once you go cold on someone

can you get it back? how? i want to but i am having some trouble feeling it.

if you really care about someone just explain to them what happened, why you went cold, and if they can find it in their heart to forgive yoU. but first off, apologize! going cold on someone is never a nice thing to do, its hurtful, like betrayal...

was this a friend or a significant other? and what do you have trouble with exactly, like for example, apologizing face to face to that person or breaking the ice and contacting them for the first time after so long has passed?

just a friend who recently has hurt me very badly. i have forgiven them but feeling that warmth towards them now feels unnatural.

it just feels like all my walls have gone straight back up again.

i am hoping with time things might return but i was wondering if it has gone for good. is hasn't been a fortnight yet so it's still early days but when i've gone cold in the past i haven't ever truly given a second chance. i've never really cared to. i want to in this instance but while my head is in the game, the rest of me is hiding under a rock.

mt, not my fault! maybe my fault for trusting but we all have to do that eventually don't we? we are in contact but it just wasn't they way it used to be.

thanks everyone. 🙂

whats their sign? and what did they do... if its that bad then maybe they dont deserve a second chance.

Booze

Posted by mysteriousTaurus
whats their sign? and what did they do... if its that bad then maybe they dont deserve a second chance.

taurus....ha!

is it that bad? nah. not in the grand scheme of things. i forgive relatively easily. no bad intentions were meant but he was...selfish...in that taurus way...and my feelings were ignored/trampled on very badly. he wants what he wants. my feelings were (are?) secondary. not in a deliberate way but more because he wants things to stay as they are and keep everyone happy. it's a game of spinning plates. unfortunately mine fell and shattered into a million pieces.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Booze

ha! lubricant makes the tracks smoother?

Posted by feby
I think give it some time....you'll know everything then.

thanks feby. that's my plan so far. i'm removing my soft spot for the time being but i don't want to be like stone. i really don't.

Posted by beautifuldiaster
My ex, the guy I dated for 7 years tried to come back after he dumped me. I couldn't do it though. Nothing felt genuine anymore.

I felt like he had shot me and by him coming back around was his way of saying, "hope it didn't hurt - we cool?"

Ugh, it was a deep trench of hell.

We went on an outing and I remember dressing up cute (thinking i'd be fun) and while we were out I literally couldn't stand him. Like I found EVERYTHING HE DID OFFENSIVE.. All sideways eyeing him like, "how dare you eat that fucking oreo!"

ugh. UGH!! No.

Some betrayals run deeper than others. I took him back many times before this without a problem but the last time he dumped me he solidified it. He shot that last nail into his own coffin hard.

i'm not angry just more shut down. it's like the lights have all been switched off.

the intense dislike of everything a person does sounds familiar. god, i hope it doesn't turn into that. he doesn't deserve it.

Once I go cold it is dam near impossible for me to come back, I think I do this as a defense mechanism son don't get myself trick by the same person twice, but they wwould need to have really wronged me

if what he did wasnt that bad, only a matter a feelings being hurt, then i think you should forgive him. it sounds like a misunderstanding.. let him know your feelings were hurt so he doesnt act that way again. be adults ya know, most of the time people forget to include someone else feelings into their actions as humans are selfish by nature

taurus and libra have too strong of a bond to be thrown away easily, not that its your fault of course. but just get over it, youll be okay

no, he knew from the off. i made my position very clear - several times - over a long period of time. no misunderstanding.

he did it. i forgave him and we carried on as normal. he did it again. same. i had a meltdown but forgiven and forgotten. this last time? forgiven, not forgotten and now i find myself replicating a cold shower.

he just wants to do the best for everyone involved but it's impossible. things don't remain suspended in time and motion. he just wants everything in its place because to him, there is a place for everything. life is messy. sometimes you have to break a few eggs.

but! yes, i understand why he did what he did and yes, 100% he is forgiven. i harbour no bad feelings. no anger just a frustrating numbness that i seem to have no control over. my solution is to withdraw the opportunity to hurt me further because you know fool me once... but i don't know if i can get myself to feel again.

and i know he doesn't mean to hurt me. he hugged me so tight tonight and wouldn't let go.

thanks beautifuldiaster, i hope your hunch is on the money!

mt, trying. i'll channel a taurus and give it time. 😉

It takes me at least 5 years minimum before I warm up again but things never get back to how it was before. I certainly have my guard up for a good reason.

