Gemini man = confusing ©

Im a capricorn female, now i met this gemini guy 7 years ago and it started off with a beautiful friendship.
After about a year of friendship in the workplace
It began to develop into something else. Abit of harmless flirting and texting. Which was fine by me because i didnt want a relationship at that present moment in time.
Hed text one day and ignore me for 3days then appear again and text and act normal.
Which again was fine coz i didnt want any commitment.
It continued for about a year like this. Then one day he texted as he normally would, askin how i am and stuff. Then he revealed that he loved me and how he didnt want anyone else but me.
By this time id had known that i also felt something for him but would never admit it first.
After he came out and expressed his feelings i also did too.
And since then weve been together, hes always been hot and cold which is probably what made me fall
For him to be honest.
But now that weve put a name on this relationship , i cant seem to accept that one day hes all over me and the next min he acts so cold and ignores me. When were together its amazing but the moment we part he begins to get cold. So when he has acted cold ive always left him alone, not texted
Or called him. Then eventually hell text to see what im upto or he could text a random sarcy remark. Or say somethin like
" who u texting ?"
And that pisses me off totally coz he knows im
Head over heals for him.
He could txt me one morning and say good morning baby and the next morning he could just text saying "morning"
Or sometimes not text at all.
I like consistency and i think this inconsistenct is starting to bother me.
Sometimes i can text and ask what hes upto?
And he could say "just chatting to this bird i know"

Its like hes always playing games to get me jealous
Or then i sometimes wonder maybe he is actually with another bird and hes just being honest.
I just find him ever so confusing, any advice

Every gemini male I've known has done this hot-cold thing, exactly as you describe it. It almost seems as with them it's "out of sight, out of mind" but then when together, they act like you're the only one in the world for them.. I think they have a tendency to be like this due to their "bipolar' split personality sign. Gemini is the sign of the twins after all - think there's one twin who's devoted & caring, whilst the other twin is a mind-games player, liar and manipulator.

Not sure why but it always felt like those days when it goes from being bright and sunny to a thunder storm, their moods literally change so fast. & Regardless of what they say, it seems they love the chase!

Thank you for your reply. Im glad someone can see where im coming from, its very frustrating.
Im a stubborn capricorn and wont chase after someone comstantly, just have not got the time for it.
So when he has a cold moment i leave him alone and will not contact him in any way or form. Then hell text or call and act normal and will want to carry on from where we left of from, i cant do that.
I will act reserved and maybe cold myself towards him coz hes blanked me for a week or whatever, and then hell say that Im an odd person !! Me the odd person !! Youve blanked me for a week ©

I feel you! I'm cap woman myself... and I've fallen for gemini guy... it's not anything serious we've been on 1 date together (i've liked him since the first moment i saw him, he's my tattoo artist 😄) and everything was perfect! he was so sweet and caring.. i'm trying to keep it casual since i don't know him very well yet.. i don't understand this hot and cold act either... he said he wants to see me again even started to plan our next date and then he suddenly started to postpone it saying that he's fallen ill and other stuff... he does the messaging thing too... sometimes he replies right away, sometimes it takes hours, days, weeks... i don't understand but i'm the same as you i don't like to chase him around so i'm just waiting for him to realize that he actually has to take initiative if he wants to keep me around 😄 i know i'm proud but that's just the way i am. he apologies to me that he wasn't able to make it and he even called himself idiot once when i teased him about his postponing act... 😄 i think he tries to make me jealous as well, it's annoying and he will never get a reaction from me when i know it's on purpose 😄 especially when he's not talking to me... i don't mind him not texting everyday but week or two is too much for me, i always wonder what happened but he continues from where we left of when he returns...

Posted by Leyla00
Thank you for your reply. Im glad someone can see where im coming from, its very frustrating.
Im a stubborn capricorn and wont chase after someone comstantly, just have not got the time for it.
So when he has a cold moment i leave him alone and will not contact him in any way or form. Then hell text or call and act normal and will want to carry on from where we left of from, i cant do that.
I will act reserved and maybe cold myself towards him coz hes blanked me for a week or whatever, and then hell say that Im an odd person !! Me the odd person !! Youve blanked me for a week ©

No problem 🙂 Yeah I know what you mean - I am a taurus female myself so a stubborn earth sign just like you haha and I really hate the constant wavering and instability that so many geminis do! Even with making plans, they would be as last minute, as to ask even half an hour before "hey.. do you wanna meet up in 30 mins?" which I think is rude but they really hate making solid plans in advance, which us earth sign people really want!

