candy10
@candy10
15 Years500+ Posts
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Will it ever be the same again? (Page 3)
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Candy - Are you saying all this stuff about him based on the fact that he no longer wants to communicate with you? Or, have you observed this as a pattern of his behavior with others? If the first is true, honey, you cant take it personal and get mad and bitter. One thing women need to learn. You are young so you get a pass??_.for now. Lol. Listen/read closely. A man does not owe you ANYTHING! Period. Yes, it is great if things work out the way we want, but that is not going to always be the case. If a man does not want to talk to you, he does not have to. Let's say none of this ever happened and your Cap just woke up and decided, "you know what. I do not want to talk to anymore females because I do not want to take a chance in damaging my relationship with my fianc?" Or, "you know what, I do not want to talk to Candy because I just simply do not feel the need to." That is HIS right. He does not OWE it to you to talk to you. Please learn this quick because if you do not you will be reminded again. Two things I have learned. Men dont owe you anything and you cannot change a person. The only person you change and/or control is YOU! With that being said, if this Cap owes anyone anything it would be to himself and the woman who he chose to make a commitment to - his fianc?. As you see, you will not change that. So, change your reality! Change your perception. Don't bad mouth him or be angry and make him the bad guy. Dont hold him responsible for YOUR happiness. It's YOUR happiness. Just say to yourself, "Well, I really liked him. But it did not work out and I do not want someone to be with me and communicate with me who does not want to. So, I wish him the very best and respect his wishes. Now, I will remain positive and live my life in the best way possible to radiate alluring energy which will allow someone to find me who DOES want to communicate with me. This is my life. I am going to be happy. Not angry. " When you perceive your situation like that opposed to being angry and putting it all on him, you are freeing yourself from whatever hurt and disappointment that this caused you. You are taking responsibility for YOUR life and making a positive and happy decision to move on and be at peace. When you do this, trust me, you will feel so freed and much happier! 🙂
Posted by candy10Posted by tooseriouslol
so yeah a strong sagi + aqua person may not be the easiest to deal with :/
btw whereas mine was with my birth times, his was not. lolll. i thinkk that is cruciall!!!click to expand
IN A WAY WE WILL NEVER REALLY KNOW WHAT HE IS UNLESS I ASK HIM WHAT TIME HWAS BORN..WHICH I WILL NOT DO.LOOOOOOOOOOL. NOT NOW
From everything I've read... It ain't his loss either!!!
Posted by CappyyLuv30
Woman, let it go!
Girl, you took the words right out of my mouth. I have honestly never seen anything like this before. I could see if they were in a realtionship, or kind of dating or even just FWB. But to be like this over someone who she rarely spoke to, to begin with? AND who is getting married and TOLD her flat out leave him alone. I dont get it. Maybe, I am missing somethng? Am I crazy?
Posted by ScorpieLove25
Candy - Are you saying all this stuff about him based on the fact that he no longer wants to communicate with you? Or, have you observed this as a pattern of his behavior with others? If the first is true, honey, you cant take it personal and get mad and bitter. One thing women need to learn. You are young so you get a pass??_.for now. Lol. Listen/read closely. A man does not owe you ANYTHING! Period. Yes, it is great if things work out the way we want, but that is not going to always be the case. If a man does not want to talk to you, he does not have to. Let's say none of this ever happened and your Cap just woke up and decided, "you know what. I do not want to talk to anymore females because I do not want to take a chance in damaging my relationship with my fianc?" Or, "you know what, I do not want to talk to Candy because I just simply do not feel the need to." That is HIS right. He does not OWE it to you to talk to you. Please learn this quick because if you do not you will be reminded again. Two things I have learned. Men dont owe you anything and you cannot change a person. The only person you change and/or control is YOU! With that being said, if this Cap owes anyone anything it would be to himself and the woman who he chose to make a commitment to - his fianc?. As you see, you will not change that. So, change your reality! Change your perception. Don't bad mouth him or be angry and make him the bad guy. Dont hold him responsible for YOUR happiness. It's YOUR happiness. Just say to yourself, "Well, I really liked him. But it did not work out and I do not want someone to be with me and communicate with me who does not want to. So, I wish him the very best and respect his wishes. Now, I will remain positive and live my life in the best way possible to radiate alluring energy which will allow someone to find me who DOES want to communicate with me. This is my life. I am going to be happy. Not angry. " When you perceive your situation like that opposed to being angry and putting it all on him, you are freeing yourself from whatever hurt and disappointment that this caused you. You are taking responsibility for YOUR life and making a positive and happy decision to move on and be at peace. When you do this, trust me, you will feel so freed and much happier! 🙂
LOL ACtually in answer to your question it is a bit of both
Posted by tooseriouslol
well lildol i thought you heart virgos lol 😛
😄. I AM A VIRGO BUT ALSO NOT AS MUCH
Posted by tooseriouslol
i get her and her pain.
