candy10
@candy10
14 Years500+ Posts
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Will it ever be the same again?
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I can't believe he denied that he ever thought of me that way to my friend and even to me he did text once and told me that it didn't mean anything. I am not stupid thought I can tell when someone likes me, plus why would he have kept in contact with me for so long otherwise ?
Right now I feel like he is the right person for me. However he is still really angry, and nothing i do seems to make a difference because he keeps ignoring everything.
Is it too little too late?? Or will he come around? He is your typical capricorn very much in to his career and making money, so he is busy. But I don't know what he thinks of me now and if he will ever think of me as part of his future as I do :s.
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:O seriously—? but why?
i dont understand how i made him look bad :/, like do u mean because of all my friends saying things.
can't I convince him that i'm sincere? because i am.... and it's quite frustrating, i feel like iv been drawn the short straw ðŸ˜
can't I convince him that i'm sincere? because i am.... and it's quite frustrating, i feel like iv been drawn the short straw ðŸ˜
lol thanks for the advice. but unfortunately i can't keep being me while he isn't in front of me or picking up my calls..
surprisingly the stirrer was not a gemini but a virgo :s
but when a guy likes a girl won't he try at least to see the effort she's been making ??
surprisingly the stirrer was not a gemini but a virgo :s
but when a guy likes a girl won't he try at least to see the effort she's been making ??
surely thers a thing called forgive and forget or giving second chances?? i am opening up now!! i'm only trying this hard because I know that i won't think of anyone else in the same way for a long long time!!!
that part was resolved... the bit where he thought i was talking about him to this girl... my friend told him that i would never say those things...and he agreeed and said yes maybe this other girl is not to be trusted. and after that he did have one long conversation with me., but then i said something else which seemed to get him mad again and trigger off the fake comments.
surely if i have a one on one it will help? wher i tell him that i'm being for real
that part was resolved... the bit where he thought i was talking about him to this girl... my friend told him that i would never say those things...and he agreeed and said yes maybe this other girl is not to be trusted. and after that he did have one long conversation with me., but then i said something else which seemed to get him mad again and trigger off the fake comments.
surely if i have a one on one it will help? wher i tell him that i'm being for real
I'm curious
Have you confronted this friend who supposedly told these lies? Have you tried to get the friend to retract those statements to him and admit to lying?
I'm not sure how old you are but you seem young because you haven't really handled this well. You will never get that goat to stop being stubborn by being persistent.
Suggestion. Send him a short email apologizing for the misunderstanding, don't contact him for at least 8 weeks, the longer you wait the better, if you can wait 6 months then wait it out b/c by that point he will forget all the negative thoughts and feelings he associated with you and may be more willing to slowly start communicating again but WARNING once you see he's willing to communicate watch what you say and how you say it b/c he will be very observant and any slight sign of danger he will freeze you out again, keep convo short until you can build up your friendship again, he may be willing to start over again if you leave him alone but nothings going to happen right now...The more you push the more resistant he will be towards you and he will also feel very negative about you and that feeling will persist if you keep reaching out when its' clear he's not interested in fixing things.
And I really have to say this...He's supposed to be your friend...What kind of friend listens to some random girl and believes everything she says, either he's really young or or really immature or both b/c typically people tend to handle things differently like discuss the issue first before ostracizing another person out of his/her life.
Maybe you read your relationship with this guy all wrong and this guy was never really your friend. He sure didn't have a problem dumping you over hearsay. Why would you want to be friends with a guy like him is beyond me but good luck in your efforts.
Have you confronted this friend who supposedly told these lies? Have you tried to get the friend to retract those statements to him and admit to lying?
I'm not sure how old you are but you seem young because you haven't really handled this well. You will never get that goat to stop being stubborn by being persistent.
Suggestion. Send him a short email apologizing for the misunderstanding, don't contact him for at least 8 weeks, the longer you wait the better, if you can wait 6 months then wait it out b/c by that point he will forget all the negative thoughts and feelings he associated with you and may be more willing to slowly start communicating again but WARNING once you see he's willing to communicate watch what you say and how you say it b/c he will be very observant and any slight sign of danger he will freeze you out again, keep convo short until you can build up your friendship again, he may be willing to start over again if you leave him alone but nothings going to happen right now...The more you push the more resistant he will be towards you and he will also feel very negative about you and that feeling will persist if you keep reaching out when its' clear he's not interested in fixing things.
And I really have to say this...He's supposed to be your friend...What kind of friend listens to some random girl and believes everything she says, either he's really young or or really immature or both b/c typically people tend to handle things differently like discuss the issue first before ostracizing another person out of his/her life.
Maybe you read your relationship with this guy all wrong and this guy was never really your friend. He sure didn't have a problem dumping you over hearsay. Why would you want to be friends with a guy like him is beyond me but good luck in your efforts.
Posted by kstarks2Posted by ellessque
I'm assuming you want us to tell you how to fix what you did? Well first you must fix yourself. Ask yourself why were you holding back? Why couldn't you say you missed him if you did? And if you didn't, why do you miss him now?
