AmorousSting
@AmorousSting
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 11 · Topics: 1
advice on staying or leaving
Wow.
Do you guys ever do anything fun? You seem a bit like a taskmaster. I feel suffocated just reading all your expectations of the poor guy.
He's only human, you know?
Do you guys ever do anything fun? You seem a bit like a taskmaster. I feel suffocated just reading all your expectations of the poor guy.
He's only human, you know?
I am agreeing with the previous posters...it has come to and end but 037 is right...do you do anything fun? You want all serious, I've been around Gem most of my life and had a few serious relationships with them as well...when he comes to you playful and silly....play it off and use it to your advantage, don't use it against him because it's not how YOU react to things. Stop doing all the things you were doing, the alarm clock and all that, as you said, you stopped doing that......be more of a girlfriend than a mother to him. What I was saying earlier is when he comes to you playful, use that time to do something fun and be happy. Don't get upset because he didn't come to you to " have that talk"...ask if there is anything he'd like to do. Give it a shot. Next time you two are together and are off for a bit, go to him and ask him if there is anything HE'D like to do for fun, that would probably shock him and be more like that for awhile and take the added stress off of you two. Stay like that for awhile and see if it doesn't turn things around or help at least. I personally think you two may be too different for this to work out in the end, if he's play and you're all serious. For it to work, I think you need to let your hair down a bit and show him a different side of you. This may sound like you need to do all the changing in order for this to work, but think of it this way, it's not working how it is now. Show him a different side of you for awhile, a fun side and once he doesn't feel so trapped, I bet he will have an easier time talking things out with you without all the fighting.
I have a male gem best friend that forgets things often, important things, like he forgot my birthday, I didn't hold it against him...we use to work together before i was let go. Our co worker remembered my birthday and wishes me a happy birthday, my gem friend said he forgot and felt bad and said the same. I didn't get upset, instead I teased him and said " oh I see how it is, I'm your bestie and you forgot, maybe you'll have to make that up to me then, like theirs this new video game I really like ( it's the same one he plays all the time) and if you get me that, we can play it together and I can kick your ass at it and show you a thing or two LOL" he laughed and said " We'll see" He did make it up to me and on his own time and in his own way but you see how I became playful instead of upset over something that was important to me? People are human and life is too short to be upset, no matter who or what sign they are.
I have a male gem best friend that forgets things often, important things, like he forgot my birthday, I didn't hold it against him...we use to work together before i was let go. Our co worker remembered my birthday and wishes me a happy birthday, my gem friend said he forgot and felt bad and said the same. I didn't get upset, instead I teased him and said " oh I see how it is, I'm your bestie and you forgot, maybe you'll have to make that up to me then, like theirs this new video game I really like ( it's the same one he plays all the time) and if you get me that, we can play it together and I can kick your ass at it and show you a thing or two LOL" he laughed and said " We'll see" He did make it up to me and on his own time and in his own way but you see how I became playful instead of upset over something that was important to me? People are human and life is too short to be upset, no matter who or what sign they are.
Posted by littlemegabyteI think there is a time and place to be serious. Yes we prefer playfulness and can settle down when it's meaningful if something needs to be discussed but if it's an all the time thing, that could be the problem here.
Also, I just wanted to add that you sound like a nice person and a good girlfriend, albeit a serious one with high expectations. There is nothing wrong with that, but please realize the seriousness all the time simply will not work for a gem, we get bored and really need to have fun in our lives or we will turn stone cold and move on pretty quickly. Seriousness is suffocating to us and our vibes lol.
I agree with the others, you need to lighten up and be more fun around him
Surprise him somehow, I mean do something unexpected (like react in a different way to something he says, not in a way you used to, make him curious 🙂 ) but don´t overdo it, just take it slowly and be patient with yourself (if you want to change, it will take time, and don´t give up your efforts (efforts to be fun and different)
be serious about wanting to be fun🙂 you need to change, for your sake and for the relationships´ sake. You can make it, don´t worry. Be playful and imaginative
don´t leave him before you tried this approach, but as I said, give it a time to
1. change yourself - your approach and
2. wait for the impact what your different approach will have on him
give it like 6 months? but try constantly, don´t give up after few attempts if there is not immediate change in his behaviour, right?
Also, what are your other planets?