I've literally had a gemini come back to me, after 1.5 YEARS of blanking me for no apparent reason (no fights, nothing), but what I found unbelievable is how after 1.5 years, he comes back all casual, friendly, and even throws in a joke or two in the text he sends me, with no apology/explanation for over a year in the "cold" phase! It's almost like they've had a bump to the head and completely forgotten that you exist. He's always done the hot-cold thing but over time, the cold phase kept getting longer and longer but the hot phases were always very intense!

Now, looking back it seems the best way is to get back at them by doing the same thing to them - i.e. not responding straight away when he does reappear.. geminis hate being ignored despite them doing that to other people!

Posted by Leyla00

So when he has a cold moment i leave him alone and will not contact him in any way or form. Then hell text or call and act normal and will want to carry on from where we left of from, i cant do that.
I will act reserved and maybe cold myself towards him coz hes blanked me for a week or whatever, and then hell say that Im an odd person !! Me the odd person !! Youve blanked me for a week ©

As this is the start of your relationship with the Gem you have the golden oportunity of setting some boundaries in place of how you want him to interact with you.

When he contacts you, instead of being cold yourself (understandable since he's disappeared) 'reward' him with more communication on your part. Say sweet things like, "Your good morning message put a smile on my face all day"... "Went to bed last night thinking of you"... etc.

Ignore the 'cold' times and be sweet and loving during the 'hot' times. It'll need some repetition, but he'll realize that when he is consistent with you he'll get a much warmer welcome.

I am a Gemini and hate my sign men.
What I can tell you is that my thing I want what I can't have.
As soon as it is mine - I don't really want it anymore.

But maybe in guys it is like 'come here - stay there'...idk

But there are definitely married Gems men so someone
got them somehow. LOL

Thank you all for your feedbackŠŠ
Im glad im not alone, thats reassuring in a sense.
Ive never been able to work him out at all, hes just very hard work for me.
Havnt heard from him for two days now lol, which is fine if thats the way he likes to be but im not sure i can deal with it to be honest.
On a few occassions ive just blanked him like he does to me and it bothers him, but yet hes always doing it to me but thats acceptable.

When i do back off hell always find a way to get back in there by makin double the effort to catch my attention but it will
Last a short while before we get a cold day again.

Its like he dont want to let me go, but he hasnt got the time for me all the time, he just wants me to hang around until it suits him. Its just not the way i work really.

Its one big heartache for me because i do actually love him alot.
The days where he blanks me i wonder if hes okay ?
Thats what people who care for u do dont they? Wonder if your okay?
Well how can he blank me for days and not wonder about me, this is what i dont get , does he not love me then?
Im so confused ©©

@Leyla00

Sometimes guys will put a label on your relationship to pull the wool over your eyes. The same issues still exist, lack of communication and time in your case, but because he gave you the label of girlfriend your willing to overlook it. For a time at least.

But just because he calls you his gf, his wifey, the love of his life, doesn't mean jack shit if he's sleeping around behind your back, mentally or physically abusive, etc. My point here is that it's his ACTIONS rather than words that really mean something.

You need to tell him, in person, that his hot and cold behavior won't fly. You need to communicate that, while you care about him deeply, your relationship as it stands is not fulfilling your needs. Once he hears these concerns of yours and if nothing changes than you have your answer. As much as he says he "loves you" if he is unable and unwilling to meet your basic need for communication than it's time to find someone else who will.

being a gemini myself, I had a similar relationship before. I was bestfriends with a gemini man and I had feelings for him too. The thing was that he liked me more than I liked him in the end. The reason why we play hot and cold is because we aren't 100% of our feelings for you. I am not saying this to make you feel bad or anything it just means that we are also seeing other people. We don't necessarily have to talk to these other people, but we just like to keep our options open. no matter how much you can connect with a gemini it all comes down to if they want to commit with 'you' or not and as for him saying those kind of things of chatting with that other person, it could mean that yes he wants to make you jealous or it means that he's trying to hint at you that he also likes someone else. The best person to ask is him or just keep watching his actions.

