A Man Walks Into a Bar

a man speeds home from work after being fired from a job that he's worked for over 20 years and is involved in a horrible car accident. his head slams into the windshield. dazed and confused from the head injury, he's unaware that he has been horribly disfigured. he has deep cuts and gashes from the broken glass and blood is dripping from everywhere. still unaware, he staggers away from the scene, across an embankment and into a local bar.

the man sits down and asks the bartender for a shot of whiskey. just then a patron sitting next to him begins to vomit uncontrollably. the bartender turns to the man and says, "dude, you look horrible and you're upsetting my customers. please leave."

frustrated, the man turns and leaves.

the man staggers his way into another local bar. he sits down at the bar and just when he's about to order, a waitress walks up and begins to vomit uncontrollably. the bartender turns to the man and says, "god man. you look like shit and you're making my workers sick. i'm going to have to ask you to leave."

confused, as this has now happened twice, the man turns and leaves.

the man goes to another bar and the same thing happens.

he goes to another bar and the same thing happens.

finally, the man is tired and angry. he decides to take a different approach. he says, "if i can't get a drink here, i'm going home."

the man walks into the last bar and rushes over to the bartender. he says, "excuse me sir, i've been having a rough day. i lost my job after working there for over 20 years. i got in a car accident on my way home and can't find my car. everywhere i go people keep getting sick. sir, all i need is a drink to unwind. can you please announce to everyone that all i want is one drink...one drink, don't get sick and i'll leave?"

the bartender, feeling sorry for the man, turns to the patrons and staff and says, "everybody, pay attention. this man's having a rough day. he going to have one drink ok? so everyone try not to pay attention to him and please don't get sick. he's going to have one drink and then he's going to leave."

it's late and most of the patrons are intoxicated so they grumble in approval and the man is relieved.

he sits down at the bar and orders a whiskey. just as he's about take a sip, a patron on his left begins to vomit uncontrollably.

the man slams down his glass and yells at the vomiting guy. "look, i've been going through this shit all day. i got fired this morning, i got in a fucking car accident, i tore my $ 500 shirt and i'm bleeding all over the damn place. people have been throwing up all damn day! what is wrong with you people? don't you assholes have any compassion? all i want is a fucking drink. one damn drink! what the fuck is wrong with you?"

the vomiting guy is finally able to stop puking long enough to tell the man what's wrong. he turns to the man and says, "i'm not throwing up because of the way you look. i'm throwing up because that guy is dipping his chips in your neck."

That one is the best! lmao!