When a Libra man tells you he really wants to be with you (and he loves you), but he doesn't want to commit until he has his life together?
A diss or a compliment?
Being a normally unbalanced Libra I would say take what he said at face value. I don't believe he intended that as a diss, it was just letting you know exactly where he's at. Seeing as we tend to run and everyone hates that, he gave you a heads up on why he might disappear for a bit. Use this time to decide if this is something you want to commit to and wait for. There's no timeline for finding balance so be prepared for the long haul.
He actually never disappears on me and is one of the most persistent guys I dealt with. Also he is always honest with me. Sometimes too honest.
But being the impulsive Aries I am, I of course took it personally and lashed out on him saying that I'm not up for waiting games and that I think that what we have isn't real (otherwise he wouldn't dare to make us wait). After thinking about it though I saw it (almost) clear - he might actually really value us and doesn't want for it to break once we actually get together.
So drink some tea and wait if I want him huh?
But being the impulsive Aries I am, I of course took it personally and lashed out on him saying that I'm not up for waiting games and that I think that what we have isn't real (otherwise he wouldn't dare to make us wait). After thinking about it though I saw it (almost) clear - he might actually really value us and doesn't want for it to break once we actually get together.
So drink some tea and wait if I want him huh?
Personally, I move slowly with the people I am truly interested in. I like to have my ducks in a row and to give someone a fair shot I think I should have most things figured out. It's definitely not a "it's not you, it's me" thing. We don't throw the "L" word around a lot so that in itself means a lot. Given your response, I'm sure there's a lot he is thinking now though....
At least he gave you the heads up and was honest. I was once pursuing a girl and everything seemed on the up and up. Suddenly, she flakes big time (like three times in a row in a week, at one time while texting me she was coming and asking what the plan was). It was only after a blow up that she said a lot was going on in her life. Finding out after the fact is never great for anyone involved.
At least he gave you the heads up and was honest. I was once pursuing a girl and everything seemed on the up and up. Suddenly, she flakes big time (like three times in a row in a week, at one time while texting me she was coming and asking what the plan was). It was only after a blow up that she said a lot was going on in her life. Finding out after the fact is never great for anyone involved.
Exactly, Tiziani!
That and plus some women (*cough* me) still have that romantic ideal of a guy putting her above everything. I know it's somewhat naive, but it's hard to pace yourself when you really really want to be with someone..
That and plus some women (*cough* me) still have that romantic ideal of a guy putting her above everything. I know it's somewhat naive, but it's hard to pace yourself when you really really want to be with someone..
I'll tell you exactly what would happen if he did what you wanted. His mind would be else where and the post here would be he's aloof, not really trying, and seems disinterested. Followed by "why didn't he just say he wasn't ready?" In this case if he said "I want to be with you" then that would mean I'm ready to be in the relationship. He's not, so he let you know that. I tend to believe you'd be more hurt if he lied, put you above everything else, and then it failed.
People wonder why we lie and it's situations like this. Nobody wins and we get to feel like crap either way. Do we lie, say yes, and then let you deal with us because we're unbalanced? Or are we honest, say how we feel, and still get to feel like crap because you're upset? Seems to me we lose out either way. Don't take this as me saying you shouldn't be upset. It definitely sucks when you want to take something to the next level and one party isn't ready.
I just tend to believe that things will play out as they should. You got an honest answer and know exactly where he is at. I guess I see where by telling you he's trying to get his life straight he did put you above everything. I don't know exactly what he's sorting out, but you might not want to be sucked into.
People wonder why we lie and it's situations like this. Nobody wins and we get to feel like crap either way. Do we lie, say yes, and then let you deal with us because we're unbalanced? Or are we honest, say how we feel, and still get to feel like crap because you're upset? Seems to me we lose out either way. Don't take this as me saying you shouldn't be upset. It definitely sucks when you want to take something to the next level and one party isn't ready.
I just tend to believe that things will play out as they should. You got an honest answer and know exactly where he is at. I guess I see where by telling you he's trying to get his life straight he did put you above everything. I don't know exactly what he's sorting out, but you might not want to be sucked into.
Posted by tizianiPosted by Aries04
Exactly, Tiziani!
That and plus some women (*cough* me) still have that romantic ideal of a guy putting her above everything. I know it's somewhat naive, but it's hard to pace yourself when you really really want to be with someone..
Yes this is a pretty Aries thing to say. You guys want to be treated like a jewel in the crown.
Libra is the wrong sign for that, however. We have pretty weak balancing skills when it comes to dealing with a relationship and a career at the same time.click to expand
I think it's a female thing in general. Maybe even stronger with Aries because we are ready to dive in love head first and expect the opposite side to do the same.