Posted by LadyNeptune
@Leyla00

Sometimes guys will put a label on your relationship to pull the wool over your eyes. The same issues still exist, lack of communication and time in your case, but because he gave you the label of girlfriend your willing to overlook it. For a time at least.

But just because he calls you his gf, his wifey, the love of his life, doesn't mean jack shit if he's sleeping around behind your back, mentally or physically abusive, etc. My point here is that it's his ACTIONS rather than words that really mean something.

You need to tell him, in person, that his hot and cold behavior won't fly. You need to communicate that, while you care about him deeply, your relationship as it stands is not fulfilling your needs. Once he hears these concerns of yours and if nothing changes than you have your answer. As much as he says he "loves you" if he is unable and unwilling to meet your basic need for communication than it's time to find someone else who will.

Yeah your right, theres been days where hes done the cold
Thing and all of a sudden hed pop up from somewhere and say hes missed me or he loves me and ive
Said to him in the past " well ur actions say different"
And hes always made excuses "ive been busy"
"Ive had problems" hes even said things like
"I needed to think about us"
Or hes laughed it off and said " done it to piss you off and get a reaction"

I honestly have no idea if he does actually care,
He looks at me like no one else ever has, but im also afraid that the womaniser he is , he probably does it to everyone else too.
Hes a very popular guy and people are always texting him, and this is my point , hes always textin everyone else
Why do i get the cold
Treatment?
I think im coming to the conclusion that i was just a challenge for him, and now that ive admitted how i feel hes probably tbinking "my mission is complete"

Posted by geminisun97
being a gemini myself, I had a similar relationship before. I was bestfriends with a gemini man and I had feelings for him too. The thing was that he liked me more than I liked him in the end. The reason why we play hot and cold is because we aren't 100% of our feelings for you. I am not saying this to make you feel bad or anything it just means that we are also seeing other people. We don't necessarily have to talk to these other people, but we just like to keep our options open. no matter how much you can connect with a gemini it all comes down to if they want to commit with 'you' or not and as for him saying those kind of things of chatting with that other person, it could mean that yes he wants to make you jealous or it means that he's trying to hint at you that he also likes someone else. The best person to ask is him or just keep watching his actions.

Oh yeah i know for sure hes always texting others, hes told me before. And i remember saying "well lets call it a day then coz i cannot accept u talkin to others aswell"
And his answer was
"These women are all friends, i have alot of female friends dont mean im in shaggin them"

But hes most likely flirting with all of them for sure,
Hes such a difficult person to understand,
I cant understand how one day he could be so loving and smother me and the next ignore me
Like ive done something wrong.

same thing with the guy I liked. The gemini guy I used to be friends with like he flirts way too much or maybe he's just being friendly. But for me, I think I am more into earthly types or water types because i have my moon in the first house which causes me to be emotional. But if he's doing that besides being a gemini it could mean he does like you just not 100% to be in a committed relationship. I am sure you are a really nice person and deserve better than that gemini jerk 🙂

Have you defined your relationship as exclusive with him, or are you just dating each other?

Thanks for your replies it means alot to me Š

Well he expressed how he felt i expressed how i felt one day and since then its not really been a proper relationship, i cant get too close to him because of this hot and cold behaviour.

I need to be able to trust someone completly before i can let all my gaurds down and hes not giving me that security.

The hot and cold games really confuse me,
And i think when he does the cold thing he expects me to run after him but i wont, i dont see why u should. If he wants me he needs to show me, if anyone needs to run he should run after me (fat chance of that happening)

He just wants to know me when it suits him,
We work in the same workplace but hes in a different building
But in the monring he can come to the building im in for 30mins or so.
Sometimes he does sometimes he dont.
When he does he can come in really excitedly and say hes been dying to see me.
Other days hell come in and hello and chat in a more friends way rather than a girlfriend.
Other days he dont come at all.
I dont knw hes a very odd character.
Hes not texted or called for 4 days but i refuse to give in and make a first move.
Am i doing the right thing?
What do u recommend i do?

No your right i dont understand geminis very well my lovely thats why im here lolll.
Im not reffering to all of you geminis as rude either
Im talking about my situation, this is the only gemini i know therefore cannot say all are the same.