The best way to get a capricorn "back" is pure brutal honesty. Say exactly why you did what you did and said what you said, and behaved the way you behaved and be 10000000% dead ass honest, cause we can spot a lie when we're on the defense. All that "I'm sorry, i'm into you, i like you, i want you" is going in one ear and out the other with him. You're wasting your time with that nonsense. You need to be HONEST and REAL, with him AND yourself.
I am trying to fix myself now, because I have been forced in to a situation where I have to otherwise I will lose someone that I considered for my future!! and that time when he called my and told me he missed me, funnily enough i was wondering when he was going to call 🙂 and he did! I couldn't say these things because I have enormous levels of pride and don't like showing and expressing my emotions, I have always been this way until now!!
I havn't said these trivial things such as I like you and i want you lol. i tend to express myself in a classier way and i just told him that he's an important part of my life and I do respect him etc.. but this was a very small text, but because it was just that a few lines i don't feel it is enough, because at the end of the day if he heard me speaking to him on the phone the sincerity will come out in my tone of voice a lot lot better. I havn't ever my whole life vocalised feelings in that way :/, so it would be a big step for me and he should realise that he's the only one i would do that with!!!
sorry i'm not good at quoting.lol. but you can figure out what u said and what I said
I'm in my early 20's 😄! I did confront this "friend of a friend" about what the guy was saying and she got very very defensive and told me that she doesn't speak to him and he's lying and why am i involving her for and then she started swearing at me and going mental, when all i did was ask her if she said anything to him in a comparably very calm manner, and then she made it out like i was the one in the wrong for even asking her such a question.
Although this guy is sensitive and can be at the smallest of things i am quite certain something must have been said to him. I do not talk to this girl and she doesn't talk to me now so the retracting of her statements will not work.
I have not been annoyingly persistent. I do not hassle him in the slightest. In fact in the last couple of months i've called him three times maximum and text him also a couple of times, but mostly I do leave him to it. I feel like part of the problem was that I didn't make as much of an effort to show him my admiration and respect for him as a person and any kind of affection at all. When we were on good terms I wouldnt call him more than once if he didn;t return my calls, and even when I would call him it would be minimum once every two weeks or so, so not too often. If he was certain of my feelings for him then perhaps he wouldnt have been to quick to believe this girl over me, but due to the uncertainty he could believe that I told her he was chasing me because I seemed quite unbothered, that was my conclusion.
Other than in the last few months when he's been incredibly angry with me, he is a very down to earth, honest person and someone who for the majority of time did treat me well!
I don't mind waiting a couple of months or so but I do not want him to think that maybe i'm not even that bothered which is why i left the situation as it was and so move on :/. It's a dilemma for sure. Out of all the people i have met in my life he is the one I have had the deepest connection with ðŸ˜
Although this guy is sensitive and can be at the smallest of things i am quite certain something must have been said to him. I do not talk to this girl and she doesn't talk to me now so the retracting of her statements will not work.
I have not been annoyingly persistent. I do not hassle him in the slightest. In fact in the last couple of months i've called him three times maximum and text him also a couple of times, but mostly I do leave him to it. I feel like part of the problem was that I didn't make as much of an effort to show him my admiration and respect for him as a person and any kind of affection at all. When we were on good terms I wouldnt call him more than once if he didn;t return my calls, and even when I would call him it would be minimum once every two weeks or so, so not too often. If he was certain of my feelings for him then perhaps he wouldnt have been to quick to believe this girl over me, but due to the uncertainty he could believe that I told her he was chasing me because I seemed quite unbothered, that was my conclusion.
Other than in the last few months when he's been incredibly angry with me, he is a very down to earth, honest person and someone who for the majority of time did treat me well!
I don't mind waiting a couple of months or so but I do not want him to think that maybe i'm not even that bothered which is why i left the situation as it was and so move on :/. It's a dilemma for sure. Out of all the people i have met in my life he is the one I have had the deepest connection with ðŸ˜
for ellessque: I've only sent him a couple of texts.lol. in months. and havn't really called him either. I just keep thinking that he might not come back because he still has this idea that im fake and that I never really liked him. :/, so he won't bother. That is worrying consideringg I have thought of him in a very serious way for the last 3 years of my life, ever since i met him.
I don't really feel it's the calling issue nor it's how you used to treat him or he would have dropped you a long time ago even before the whole friend lying incident. He was okay leading, Cap men really don't have a problem as long as you respond promptly and continue to show interest.
I may be a bit slow today but I haven't heard you say once if you have tried to correct this issue other than by calling. At some point once you realized he wasn't going to respond nor were you going to have a face to face talk did you email him with an apology or email him explaining how this woman was not a good friend and unfortunately she lied and now your in a horrible position, I miss you, I really want us to be okay, I can't explain why she would do what she did least not in an email but all I can say is you didn't deserve that at all and I feel horrible inside, I consider you a good friend and It pains me to know that your not in my life anymore, I hope some day we can speak again and we can resolve this and put it behind us....Have you said anything remotely close to that?
I dunno just feels like something is missing out of this story for him to believe this girl the way he did and drop you out of his life.