So what are you saying? The weak balancing skills make them be only half as good in both as opposed to if they were to concentrate on only one?
Posted by theGrinch
I'll tell you exactly what would happen if he did what you wanted. His mind would be else where and the post here would be he's aloof, not really trying, and seems disinterested. Followed by "why didn't he just say he wasn't ready?" In this case if he said "I want to be with you" then that would mean I'm ready to be in the relationship. He's not, so he let you know that. I tend to believe you'd be more hurt if he lied, put you above everything else, and then it failed.
People wonder why we lie and it's situations like this. Nobody wins and we get to feel like crap either way. Do we lie, say yes, and then let you deal with us because we're unbalanced? Or are we honest, say how we feel, and still get to feel like crap because you're upset? Seems to me we lose out either way. Don't take this as me saying you shouldn't be upset. It definitely sucks when you want to take something to the next level and one party isn't ready.
I just tend to believe that things will play out as they should. You got an honest answer and know exactly where he is at. I guess I see where by telling you he's trying to get his life straight he did put you above everything. I don't know exactly what he's sorting out, but you might not want to be sucked into.
That. Was. Everything.
Thank you, Grinch! This is real wisdom.
Ha. That was spot on. You seem to know yourself and us so well, it's scary 😄
Everything you wrote was true though.. Nothing I can say against that. Thanks for the insight!
I'm not giving up though, I think there's a lot we can learn from our differences. So maybe I can use this time while he is getting ready to kill the ego lol
Everything you wrote was true though.. Nothing I can say against that. Thanks for the insight!
I'm not giving up though, I think there's a lot we can learn from our differences. So maybe I can use this time while he is getting ready to kill the ego lol
Thank you, you're amazing!
Neither. He doesn't want a relationship with you.
Posted by Aries04
I think it's a female thing in general. Maybe even stronger with Aries because we are ready to dive in love head first and expect the opposite side to do the same.
So what are you saying? The weak balancing skills make them be only half as good in both as opposed to if they were to concentrate on only one?
I think we expect it because we want back what we give out, which is a lot. We always put our loved ones first, or at least make them one of our priorities, and we go all out and make all sorts of effort. We expect the same treatment. Do unto others, you know? But too many believe in "do unto others as long as I get something out of it!"
And Libras are the "wrong sign" because usually they're the unbalanced, immature ones. The ones who have their shit together and are more evolved DO handle this differently. So to say that Libras cannot do this is just selfish immaturity, tbh. Talk to some of the older, more mature ones on this forum. I've known some very evolved Libras and they put those they love on the front burner and will do their best to juggle both because they WANT to. "Boo hoo, I can't handle this and life" is the little boy excuse, tbh. If this guy is telling you he has other priorities and they come first before a relationship, he's still trying to get his shit together.
I wouldn't take it personally and be glad he was honest with what was going on in his life, but I wouldn't sit around waiting either. Just pay attention, is all. If he continues being who he is now, great. If he starts getting flaky and distant, don't be shocked. But do not WAIT around for him. Waiting around for someone can be such a waste of time because you don't know what will happen and who will happen before that time comes when he's suppsedly "ready." You both could be different then, he could change his mind and realize he wants to settle with a new chick, etc.
Not saying cut him out, but don't put your life on hold. It's not fair to you to wait around for someone else to figure out your future.
I do not expect to be the apple of his eye at all times. I used to be that way and I fought with every of my boyfriends about this same issue. At the same time however, I am not attracted to "soft" guys, who actually march to my beat whenever I want them to. I do want a bit of resistance and them talking sense into me when I'm going mental.
It actually is very important to me that the guy has a life of his own, puts family first etc. I don't want to be his one and only life. Of course it's flattering, but only guys who have very little going for themselves can be that way. It's understood and I'm willing to compromise a lot of my ego/female seeking for attention for a good man. Balance is everything however, so I do kinda worry about that part.
It actually is very important to me that the guy has a life of his own, puts family first etc. I don't want to be his one and only life. Of course it's flattering, but only guys who have very little going for themselves can be that way. It's understood and I'm willing to compromise a lot of my ego/female seeking for attention for a good man. Balance is everything however, so I do kinda worry about that part.
Posted by rockyroadicecream
I think we expect it because we want back what we give out, which is a lot. We always put our loved ones first, or at least make them one of our priorities, and we go all out and make all sorts of effort. We expect the same treatment. Do unto others, you know? But too many believe in "do unto others as long as I get something out of it!"