i have a strang thing for virgo with scorp moon i guess lol i think they are cute/pure 🙂.
AWWWWW... 🙂 thanks 😄. you are the only one in this thread btw haha..but generally I do get labelled as cute and pure by my friends who know me quite well too!
Well Candy, drop the resentment and move on. At this point, you are doing it to yourself. The man has told you how he feels. If you continue to agoniza over it, you are only hurting yourself. You gotta take responsibility for your life. Take control and move on!
Posted by ScorpieLove25Posted by CappyyLuv30
Woman, let it go!
Girl, you took the words right out of my mouth. I have honestly never seen anything like this before. I could see if they were in a realtionship, or kind of dating or even just FWB. But to be like this over someone who she rarely spoke to, to begin with? AND who is getting married and TOLD her flat out leave him alone. I dont get it. Maybe, I am missing somethng? Am I crazy?click to expand
to MAKE THIS VERYY VERRYY VERY CLEAR HE IS NOT GETTING MARRIED TO ANYONE IN PARTICULAR AND DOES NOT HAVE A FIANCEE.!!!!
I do see where you're coming from he doesn't owe me anything! I get that, I just wanted to clear things up from my side, not force him to speak to me not impose myself on him,, so in a very limited amount of messages I wanted to say that this girl did make things up about me, I am real, I never lied to you, I think of you as a really good friend, and we used to have fun!!!! thats it!!
I know we never dated had a relationship anything, im not deluded, but this does not mean people do not carry something for someone on quite a deep level! it doesn't make it any less significant!
We had continuous contact and very intense conversation for years, we were not clingy with one another because that is the way we are both wired, I do not show my feelings, he doesnt show his too much ( maybe a little).
Like i'v repeated over and over again, I have left it alone, because i've said what i've had to say and now the rest is up to him. To be honest i've always got on with my life and i'm not going to ever let someone stop me from doing so. I might over analyse and dwell and he might be at the back of my mind, but still I have goone about my daily life!!!
Posted by tooseriouslol
oh well. got to run ladies! nice chatting to you all 🙂. you all have a wonderful weekend!
candy, just don't hurt yourself i think the ability to let go was the best thing i learned in my life so far, serious serious! 🙂 take care 🙂
take care!!!! 🙂 lol..don't worry Im going to let go eventually.hahah
Posted by tooseriouslol
maybe because my scorp has virgo moon just shuffle around it's candy lol.
hahaha... you're me 🙂
Candy - Fiance no fiance. You get my point. All I am saying is that at this point you not letting go within yourself, is only hurting more. Its doing more harm than good. Furthermore, it is in your teens and early 20's when you begin to develop habits in dealing with men in relationships. If you obssess now this will be something that you will rpobably carry with you as you get older and trust me it will take its toll. Dont start bad habits. Think about it. Folks arent here to be mean or to make you get defensive. We are telling you these things becasue we have been through it before. We are trying to provide you with some insight that we have learned to be true along the way. Listen....
Candy, EVERYONE is telling you the SAME EXACT thing. Some in more blunt ways..but its ALL the SAME. EVERYONE cant be wrong. Lol.
I need to learn these charts like you all. Ya'll got em' down!
Candy...a lot of the advice you're being given out here is very much objective. You're in the middle of the situation so you have a lot of subjectivity. The objectivity is probably going to give you a better assessment about what you need to do/how to move forward. You seem to be agreeing that you need to move on and put this guy in the rear view mirror. Or at least I hope that's what you're doing.