I still show I care but I just can't bring myself to be as warm as before.

hmm, yes i can relate to what you tiz, sugarfoot and AesmaDaeva are saying. it's not justified though in this instance. i don't want to be this way. 😢

but not none are you are giving me any cause for optimism! 😄

i'm hoping that if i am a willing spirit the rest will follow. you're right sugarfoot, i think the key definitely is not to let the contact stop. it's done for then.

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by jeane
hmm, yes i can relate to what you tiz, sugarfoot and AesmaDaeva are saying. it's not justified though in this instance. i don't want to be this way. 😢

but not one of you are giving me any cause for optimism! 😄

i'm hoping that if i am a willing spirit the rest will follow. you're right sugarfoot, i think the key definitely is not to let the contact stop. it's done for then.

lol you don't need us for optimism...that's what your sag moon is there for 😛

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pah. you're all horrible people. i hate you all. everything people say about librans is true. except for sid. he is lovely.

😄

Posted by tiziani
Is it really a pessimistic thing to have your guard up? 😄 I'm not talking about to the point of being closed off.

I just think, it's there for us to learn to handle the person and the relationship better and accordingly. Once people see you've adjusted to treating them exactly as appropriate to their behaviour, they generally stop taking liberties. Or they just disappear because they honestly don't know how to do any better by you. Either way, both outcomes save you a lot of repeat grief.

guard up? yes. perfectly acceptable. i'm certainly not advocating becoming anyone's emotional punching bag but it's the point where we become numb to another that i am struggling with on this occasion. we're all human. we all make mistakes. i'd like to think that I am compassionate and understanding in my approach but in this instance it's gone too far.

but yeah, standards are great and you have to have personal boundaries that you stick to. like you said, it makes people either adjust their manners or find the nearest exit. and some people deserve the ice. i have cut people off many times and without remorse or even a second thought. i will gladly do it again in the future if it is warranted but it's having control over pulling that trigger that i think is necessary. from what i have seen that for many of us, once we have gone siberia on someone's arse, it is almost impossible to go back to the bahamas. even for a visit.

for what it is worth, i am feeling a little more thawed out today. at least in my head. 😛 🍹

I rarely go cold and I get over things and move on exceptionally quickly (thank you Gemini Moon.) However, I to am currently pretty cold on a longtime "friend." She totally turned her back on me when i needed her in spite of the fact that am forever always there for her (and she is very needy.) I just realized that I give eternally and this one-way street isn't what I want in a friendship. I shared this story to explain that I only go cold if for a very good, long coming reason.

It's been about two months now and I am slowly starting to consider maybe giving her a bit of my time but Idk.. I'm not really feeling it.

I don't think my answer is very helpful. haha

I also very much dislike grudges btw.. This whole going cold on my friend thing has been such an odd experience for me. I can't actually think of a single other person I've gone cold on since one crazy whackadoo about 12 years ago who literally destroyed a family member of mine (like identity theft etc.)

Maybe Librans are just too rational for grudges. Everyone has positive and negatives right?

I read in a horoscope recently somewhere (cafeastrology maybe?) that Librans are going through learning to identify and make our own needs priority (*gasp* feels kind of uncomfortable for me to even say.) Some lesson some slow moving planet is teaching us? Idk, I don't absorb details well, lol, I prefer to get the basic idea and move on.

Posted by jeane
can you get it back? how? i want to but i am having some trouble feeling it.