And Libras are the "wrong sign" because usually they're the unbalanced, immature ones. The ones who have their shit together and are more evolved DO handle this differently. So to say that Libras cannot do this is just selfish immaturity, tbh. Talk to some of the older, more mature ones on this forum. I've known some very evolved Libras and they put those they love on the front burner and will do their best to juggle both because they WANT to. "Boo hoo, I can't handle this and life" is the little boy excuse, tbh. If this guy is telling you he has other priorities and they come first before a relationship, he's still trying to get his shit together.
I wouldn't take it personally and be glad he was honest with what was going on in his life, but I wouldn't sit around waiting either. Just pay attention, is all. If he continues being who he is now, great. If he starts getting flaky and distant, don't be shocked. But do not WAIT around for him. Waiting around for someone can be such a waste of time because you don't know what will happen and who will happen before that time comes when he's suppsedly "ready." You both could be different then, he could change his mind and realize he wants to settle with a new chick, etc.
Not saying cut him out, but don't put your life on hold. It's not fair to you to wait around for someone else to figure out your future.click to expand
Thanks for the advice, but I did not intend on sitting around waiting on him anyways. I'm not doing that for anybody and I believe the time will show. The right person will filter himself out and gravitate towards me naturally 🙂
I was just put back by that phrase when he said it and it now made me a bit cooler towards him. I def don't show all my affection like I used to anymore. But he didn't even really explain to me how he meant it. All he said after I exploded on him was: "Whoa, you don't even know where I'm coming from and what is going on in my life and already you are so fast to cut me off only because my true answer made you mad
Posted by Nemesis
like one of those lame liners "it's not you, it's ME" "i don't deserve to be with you"
that is the language of cowards.
LOL. True say! Going further on that, what it truly means is that I truly value you and don't want to lose you as a friend by screwing around with other women while I string you along. That "getting life together" means he doesn't want to commit to one woman so he can play the field while still be respectful in your eyes in case you wanna hook up in the future when he's done.
Haha we just can't win. Be honest and you want to play the field. Lie and oh just the typical lying Libra. The funny thing is there is no hidden meaning in what he said, he gave the straight up truth. Honestly, the easy thing would be to say yes and then cheat or break up shortly there after. But he didn't do that, he said right now it won't happen.
This is honestly very typical for us. The minute we tell people how we actually feel, whoa let the flood gates of "I'm mad at you now" open up. Everyone hates our people pleasing, until we don't do it for them. Then suddenly we're the bad guy. Then people wonder why we run, why stick around when you know no matter what you say you are wrong?
This is honestly very typical for us. The minute we tell people how we actually feel, whoa let the flood gates of "I'm mad at you now" open up. Everyone hates our people pleasing, until we don't do it for them. Then suddenly we're the bad guy. Then people wonder why we run, why stick around when you know no matter what you say you are wrong?
No, it's less about "playing the field" and more "playing the field AND keep you around as a potential option." That's pretty cakey eaty and it's shitty regardless of what sign does it.
If a guy wants to be single and go fuck around, by all means. But don't say a bunch of fluffy, dishonest shit for the sake of your own personal agenda. People are not your play things to keep around for future security because you can't bear to be alone.
My ex tried that shit on me and it backfired on him. He thought leaving things all up in the air and claiming "friends" gave him an option to sleep with me two years after the fact. el oh el, I burst THAT bubble. Shockingly enough, he hasn't wanted to bother hanging out as "friends" ever since. He knows he ain't getting any. So where's the honesty there in "I want to be single, but still be friends?"
Her point was more about the self serving reasons behind such behavior and not being straight up about actually being single and wanting to screw around. Quit with the martyr bs, dude. Sometimes I really wonder about people's reading comprehension around these parts.
If a guy wants to be single and go fuck around, by all means. But don't say a bunch of fluffy, dishonest shit for the sake of your own personal agenda. People are not your play things to keep around for future security because you can't bear to be alone.
My ex tried that shit on me and it backfired on him. He thought leaving things all up in the air and claiming "friends" gave him an option to sleep with me two years after the fact. el oh el, I burst THAT bubble. Shockingly enough, he hasn't wanted to bother hanging out as "friends" ever since. He knows he ain't getting any. So where's the honesty there in "I want to be single, but still be friends?"
Her point was more about the self serving reasons behind such behavior and not being straight up about actually being single and wanting to screw around. Quit with the martyr bs, dude. Sometimes I really wonder about people's reading comprehension around these parts.
Posted by rockyroadicecream
No, it's less about "playing the field" and more "playing the field AND keep you around as a potential option." That's pretty cakey eaty and it's shitty regardless of what sign does it.
If a guy wants to be single and go fuck around, by all means. But don't say a bunch of fluffy, dishonest shit for the sake of your own personal agenda. People are not your play things to keep around for future security because you can't bear to be alone.