As a virgo who has dealt with/is still dealing with a cap man (and who has had a bit more life experiences) I will add that you probably have an overwhelming sense of wanting real closure on this situation. You probably won't get that with him. I won't generalize about caps for you...enough other people on this board can do that. What I will strongly advise you to do is to put your narcissism away (I don't mean to offend you with that statement) and count this as a lesson (albeit expensive emotionally for you) learned.
You seem to have a lot to learn about relating to boys/men and how to navigate romantic relationships in general. Give yourself some time and the next time around wait a few months and really get to know the person before you decide to let those feelings grow. Good luck with getting over this cap. Find a few real friends boys or girls, don't get too attached to them and just have a good time not thinking about the cap.
As a virgo who has dealt with/is still dealing with a cap man (and who has had a bit more life experiences) I will add that you probably have an overwhelming sense of wanting real closure on this situation. You probably won't get that with him. I won't generalize about caps for you...enough other people on this board can do that. What I will strongly advise you to do is to put your narcissism away (I don't mean to offend you with that statement) and count this as a lesson (albeit expensive emotionally for you) learned.
You seem to have a lot to learn about relating to boys/men and how to navigate romantic relationships in general. Give yourself some time and the next time around wait a few months and really get to know the person before you decide to let those feelings grow. Good luck with getting over this cap. Find a few real friends boys or girls, don't get too attached to them and just have a good time not thinking about the cap.
Lol @ M!!! Too funny.
Posted by ellessque
wow. he's got a LOT of sag in his chart. all that saggie influence is NOT a good thing with the cap/aqua venus mix.
I see P.L.A.Y.E.R. right there.
LOL he's not a player though!! hahah
Posted by Museigal
Candy...a lot of the advice you're being given out here is very much objective. You're in the middle of the situation so you have a lot of subjectivity. The objectivity is probably going to give you a better assessment about what you need to do/how to move forward. You seem to be agreeing that you need to move on and put this guy in the rear view mirror. Or at least I hope that's what you're doing.
As a virgo who has dealt with/is still dealing with a cap man (and who has had a bit more life experiences) I will add that you probably have an overwhelming sense of wanting real closure on this situation. You probably won't get that with him. I won't generalize about caps for you...enough other people on this board can do that. What I will strongly advise you to do is to put your narcissism away (I don't mean to offend you with that statement) and count this as a lesson (albeit expensive emotionally for you) learned.
You seem to have a lot to learn about relating to boys/men and how to navigate romantic relationships in general. Give yourself some time and the next time around wait a few months and really get to know the person before you decide to let those feelings grow. Good luck with getting over this cap. Find a few real friends boys or girls, don't get too attached to them and just have a good time not thinking about the cap.
LOL at narcissism. I don't think of myself like that but ok.
I have realised a lot of what everyone here is saying and what I am saying is to do with my age, inexperience and my own subjectivity!! Perhaps everyone here has had a lot of these experiences, and with time has found it easier and easier to move on (which is why they cannot understand why i am making a big deal) but because this is almost like my first time dealing with these emotions, evidently it would take time.
I think with this situation what has made it worse is my extreme suppression of these innermost thoughts!!... and obviously how clueless he is to the extent of my positivity in him as a person and how much I think of him in this way, but I can assure you feelings do not grow too quickly for me, in this case it has been years and years it has taken for me to get to this position.
I've got quite a large circle of friends already who i'm continuing talking to, so there is no problem there.
I can guarantee that I will not so much as message t
Posted by ScorpieLove25
Candy - Fiance no fiance. You get my point. All I am saying is that at this point you not letting go within yourself, is only hurting more. Its doing more harm than good. Furthermore, it is in your teens and early 20's when you begin to develop habits in dealing with men in relationships. If you obssess now this will be something that you will rpobably carry with you as you get older and trust me it will take its toll. Dont start bad habits. Think about it. Folks arent here to be mean or to make you get defensive. We are telling you these things becasue we have been through it before. We are trying to provide you with some insight that we have learned to be true along the way. Listen....
thanks yes i see all that now!!! lol. but initially the overwhelming sense of loss of a good friend took over and I had to try and figure out a way to make that better. Nothing has made a difference and theres nothing more I can do. So that it.
