luvlylady2010
@luvlylady2010
14 YearsPisces
Comments: 0 · Posts: 175 · Topics: 8
Question for Libra males.. (or any feedback) :)
Posted by KingofLibras
I won't buy you shit. I may pay for you when we going out, like movies dinner and whatnot, but I'm not buying you clothe or any of the shit that I won't use. Matter of fact if I sensed you were that type I'd dump your ass faster than third period French
I DON'T expect him to buy me ANYTHING!! All I want is him more than any of that.. I'm just wondering if that would make him insecure enough to not want to be with me though since he knows what I was accustomed to.. Like maybe he would worry I wouldn't be as happy with him or something??
Posted by luvlylady2010
maybe he would worry I wouldn't be as happy with him or something??
It is very possible. It would bother me some especially in the beginning of the relationship. I'll come back later and expand but I gotta work.
Posted by pigeonpie
No, if you can do stuff for yourself that's the bonus too 🙂
People are always going to compare a past love to some degree, and money seems to be a one that appears quite highly somes agenda.
If you truly are happy without that life style , and the new guy believes this and confident in his own abilities and tranklements, or at least enough for it not to be a limiting factor in your romance, then sell all your expensive stuff and spruce up your new apartment together ? 🙂
Yes, I can do plenty for myself.. I don't have as much as I had before but I am fine with that..
We did talk about moving in together before but now he is having doubts about committing to me (and says he doesn't know why and wont tell me why).. I am trying to think of any possible reason.. He is still calling and texting me everyday so I know that he is still interested but he wont tell me what he is scared of just says "he's confused and worried that he wont be all he's cracked up to be and I will be resentful"??
I'm thinking that maybe I can just try to be friends with him for awhile and do nice stuff for him to SHOW him that I am not like that instead of just telling him.. Maybe if we are just strictly friends for awhile (NO BENEFITS!) he can get past the money thing and the "physical" and see there is more to me than that??
Posted by KingofLibrasPosted by luvlylady2010Posted by KingofLibras
I won't buy you shit. I may pay for you when we going out, like movies dinner and whatnot, but I'm not buying you clothe or any of the shit that I won't use. Matter of fact if I sensed you were that type I'd dump your ass faster than third period French
I DON'T expect him to buy me ANYTHING!! All I want is him more than any of that.. I'm just wondering if that would make him insecure enough to not want to be with me though since he knows what I was accustomed to.. Like maybe he would worry I wouldn't be as happy with him or something??
If he felt that way, he would tell you.click to expand
Then WHY can't he give me ONE single reason why he is having doubts?? But then keep asking me to please stay in his life?? AND I still haven't responded to him for almost 2 weeks but he still keeps texting me even though I asked him to please stay out of my life so I can move on...
If he would just leave me alone I could move on but he wont and I know I don't want that either!
Posted by pigeonpie
'He is still calling and texting me everyday so I know that he is still interested but he wont tell me what he is scared of just says "he's confused and worried that he wont be all he's cracked up to be and I will be resentful"??'
I think that's understandable to be honest.
I dunno about the 'go back to friends', that would seem like pulling away regardless of the money thing.
Seems a bit silly if you're already shagging.
I haven't slept with him in over a month... and hardly speaking now.. BUT he is still texting
Posted by pigeonpie
'
I think that's understandable to be honest.
I dunno about the 'go back to friends', that would seem like pulling away regardless of the money thing.
Seems a bit silly if you're already shagging.
Oh yeah.. and the last time I seen him he acted as affectionate as always and from the things he says I know he's still down for having sex but I'm worried if I give in to just that then he will never want to commit and I do NOT want FWB.. I wont accept less.. We already planned on being together BEFORE I ever slept with him in the first place or I wouldn't have!
Not sure if I should just completely cut him off and hope he comes back when he is ready (and risk losing him altogether)or atleast try to remain friends. I'm just worried "outta sight, outta mind" or does absence really make the heart grow fonder??
Posted by pigeonpie
Go talk to him in person and let common sense do the rest ?
Yeah.. the next time he asks to see me I'm going to.. Thanks.. 🙂
Posted by pigeonpie
meting sex out monthly sounds like taking it steady really, and if you've already planned to be together before having sex I dunno about it being a fwb thing.
