crabbycrab76
@crabbycrab76
10 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 19 · Posts: 657 · Topics: 13
What have I done to my lioness...(LONG - sorry)
I held her in my arms and felt her trembling from holding it all in. I felt her pain in the pit of my stomach. I just kept holding her tight, and that's when I knew why. How close she came to sleeping with him reminded her of what had brought her to that point - of what *I* did - what she wanted to forget. And there I was, making her feel the very thing she didn't want to feel. I hated myself at that moment.
*I* for the FIRST time, understood, just how much pain and hurt *I* caused. ...That damn note I left, the letters I wrote, the flowers I sent - didn't come close to what needed to be said or done!
When she initially broke from me a year ago, it was all about getting her back because *I* WANTED her back. *I* didn't want ANYONE else to have her! She was MINE! - That turned into NEEDING her back which turned into HAVING her back! THIS hurt, THIS pain she was showing me (which btw is a VERY HARD thing for her to do - be emotionally vulnerable) - She put ALL aside, to give ME another chance. She pushed ALL that aside to make sure *I* had a good bd. I wondered, how many times had she done this - put her pain aside just so *I* could smile?
In the past, when I asked her why she loved me, she always responded, I just do - too many reasons to list them all as she winked at me.
When I asked her what she got out of being with me - she only said, she could rest with me. Never really understood that stmt until now.
Such a beautiful woman. So strong. Smart as hell. Only woman in her department. I watched her over the years, meet challenge after challenge in a field dominated by men. I wonder how hard it must be for her, having to prove herself all day long or walking in a board room full of decision makers who at first sight just see a pretty little thing. Yes, she is a strong woman...but not invincible
And that's were I came in.
I had provided a place for her where her guard (often referred to as pride) could come down. She didn't feel she always had to have her guard up with me. In her words, *she could rest*! By doing what I did, I yanked that safe place from underneath her feet! Looking at her, I could see it - the exhaustion. She needed to rest. She needs to KNOW that she can trust me and she didn't know that now. But there she was, trying to trust, trying to *try* to believe.
(still more)
*I* for the FIRST time, understood, just how much pain and hurt *I* caused. ...That damn note I left, the letters I wrote, the flowers I sent - didn't come close to what needed to be said or done!
When she initially broke from me a year ago, it was all about getting her back because *I* WANTED her back. *I* didn't want ANYONE else to have her! She was MINE! - That turned into NEEDING her back which turned into HAVING her back! THIS hurt, THIS pain she was showing me (which btw is a VERY HARD thing for her to do - be emotionally vulnerable) - She put ALL aside, to give ME another chance. She pushed ALL that aside to make sure *I* had a good bd. I wondered, how many times had she done this - put her pain aside just so *I* could smile?
In the past, when I asked her why she loved me, she always responded, I just do - too many reasons to list them all as she winked at me.
When I asked her what she got out of being with me - she only said, she could rest with me. Never really understood that stmt until now.
Such a beautiful woman. So strong. Smart as hell. Only woman in her department. I watched her over the years, meet challenge after challenge in a field dominated by men. I wonder how hard it must be for her, having to prove herself all day long or walking in a board room full of decision makers who at first sight just see a pretty little thing. Yes, she is a strong woman...but not invincible
And that's were I came in.
I had provided a place for her where her guard (often referred to as pride) could come down. She didn't feel she always had to have her guard up with me. In her words, *she could rest*! By doing what I did, I yanked that safe place from underneath her feet! Looking at her, I could see it - the exhaustion. She needed to rest. She needs to KNOW that she can trust me and she didn't know that now. But there she was, trying to trust, trying to *try* to believe.
(still more)
Conflicting emotions drains the energy out of my lioness. She can express anger very well by blowing up. And she can express love double well. But the emotions in between are difficult for her. How little effort I made in helping her put words to those emotions that are difficult for her to express.
We - non-leos - love basking in the light of these beautiful people, We LOVE feeling all of their warmth and love! They love making people happy and we love that! What thought, if any, have we given to what it costs them to do so? *I* am guilty... not much.
I thought I knew my lioness, but I have come to know, she's a lot more complicate than she appears. What kind of person would rather gracefully exit the scene than burden you with their problems or hurt your feelings. I always just summed it up as a *pride* thing. I see it's much deeper than that!
I've been reading a lot of posts on this site since joining a week or so ago. It seems to me, it's one thing to understand how someone responds to certain situations, but if you don't take the time to understand who THEY ARE INSIDE AS INDIVIDUALS and truly be a partner to them- what's the point?
IF you have hurt the ONE who lights up your world or just haven't appreciated them, try looking them in their face, look at the hurt in their eyes. If you can walk away from that and not be moved to be different, then they don't need you in their life! At least have the decency to leave them the hell alone so they can be whole again!
But if you feel it in the pit of your stomach, let that feeling motivate you. I know I can be better for my lioness. I know I don't deserve this woman, her love, but if she'swilling to love me, I'm going to work hard to be worthy of that love. She has shown me how to love in the most beautiful way. Whatever I have to do, however long I have to do it, to make this woman feel safe again, I'm willing to do. This is all that consumes me now.
Peace out!
We - non-leos - love basking in the light of these beautiful people, We LOVE feeling all of their warmth and love! They love making people happy and we love that! What thought, if any, have we given to what it costs them to do so? *I* am guilty... not much.
I thought I knew my lioness, but I have come to know, she's a lot more complicate than she appears. What kind of person would rather gracefully exit the scene than burden you with their problems or hurt your feelings. I always just summed it up as a *pride* thing. I see it's much deeper than that!