I may be a bit slow today but I haven't heard you say once if you have tried to correct this issue other than by calling. At some point once you realized he wasn't going to respond nor were you going to have a face to face talk did you email him with an apology or email him explaining how this woman was not a good friend and unfortunately she lied and now your in a horrible position, I miss you, I really want us to be okay, I can't explain why she would do what she did least not in an email but all I can say is you didn't deserve that at all and I feel horrible inside, I consider you a good friend and It pains me to know that your not in my life anymore, I hope some day we can speak again and we can resolve this and put it behind us....Have you said anything remotely close to that?
I dunno just feels like something is missing out of this story for him to believe this girl the way he did and drop you out of his life.
i'm not sure because he always used to ask my friends that he would also talk to about our conversations and whether he was mentioned ever and if i spoke about him, which lead me to think that it's because he doesn't know what i think of him and he was doubtful so he wanted some kind of indication maybe? but this is all me assuming and putting 2 and 2 together.
When he spoke to my best friend, she tried to tell him that this other girl was a liar and two faced and he actually believed her, and said that he was really angry and that he didn't mean anything he said, however he also said that me and him would be better of not talking. My friend said whats the problem now that you know she didn't lie to you, and he said that it doesn't make any sense to him that I like him because we hadn't spoken in about 6 months and that it's pointless us talking because it won't go anywhere.
I basically got my friend to speak to him because funnily enough he doesn't have an email I don't think or i don't have his email address. He's not really into keeping in contact with lots of people and isn't joined on to any social networkin sites.
After my friend spoke to him, I decided to text him and tell him that we should not miss opportunities, i implied it. He told me that he wasn't going to and that he is sorting out his career and getting married next year. i was lik :O, he told me to do the same. I said well you should know this before you do all that, and I told him that i've only thought of him in that way for ages now. He was really surprised in the texts, he eventually actually said sorry, but that he didn't know what to say after my confession. A week later I called he actually decided to pick upthe phone and we had a conversation for a couple of hours, it was exactly how it used to be,completely normal. I was trying to take it all in, how it was ok again, he said it was a good conversation.
A week after, I messaged him again saying something in a very jokey manner, he took offence to it I presume and then went back to his mad angry phase which he was in before and started calling me fake again and told me to leave him alone. It's as if nothing was solved, and the old issues were still there :/. By the way i told other people what I had said to him it was nothing bad at all, and they all said he was being too sensitive.
After that I have got nothing from him at all.
When he spoke to my best friend, she tried to tell him that this other girl was a liar and two faced and he actually believed her, and said that he was really angry and that he didn't mean anything he said, however he also said that me and him would be better of not talking. My friend said whats the problem now that you know she didn't lie to you, and he said that it doesn't make any sense to him that I like him because we hadn't spoken in about 6 months and that it's pointless us talking because it won't go anywhere.
I basically got my friend to speak to him because funnily enough he doesn't have an email I don't think or i don't have his email address. He's not really into keeping in contact with lots of people and isn't joined on to any social networkin sites.
After my friend spoke to him, I decided to text him and tell him that we should not miss opportunities, i implied it. He told me that he wasn't going to and that he is sorting out his career and getting married next year. i was lik :O, he told me to do the same. I said well you should know this before you do all that, and I told him that i've only thought of him in that way for ages now. He was really surprised in the texts, he eventually actually said sorry, but that he didn't know what to say after my confession. A week later I called he actually decided to pick upthe phone and we had a conversation for a couple of hours, it was exactly how it used to be,completely normal. I was trying to take it all in, how it was ok again, he said it was a good conversation.
A week after, I messaged him again saying something in a very jokey manner, he took offence to it I presume and then went back to his mad angry phase which he was in before and started calling me fake again and told me to leave him alone. It's as if nothing was solved, and the old issues were still there :/. By the way i told other people what I had said to him it was nothing bad at all, and they all said he was being too sensitive.
After that I have got nothing from him at all.
I havn't been given the chance to make my feelings clear on the whole situation with the girl or anything like that and tell him properly on the phone everything I am thinking right now. The nearest he's got to knowing this girl was a stirrer was by my friend talking to him. I thought the best thing would be not to mention all the bad stuff, seeing as the conversation after seemed to be going fine.
But cleearly he has something still playing on his mind, which is why he must have flipped.
But cleearly he has something still playing on his mind, which is why he must have flipped.
Oh I see, well he's getting married and he most likely is using that whole lie issue as a defense mechanism to prevent himself from forming an emotional bond with another woman.
You should consider moving on especially if he's asked you to leave him alone, if he said he mean it and any efforts on your part to do otherwise will feel like your not respecting him and his wishes to be left alone and will solidify that your attempting to control and manipulate the situation and yes he will shut down so unless you find out he's no longer attached/getting married you should really take a look at this situation from both angles and leave it alone, of course your an adult and will do what you want but if it were me I would close that chapter for now.