My ex tried that shit on me and it backfired on him. He thought leaving things all up in the air and claiming "friends" gave him an option to sleep with me two years after the fact. el oh el, I burst THAT bubble. Shockingly enough, he hasn't wanted to bother hanging out as "friends" ever since. He knows he ain't getting any. So where's the honesty there in "I want to be single, but still be friends?"
Her point was more about the self serving reasons behind such behavior and not being straight up about actually being single and wanting to screw around. Quit with the martyr bs, dude. Sometimes I really wonder about people's reading comprehension around these parts.
You're reading into the situation as much as anyone else. She didn't give an ounce of detail in regards to the nature of the discussion. So while you can assume it's because he's lying and cheating, I can assume he was being honest and doesn't want to jump into something if his priorities will be elsewhere (he could have a dying family member, lost his job, etc).
As an aside, I have a friend who was seeing a girl and said "I love you" without an ounce of commitment for almost a full year (they were literally at the 10 month mark). He never once cheated or had someone on the side or was waiting for something better to come along. In his case he had just gotten out of an eight year relationship and only had been single for about a year. He wasn't ready to jump headlong into a committed relationship because it was time to learn about himself a little bit. Now they have the official title and live together.
Posted by theGrinchPosted by rockyroadicecream
No, it's less about "playing the field" and more "playing the field AND keep you around as a potential option." That's pretty cakey eaty and it's shitty regardless of what sign does it.
If a guy wants to be single and go fuck around, by all means. But don't say a bunch of fluffy, dishonest shit for the sake of your own personal agenda. People are not your play things to keep around for future security because you can't bear to be alone.
My ex tried that shit on me and it backfired on him. He thought leaving things all up in the air and claiming "friends" gave him an option to sleep with me two years after the fact. el oh el, I burst THAT bubble. Shockingly enough, he hasn't wanted to bother hanging out as "friends" ever since. He knows he ain't getting any. So where's the honesty there in "I want to be single, but still be friends?"
Her point was more about the self serving reasons behind such behavior and not being straight up about actually being single and wanting to screw around. Quit with the martyr bs, dude. Sometimes I really wonder about people's reading comprehension around these parts.
You're reading into the situation as much as anyone else. She didn't give an ounce of detail in regards to the nature of the discussion. So while you can assume it's because he's lying and cheating, I can assume he was being honest and doesn't want to jump into something if his priorities will be elsewhere (he could have a dying family member, lost his job, etc).
As an aside, I have a friend who was seeing a girl and said "I love you" without an ounce of commitment for almost a full year (they were literally at the 10 month mark). He never once cheated or had someone on the side or was waiting for something better to come along. In his case he had just gotten out of an eight year relationship and only had been single for about a year. He wasn't ready to jump headlong into a committed relationship because it was time to learn about himself a little bit. Now they have the official title and live together.click to expand
*facepalm* I'm referring to aqua's comment and your elaboration on Libras generally, not the OP. Keep up. You just illustrated my pondering about poor reading comprehension.
Posted by oldskoolflavorPosted by aquarius09Posted by Nemesis
like one of those lame liners "it's not you, it's ME" "i don't deserve to be with you"
that is the language of cowards.
LOL. True say! Going further on that, what it truly means is that I truly value you and don't want to lose you as a friend by screwing around with other women while I string you along. That "getting life together" means he doesn't want to commit to one woman so he can play the field while still be respectful in your eyes in case you wanna hook up in the future when he's done.
what a pessimistic outlook, aquaboo 😢
in his defense, he's also giving her time to experience her hoeish phase without being vocal about it .. what would she think if he said sthg like: you can mess with other guys for as long as needed to get it out of your system .. just keep in mind I'm the one you're supposed to settle down with (at least that's how I feel *atm*) .. this train of thought is way unorthodox, she'd probably believe he doesn't really *love* her .. "if he really loved me, he couldn't stand the idea of me sleeping with other guys .. he'd drop hints to us living together .. poor me" etc
the stringing along would be him working to maintain the precious connection they share (in his eyes) .. when they finally come together (if God desires so), both parties hoeish phase will have been experienced and the chances of cheating will be considerably reduced
now if that isn't being considerateclick to expand
LOL! I don't think this is a libra thing, although I see this behavior from libra/sycophants who can't be honest and risk being the bad person. The first paragraph is a glimpse in a libra man's head. I actually told my ex to fool around while we were on a break to get it out of his system while I'm gonna focus on my career, which includes no time for love or even hoeish behavior. He interpreted exactly as you did, "omg you don't love me because you are telling me to ..." I really think he's just being a sweet talker and not speaking the truth. He should just tell her that I wanna play the field, that would mean losing respect in her eyes as well as possibly losing her forever.