Surprise him somehow, I mean do something unexpected (like react in a different way to something he says, not in a way you used to, make him curious 🙂 ) but don´t overdo it, just take it slowly and be patient with yourself (if you want to change, it will take time, and don´t give up your efforts (efforts to be fun and different)
be serious about wanting to be fun🙂 you need to change, for your sake and for the relationships´ sake. You can make it, don´t worry. Be playful and imaginative
don´t leave him before you tried this approach, but as I said, give it a time to
1. change yourself - your approach and
2. wait for the impact what your different approach will have on him
give it like 6 months? but try constantly, don´t give up after few attempts if there is not immediate change in his behaviour, right?
Also, what are your other planets?
Ok so I have read through all of the posts. Here is my added Information. His idea of fun is drinking until he passes out, which he has recently stopped doing...Thank god. We are going o a halloween party this next saturday...my idea. All dates are my idea. He does nothing and has told me is is content with just hanging out at home. If anything, I find him boring...He wakes up and goes on his phone, before sleep he goes on his phone. Yet the scorpio is the boring one? Altho I shpuld mention he has a scorpio moon and a scorpio rising in his chart.
I do keep things playful and fun. I am ALWAYS looking for things to do, recently found a few caves we can explore but if he doesn't seem excited then I am not going to want to do it with him...is it so wrong to want some maturity. It's playfulness 100% of the time.
Is it wrong for someone to want their significant other to want to hang out with them, share feelings, jokes and laughs? I initiate 90% of the conversations.
Update from this morning: am I wrong or not? I went to the supermarket to get some things to make food for the next few days, Altho be wasn't speaking to me still from last night when HE did something wrong, I asked him to show me how to make something he said yes. My direct deposit for some reason had a delay so I came upstairs to check and told him never mind and explained what happened and how I have to go back to the supermarket to grab my bag ( I bring my own to the supermarket) he just says ok. So 5 years in to the relationship you can't lend me $ 50 until I call the bank to fix the issue? Which I did...you would rather I just not eat or buy food outside? In a relationship are we not supposed to be partners? Some may see that as expecting too much I see it as love. When he had no place to go my dad and I let him move in...When he had roommates and they were eating all his food in the fridge and he barely had money I bought him cans of food to keep in his room...I guess somehow I have let this behavior happen by babying him as many would see it, I just come from a family where we don't let loved ones suffer if we can help it.
I will also like to mention that in June I graduated from grad school...He did nothing for me. That is a life event. I want someone who makes feel uplifted and celebrates with me as I would do. Am I the only one that feels this way? Ok now give me your brutal honesty!! Ask any questions if needed, I appreciate all perspectives on him and my crazy as well
I do keep things playful and fun. I am ALWAYS looking for things to do, recently found a few caves we can explore but if he doesn't seem excited then I am not going to want to do it with him...is it so wrong to want some maturity. It's playfulness 100% of the time.
Is it wrong for someone to want their significant other to want to hang out with them, share feelings, jokes and laughs? I initiate 90% of the conversations.
Update from this morning: am I wrong or not? I went to the supermarket to get some things to make food for the next few days, Altho be wasn't speaking to me still from last night when HE did something wrong, I asked him to show me how to make something he said yes. My direct deposit for some reason had a delay so I came upstairs to check and told him never mind and explained what happened and how I have to go back to the supermarket to grab my bag ( I bring my own to the supermarket) he just says ok. So 5 years in to the relationship you can't lend me $ 50 until I call the bank to fix the issue? Which I did...you would rather I just not eat or buy food outside? In a relationship are we not supposed to be partners? Some may see that as expecting too much I see it as love. When he had no place to go my dad and I let him move in...When he had roommates and they were eating all his food in the fridge and he barely had money I bought him cans of food to keep in his room...I guess somehow I have let this behavior happen by babying him as many would see it, I just come from a family where we don't let loved ones suffer if we can help it.
I will also like to mention that in June I graduated from grad school...He did nothing for me. That is a life event. I want someone who makes feel uplifted and celebrates with me as I would do. Am I the only one that feels this way? Ok now give me your brutal honesty!! Ask any questions if needed, I appreciate all perspectives on him and my crazy as well
Please give me tips on how to be more fun and unexpected if he is on his phone?
I just feel frustrated if he doesn't reciprocate, I just graduated from grad school and am in the middle of studying for a board exam and my time is not appreciated. I have very little time as it is and the time I try to dedicate to him he takes for granted.
I just feel frustrated if he doesn't reciprocate, I just graduated from grad school and am in the middle of studying for a board exam and my time is not appreciated. I have very little time as it is and the time I try to dedicate to him he takes for granted.