Everyone needs space, i do myself. What i dont get is him just dissappearing for days with no explanation. Maybe like you said hes either bored or i just dont get what geminis are all about. Thanks for ur reply anyway.

Posted by Secret
Good evening,

I think I know what's the problem here, I'm not a Gemini Sun, but I have Gemin Mars and Mercury.
I know Capricorn Women very well, so maybe this information can help a little bit..
Are you ready? Ok here it goes:

Without noticing, you are doing the exact same thing to him, and he feeds from your actions and returns it back to you, and this creates a looping system, and you both get confused, believe me he is much confused as you are.
And perhaps he is not noticing the loop as well. You are both inside of a continuos circle, someone has to stop it, and the only person who can stop it is not either you or him, it's the both of you.

You need to sit down together and have a serious conversation about this, to end the looping.

Hope this helps, but this is just my theory, but it can give you some foundation to proceed.

Thank you ever so much for your reply,
I actually think you are spot on,
Ive been analysing myself over the last few days and i think you are totally right.
When he has a cold day( which seems to be normal for geminis from what ive been reading in this forum, i dont have too much knowledge on signs)
I usually Mirror his coldness to him also
Then hell have a warm day and act normal
And because im still cold hell say "ur hard work"
But then i think to myself well no your hard work not me.
But i think your conclusion is right we
Seem to be both as bad as each other.
I will defo take up your advice thanks again.:-)

after a few days hes been constantly makin effort all day yesterday, calling and texting. Normally id act cold back because hes blanked me for few days,but yesterday i tried to act not cold and not completely hot but in between with alot of jokeyness and teasing in between.
And i think it worked, hes been very apologetic about the cold days hes had and said " i needed time to think"
I didnt make an issue out of it, normally i may go on about it but this time i didnt.

I have no idea what so ever, i wouldnt even know how to work it out Š

Moon- taurus it says Š
I will have a good read when i get home from work

Thank you Š
Yeah plenty stubborness ©©
Not great really, i make things more difficult for myself i think

Yess you are spot on there, i love challenges anythin easy to get it has no worth. Im learning alot about myself and my sign everyday on here. Youve been a great help. Thank u again. Š

I'm certain he really cares for you, but is probably a little insecure (doesn't have to be anything you've done or said to make him feel that way) and is testing you. He probably likes your stability of feelings for him but doesn't quite trust it so he's doing the hot-cold thing to see how you'll react and if you'll stick around.

I would just clearly communicate to him that you really care about him and it hurts and confuses you sometimes when he is hot and cold and you'd love it if he were a little more even with his feelings and the way he treats you.

i keep telling men that women love consistency. If you say good morning to her, shes going to expect that every day. etc etc.

dont do anything that you cant keep up on a LT basis

Posted by ashley1734
I'm certain he really cares for you, but is probably a little insecure (doesn't have to be anything you've done or said to make him feel that way) and is testing you. He probably likes your stability of feelings for him but doesn't quite trust it so he's doing the hot-cold thing to see how you'll react and if you'll stick around.

I would just clearly communicate to him that you really care about him and it hurts and confuses you sometimes when he is hot and cold and you'd love it if he were a little more even with his feelings and the way he treats you.

Im not too sure he cares anymore to be honest,didnt have a great day with him at all today. I mentioned the hot and cold thing and made it clear i was probably just as much to blame as he was. He said that he doesnt feel that hes doing anything wrong and didnt get what the problem was. He said "sorry if ive unintentionally upset you"
That was a conversation we had this morning.
I havnt heard from him since, i think i may have pushed him away even more.
Maybe im just messed up myself, im startin to look for faults in myself because hes so sure that hes not doing anything wrong.
I feel very emotional ¥

Posted by Leyla00

Posted by ashley1734
I'm certain he really cares for you, but is probably a little insecure (doesn't have to be anything you've done or said to make him feel that way) and is testing you. He probably likes your stability of feelings for him but doesn't quite trust it so he's doing the hot-cold thing to see how you'll react and if you'll stick around.

I would just clearly communicate to him that you really care about him and it hurts and confuses you sometimes when he is hot and cold and you'd love it if he were a little more even with his feelings and the way he treats you.