You should consider moving on especially if he's asked you to leave him alone, if he said he mean it and any efforts on your part to do otherwise will feel like your not respecting him and his wishes to be left alone and will solidify that your attempting to control and manipulate the situation and yes he will shut down so unless you find out he's no longer attached/getting married you should really take a look at this situation from both angles and leave it alone, of course your an adult and will do what you want but if it were me I would close that chapter for now.
if he said it he mean it
it's all the mixed messages though that get me confused. Why if he was gettin married would he be speaking to me for a couple of hours?? and then he text me back that time when I thought it was getting back to normal!!Not once did he mention this girl or the person he is supposed to be marrying!! Both me and my friends found it weird, also some things he was saying to me in that conversation made me think he lied about the marriage :/, so that it would be a form of revenge. It was as if it wasnt ever mentioned. To my friend also after saying he wants to get married to someone in particular he also told her on another occasion that he should start looking for someone too. He completely contradicted himself, and is all the time.
I feel like he only tells me to leave him alone because he's really angry still, he even admitted he said so many things to me which he didn't mean only because his temper got the better of him.
To be honest im not a chaser, and I never have been. Perhaps this has been my downfall, I don't know but I will not forever continue trying to get him to listen. It's only because obviously of all this drama happening and him getting the wrong end of the stick and me being the innocent party I felt like he should know the truth from me, I would tell him everything, and then if after that he wants to leave it be then I would be ok with it, or as much as I can be.
Should I try again after a few months then?? I don;t know but I can't seem to give up on this person too easily :s
I feel like he only tells me to leave him alone because he's really angry still, he even admitted he said so many things to me which he didn't mean only because his temper got the better of him.
To be honest im not a chaser, and I never have been. Perhaps this has been my downfall, I don't know but I will not forever continue trying to get him to listen. It's only because obviously of all this drama happening and him getting the wrong end of the stick and me being the innocent party I felt like he should know the truth from me, I would tell him everything, and then if after that he wants to leave it be then I would be ok with it, or as much as I can be.
Should I try again after a few months then?? I don;t know but I can't seem to give up on this person too easily :s
Think about it...If you told a guy to leave you alone wouldn't you want him to leave you alone? And if he persisted wouldn't you feel awkward about it, you may even talk to him at times but still feel like dude leave me alone already.
If there is a chance to fix things it may come later but for now stop worrying about it, he know you exist and if he truly is your friend he will let it go and resume the friendship at some point.
Of course you can reach out to him in a few weeks/months if that is what you wanna do.....
If there is a chance to fix things it may come later but for now stop worrying about it, he know you exist and if he truly is your friend he will let it go and resume the friendship at some point.
Of course you can reach out to him in a few weeks/months if that is what you wanna do.....
yes I understand.lol!!! but like i said i've hardly contacted him (it's almost unnoticeable), one text like after a couple of weeks and one phonecall is hardly anything!!
The only reason i've been trying is because it sounds like it is the end, he's never been this rude to me before or ever been as offensive. If this was normal behaviour i'd b like ok koool because I know we would speak again! It just sounds like the end of the road so i was obviously going to be slightly worried. and I feel like in a few months time or whatever he would have changed his number or something.
But for now I suppose there's nothing I can do.
The only reason i've been trying is because it sounds like it is the end, he's never been this rude to me before or ever been as offensive. If this was normal behaviour i'd b like ok koool because I know we would speak again! It just sounds like the end of the road so i was obviously going to be slightly worried. and I feel like in a few months time or whatever he would have changed his number or something.
But for now I suppose there's nothing I can do.
At the end of the day I still see it as something which was completely blown out of proportion, he made it out like I did something really bad, when I didn't. It doesn't seem fair.
In a way I don't see I have to even be forgiven for anything, it is all just so silly. If this is how he reacts towards someone who actually is quite harmless, I just wonder how hw reacted to his ex who cheated on him!!! :O
I just want him to try and get over his issues because at the end of the day why should I have to move on or even him over something so trivial!! because it will have a major effect on my life if things don't get back to normal!!! not to sound dramatic or anything.lol
In a way I don't see I have to even be forgiven for anything, it is all just so silly. If this is how he reacts towards someone who actually is quite harmless, I just wonder how hw reacted to his ex who cheated on him!!! :O
I just want him to try and get over his issues because at the end of the day why should I have to move on or even him over something so trivial!! because it will have a major effect on my life if things don't get back to normal!!! not to sound dramatic or anything.lol
Candy10 - First let me say that I have limited experience with Cap men. I am slowly learning myself. With that being said, allow me to please lend you some of the experience that I have acquired both with a Cap male and life in general. Just because something is not a big issue to you, has nothing to do with how another might perceive it. I have thought like you before. Because I did not see the big deal, how can it be a big deal to the other person. I have learned that this is a somewhat selfish way to look at things. Obviously, one of two things are happening here. 1) He really is majorly pissed and as a result is done or 2) He was a wee bit annoyed/irritated and he does not feel the need or wish to allocate the effort into working through his annoyance in order to patch things up with you. Either way you look at it, it spells out leave him alone. You do not have to understand. You do not have to agree. However, you should respect his request. Form what I have seen re: Cap men, they are very analytical. They are similar to Scorpios in that they THINK. They ponder and they plan. Caps do not make rash decisions. I do not think he would intentionally be rude and make it painfully clear that he is done, unless he has thought about this and is sure that he is done. Again, I could be wrong but that is what I have seen thus far.