Yes...it's possible. The exact same thing happen to me by a very very close friend. They stung me extremely hard and I abruptly ended all contact. No calls, text or e-mails. They tried for months to contact me, but I shut completely down. That was almost two years ago. I've never had a problem forgiving anyone that hurts me, but I just don't Fuq with them anymore after that, and when I was a yungun, when I went cold there was no turning back. Now that I'm older and a little wiser, I now realize that sometimes when someone you love and care about hurts, they really may not mean it. We all are guilty of that trait as humans. Sometimes folks are so used to being one way they don't even realize they've done anything wrong unless their told. Well, about a month ago this friend finally tried again to contact me and this time I accepted the call. They apologized profusely for their screw up and said this had been the longest, saddest two years of their life because they just knew our lifelong friendship had been lost. They were afraid to keep trying to call or text me because I turned so cold and they thought I would never talk to them again. I eventually, but with extreme caution allowed them back into my life, but my guard is at an all time high until I can feel the genuineness again. So yes, you can open the lines of communication again, but only when you feel you're ready.

Posted by LIb4Life

Posted by jeane
can you get it back? how? i want to but i am having some trouble feeling it.

Yes...it's possible. The exact same thing happen to me by a very very close friend. They stung me extremely hard and I abruptly ended all contact. No calls, text or e-mails. They tried for months to contact me, but I shut completely down. That was almost two years ago. I've never had a problem forgiving anyone that hurts me, but I just don't Fuq with them anymore after that, and when I was a yungun, when I went cold there was no turning back. Now that I'm older and a little wiser, I now realize that sometimes when someone you love and care about hurts, they really may not mean it. We all are guilty of that trait as humans. Sometimes folks are so used to being one way they don't even realize they've done anything wrong unless their told. Well, about a month ago this friend finally tried again to contact me and this time I accepted the call. They apologized profusely for their screw up and said this had been the longest, saddest two years of their life because they just knew our lifelong friendship had been lost. They were afraid to keep trying to call or text me because I turned so cold and they thought I would never talk to them again. I eventually, but with extreme caution allowed them back into my life, but my guard is at an all time high until I can feel the genuineness again. So yes, you can open the lines of communication again, but only when you feel you're ready.

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thanks. that makes a lot of sense to me. yes, exact same thing and i imagine the exact same reaction from the other party too.

Posted by duchesslibro
I rarely go cold and I get over things and move on exceptionally quickly (thank you Gemini Moon.) However, I to am currently pretty cold on a longtime "friend." She totally turned her back on me when i needed her in spite of the fact that am forever always there for her (and she is very needy.) I just realized that I give eternally and this one-way street isn't what I want in a friendship. I shared this story to explain that I only go cold if for a very good, long coming reason.

It's been about two months now and I am slowly starting to consider maybe giving her a bit of my time but Idk.. I'm not really feeling it.

I don't think my answer is very helpful. haha

your answer is helpful! maybe with time we can all come round eventually...for some...when the timing is right...and the stars are aligned....and we've had a good breakast...😄

Posted by mysteriousTaurus
if you really care about someone just explain to them what happened, why you went cold, and if they can find it in their heart to forgive yoU. but first off, apologize! going cold on someone is never a nice thing to do, its hurtful, like betrayal...

Agree, I've had a libra girl do this to me. I miss her friendship. I raised $ 1000 for her sister when her house burned down. So not fair. She was a very bright student and person. But ever since she turned 21 and broke up with her bf. She's been nothing but partying and fooling around and turned to an absolute jerk.

Definitely.. you are a Libra.... What you stay to think 100 years now —? If you forgiven what he did, simple, acting ! Say hello ! Is very simple ! At least for a Leo as me , but I know Libra need 100 years to think and think again and again, so you lost 50% from your life only thinking how to do and how to pass a moment like this ! You lose a lot of time instead to acting and connect things happy again !