Thoughts needed on an email from a Virgo male

Hello All

I need your thoughts/perspective on an email I received from a Virgo man.

We have been seeing/emailing each other since March. We went out on three dates so far and one date resulted in us making out and him shutting down.

Here's the play by play:

Tuesday, 4/20 ? he sent an email to cheer me up because I was having a bad day; later that day he called me to see if I was okay and then asked me out for Friday (couple setting) & Sunday (group setting) since he couldn't wait to see me for our date on 5/24 (side note: we planned the 5/24 date in early April! ? I guess that's a Virgo thing?)

Wednesday, 4/21 ? we exchanged ?I can't wait to see you? emails

Thursday, 4/22 ? we finalize the details on our Friday date

Friday, 4/23 ? the big date
-Included great conversation, good food, laughter, a lot of ?I'm so glad that you are here!,? he opened the car door and even gave me a compliment (he did not do this on our previous dates)
-We spent time on the deck where the silence was golden and refreshing and the landscape impeccable; he spent the time holding and caressing me and staring at me constantly; I felt very well taken care of and even spoiled a bit, which I mentioned throughout the night and his reply was ?good ? I want to spoil you.?
-After a significant time of cuddling we began making out which I thought he was too shy and too reserved to do but he passionately kissed me and although I was shocked, I loved it! He mentioned his satisfaction while I caressed him and even talked about being on a high.
-Later that evening I met his parents and they were warm and welcoming and they knew a lot about me which took me back a little but it also made me feel special because he was talking about me.
-In addition, he took my picture which I thought was odd ? perhaps this is in the same vein as the Virgo stare? He asked me out for Friday, 5/2 and said throughout the night that he wished I lived closer.
-After his parents left we began cuddling some more and he passionately led me to the bedroom. More cuddling continued however, I physically and mentally felt him shut down and then he began saying he was sleepy and gently escorted me to the car. I didn't address his immediate shut down but I felt it, because it literally felt like a wall. See the second post for more...

Saturday, 4/24 ? the email
-In the morning he sent me the following email:

I just wanted to write to thank you for a wonderful evening. It was great spending all that time with you. I am glad you enjoyed the place we ate. I enjoyed the rest of the evening also. You're a great cuddler. But, I think things did go a little fast. Since I am not sure whether I want any more than a good friendship between us, I would like to take it slower. The last thing I want to do is loose you as a good friend. I just don't want things to get ahead of themselves and I get to a point where I start to feel uncomfortable. Just like you, I think I was caught up in the evening. Since, I am fairly new to the whole dating scene, my emotions took over a little more than I wanted. Also, since I am just in the dating stage I have been dating others.

-My response:

I understand and agree whole heartedly. As always, thank you for your honesty.

-My second response:
I feel the need to apologize...although I had a wonderful time, I did not want things to go as fast as they did. So I'm sorry for not practicing self control physically and/or emotionally. Ultimately I do not want to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. That's not my goal, that's actually my fear. So I apologize again. Chat with you later!

-In addition, he canceled our group date on Sunday

So my questions for you are:
-What are your immediate thoughts?
-How do I proceed?
-I feel rejected, should I? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing.
-Do you think he will cancel our date this Friday?
-How do you read this Virgo male?
Thanks All!

Did the Virgo give any reason for cancelling the group date on Saturday?

About him shutting down in the bedroom, what was your state of mind? Were you in the "good to go" mood, or not ready for it? If he felt so much as a smidgen of reluctance on your part, it would be totally predictable that a virguy on the first few dates would back right the hell off from pushing you further.

BTW, he exhibits classic virgo gentlemenlike attributes, and I laughed at the 'landscape impeccable' comment!!!

I see you also posted this on the Virgo board, so Ill copy my response over there.

Yes, he canceled because he wanted to spend time with his family.

As far as shutting down in the bedroom?I definitely did not want it to lead to intercourse. However, I did want to caress, cuddle and kiss him and vice versa. Actually I continued touching him and he stopped. So I guess he did feel a little reluctance from me. I really didn't think about it like that. Good insight. Thank you.

Side note: He actually confessed to planning our date and setting up the plans in a word document. How funny and cute is that?!

He is a great guy and that's an understatement. However, I will describe my Gemini self as the most impatient person you have every met. So I have a lot to learn and can hopefully hold out because I am anything but slow moving.

Okay, it's Wednesday and I haven't heard from him. I guess by tomorrow if he does not reach out, then our Friday date is cancelled. I feel like I'm dying a slow death. But I have to be patient, right?

:0

Thanks BAB! I will definitely do that for I am close to running out of gas. Blessings!

I am sorry, I do not agree with Mr. Nice. I am a Gemini girl who's with a Virgo man, We get along really well. In the beginning we had the same problems, distance, push-pull thing, misunderstandings and insecurities. But they're all gone. Once you learn to trust each other, everything is smooth.

Good luck!

Hey Love4ever

I would love to read more about your beginnings with your Virgo man. I'm the most impatient person ever, I'm not sure if that's a Gemini thing or not, but I'm close to losing it. I haven't heard from him in a week. How long will this last? All in all, I would love to hear your story or at least get some tips to get through this particular push-pull situation. Blessings!