Your expectations are WAY too high... You expect him to love you the way YOU love. Not fair, as he can only love the way he knows how.
I see 2 choices:
1 accept HIS kind of love...
OR
2 move on!
I see 2 choices:
1 accept HIS kind of love...
OR
2 move on!
Posted by Pandora101
I agree with the others, you need to lighten up and be more fun around him
Surprise him somehow, I mean do something unexpected (like react in a different way to something he says, not in a way you used to, make him curious 🙂 ) but don´t overdo it, just take it slowly and be patient with yourself (if you want to change, it will take time, and don´t give up your efforts (efforts to be fun and different)
be serious about wanting to be fun🙂 you need to change, for your sake and for the relationships´ sake. You can make it, don´t worry. Be playful and imaginative
don´t leave him before you tried this approach, but as I said, give it a time to
1. change yourself - your approach and
2. wait for the impact what your different approach will have on him
give it like 6 months? but try constantly, don´t give up after few attempts if there is not immediate change in his behaviour, right?
Also, what are your other planets?
I am a Sag rising with a Pisces moon
Posted by misslissaHow are they too high? Plz do tell. If you had a partner who Is always saying how much they love you and blah blah but does nothing with you or for you. ..you would accept that and be ok?
Your expectations are WAY too high... You expect him to love you the way YOU love. Not fair, as he can only love the way he knows how.
I see 2 choices:
1 accept HIS kind of love...
OR
2 move on!
You shouldn't expect anyone to do things for you... Do for yourself.
And, yes, I'm more than ok with that! If I can't do it myself, I don't want/make/expect others to do it.
The end.
And, yes, I'm more than ok with that! If I can't do it myself, I don't want/make/expect others to do it.
The end.
Ok, I guess I can see now how I can be more independent and thats a lesson to learn.
Posted by littlemegabyteI think so. He told me once after forgetting to do something he said he would that its bc he has been depressed mind you he said this days after i mentioned that i was feeling down which i notice is a pattern with him. He didnt share what it was and seemed like he was crying as he was wiping a tear away but i have never actually seen him cry. He seems a little more motivated lately, is taking a class and is sleeping less, and like i said has stopped drinking while he is in this class.
Okay well then he just sounds like a douche. Is he a very depressed person? I'm wondering because you mention the alcoholism and he not having any enthusiasm to do anything. Tbh it sounds like you'd be a lot better off without him. I'd make the necessary arrangements to move out from him. It sounds like you continue bending over backwards for a person who is either incredibly depressed or just straight DGAF.
Our volatile fights have ceased since he has stopped drinking bc it was just too much and would embarrass me in front of family and would just act like a fool at home. So that is one aspect he has changed.
I feel like i should move on, even if everyone things its because he is bored or im asking for too much...at the end of the day we all have needs to be met no matter what sign we are and if those arent being fulfilled then there is someone out there who will fulfill them.
i also wonder if this is the lesson i need to learn...to be detached and independent as my north node is in Aries and if i am correct those are the traits i am to acquire in this life.
I think you're clinging to this much more than you need to be.
Posted by AmorousStingSounds eerily similar to my relationship with my Scorpio. I am the Gem and he's the Scorp and I definitely became more and more distant and he began to want to go out drinking with his friends constantly. We pushed each other away until it exploded and we broke up very suddenly. We lived together and I worried about the financial part of it and breaking our lease, selling our furniture, etc. Especially because I moved to the city he lived in and commuted one hour to work, so he moved out and was able to just go back to his parents whereas I was stuck in our apartment by myself still commuting. It sucked but then I woke up a couple days later after a lot of crying/wallowing and sold all of our furniture, found someone to take over the lease and found myself a room to rent close to work until I found something more permanent. My Scorp came to move his stuff out and was shocked that I took care of it all by myself. The relationship needed to end and we both knew it, doesn't mean it wasn't hard or emotional or really fucking sad, but
My bf who is a gemini and I am a scorpio have been in a relationship for 5 years, living together for about 3 years. We have different schedules so don't spend time together too often but when we do he is distant and seems to be more Interested in interacting with our cat then with me, or talks about superficial things where as I crave intimacy. I feel like I fell for a con artist who swept me off my foot to then only drop me in the air and laugh. At times I feel like he does love me but mostly I feel alone and confused. We fight often, always misunderstanding each other, from my side it's bc he dismisses my feelings. Yesterday he mentioned taking my cousins daughter to the park at a certain time while completely forgettimg the plan was to have lunch first (which he invited me to a few days ago) and then taking her. He said he forgot and when I voiced my feelings he have me the usual "oh god" so I ate his cupcake that I brought home for him bc he is so selfish and I need to be selfish as well. I always think of him, and do things for him from set his alarm for work when he forgets all the time, but have recently stopped doing that. Last night he fell asleep on the sofa as if he is the victim. He didn't apologize for forgetting our plans and if he does apologize he never apologizes for what he did but "for making me feel that way". He always says he will make things up to me and never does. I feel that if we don't speak or hang out much he is ok with that and when he does come to me it's to be playful and funny, never serious.