Well we were doing it all the time.. But that was when we were planning on being together.. Then all of a sudden one day he said he that he's not sure if he's ready to commit and I stopped doing it from that day forward.. I'm worried that if I do it now then I will be saying it's fine to just have his cake and eat it too and he will still get what he wants without having to give me an answer..
Since then he still kept acting the same in every other way as before but the second I try to question him about what he is worried about he clams up and just says he doesn't know. He won't give me an answer! He doesn't say he doesn't want to be with me but he doesn't say he does either like he used to.. He just says he doesn't know why he is feeling this way.. But then when I tell him to leave me alone if he doesn't know what he wants he wont do that either.. I have never been so confused by a guy in my life!
He also mentioned that he just wants to make sure that he is really ready for a relationship with ANYONE and that he isn't just caught up in my looks and stuff like that before really getting to know me.. I'm mad that he made all these promises to me in the beginning that he was ready to commit to me and I believed him but I am accepting the fact that I can't change it and I just have to figure out where to go from here.. That's why I was thinking that maybe we can just start over again as friends so he could really get to know me for me and maybe his worries will subside once he really sees I am not like that.
Posted by pigeonpie
Well if he doesn't know either, who does ?
🙂
It might be still niggling at him a bit hence the confusion.
Like head and heart or something.🙂
Yeah... Thanks for taking the time to respond.. 🙂
I know if I intentionally push him away I will always wonder.. At this point I'm just trying to worry about me and I will probably start responding to him.. I don't want to push the issue right away and make him back off again so I'll probably just give him time but at the same time let him know I am still here. Either he will tell me or he will finally move on once he sees that he's not gonna get anything from me or I will eventuall give up... Eventually something has to give but atleast I'll know I gave it my all..
You would be financially secure within your own rights after your settlement but unless you are constantly telling him that your husband did this and that or you are always talking about money or buying things I don't see it would be a real issue. One thing I would say though is don't buy him anything.... Set up a romantic dinner or picnic. The gesture itself of doing something for him will be way better received than throwing the money situation at him again.
Contrary to belief libras don't jump straight in there. We want to be almost 100% sure of what we are doing before we do it ESP in the area of a committed relationship.
Contrary to belief libras don't jump straight in there. We want to be almost 100% sure of what we are doing before we do it ESP in the area of a committed relationship.
Posted by sweethearts
You would be financially secure within your own rights after your settlement but unless you are constantly telling him that your husband did this and that or you are always talking about money or buying things I don't see it would be a real issue. One thing I would say though is don't buy him anything.... Set up a romantic dinner or picnic. The gesture itself of doing something for him will be way better received than throwing the money situation at him again.
Contrary to belief libras don't jump straight in there. We want to be almost 100% sure of what we are doing before we do it ESP in the area of a committed relationship.
Thanks for the advice...
As far as believing Libra's jump straight in I never even heard all this stuff about Libra's until I found this site after what happened between us! I understand not committing until you are % 100 but WHY would he tell me over and over again that he was % 100 ready and WAITING for me to commit then if he knew he wasn't ready!?!? Just to see if I would really do it? I would have never opened up to him so soon and I would not be in the situation that I'm in now if he had just said "let's take it slow".. From the beginning..
As strange as it seems but I will promise you the world as long as you don't hold me to it. Guys do it all the time, Internet daters do it. Take a look around the threads.
You were having sex with him already so it wasn't just to get you in the sack. But he didn't have to live up to his word until you left your husband and now he's got to come true to his word. Now the question has hit home, does he really want all he had said??
You were having sex with him already so it wasn't just to get you in the sack. But he didn't have to live up to his word until you left your husband and now he's got to come true to his word. Now the question has hit home, does he really want all he had said??
I went back and was rereading the last batch of posts trying to follow everything.
The first post said you were going through a divorce... things I assume he knows but we don't and would effect his viewpoint:
When did your ex-husband and you split?
Is the divorce final?
Why the divorce / What happened?
You have known this Libra for about four months and he came on super strong talking about happily ever after while you were saying to slow down. Then a couple weeks ago you told him you were ready to commit 100% to him. Once you did he wasn't sure anymore... it sounds fishy to me. Now he is sticking to he just isn't sure if he is ready to commit (to anyone of course, not just you) but is still trying to be around you and be physical with you. You went to lunch last week and told him that you are not okay with being just friends. He refuses to commit or to leave you alone and is wanting to get as much as you'll give without giving any promises...