Im not too sure he cares anymore to be honest,didnt have a great day with him at all today. I mentioned the hot and cold thing and made it clear i was probably just as much to blame as he was. He said that he doesnt feel that hes doing anything wrong and didnt get what the problem was. He said "sorry if ive unintentionally upset you"
That was a conversation we had this morning.
I havnt heard from him since, i think i may have pushed him away even more.
Maybe im just messed up myself, im startin to look for faults in myself because hes so sure that hes not doing anything wrong.
I feel very emotional ¥

click to expand

Your situation sounds exactly like my situation was...but I'm the Gemini and he's the Cap and he was the one who was being hot and cold. Maybe the Cap/Gem dynamic is just too complicated.

Posted by ashley1734

Posted by Leyla00

Posted by ashley1734
I'm certain he really cares for you, but is probably a little insecure (doesn't have to be anything you've done or said to make him feel that way) and is testing you. He probably likes your stability of feelings for him but doesn't quite trust it so he's doing the hot-cold thing to see how you'll react and if you'll stick around.

I would just clearly communicate to him that you really care about him and it hurts and confuses you sometimes when he is hot and cold and you'd love it if he were a little more even with his feelings and the way he treats you.

Im not too sure he cares anymore to be honest,didnt have a great day with him at all today. I mentioned the hot and cold thing and made it clear i was probably just as much to blame as he was. He said that he doesnt feel that hes doing anything wrong and didnt get what the problem was. He said "sorry if ive unintentionally upset you"
That was a conversation we had this morning.
I havnt heard from him since, i think i may have pushed him away even more.
Maybe im just messed up myself, im startin to look for faults in myself because hes so sure that hes not doing anything wrong.
I feel very emotional ¥

Your situation sounds exactly like my situation was...but I'm the Gemini and he's the Cap and he was the one who was being hot and cold. Maybe the Cap/Gem dynamic is just too complicated.

click to expand

Yeah im starting to think that too, i just cant see us working at this at all.
Do you not do the hot cold thing with u being a gem?

Posted by MissGemmi
I do the hot and cold thing when and it has all to do with how real someone is with me. I don't do it on purpose. Im just very much in my thoughts. If I drift away and my love interest doesn't do anything to reel me back in I will fade away (meaning Ive rationalized my intense feelings). But Im a woman and Im sort of entitled to have my hot and cold moments. We are programmed that way. It's a signal that the opposit sex should show more effort.

As a woman I would suggest you to just leave it be. You should not chase any guy. He would not even be worth one small text if he leaves you hanging like this. Cute, nice, funny, chatty or whatever. You're a princess and you deserve your Prince!

Thanks for the reply
Means alot as i feel like shite this evening,
Yeah i was thinking the same as you, i dont intend to call
Or text as i feel it really should be him doing it.
If i knew i had done something to somone resulting in them doubting my feelings towards them, id do everything i could to get that trust back. Id do all could to prove i love them and want them.
He obviously thinks very different to me..

Posted by kalin
I casually dated a few Geminis before (casually = not exclusively). I don't remember any of them being hot and cold (= I heard from them every single day). I think they were fascinated by Weirdos. You must be a very normal human being.

🙂 LOL im starting to doubt my normality to be honest..

Posted by Secret
I'm not sure about this, but I've read that Caps and Geminis relationships don't work that well... But I don't want to creat any "assumptions" based on this information.. And I don't like to generalize, it could work well.. Maybe someone more specialized in this sign can help.

It sucks I know, but remember that everything happens for a reason.

I was reading your first post again, and I've noticed he was being very immature with the "jealous" text, if the person I was dating texted me that I would have to seriously reconsider the relationship.

Just out of curiosity, how old is he if you don't mind me asking?

He is 10 years older than me, he is 40 years old.
He is very immature for his age though.
i dont know, im very confused today. i just dont know if its worth fighting for because it seems to be me always getting hurt.
If he did really care he would have made some effort today after the talk we had this morning, but nope nothing.

Posted by Leyla00

Posted by ashley1734

Posted by Leyla00

Posted by ashley1734
I'm certain he really cares for you, but is probably a little insecure (doesn't have to be anything you've done or said to make him feel that way) and is testing you. He probably likes your stability of feelings for him but doesn't quite trust it so he's doing the hot-cold thing to see how you'll react and if you'll stick around.