My suggestion: move on. It doesn't matter why. He is done. The more you call; one time or 100 times; the more you will irritate him and make him even more upset. Show him that you are mature and respect him as a man to honor his request. Also, show him that you have more respect for YOURSELF than to continue to contact someone (any amount of times) after they have asked you not to.
I wish you the best of luck sweetie. Again, this is advice based on life experience. I have been there, done that and bought a t-shirt. I understand sometimes it is hard to let go when you do not understand, but you have to do it for your own mental sanity. 🙂
My suggestion: move on. It doesn't matter why. He is done. The more you call; one time or 100 times; the more you will irritate him and make him even more upset. Show him that you are mature and respect him as a man to honor his request. Also, show him that you have more respect for YOURSELF than to continue to contact someone (any amount of times) after they have asked you not to.
I wish you the best of luck sweetie. Again, this is advice based on life experience. I have been there, done that and bought a t-shirt. I understand sometimes it is hard to let go when you do not understand, but you have to do it for your own mental sanity. 🙂
One more thing. I have recently started (kind of ...remains to be seen) dating a Cap man (again remains to be seen). Him and I have two mutual firneds. One of which is his best firend and a very close male firned of mine who I have known for over 5 years. I did not even tell the friend that the Cap and I have seen each other. He texted me and told me that Cap told him that we went to lunch and had a good time. I just said, "oh thats good. Yes, we had a good time." I left it at that. My firned asked a few more questions about what I thought about the Cap and I was vague but positive. I remember reading a while ago that Cap men do not like having their bizz in the streets. They deplore gossip and will not stand for their name to be associated with it. Especially, the men. The Cap guy has even said to me on numerous occasions that he does not understand gossip and that he hates it. So, I knew to keep my trap shut! Yea...they dont like that.
1) I don't think if he heard something positive from this girl that he would have minded actually! Hence why he would always ask people I know if I had ever said anything about him. If she had told him yes this girl thinks you're really nice and kool, he would have i am sure been happy about it. The fact is she said whatever she said, and it was very negative with that impression of him chasing after me. I would never use that word (chase) or imply it if I think the same way about someone. It's ludicrous. I always tell the truth, I never lie or exaggerate, even if i tell someone something it would ALWAYS be the TRUTH.
2) That girl was not my friend. She was a girl who knew someone else I know a lot lot better. We were barely in the same circle of friends. My friends would never rat me out like that, plus they would defend me always.
3) His friend told me last year that this guy has said things about me which were not very nice. These were things he assumed. He always made assumptions about me. I let it go, I didn't rant and rave about it 24/7.
4) I state facts simple, like I said the truth to my friends sometime. I never bitched about this guy however. That is when you use words to describe people, like they are this and this...like how he did with me i.e she is fake. Not once in the whole entire time that I have known him have I ever called him names behind his back or made negative comments. If anything it would always be positive. You know how people tell their friends qualities of the person they like.
5) He wasn't doing all the work, I would still initiate a lot of contact which to me should be saying something. Yes I am not a flirty person I do not express myself greatly but this is not me being selfish at all this is just the way I am. When the time is right these things will come out and when I am ready. Also another point, I am the one who started contact with him again, he didn;t have my number I gave it and I told him to call me. That in itself was a big step, and without it we would not have been talking all this time.
Finally I admit i'm not perfect, no 1 is, but I am trying my best to explain things to him and convey to him what perhaps I should have done quite a long time ago and this should count for something. I am showing that I care. Therefore I think that at some point he should try to understand this and speak to me!!!!
2) That girl was not my friend. She was a girl who knew someone else I know a lot lot better. We were barely in the same circle of friends. My friends would never rat me out like that, plus they would defend me always.
3) His friend told me last year that this guy has said things about me which were not very nice. These were things he assumed. He always made assumptions about me. I let it go, I didn't rant and rave about it 24/7.
4) I state facts simple, like I said the truth to my friends sometime. I never bitched about this guy however. That is when you use words to describe people, like they are this and this...like how he did with me i.e she is fake. Not once in the whole entire time that I have known him have I ever called him names behind his back or made negative comments. If anything it would always be positive. You know how people tell their friends qualities of the person they like.
5) He wasn't doing all the work, I would still initiate a lot of contact which to me should be saying something. Yes I am not a flirty person I do not express myself greatly but this is not me being selfish at all this is just the way I am. When the time is right these things will come out and when I am ready. Also another point, I am the one who started contact with him again, he didn;t have my number I gave it and I told him to call me. That in itself was a big step, and without it we would not have been talking all this time.
Finally I admit i'm not perfect, no 1 is, but I am trying my best to explain things to him and convey to him what perhaps I should have done quite a long time ago and this should count for something. I am showing that I care. Therefore I think that at some point he should try to understand this and speak to me!!!!
