond , intense feelings ..its all in mind. You may have stronger feelings for some one and believe that other person also feels the same. Dont go by every word said. There are people who never mean what they say or their feelings change very soon . Basically not being delusional helps .

I think understanding that the intense feelings were only one sided can help you to move on. For me it does . There is another thing that helps is Time. I have a 5 year time frame. I forget feelings after that time . ( I know its too long 🙂 ) Once the feelings are gone it all gone.

Posted by Capri-sun
Time...

At some point I'm able to remove the feelings from the relationship and see it at face value.

Bang on

Posted by daron76

Posted by pisceanloves
Keep yourself busy

Meet new people

Change your life style

FLIRT.

I've done 3 of the 4. The Flirt part is where I need serious improvement lol

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Typical cap 🙂

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