Compatibility Between the Elements

I believe there is somthing to elemental compatibility. I use the term compatibility here to mean a meeting of your inner needs. Natural compatibility is not something that can be explained. It is either there or not and no amount of explaining, demanding, or conjoling will fix it. Natural compatibility is just a lack of truly getting each other because you truly are compatible.

In my life, I have notice I am more compatible with certain elements than others. My most rewarding relationships have been with fire men. They have been fun, playful, fufilling relationships that added to my inner security not taken away from them. I have felt safe, secure, and loved. There has been a relax, homey element of these relationships that I have treasured. I think this is because I am compatible with fire signs.

My present bf, an Aries, has never given me a moments worry or a moment of doubt regarding his affection towards me. He just meets my needs without trying, simply by being himself. He just gets me and understands me intuitevely. Actually, I don't even know if he understands me, but it doesn't matter, because he naturally gets me. Whatever he does in his day to day, meets my inner needs for security, comfort, companionship, and love.

This is the third Aries I have dated. But I am going to compare him to my longest relationship which was a Leo I dated in college and lived with after. The thing I noticed is the playfulness of the relationships. They both tease me when I am upset. And *I* just love it. It is exactly what I need. It makes me laugh at myself; and whatever I thought was an epic disaster truns into a good laugh and not a big deal at all. I have never said, please tease me when I am upset. They just instintually did it because that is who they are and who they are is VERY compatible to what I need at a deeper level.

A Virgo friend is now dating my ex-leo (not THE leo but the one I was just refering too.) She gets crazy mad and frustrated that he won't take her problems serious or anything seriously. She throws temper tantrums and makes demands but the flaw is very simple ... they aren't compatible. She can explain what she wants until she is blue in the face and it won't change the situation. She can scream that he doesn't love her, that he is meantempered, selfish, manipulative, self-centered ... but I know it isn't true because I was with him for so long. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. The thing is what she is seeing as a lack of love, lack of communiication is much, much simpler. It is a lack of compatibility. He is who he is. No amount of explaining will fix it. They love each other very much but neither of them is happy because they simply don't meet each other's needs. Ultimetly this relationship will fail because the foundation is not one of natural compatibility and acceptance.

Talking about the problem won't fix it. She can demand him not to make jokes when she is upset and it will work for awhile but eventually who he is will pop back up. He makes jokes to lighten the mood. He could easily throw it back on her and tell her she needs to stop worrying so much and lighten up but she would see that again as a lack of love. When people at base are so different, when their needs are different, she needs serious, he needs laughter ... how can it be fixed? It can't. They are just to different.

When I look back at my relationship with fire signs and how effortless and content they were, I can't help but reflect on a Virgo of my own. The Virgo I dated took everything I said and did very seriously and threw it back on me. He gave very tough love approaches. "Well you have to get serious about this and deal with the problem. You need to focus. You need to (insert serious of serious actions here) this." I would just get more and more depressed and upset. Why? Because fundamentally ... that isn't what I needed.

that isn't what I needed. I needed someone to point out how silly my overreactions were. I needed someone more compatible. The fire signs never told me what to do or how to do it ... they offered advice without condescension and they just made fun of the situation till I put it in perspective. Then I was able to deal with the situation easily without any worry at all.

Without a doubt I am sure the Virgo I am referring to would be shocked if he knew I found him condescending. He probably wasn't. It was just that we dealt with our lives in such different manners I always felt put down by him.

I think compatibility is more than we both want to have seven children and love each other. Although that is part of it, I think it is just something that is naturally there or it isn't. It is a natural fit without having to do anything. The person meets your needs without doing anything in particular but live their life their way and for some reason, it works for you.

I don't think people can change their base of who they are which is why I constantly say if you have to try to hard, it probably isn't for you. There is probably a much better fit for you somewhere out there in the world where you will have peace and ease without worry.

I do think certain elements work better together and that astrology speaks to those underlying tendencies. Although other elements and signs can get along, the fundamental compatibility is missing making it more work and effort than if it is there.

Anyway ... Just some thoughts.

eep! sorry for all the grammar/spelling mistakes.

One day I will proof read.

(( I don't think people can change their base of who they are which is why I constantly say if you have to try to hard, it probably isn't for you. ))

I think you don't need the word "probably" there. 😉 hehehehehee

A very thoughtful essay, LS. My own thoughts are based on personal experience and not as abstract. I have a Libra friend who is now happily married to a Scorp...they both work in the arts; she is a filmaker/writer and he a violinist/actor. Obviously shared interests explain part of their harmony.

This has been my year for air men, though of all, I find my Aqua man to be strong enough to handle me. He seems to look right through me, and smile at my foibles...how reassuring this is. Perhaps this isn't an element thing, rather what a woman needs from a man -- his logic and sense of boundaries to rein her in -- because all women, not just water signs, have crazy emotions from time to time.

My Gemini male friends are the best -- fun, flirty, and we constantly trade ideas. My ex-Libra amor called again -- I told him firmly that I was seeing someone else, but sometimes I want to be compassionate and just ask him out for a coffee as a friend.

I find Aries and Leo men to be very demanding of attention....my Leo girlfriend and I fight constantly for dominance, but she comes from the heart, and I understand her more than my Libra girlfriend.

LS, the things you mentioned (extensively LOL!) are very true. How I have tried to explain this to ex partners... Whew esecially the scorp. He just took it as I didn't like him at all, which is far from the truth. Just not compatible at all.