*friend
Candy - Please re-read what you just wrote. YOU feel that HE should speak to YOU. YOU feel that he should not be mad because it was not your friend that he heard these things from. YOU have been trying to convey YOUR feelings to him. Not once, have you attempted (here) to understand how he might feel. Furthermore, it doesn't matter (at this point) how you feel. He has made a decision (at least for now). His decision is that you two no longer communicate. Disrespecting his wishes will do NOTHING but piss him off and make it more clear to him that he does not want to communicate with you. Why should he try to speak to you? Because YOU feel he should? So, to heck with what he wants for himself? Dont you want him to communicate with you because HE wants to and not because you wont leave him alone? Yes, if he heard good things his reaction might have been slightly different, maybe not. Who knows and who cares. That is not the reality of the situation. The reality is what was said was said. Although, you did not mean it to be like that, it was done. There is nothing you can do about it. It sucks, I know because these were not your intention but you cannot MAKE him be nice. You cannot make him want to talk to you. ANOTHER thing I have learned. Caps do not like to feel pressured into anything. They like to be in control of their own actions. They like to take credit for their own decisions. You trying to convince him is just working against you at this point. You have plead your case. Now leave him be and allow him to make his own decision. But he is definitely not going to come back with you pushing. I am so sorry to say it...but its the truth.
thanks scorpie love : I do understand that people definitely see things differently. I am not in his position therefore I do not know how offended or insulted or upset or angry he is, I can only imagine I suppose!! Same to him, he has zero idea what effect his anger and his constant rejection is doing. The times when he told me to leave him alone was at the peak time when he found out all this stuff that I apprently said so he was extremely angry at the time and also had a lot going on, people do see things a lot clearer when they have a clear head and are calmer. This was proven when he explained to my friend that he did not mean anything he said and he was really sorry.
I have only called a couple of times maximum, not like a psycho like some girls.lol. I simply felt that I would for once make some effort because throughout our friendship I would barely speak to him anyway and it probably seemed like I was uninterested which to me might have been a factor in his decision. I thought to myself that I did take it all for granted a bit, and now is the time to show that I am not a robot and I am not fake in the slightest. So am trying to compensate for my lack of effort previously.
I am not the type of person to try and talk to someone if they are not having it.!! Therefore I have decided to stop the contact for now. I just hope that sometime in the future, things will be different!
p.s I have thought about everything a dozen billion times in my head too, i am a virgo lol (analytical is one of our traits).
I have only called a couple of times maximum, not like a psycho like some girls.lol. I simply felt that I would for once make some effort because throughout our friendship I would barely speak to him anyway and it probably seemed like I was uninterested which to me might have been a factor in his decision. I thought to myself that I did take it all for granted a bit, and now is the time to show that I am not a robot and I am not fake in the slightest. So am trying to compensate for my lack of effort previously.
I am not the type of person to try and talk to someone if they are not having it.!! Therefore I have decided to stop the contact for now. I just hope that sometime in the future, things will be different!
p.s I have thought about everything a dozen billion times in my head too, i am a virgo lol (analytical is one of our traits).
scorpie love sorry that message that you responded to was for K starks! the most recent one is for you!!
how am i petty, i am a pretty easy going person actually!!!.. i forgive and forget very easily! as for the immature, yes in terms of relationships and friendships I am quite stupid sometimes!!... I didn't handle this friendship the best way from the start...I know that now...but i was younger then...I am slowly starting to learn from my mistakes and am maturing.
Posted by ellessque
lol....*rethinking my whole virgo strategy* 😛
she'll never stop til you tell her what she wants to here....and then maybe not even then.
this was a very interesting read. *selfish*
lol you think im selfish..hahah!! I just want people and him to see that i'm trying to make things better...and changing...and apologising..etc..!! Which is more than he would ever had done if he was me. 🙂. i've opened up a lot more than normal and it has been quite tough...but i've still done it because I understand whats at stake.. but no matter what I do i seem to be the bad guy.. i feel completely misunderstood.. but i don't think I can do any more right now. 😢
Posted by ellessque
that's why i explained. I said I was selfish for enjoying your posts. I was totally being a smart ass.
you are not misunderstood
this is not your fault
you are not the bad guy
this has NOTHING to do with you or who you are
this has EVERYTHING to do with how he is naturally wired
you both are just different. we all are. he doesn't think the same way you do. therefore he is not feeling the feelings you are throwing out there and insinuating he is.
plus, tiki is right, if he's planning on getting married....respect yourself and walk away.
i know it's uncomfortable
i know you don't want to
but trust EVERYONE who came in this thread.....we ALL know and some of them live these feelings everyday within themselves
if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck....it's probably not a squirrel
with that said....and you STILL want to proceed, can you do yourself a favor? Start reading, reading and read some more about your chart. Visit the virgo board, pull your chart and READ. Then start visiting the others. Then you can truly accept yourself and how your ways may be different then others....but still perfectly okay.
i wish you luck. you don't seem half bad 😉
Thanks 😄... That was nice 🙂! hmmm funny how capricorns and virgos are supposed to be one of the best matches in the zodiac..LOL.. we must b atypical then...or somethings gone wrong ere!!
yep...he is truly one of a kind.. but the good kind.lol...it's really interesting how even though he's been cursing me and insulting me all this time..not one bad word has come out of my mouth about him.. i suppose that should be proof enough that I would never have insulted him in the first place... but clearly he is not seeing this logically !! or maybe can't be bothered.!!
I understand that people in this thread must b a bit older and have had a vast amount of life experience..and I do appreciate that! For me this is really the beginning of the drame which relationships of any kind bring :o...loooks like im in for a ride.
