Redneck Logic

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin' ?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

LMAO!!!

..yah jus know U mite be a reneck if...

When you say, "Let's hit the hay," you actually MEAN it!

Coons get into everyone else's trash 'cept yours.

You can feed a family of five on ONE McDonald's Extra Value Meal.

Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite.

You've given your gun a woman's name.

Baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech tools.

You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.

You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.

Your mother is hairier than your father.

You consider your annual bath one too many.

You take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way.

When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start all over again.

Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.

Your mama kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day and say you've met your future wife.

Your grandma can bench press a ruck axle.

You keep a chainsaw in the trunk "just in case".

Tain't Bubba!

Redneck Bubba died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for.

Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said,"Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll 'im over."

So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body.

Gomer took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll 'im over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "no, 'tain't Bubba." The mortician, whose curiosity had gotten the better of him asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What?" exclaimed the mortician. "He had two assholes?"

"Yup, ever'one in town knew he had two assholes.

Ever' time we went to town, folks would all say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."

LMAO!!!