Cold&Cruel

One of my BF is in love with a capricorn, but things aren't working out. I heard she was totally devastated, not eating, crying and vomiting all the time, so I went to her house to see what I could do. She invited me in smiling, laughing at the phone to someone else. Then, she started a trivial conversation, while making tea.

I told her to sat down and explain to me what was hapenning, but she kept putting excuses, so I told her I wasn't there to drink some tea, that I was worried about her, etc. "We're friends; don't hide your shit to me, I know there's something wrong". Finally, she collapsed, crying like I never saw her before. She doesn't want to be with cap anymore, but she's unable to talk to him. I told her "You need to move on, withouth letting emotions rule over you, have the talk, adult to adult. That's the rigth thing to make. You have to do this, if not for him, at least for yourself. It's just a guy. World's not gonna end"

She started screaming that I can't understand, that I have no heart at all, I wasn't her father to talk to her like that; and I was like... I was just trying to help, goodbye! I mean, she's true, It's really hard for me to express my feelings and understand other people emotions, but damn, she have tons of friends to give her a hug and a loving kiss, and no one to tell her how things really are!!

Question's simple: what did I do wrong? if you were in my friends shoes, how should I have approached?

She's a Gemini sun, Cancer moon, Pisces rising.

I am gem sun cancer moon too.... Oh my, I hate to admit this, but basically you didn't tell her what she wanted to hear. Whatever that may be, I don't know. Sounds like she needed a sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, not be told what to do.... And, in saying what you said, you kind of belittled the situation. To her, this is a BIG deal....

But don't worry, she will take what you said into consideration. She will play it over and over in her head analyzing every syllable... You have to let her mull it over and come to her own decision. She will.... In time. Also, in time, she will come to respect you for being bluntly honest with her. For now, just listen.

Loool typical leeb problems. There's a time for everything. That time she broke down was supposed to be the time for you to listen, hug her, hold her hand, tell her it's gonna be okay and just let her talk. Then once she's more stable was supposed to be the time you could talk to her about possible solutions.

When people are hurt, they just want someone to be there and listen. They just want someone to care but pointing out the obvious only infuriates them. Deep down they know what to do but before they can move on, they need to address the hurt feelings first and let it out.

You can't just put a bandaid without cleaning it first.

Hi Delta 🙂,

—Question's simple: what did I do wrong? if you were in my friends shoes, how should I have approached—

Nothing. Your friend acts very much like her Pisces rising sign— total emotionally driven. I have a friend who is an Aries sun with Pisces rising. There are days when she lives completely —in her own world?? and is swept away by emotions??_ Even if it's hard??_ let her be. Give some time and space. Water signs have the tendency to be passive aggressive on the flipside??_

—Then once she's more stable was supposed to be the time you could talk to her about possible solutions.??
Sign.

Thanks everyone for the comments. Now I see clearer what happened. I needed perspective.

Sanchomuyterrible and aesmadaeva really hit the core in one thing: sometimes explanations are useless, it's better to just be there saying everything is gonna be alrigth. If she was another person, I definitely woud do that. But she's getting used to bury all her problems, just pretending she's not hurt and keeping madly busy.

I wanted her to face the real deal, because I know what it is to look to the other side when the ugly part of a situation shows. It doesn't solve anything, you get stucked and unable to evolve and learn from the experience. But that's me, not her, and sometimes people don't need guidance as I do.

Mislisa and duchesse, you are so rigth. I think I left her with no choice, after all, and that's something few people can feel comfortable with, it really was a personal attack to obligue her to get serious when obviously that was not her intention. On the other hand, she's pretty smart, I'm shure she would do well if she really wants to.

Freemind: You described her better than I did. 😐 I know this is just a thing of the moment, similar things have happened with her before, just not with this level of rage, and she always has forgiven and forgotten with no remorses... I'm just afraid I'm making her feel worse by trying to help her. I really want to understand her, we are so different!! I'll follow your advice and let father time do his job.

Problem solved. I'm so happy. 😄

What did you do wrong? You stepped into another woman's relationship, troubled or not, without her asking for your help. She obviously wasn't ready to open up about this but you weren't sensitive to her feelings. I think you care about her as more than a friend and that's the real problem. Lesson here. Stay out of people's personal lives unless they invite you in. It's not your business no matter how you feel about them and they have the right to their privacy. You're young. Live and learn.