Posted by ellessque
I believe caps and virgos can work. But I also believe they need to know an awful lot about themselves before they can understand each other.
If you spend time trying to figure him out....you'll lose yourself. I AM saying that from RECENT experience.
Take care of yourself...and he will notice and follow. If not, there are zillion more of these magnificent men out there.
I think I do know myself quite well. evidently more than anyone else. 😄, i am not trying to be patronising in anyway but he doesn't know me at all. No one I know has ever misunderstood me as much as he has, and he is the person I was expecting to know me the best. If this doesn't work out he will never realise what he had :/.
I think he does take care of himself for sure, to him he is number one and right now I am getting in his way 😢
lol thanks for the advice .!!! right now im going to do what doesn't make me happy and ignore him for at least 3 months maybe... i'll try again in the summer 😄. by then who knows...he'll prolly have found another person..and moved on even though i'm too loyal to even consider doing that..oh well... crap happens .
thanks again ellesque!! i think sparkxx or starks or whatever has become psycho now.. she claimed that I'm up myself..but that is not the case at all...i'm not blaming everything on him... i admitted i had some faults when it came to approaching the friendship!!.. and i wasn't saying i was the best he ever had either..lol.. i think that we could have worked out if we both changed certain things! that's all... i seriously think some capricorns (not all) are prone to psychotic episodes :s
i read it alright... but i blocked her too 😄.. IM SORRY BUT RECENTLY I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF PEOPLE'S DRAMATIC OUTBURSTS...COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR!!! people really need to chill out... maybe they would enhance their social skills that way.
Well dam @ kstarks! Lol. Yea sweetie move on. I actually did say the way you are behaving could be perceived as bring selfish. You said that you aren't selfish because you are merely trying to let him know your true intention. That's great. Well it would be great if he asked you for an explanation. If he wanted you to contact him to hash things out. The hard part is he is not. In fact, he asked to be left alone and u have not done that. You have tried to explain yourself which (again) is not what he asked. It's what you want. And that is what can be perceived as selfish. AND to add insult to injury he's getting married— Yes... Sorry hun but it's time to let go. use this as a learning experience and move on doll! 🙂
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
Posted by ellessque
candy, blocking was probably not a good idea. i know you don't like what she is saying but kay is a true capricorn to the very soul. if you are going to participate in understanding a cap and ever want to pursue a relationship in the future, get used to the brutal honesty now...rather than later.
it's a gift they have that not even the virgo or scorpio possesses (i'm a scorp, btw). It may come off as harsh on the surface but I'll tell ya, it's better to accept the honesty instead of trying to challenge or ignore it. That will save you a lot of heartache in the future.
we have to accept that. That is the beauty in everyone being different and also in how they process things.
well theres an art to being honest with people and also how to deliver it..swearing, constant criticising is not the answer.!! im quite honest too..but i will always be as tactful as I can be!! i'm sorry if I don't want to hear what she's saying, even more so when she's wrong.lol. not in every way..but certain things.
I do accept people are different, however I will not tolerate that kind of bluntness. This is why people are more compatible with certain individuals more than others. 😄.
Sorry for the typos. I'm typing from my phone right now. Lol
Posted by tooseriouslol
most the stuffs you said were so virgo lol
you reminded me of my torture with a virgo in the previous life lol. he would log out when he heard i miss you to avoid saying it lmao. i really didn't get why he tried to connect again after he moved back to town a year later. the day i said goodbye take care was the day he would never hear me in this life time again. so, as you can see, some of us are markers in a way that we do not give 2nd chances. i don't hate him at one point i thought i'd love him forever lol i wish him the best ever but i do not ever want to have any association with a person who hurt me so bad without even trying/realizing (lmao). too emotionally retarded for my sensitive heart lol.
LOL.. you are funny!!! initially we are like that and do take a long long long long long lifetime to open up but whoever sticks around and waits for it is a truly loyal person who we will genuinely know cares for us 😄.. once we realise this we will cease to be as emotionally ..the reason why your friend tried to reconnect with you is probably because he might have liked you someway or another and wanted to give it another shot (who knows), i think a second chance isn't too much to ask lol..🙂..i've given people like 50 chances before.
In my case..the capricorn guy was on and off and on and off...so it wasn't like i was showered with attention and gave hardly anything back. we were both as retarded as the other.. i suppose he did try a little.lol..but not as much as people may think from my posts. !!
I think both of us have very similar traits to an extent.. both very stubborn. but when both people are stubborn one has to try and give way. i am trying now..but it's not working so i probably won't bother again for now!
Posted by ScorpieLove25
Well dam @ kstarks! Lol. Yea sweetie move on. I actually did say the way you are behaving could be perceived as bring selfish. You said that you aren't selfish because you are merely trying to let him know your true intention. That's great. Well it would be great if he asked you for an explanation. If he wanted you to contact him to hash things out. The hard part is he is not. In fact, he asked to be left alone and u have not done that. You have tried to explain yourself which (again) is not what he asked. It's what you want. And that is what can be perceived as selfish. AND to add insult to injury he's getting married— Yes... Sorry hun but it's time to let go. use this as a learning experience and move on doll! 🙂
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
i'm 22 😄. lol. yes you are right about him not asking for an explanation etc.. but that's only because he's a member of the male species and furthermore a capricorn.🙂!! i was just dealing with the problem in the way that i wanted i suppose. but basically i saw it as my last chance...which is why i was offering an explanation..because maybe six months back I would have acted like a man and kept my pride in tact and probably not even said a simple sorry...i realised this stubborn behaviour is no good and in the long run.. we keep our pride but then what is lost is a greater disadvantage!!