Posted by ellessquePosted by tiki33Posted by tooseriouslol
a person with strong aqua influences (moon/venus would consider a strong placement) may has a rebellious nature. they can be fair but rebellious non-the-less. that means if they feel forced at any given time by anybody, a stainless steel resistance will be presented to you. basically - "DO. NOT. TELL. ME. WHAT. TO. DO." lol
very true
So to answer your question candy....no it will never be the same.... ever again
yep. there is your short answer. take it how ever you may.
you get one shot with these guys and you are done. there is no do-over.
and please accept the fact there is nothing "wrong" with him, he just is who he is.
now ask him to get to the back of the line and call the next one forward 😛click to expand
LOL I WILL DO
Posted by CappyyLuv30Posted by tooseriouslol
"Out of everyone here you and pathfinder seem to be the only two to be using logic ."
Because path is on her side or telling her what she wants to hear. It happens. It's happened to me....but the truth shall set you free. Eventually you'll come out of your coma....we all do. Stop thinking with your vag, girl, LOGIC!
"Leave me alone" is crystal.click to expand
The reference was to me and elle. No sides being taken on my part, just assessing a situation. I'm not in a coma and I don't think with my VAG.
Frankly, I don't get his emotionalism. When I don't care about someone, I'm totally indifferent to anything concerning them or coming from them, like they don't exist.
Old native american saying "a hit dog yells loudest".
He's out of control. One minute he takes her calls, the next he's bitching. THAT'S why she keeps calling.
Meh, at least that's my opinion.
Posted by pathfinderPosted by CappyyLuv30Posted by tooseriouslol
"Out of everyone here you and pathfinder seem to be the only two to be using logic ."
Because path is on her side or telling her what she wants to hear. It happens. It's happened to me....but the truth shall set you free. Eventually you'll come out of your coma....we all do. Stop thinking with your vag, girl, LOGIC!
"Leave me alone" is crystal.
The reference was to me and elle. No sides being taken on my part, just assessing a situation. I'm not in a coma and I don't think with my VAG.
Frankly, I don't get his emotionalism. When I don't care about someone, I'm totally indifferent to anything concerning them or coming from them, like they don't exist.
Old native american saying "a hit dog yells loudest".
He's out of control. One minute he takes her calls, the next he's bitching. THAT'S why she keeps calling.
Meh, at least that's my opinion.click to expand
ye cappy luv neither of us r finking wiv r VAG. I'm seein it the way you're seein it too!!
I've had people who have bothered me in the past..and If i don't like them and they're irritating I would block their calls and not reply to any of their texts! ...plus they invoke no emotion in me...like i just see a text or a missed call n delete it!!!
But this one is hot n cold n hot n cold... n if he sayz everything is ok and he's moving on why still be mooody and insulting!!!
I think when he tels me to leave him alone he is simply angry, and in his mind the issues bought up with this other girl sayin i'm gossiping about him are still in his mind and have not been resolved!!!!
Ok let's completely disregard the fact that he did tell her to leave him alone and let's just say him accepting Candy's calls is inconsistent and could cause some confusion. Fine. This means HE is inconsistent and confusing making him STILL a person who needs to be left alone. My previous points were in effort to guide Candy away from trying to change, convince and analyze a man who does not want to be convinced, changed or analyzed.. Furthermore, he doesn't even want her to waste her energy on him. I just hate to see women expend so much energy and thought into men who are not reciprocating. When we as woman begin to analyze and bash the man it gets us caught in a bitter rut where we are left even more angry, hurt and damaged than we were to begun with! Meanwhile, the man is on about his life and hasn't given the situation or us a second thought. Sounds yucky to me! By not playing the blame game and looking at the situation as an opportunity to learn and take responsibly for our own happiness and removing ourselves out of the equation, we are empowering ourselves. We free ourselves from the heavy weight of what if's, maybe if I's, and he's such a jerk. We are free happy and can go on with life like he has done.
This is not logical?
This is not logical?