"dont listen to toolbooth he a dickwdd, virgos are arse holes man he stringing you along"

I is he a dickwdd, yuo hvea figreurd mes out

LovesGrandma,

It took me many many months before I could actually speak to him and be friends with him. Dxpnet helped me a lot in the beginning to interpret his behaviour. Virgos are extremely fragile and it takes forever for them to able to trust someone even when they are attracted to. There is an endless war between their heads and hearts. I am a Gemini so I can understand the patience problem. To my surprise, I could actually deal with it pretty easily. I also shown an enourmous effort to understand him, I analyzed everything that was happening between us. When you do it, you can learn to be patient with them as well. Of course, I was in love with him, completely. So I could make some sacrifices. I took some risks. And I had endurance. After almost 2 years, he finally welcomed me into his world. Now we are completely open to each other, we can talk just about anything and we exactly know how we feel for each other. Oh, that's so comforting! He's the nicest guy on earth, and I have great respect and affection for him. (They are also very tight with their tongues, they can not tell their feelings easily, instead, they show it). Anyways, _ am very happy and all I can say that, if your love is real, then you can go through it, otherwise, do not even start, because that's a hell of an experience! 🙂

About the push-pull thing: One week is like nothing, you should get used to weeks and sometimes months as well! (No, that's too much, I know!) The best thing worked for me was keeping a constant, light contact (like once a week) but absolutely no pressuring. Being very nice, thoughtful, and caring helps as well. Your initial responses were good I think, so wait for a couple of more days and send him a short message like "how are you doing?". Share your feelings, show that you're thinking of him and you are always available, they usually try to reciprocate.

Here's the latest...I would really like to know your thoughts...

I sent the following email to him after the social group:

Yesterday more than ever I realized that I want to be more than friends with you. After a few sleepless nights, thinking and getting mad at myself about how I begged for 24 minutes of your time, I realized that I wanted and desired more from you. As you know I am a reader and one of the many books I am reading is called ?Boundaries in Dating.? The first chapter talks about requiring and embodying truth, all of which I want to incorporate in all areas of my life. With that said, I wanted to write to let you know that I have been deceiving you. I have been deceiving you in my heart and with my actions?I have been pretending to be your friend but in reality, I simply can not be friends with you because I desire more. To further help in my explanation here's a quote from the book:

?There is nothing wrong with being friends and getting to know another person to see what kind of relationship you are going to have. Sometimes relationships that begin as friendships turn into more and are some of the best long-term relationships. But that is different than having clear designs on someone and deceiving them long-term while you have another agenda. Don't act like a friend that you are not. The best way is to ask yourself, ?What will happen if this does not end like I desire?? If you can honestly say that you will be very happy continuing to be friends and will love the person as a friend, then you are being honest. If you say, ?If they do not want me back like I want them, I do not care about being ?friends' at all, then your friendship is a scam.?


In reading this paragraph, I realized that my friendship/relationship with you is a scam and I no longer want to mislead you or myself. I do desire more and that's okay but what's not okay is to pretend and deceive myself and you that I can handle being a ?good friend? when I secretly can not.

**please read more of the email below**

So in conclusion, I realize that if I expect someone to embody the truth, I have to as well?so here goes?while I have appreciated your honesty, I have to be honest in stating that I was hurt by your ?let's slow down ? I have been dating others? email. For one, I didn't see it coming. Your actions and words the night before were contradicting to your email. Second, I wasn't sure if you were blowing me off. As a result, I felt rejected. Third, I wished you would have expressed what you wrote in the email before we made out and perhaps I wouldn't be wounded emotionally and/or spoiled rotten. I'm not blaming you, I'm just being honest (and embodying the truth) about my feelings which you deserve to know and are mature enough to handle. Fourth and most important, until I can truly be your friend without any hidden agenda or hope, I rather us not get together alone but continue to meet in a group setting.

As I stated in a previous email my goal is not to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable so please receive this in the spirit of maturity, responsibility, self-awareness, honesty and hopefully one day friendship!

His response:

First off I wanted to apologize for Thursday. I really needed to get back to work on a computer that I had gotten from someone Sunday. I did end up spending the rest of the evening working. When I planned to go for an hour (and ended up there for 2 hours) and come back to work, I honestly hadn't thought it would work out the way it did.

Thank you for your honesty. I hope you know I am being just as honest. I am very sorry about the evening you were here. For someone who is just getting out more and dating really for the first time ever, I did not want to get serious right away. I think also because of how new an experience of dating and meeting women, I did not (but should have) set some personal boundaries. The last thing I wanted to do was get into a situation like this one. I do enjoy laughing and talking with you, but if I had set those personal boundaries, I wouldn't have misled you like I did.

One last thing. I am aware of what you said about just meeting in a group setting, but do you still want to keep the 24th and 31st on the calendar?

**Now...what are your thoughts?**

Hey Emeralgem

Your post me laugh! Great interpretations. Blessings!