I agree! The only exception to what you said is when the other person does not want an explanation and asked to not be contacted... That's when it's best to let go, respect the other person's wishes and move on 🙂 like I said, he's a cap. I'm sure he gave it some thought and made a decision for himself that he felt was best. It appears that cap men actually think more than the average man and when they say they are done, odds are they truly mean it..
hmmm so are you saying theres no hope basically!! sobs..cries.. it seems almost a waste of a good friendship in my eyes. i do not know whether he will eventually see it this way..i've known this person for too long now..in fsct he has made up the core part of my life for the last couple of years and seeing as i am quite young..that is a long long time 😢
Kstarks my dad is a Virgo I also have several male and female friends who are Virgos. They are great people. But yes, they don't Ike to be wrong at all. They can dish it out all day...criticize someone until the other person is in tears but don't you dare give it back to them!! Lmao!! I always make fun of my dad about this. Too funny. I have seen extremes. Some of my friends aren't as bad others are but ive met some virgos who are out of control with it. I guess every sign has their quirks. But the reality is folks gotta listen and be open to criticism. We should always be evolving and growing. Its this very type of thing that helps us take a look inward and truly evaluate what the hell we are doing. Lol. Gotta be real with yourself...
Candy please please please please please please let. It. go! Lol. It's a wrap and he is done. I'm sorry but it's the truth.
I think its age too. When I was in my early 20's no one could tell me anything!
i am far from clingy/obsessive/desperate... this is why i am in this position in the first place. JUST INCASE you didn't read my first ever post here!!!! I am open to everyones advice, hence i ask a variety of people.
if you must know i am the least clingiest/obsessive/desperate of anyone I know, this is why i havn't been in a million and one relationships!
You did not understand that I do not like people having the wrong impression of me, i simply wanted to make the situation right, so is calling someone once or twice within two and a half months now become clingy? the definition should be looked up then.
MY whole entire life I have dealt with every single person who has liked me in any way with very little response and very little communication, in fact even if i like someone i tend to ignore them, hence why i have been single practically my whole life! i hav decided that this has to change..and if someone does show some interest i should be more open about it..because i usually let everyone go.
if you must know i am the least clingiest/obsessive/desperate of anyone I know, this is why i havn't been in a million and one relationships!
You did not understand that I do not like people having the wrong impression of me, i simply wanted to make the situation right, so is calling someone once or twice within two and a half months now become clingy? the definition should be looked up then.
MY whole entire life I have dealt with every single person who has liked me in any way with very little response and very little communication, in fact even if i like someone i tend to ignore them, hence why i have been single practically my whole life! i hav decided that this has to change..and if someone does show some interest i should be more open about it..because i usually let everyone go.
Posted by ScorpieLove25
Candy please please please please please please let. It. go! Lol. It's a wrap and he is done. I'm sorry but it's the truth.
yes its probably my age too.lol...but the reality is...i've never done this with anyone ever in my whole life...most of the time I am very very submissive/aloof/avoidant... and i really don't see how one phonecall in a couple of months is a lot.... you should hear about some people i know!!! the truth is this person probably means a lot more than anyone else i've come across ever..!
Sweetie the point is ANY call is too much when it's made to someone who does not want to be contacted.
Posted by ScorpieLove25
Sweetie the point is ANY call is too much when it's made to someone who does not want to be contacted.
no after he said he wanted me to leave him alone, i think i only text him. But he did speak to me for a couple of hours not too long ago.lollll... so he was ok for a bit.. and then went back to being moody..!!! mixedd signals!
but no there is no way this person would ever see me as someone who calls him too much.!
Posted by tooseriouslolPosted by candy10
hmmm so are you saying theres no hope basically!! sobs..cries.. it seems almost a waste of a good friendship in my eyes. i do not know whether he will eventually see it this way..i've known this person for too long now..in fsct he has made up the core part of my life for the last couple of years and seeing as i am quite young..that is a long long time 😢
well he was my bff for 9 years and i cut him out of my life. not just him. i cut another good virgo friend of 10 years out for a complete different reason (betrayal of my trust in my eyes) during the same time. that summer almost killed me lol. i dont' keep any virgos close to me after that. so yeah even a decade of good friendshps if it hurts to the core we still cut you out even if it means i had to go the emergency room lol.click to expand
LOL.. you are still very very funny!! ok it seems trust is the centre of every major decision!.. what starsign are you btw?? and it just seems so ironic to me, my situation coz this girl who came in between just stirred it all up and i didn't ever say anything offensive about this person which makes me all the more frustrated.!!! you know when you havn't done anything wrong but people still don't believe you!!!!
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