Posted by theGrinch
Haha we just can't win. Be honest and you want to play the field. Lie and oh just the typical lying Libra. The funny thing is there is no hidden meaning in what he said, he gave the straight up truth. Honestly, the easy thing would be to say yes and then cheat or break up shortly there after. But he didn't do that, he said right now it won't happen.
This is honestly very typical for us. The minute we tell people how we actually feel, whoa let the flood gates of "I'm mad at you now" open up. Everyone hates our people pleasing, until we don't do it for them. Then suddenly we're the bad guy. Then people wonder why we run, why stick around when you know no matter what you say you are wrong?
Your perception of this man is very beautiful. If that isn't hunky dory! That's cute! In reality, men pull shit like this. In fact libra men are quite notorious for stringing people along while they have someone on the side. Honesty is not the best policy with these men. He is saying exactly what I'm saying euphemistically, and mind you, libras are quite smooth when they speak. They wouldn't be considered smooth talkers if they were going around speaking the bitter truth on their face. It's called diplomacy. What is my source for sayin this: numerous libra friends over the years + dated one + was close to getting played by two. Lol. I love libra men as friends because as a girl not in the situation, I find their typical games to be hilarious.
P.S as if there was ever a libra men that knew how to be alone for a long period of time. I don't mean single as in single in status, but flirting and leading on bunch of women to boost their ego with "how wanted they", "how accepted they are", "they have the golden Midas touch with women", to take away from the loneliness because these women serve as a companion without the title "gf".
@OSF, I think we all know that while that libra gets his "life together", he's not sitting there all alone practicing abstinence. Remember libra always require partnerships. They don't function well without it, let alone get their "life together" without it. lol. Also, this guy values and respects the OP. He acknowledges that she's good for him, but just not right now because he wants to have fun.
My argument is, we don't lie to those we care about. I've never known a Libra to say they loved someone just to keep them around. We love love and figure we won't find it so we don't throw that word around because it means something to us. I'm against making a judgement without knowing all the facts, that's all I'm saying. He could have said any number of things that would be the same as saying I love you without saying the phrase.
As for flirting, plenty of signs do it and with much worst intentions then Libras. If I know it's going too far I put a stop to it. Half the time, me being friendly gets misconstrued as flirting! I was at a concert with the girl I was pursuing and her friend came at me hard. One of those situations where me being myself was enough to get hit on hard. But I didn't do it and pushed back as best I could because that wasn't where my interest lied (looking back now I probably should have went for her).
As for flirting, plenty of signs do it and with much worst intentions then Libras. If I know it's going too far I put a stop to it. Half the time, me being friendly gets misconstrued as flirting! I was at a concert with the girl I was pursuing and her friend came at me hard. One of those situations where me being myself was enough to get hit on hard. But I didn't do it and pushed back as best I could because that wasn't where my interest lied (looking back now I probably should have went for her).
Posted by rockyroadicecream
No, it's less about "playing the field" and more "playing the field AND keep you around as a potential option." That's pretty cakey eaty and it's shitty regardless of what sign does it.
If a guy wants to be single and go fuck around, by all means. But don't say a bunch of fluffy, dishonest shit for the sake of your own personal agenda. People are not your play things to keep around for future security because you can't bear to be alone.
My ex tried that shit on me and it backfired on him. He thought leaving things all up in the air and claiming "friends" gave him an option to sleep with me two years after the fact. el oh el, I burst THAT bubble. Shockingly enough, he hasn't wanted to bother hanging out as "friends" ever since. He knows he ain't getting any. So where's the honesty there in "I want to be single, but still be friends?"
Her point was more about the self serving reasons behind such behavior and not being straight up about actually being single and wanting to screw around. Quit with the martyr bs, dude. Sometimes I really wonder about people's reading comprehension around these parts.
RRIC gets my point 🙂 Here's a plus 1!
The follow up to it is, yeah we take time to make a commitment because we want it to be close to perfection. Obviously, perfection doesn't exist, but we don't rush to do anything why would we rush into a relationship? Balance takes time and at least it my case, it hasn't been because I'm keeping my options open or because I want my cake and eat it too. A scumbag is a scumbag regardless of their sign and I could definitely throw a few signs under the bus in regards to playing games.
Posted by theGrinch
My argument is, we don't lie to those we care about. I've never known a Libra to say they loved someone just to keep them around. We love love and figure we won't find it so we don't throw that word around because it means something to us. I'm against making a judgement without knowing all the facts, that's all I'm saying. He could have said any number of things that would be the same as saying I love you without saying the phrase.