As a scorpio I love being intimate and I find it hard to ignore him for long bc I don't like tension. Financially I can't move out if I wanted so what do I do? Try a different approach? Stick it out? I feel like this relationship is doomed? Shouldn't be this hard, right?
I would have been miserable. I say get out. Happiness awaits you.
I am 28 years old and he is 26years old.
I met him when I was 23 and believe it or not he was my first serious relationship and I feel i was head over heels as he was so amazing in the beginning until he showed me who he really was once I gave in and I let a lot of things go that knowing what I know now, I would not accept and probably would've left. I don't know if I love him as a person or if I am still in love with him.
I do not have the means to move out if I wanted to because I have to take 2 board exams that I am paying for + finish paying off tuition and then pay to get my license...thousands of dollars, which will take me at least another year to accomplish. Unfortunately I did not have very much financial discipline which I am now paying for, but lesson learned.
I think in the meantime, I will just not pay him much mind and focus on studying for this exam and try to be out of the apt as much as possible living my life and seeing friends.
I'm sure everyone has felt this way at some point, but I don't know where I would gather up the courage to pack up my things and start anew.
Thank you everyone for your input
I met him when I was 23 and believe it or not he was my first serious relationship and I feel i was head over heels as he was so amazing in the beginning until he showed me who he really was once I gave in and I let a lot of things go that knowing what I know now, I would not accept and probably would've left. I don't know if I love him as a person or if I am still in love with him.
I do not have the means to move out if I wanted to because I have to take 2 board exams that I am paying for + finish paying off tuition and then pay to get my license...thousands of dollars, which will take me at least another year to accomplish. Unfortunately I did not have very much financial discipline which I am now paying for, but lesson learned.
I think in the meantime, I will just not pay him much mind and focus on studying for this exam and try to be out of the apt as much as possible living my life and seeing friends.
I'm sure everyone has felt this way at some point, but I don't know where I would gather up the courage to pack up my things and start anew.
Thank you everyone for your input
Something I want to mention is that we both have broken up with each other quite a few times...it only lasts for days and then one of us apologizes and we talk about things and it seems as if we are making progress. All is well and the effort we both seek is being put in and then time goes by and it's back to the same old. I think seeing the possibility of seeing what we could have with some effort is what still keeps me going and I would like to think it's the same for him.
As he left today, he said goodbye and gave me a kiss where normally if he is just blah with me he doesnt say anything or kiss me and just leaves and I tend to do the same to him. It's hard to decipher what is real, an illusion, manipulation...and so on.
As he left today, he said goodbye and gave me a kiss where normally if he is just blah with me he doesnt say anything or kiss me and just leaves and I tend to do the same to him. It's hard to decipher what is real, an illusion, manipulation...and so on.
Posted by Vixen2Whoa.
He will just never understand you...just not capable of it, unless he has other significant water placements. He probably has no idea all the little things you do, or sacrifice for him because he will never be as observant, courteous, loving, deep feeling as you.
Wow.
Posted by littlemegabytehaha I agree. there are 12 zodiac signs, each having compatibility with other signs so there are many forms of love to give and accept!Posted by 037Lmao right, because Scorpio is the END ALL BE ALL of the zodiac. No one could ever hope to be as deep and profound as them. Anyone other than scorpio are shallow pools of water, zero depth. Oh and incapable of ever giving affection properly.Posted by Vixen2Whoa.
He will just never understand you...just not capable of it, unless he has other significant water placements. He probably has no idea all the little things you do, or sacrifice for him because he will never be as observant, courteous, loving, deep feeling as you.
Wow.
What a joke.click to expand
Example, a friend of mine said she finally found someone who has the same clinginess level as she does. I would not want someone to be as clingy as I am...affectionate, yet...clingy def not.
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