I would just clearly communicate to him that you really care about him and it hurts and confuses you sometimes when he is hot and cold and you'd love it if he were a little more even with his feelings and the way he treats you.

Im not too sure he cares anymore to be honest,didnt have a great day with him at all today. I mentioned the hot and cold thing and made it clear i was probably just as much to blame as he was. He said that he doesnt feel that hes doing anything wrong and didnt get what the problem was. He said "sorry if ive unintentionally upset you"
That was a conversation we had this morning.
I havnt heard from him since, i think i may have pushed him away even more.
Maybe im just messed up myself, im startin to look for faults in myself because hes so sure that hes not doing anything wrong.
I feel very emotional ¥

Your situation sounds exactly like my situation was...but I'm the Gemini and he's the Cap and he was the one who was being hot and cold. Maybe the Cap/Gem dynamic is just too complicated.

Yeah im starting to think that too, i just cant see us working at this at all.
Do you not do the hot cold thing with u being a gem?

click to expand

Yes I totally do...and my hot and cold I think it was prompted his hot and cold and then it was just a giant cluster fck of a catch 22.

i dated two gems before but only one of them acted this hot and cold, i get exactly how you feel op. Dont blame yourself because you did nothing wrong. the gem i dated would disappear and i would feel like i did something wrong and i always chased i always asked where he was when he would disappear. I think me acting like i cared only pushed him away more, its one of those things that you're damn if you do damn if you dont. He is trying to control your emotions,(test you) trust me it will get worse. Once you decide to separate he will still try to control you by making you jealous. Its a cycle you dont want any part of.

Thanks you for your relpies.
Yesterday i woke up adament to just let him be, no contact initiated by me. Thats exactly what i done, i let him be.
Didnt hear from him all day, which i prepared myself for.

We have quite a few mutual friends. It was one of their birthday prties last night, which i was going to go.
I went and he came abit later

He was like a little puppy
Following me everywhere
Hands all over me
Stroking me hair

If id get a text or call
Hed be like "who
Is it?"
Or hed be leaning over to read my text

He was tellin me how beautiful
I was constantly
So many people wanted to mingle
With him but it was like he only wanted to be next to me.

He dropped me off home, he did not get an invite in.
It was a good night peck
And that was it.

Im even more confused as to what i was yesterday.
When he sees me he acts so attentive but when im out of site its like he forgets that i exist.
I dont know if he was just hoping for some action at the end of the night or what.

I keep asking myself that too , i guess i just really love him. Cant seem to let go ¥

Posted by Leyla00

Well how can he blank me for days and not wonder about me ...

He didn't say that. So, really this is just you talking out of your ass ....

You have yourself all upset over bullshit. Look at the above. He never said the above .. you did. so that means, it's your energy causing you all these problems. Your paranoia.


You could always try to have your actions match your words. At it stands, according to what I've read in here ... you say one thing, and then do another.

Any person trying to deal with you would blank you eventually.

Honestly.

Why would you waste your time with someone who isn't showing 100% signs of being into you?

Looking at your phone, asking who's texting you, etc WITHOUT you being his girlfriend is plain stupid. He's trying to keep you wrapped up and waiting for him and HIM only. He's only checking up on you here and there to sniff around and see if any other guys are in your life.

Hence why he was alllll over you at the party. He won't call you his girlfriend is public but is willing to piss on you (run his hands over you) to show all the other guys there THAT COULD/WOULD BE BETTER FOR YOU that you're his property.

He's treating you as a child would treat a toy. Love it dearly and hard (we love HARD) and then run away to play with something else, knowing the TOY will always love him no matter what because it's an inanimate object and incapable of moving on to find another child who will truly treasure it.

Why do that to yourself?

We like variety. A challenge. He's already won you, so he's bored. The good morning texts and whatnot are only maintenance to keep you in his orbit.

You seem like the type who sits back and waits for the guy to run to you. You say you aren't like this, but, then your actions are actually sitting there waiting for him to contact you, waiting for him to change his mood to suit you, waiting for him to make the next move, waiting for him to approve of you.

If you really had honor, this thread wouldn't exist because you'd act like it, and not wait with baited-breath for another person to decide your intimate fate.

Thanks for your replies.