As for flirting, plenty of signs do it and with much worst intentions then Libras. If I know it's going too far I put a stop to it. Half the time, me being friendly gets misconstrued as flirting! I was at a concert with the girl I was pursuing and her friend came at me hard. One of those situations where me being myself was enough to get hit on hard. But I didn't do it and pushed back as best I could because that wasn't where my interest lied (looking back now I probably should have went for her).
Actually you guys do lie because libras are known to have this incessant need to be liked by all. They are not confrontational and cannot fathom the thought of being the bad guy, leading to being disliked by someone. The truth is usually bitter and telling the women about your self serving plans isn't going to end well. Not only will punk off the guy (confront/nightmare1), but she will also think he's a douche (disliked by someone, especially one they like back/nightmare2). There is a reason why you guys are sycophants and that is equivalent to telling ppl what they wanna hear or beautifying your msg so it's accepted by the audience. That's all I'm saying. Like I said before, he is not sitting there alone practicing abstinence. Oh and L word is thrown out quite easily too. My ex told me he loves me in our second month of dating. I wasn't even sleeping with him. Either I'm just fabulous or libras feel like they are in love in any new relationship where the honeymooner phase is going smoothly.
Posted by theGrinch
The follow up to it is, yeah we take time to make a commitment because we want it to be close to perfection. Obviously, perfection doesn't exist, but we don't rush to do anything why would we rush into a relationship? Balance takes time and at least it my case, it hasn't been because I'm keeping my options open or because I want my cake and eat it too. A scumbag is a scumbag regardless of their sign and I could definitely throw a few signs under the bus in regards to playing games.
Yes, scums can be found in all signs, but more some signs than others 😉 lol. Please throw some signs under the bus. I think gems and aquad should go under playing games
You do realize this is the Libra forum, hence the subject being about Libras, the guys in this instance? People (mostly women) share their experiences and notice similar patterns amongst these guys.
They are also guys, and do typical guy things. Sure, all signs pull the same male bullshit behavior, but it's how they go about it that makes it sort of Libran.
If you know you aren't like this grade A douchebag variety, I don't see why you're so concerned with defending an entire sign. There's jerks in every sign, and when you get an advice forum, you're going to hear more about the bad than the good.
So all in all, the butthurt that happens when one is seeking advice or venting about the douchebag she's with isn't something to be taken personally. Are you guys really that insecure that you assume that all this bad shit applies to you personally? Deep down, do you fear that you're actually guilty of this, hence all the defensive responses?
I can't speak for Aqua, but I know not all of these guys are total tools. Like I've said before, these that you hear of are the unevolved, immature ones. Overall, Libras aren't bad people, but just have a lot of bad representation due to craptastic people. The stable ones aren't really an issue.
They are also guys, and do typical guy things. Sure, all signs pull the same male bullshit behavior, but it's how they go about it that makes it sort of Libran.
If you know you aren't like this grade A douchebag variety, I don't see why you're so concerned with defending an entire sign. There's jerks in every sign, and when you get an advice forum, you're going to hear more about the bad than the good.
So all in all, the butthurt that happens when one is seeking advice or venting about the douchebag she's with isn't something to be taken personally. Are you guys really that insecure that you assume that all this bad shit applies to you personally? Deep down, do you fear that you're actually guilty of this, hence all the defensive responses?
I can't speak for Aqua, but I know not all of these guys are total tools. Like I've said before, these that you hear of are the unevolved, immature ones. Overall, Libras aren't bad people, but just have a lot of bad representation due to craptastic people. The stable ones aren't really an issue.
I'd lump Scorps in the game category for sure! I'd say insecure Libras would throw the L word around maybe. I secure enough in myself to know I don't need it to get what I want or keep someone around. I'll give you I'll tell people what they want to hear, but not in matters of the heart (again at least for me). But half the time I don't see the point of the argument so why fight about it? At this point I'd assume the op knows what she's going to do and obviously the flags have been planted in their respective camps.
I will say I have had thoughts of loving people, but I've not just blurted it out shortly into the courtship. 1. Talk about scaring someone off very quickly 2. Usually we're fairly far in and at some point it just clicks. Who knows...
I will say I have had thoughts of loving people, but I've not just blurted it out shortly into the courtship. 1. Talk about scaring someone off very quickly 2. Usually we're fairly far in and at some point it just clicks. Who knows...
I agree with RRIC. I don't think libra is a bad sign. I have lots of libra men as friends and I love them to death for their compassion and loyalty. However, I have also seen the romantic aspect of things with them, which was pleasant for the most part until the cheating and lies got in. I seldom come across the evolved/mature ones. Right now I know only 2 libras who I consider to be evolved and I got along so well with them. If only I'd find one like that to have a relationship with. Lol
Posted by theGrinch
I'd lump Scorps in the game category for sure! I'd say insecure Libras would throw the L word around maybe. I secure enough in myself to know I don't need it to get what I want or keep someone around. I'll give you I'll tell people what they want to hear, but not in matters of the heart (again at least for me). But half the time I don't see the point of the argument so why fight about it? At this point I'd assume the op knows what she's going to do and obviously the flags have been planted in their respective camps.