Posted by ScorpieLove25
Ok let's completely disregard the fact that he did tell her to leave him alone and let's just say him accepting Candy's calls is inconsistent and could cause some confusion. Fine. This means HE is inconsistent and confusing making him STILL a person who needs to be left alone. My previous points were in effort to guide Candy away from trying to change, convince and analyze a man who does not want to be convinced, changed or analyzed.. Furthermore, he doesn't even want her to waste her energy on him. I just hate to see women expend so much energy and thought into men who are not reciprocating. When we as woman begin to analyze and bash the man it gets us caught in a bitter rut where we are left even more angry, hurt and damaged than we were to begun with! Meanwhile, the man is on about his life and hasn't given the situation or us a second thought. Sounds yucky to me! By not playing the blame game and looking at the situation as an opportunity to learn and take responsibly for our own happiness and removing ourselves out of the equation, we are empowering ourselves. We free ourselves from the heavy weight of what if's, maybe if I's, and he's such a jerk. We are free happy and can go on with life like he has done.
This is not logical?
" just hate to see women expend so much energy and thought into men who are not reciprocating. "
Me too
Amen!!@By not playing the blame game and looking at the situation as an opportunity to learn and take responsibly for our own happiness and removing ourselves out of the equation, we are empowering ourselves. We free ourselves from the heavy weight of what if's, maybe if I's, and he's such a jerk. We are free happy and can go on with life like he has done.
Real talk
Posted by ScorpieLove25
Ok let's completely disregard the fact that he did tell her to leave him alone and let's just say him accepting Candy's calls is inconsistent and could cause some confusion. Fine. This means HE is inconsistent and confusing making him STILL a person who needs to be left alone. My previous points were in effort to guide Candy away from trying to change, convince and analyze a man who does not want to be convinced, changed or analyzed.. Furthermore, he doesn't even want her to waste her energy on him. I just hate to see women expend so much energy and thought into men who are not reciprocating. When we as woman begin to analyze and bash the man it gets us caught in a bitter rut where we are left even more angry, hurt and damaged than we were to begun with! Meanwhile, the man is on about his life and hasn't given the situation or us a second thought. Sounds yucky to me! By not playing the blame game and looking at the situation as an opportunity to learn and take responsibly for our own happiness and removing ourselves out of the equation, we are empowering ourselves. We free ourselves from the heavy weight of what if's, maybe if I's, and he's such a jerk. We are free happy and can go on with life like he has done.
This is not logical?
Scorpie, I totally see your point. It's mature. It's logical. It's serious.
From where I sit, this could be just a game to Candy. I don't know if Candy gives a hoot either way with this guy. She wasn't all that interested in him in the beginning. Now he's ignoring her and she may want to see how far he will let her go. There are people in the world who just want to pick at you for no real reason other than to get a reaction. Maybe that is what Candy is doing? I don't know. Maybe she does really like this man. So it should also be considered that that Candy is a person, somewhat like you, who just wants to be understood (referring to your above post and comments particularly in bold ). Some people need that. Especially if they care about a person.
Yes, she may be wasting her time. But she'll have to come to that conclusion and make peace knowing within herself that she did the best she could. Not all offers are accepted. That's why they are called "offers".
For me, I'm taking no sides. I just like looking at things in more than one way...
Pathfinder - I completely understand what you are saying and of course Candy will have to find closure in her own way. Just trying to provide her with some food for thought. A slightly older and more experienced perspective to help her navigate through this situation and hopefully some things that she can use in the future to make these type of instances a little easier.
thanks to everyone who posted some advice, believe it or not it has been taken on board. 😄. even though I may at times have argued for what seems like decades, but only because its a difficult situation.
I do value this person and have for what seems like years now and that isn't going to change anytime soon, but I have left it as it is as nothing has come out of anything i've had to say and I can't spend my life trying to talk to someone who isn't going to respond, at the end of the day that's up to him.
For now I see this messy drama as my past and am looking forward to the future with or without him.
I do value this person and have for what seems like years now and that isn't going to change anytime soon, but I have left it as it is as nothing has come out of anything i've had to say and I can't spend my life trying to talk to someone who isn't going to respond, at the end of the day that's up to him.
For now I see this messy drama as my past and am looking forward to the future with or without him.
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