I've been reading a lot of posts on this site since joining a week or so ago. It seems to me, it's one thing to understand how someone responds to certain situations, but if you don't take the time to understand who THEY ARE INSIDE AS INDIVIDUALS and truly be a partner to them- what's the point?
IF you have hurt the ONE who lights up your world or just haven't appreciated them, try looking them in their face, look at the hurt in their eyes. If you can walk away from that and not be moved to be different, then they don't need you in their life! At least have the decency to leave them the hell alone so they can be whole again!
But if you feel it in the pit of your stomach, let that feeling motivate you. I know I can be better for my lioness. I know I don't deserve this woman, her love, but if she'swilling to love me, I'm going to work hard to be worthy of that love. She has shown me how to love in the most beautiful way. Whatever I have to do, however long I have to do it, to make this woman feel safe again, I'm willing to do. This is all that consumes me now.
Peace out!
You'll never see her without clothes on, again.
🙂
🙂
Posted by Montgomery😄
You'll never see her without clothes on, again.
🙂
Crabbycrab76, I can only speak for myself, but as a Leo woman, we are very honest, faithful, and loyal to the one we love. We just don't settle for anyone so if you were in a relationship with this woman, and you guys agreed to a break, more than likely she remained faithful and loyal to you. So if you asked her did she sleep with the Scorpio, and she said no....then no she didn't sleep with him. So why did you feel the need to continue to push the issue ? I just don't understand.....smdh Leo's are very direct and we don't mind saying what we have to say whether it hurt you feelings are not. I really hate that you pushed her to the point of breaking down in tears, because it's gonna be hard for her to ever trust you again....regardless of how big and forgiving her heart is....she loved you and you questioned her love to you......so now she's gonna do what us Leo's do, and that SUFFER IN SILENCE. I'm pretty confident that you have lost her forever, any you only have yourself to blame. I hate to sound mean, but I have been in this very position before with my ex- husband who is a Sagittarius.....he took me for granted, I tried, he continued to take me for granted and I divorced him after almost 22 years of marriage....not to mention.. I lost all RESPECT FOR HIM. I pray you will work on your own insecurities because surely you have lots of them. 😢
Posted by MontgomeryWas feeling that about half-way through....
You'll never see her without clothes on, again.
🙂
I get what you are saying and I felt the same way. I couldn't write everything that went on yesterday - but we did talk for a long time after all that - I made sure she knew that I wasn't trying to accuse her of anything or I didn't trust her, but I thought going forward, everything had to be out in the open - no matter how uncomfortable. She agreed.
She works with this guy - they are currently working on a project together. It would have bothered me every time she worked late or whatever and not knowing what happened. This conversation was going to have to happen sooner or later- and after 5 years, I know my lioness some - she will over think it and *assumed* I thought she slept with him and that I didn't trust her.
Yes, I pushed and throughout it I hated myself for doing it, but I know when and how much pressure to apply and when to back off.
Even though I thought we were good when she left, I was surprised that she text me this morning because I actually expected her to disappear for a few days (normal for her). But she texted me this morning and thanked me. She did say she hates it when I pull things out of her but she liked that I knew *how* to.
Believe me, IF she felt offended or disrespected in anything I said or in anyway, she would have let me know after she re-gained composure! I told her this morning that I was glad that it was out of the way and she said *me too*.
I haven't gone into the back story about *him*, but he's definitely a problem. But I could see her avoiding the discussion and that wasn't going to help us moving forward.
She works with this guy - they are currently working on a project together. It would have bothered me every time she worked late or whatever and not knowing what happened. This conversation was going to have to happen sooner or later- and after 5 years, I know my lioness some - she will over think it and *assumed* I thought she slept with him and that I didn't trust her.
Yes, I pushed and throughout it I hated myself for doing it, but I know when and how much pressure to apply and when to back off.
Even though I thought we were good when she left, I was surprised that she text me this morning because I actually expected her to disappear for a few days (normal for her). But she texted me this morning and thanked me. She did say she hates it when I pull things out of her but she liked that I knew *how* to.
Believe me, IF she felt offended or disrespected in anything I said or in anyway, she would have let me know after she re-gained composure! I told her this morning that I was glad that it was out of the way and she said *me too*.
I haven't gone into the back story about *him*, but he's definitely a problem. But I could see her avoiding the discussion and that wasn't going to help us moving forward.
Why don't you see if you can reactivate "her" account and have you....I mean "her" post her side of the story?
this is an old thread, crabbs and leo lady actually got back together and are moving in with eachother. She forgave him.
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DISCLAIMER:
The way I handled this may make you cringe, but I feel the outcome warranted it (at least some of it). I'm only human.
I KNOW with what I did, I have NO RIGHT TO QUESTION OR ASK ANYTHING about what she did while we were apart, but I had to deal with it.
From my last post, lioness and I had a great time together on my bd and agreed to get together for brunch the next day. Right from the start, I felt something was off. I had the feeling that MAYBE something DID happen between her and scorpio and that's what she's avoiding.
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Did you make-out with him? -No..
Did you kiss him? -No..
I was confused. If nothing happen, why all the avoidance? I then asked her how close did she get to sleeping with him? After a lot of going back and forth, she eventually said *close*. Emotionally exhausted and no more fight left in her - she started silently crying. I asked, so why didn't you? She said, because that would have made it a done deal. A *done deal* went right through me. What have I done?
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