I will say I have had thoughts of loving people, but I've not just blurted it out shortly into the courtship. 1. Talk about scaring someone off very quickly 2. Usually we're fairly far in and at some point it just clicks. Who knows...
I agree with everything you said and glad to see you acknowledging certain things. And yes, my libra was very insecure and perhaps he did it for that reason.
Posted by theGrinch
Haha we just can't win. Be honest and you want to play the field. Lie and oh just the typical lying Libra. The funny thing is there is no hidden meaning in what he said, he gave the straight up truth. Honestly, the easy thing would be to say yes and then cheat or break up shortly there after. But he didn't do that, he said right now it won't happen.
This is exactly what I would like to prevent from happening. I don't want him to feel like whatever he says, it will be "wrong" in my eyes.
I know how frustrating it can be when you are speaking your hart and the other person does not believe you, it makes you so angry inside. I don't want to punish him for being straight up with me. He knows I'm a big girl and I can handle the truth - that's why he is saying it in the first place I assume.
Me being an Aries, I am very straight up with my feelings and I am direct in communication with him. That's exactly the thing he likes about me the most. By making me feel comfortable he created a perfect medium for our communication.
So Grinch, I very much agree with you, that he have it to me straight up and I reuse to think he tries to deceive me. I just wanted advise in case I am being too naive and blind lol
*gave* it to me straight up.
*refuse
Sorry - autocorrect :/
*refuse
Sorry - autocorrect :/
Posted by oldskoolflavorPosted by aquarius09Posted by Nemesis
like one of those lame liners "it's not you, it's ME" "i don't deserve to be with you"
that is the language of cowards.
LOL. True say! Going further on that, what it truly means is that I truly value you and don't want to lose you as a friend by screwing around with other women while I string you along. That "getting life together" means he doesn't want to commit to one woman so he can play the field while still be respectful in your eyes in case you wanna hook up in the future when he's done.
what a pessimistic outlook, aquaboo 😢
in his defense, he's also giving her time to experience her hoeish phase without being vocal about it .. what would she think if he said sthg like: you can mess with other guys for as long as needed to get it out of your system .. just keep in mind I'm the one you're supposed to settle down with (at least that's how I feel *atm*) .. this train of thought is way unorthodox, she'd probably believe he doesn't really *love* her .. "if he really loved me, he couldn't stand the idea of me sleeping with other guys .. he'd drop hints to us living together .. poor me" etc
the stringing along would be him working to maintain the precious connection they share (in his eyes) .. when they finally come together (if God desires so), both parties hoeish phase will have been experienced and the chances of cheating will be considerably reduced
now if that isn't being considerateclick to expand
I don't think that this is about the "hoeish" phase. It's more of a financial matter - he has very ambitious goals and wants to have a million by 33. He is 28 now, so he better not wait 5 years lol I'm def not putting my life on hold for anybody that long.
The thing is - it first seemed like he wants to get to the top on his own and then settle down. But life doesn't work that way - you can't completely separate and manipulate everything according to your super smart plan. Also, I don't think you have to "make it" first in order to have a healthy relationship. You can work towards your goals together - shit I have ambitious goals myself! Why can't we work towards them together? That's attractive as hell to me.
Whoa, hang on is that the reason he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship? Because he wants a million in the bank by 33? If that's the case, get him out of your life. I'll defend someone if they lost their job or have some sort of family crisis, but when it's pie in the sky goals then it's merely an excuse. Everybody's gotta eat, so having someone to go along isn't stopping you from making money.
I think everyone would like to have a million in the bank, but that won't be what holds me back from being in a relationship with someone I love. Heck I'd feel better knowing that I did it with them at my side. I'll still stand by what I said because it's true, but with new details (if this is the case) he's not worth your time.
I think everyone would like to have a million in the bank, but that won't be what holds me back from being in a relationship with someone I love. Heck I'd feel better knowing that I did it with them at my side. I'll still stand by what I said because it's true, but with new details (if this is the case) he's not worth your time.
Posted by theGrinch
Whoa, hang on is that the reason he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship? Because he wants a million in the bank by 33? If that's the case, get him out of your life. I'll defend someone if they lost their job or have some sort of family crisis, but when it's pie in the sky goals then it's merely an excuse. Everybody's gotta eat, so having someone to go along isn't stopping you from making money.
I think everyone would like to have a million in the bank, but that won't be what holds me back from being in a relationship with someone I love. Heck I'd feel better knowing that I did it with them at my side. I'll still stand by what I said because it's true, but with new details (if this is the case) he's not worth your time.
That's one of the reasons. I know that there is more stuff going on with his family etc.
He just can't afford many things for us right now (we currently don't live in the same country and he wants to change that). He talks about how and when we will be together.
After I confronted him about his future goals and the fact that you can align them with a relationship instead of seeing it as an obstacle, he completely agreed with me and said that he believes in working together.
Still I'm confused..
I doubt he wants to lead me on and just keep me warm for the future. But also I don't understand why he just doesn't snatch me from the market.
Ah ok, so it's a long distance relationship? I'm not a fan because I tend to think it holds people back (in general). So given that, the family issues, and the fact that he doesn't have a lot of money I can see why he said what he said. I know I want people to feel secure with me. Being a people pleaser, you want people to think the best of you and know they can depend on you. So for me, having the money to treat my girl as I feel she needs to be treated is extremely important.
Snatching you off the market would mean a couple of things for him. First, if he's like me, he'll feel like he's holding you back. I don't know how much time you guys actually spend together, but there's nothing worse then having someone "wait" for you. If he doesn't know when he can move to your country I am sure it's heavy on his mind. Two, we like to communicate and let's face it with distance comes two separate lives.
Snatching you off the market would mean a couple of things for him. First, if he's like me, he'll feel like he's holding you back. I don't know how much time you guys actually spend together, but there's nothing worse then having someone "wait" for you. If he doesn't know when he can move to your country I am sure it's heavy on his mind. Two, we like to communicate and let's face it with distance comes two separate lives.
I know when I've been in that place, I could always hear the "oh you going out with who?" And in turn I would think the same thing. Not that it's a rational thing to think about, but it happens. Also, I've felt like perhaps that person wouldn't do the things they wanted for fear I'd get upset. Very interesting issue, but for now I'd say his heart is in the right place he's just working on getting his head there.
Posted by theGrinch
Ah ok, so it's a long distance relationship? I'm not a fan because I tend to think it holds people back (in general). So given that, the family issues, and the fact that he doesn't have a lot of money I can see why he said what he said. I know I want people to feel secure with me. Being a people pleaser, you want people to think the best of you and know they can depend on you. So for me, having the money to treat my girl as I feel she needs to be treated is extremely important.
Snatching you off the market would mean a couple of things for him. First, if he's like me, he'll feel like he's holding you back. I don't know how much time you guys actually spend together, but there's nothing worse then having someone "wait" for you. If he doesn't know when he can move to your country I am sure it's heavy on his mind. Two, we like to communicate and let's face it with distance comes two separate lives.
Yes it is.. We dated back in 2009 and he was smitten, it wasn't hard to tell. Then we moved to different countries and life got in the way. We kept in touch throughout this whole time though and he has been consistent. Like we talk every single day. And it really shines through how much he wants me. As a woman you just feel it.
Sometimes I have my impatient phases though and one evening I was tipsy and I told him I want to be with him now and his answer was the beginning of this thread..
And Grinch, I agree with your entire post. In fact you sound just like him. I tend to think he has so much respect for me that he doesn't want me to be with somebody "weak". He just wants to get it right. We'll see within the next month or two where that takes us.
I definitely won't sit around the house and wait, but also I won't lose the faith. Your advice was a great help!! Instead of thinking he might have dissed me, I now see that he has his heart at the right spot🙂
LOL yeah should have mentioned you were tipsy when the conversation started! I love drinking and while I never use it as an excuse for my actions...let's just say you get a less reserved me when drinking. If someone had said that too me I'd definitely respond in the same way. Wanting to move and having the means to move are two vastly different things. Also, that conversation given the circumstances is one you handle with kid gloves because it could lead to "words" that normally wouldn't happen. The biggest thing I think is that now he knows exactly where you're at and can start thinking on it.
It wasn't an insult he was being upfront with you letting you know that to not expect anything more from him than what he is giving to you.
Does it really matter if it's a diss or a compliment?
The question is; are you getting what YOU want? And is he meeting YOUR needs?
If the answer is NO then you know to move on.
The question is; are you getting what YOU want? And is he meeting YOUR needs?
If the answer is NO then you know to move on.
Posted by LunarMaiden
Does it really matter if it's a diss or a compliment?
The question is; are you getting what YOU want? And is he meeting YOUR needs?
If the answer is NO then you know to move on.
She won't though. She says she won't wait, then she says she will.
Throw dude in the friends zone and move on. Nobody should be putting their life on hold for anyone. This isn't a Disney movie.
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