The way I see it there are two explanations.
1. He's a player He only came on that heavy because he thought it was what you wanted. He knew you were still wrapped up in a divorce and wanted to feel good so he was there. He didn't mean any of it, but it worked so he said it. Then you gave in and wanted to commit and he freaked out because the gig was up. So he backs off and wants to slow down but doesn't want you going anywhere. It is basic predatory behavior. He wants the commitment from you but won't give one to you. He won't stop calling and wants you to still be there when he wants you but he won't go any further.
or
2. You scared him He meant it. He fell head over heals for you and wanted it all to work. He said he was willing to wait for you and understood that going through a divorce is rough but that when you were ready he would be there. Then you were ready way too quick (in his opinion) and it made him step back and re-evaluate you. If he was expecting it to take a while for you to be ready, which I would, and it didn't... it could make him question if you are really ready. That, of course, would make him be less willing to commit.
Either situation explains why he turned so quickly. It is clear that you are infatuated with him. Just a week ago you called it off and let him go. Now you are trying to find excuses for his behavior and looking for a way to justify it all. That is a dangerous game to play depending on where he is coming from.
The first post said you were going through a divorce... things I assume he knows but we don't and would effect his viewpoint:
When did your ex-husband and you split?
Is the divorce final?
Why the divorce / What happened?
You have known this Libra for about four months and he came on super strong talking about happily ever after while you were saying to slow down. Then a couple weeks ago you told him you were ready to commit 100% to him. Once you did he wasn't sure anymore... it sounds fishy to me. Now he is sticking to he just isn't sure if he is ready to commit (to anyone of course, not just you) but is still trying to be around you and be physical with you. You went to lunch last week and told him that you are not okay with being just friends. He refuses to commit or to leave you alone and is wanting to get as much as you'll give without giving any promises...
The way I see it there are two explanations.
1. He's a player He only came on that heavy because he thought it was what you wanted. He knew you were still wrapped up in a divorce and wanted to feel good so he was there. He didn't mean any of it, but it worked so he said it. Then you gave in and wanted to commit and he freaked out because the gig was up. So he backs off and wants to slow down but doesn't want you going anywhere. It is basic predatory behavior. He wants the commitment from you but won't give one to you. He won't stop calling and wants you to still be there when he wants you but he won't go any further.
or
2. You scared him He meant it. He fell head over heals for you and wanted it all to work. He said he was willing to wait for you and understood that going through a divorce is rough but that when you were ready he would be there. Then you were ready way too quick (in his opinion) and it made him step back and re-evaluate you. If he was expecting it to take a while for you to be ready, which I would, and it didn't... it could make him question if you are really ready. That, of course, would make him be less willing to commit.
Either situation explains why he turned so quickly. It is clear that you are infatuated with him. Just a week ago you called it off and let him go. Now you are trying to find excuses for his behavior and looking for a way to justify it all. That is a dangerous game to play depending on where he is coming from.
Maybe he is questioning whether or not this is only a rebound relationship for you. Regardless of how many times you tell him it's not a rebound relationship and that you genuinely want to be with him in a long-term relationship, he is still going to question whether committing to you is the right decision or not and for the right reasons...hence Libra's indecisiveness. Does he have kids? You having kids may be a factor in why he is being so indecisive. Dating a woman/man who has a child when you yourself have no children is a major decision that many don't take lightly and mainly because committing to the woman/man means also committing to the children to a certain degree...especially if ya'll plan to move in together.
For me personally, I don't and wouldn't date a guy who just got out of a serious and/or long-term relationship because I would always be questioning whether I was a rebound, is the guy afraid to be alone or is he really ready for another relationship.
For me personally, I don't and wouldn't date a guy who just got out of a serious and/or long-term relationship because I would always be questioning whether I was a rebound, is the guy afraid to be alone or is he really ready for another relationship.
@LibraSid
My husband and I splie about a month before we met..
Divorce is not final and my husband is still desperately trying to get me back (not happening) but reason why I didn't want to rush.
Long story short.. I married when I was 20 years old and thought I knew everything then realized I made a huge mistake.. He was never my type at all physically and I love him like a brother but not in love with him AT ALL.. VERY unhappy for atleast the last 7 years.. Only intimate like once a month and I would have to force myself..
There has been SO much more that's went on then what I've posted here and may have affected what happened too.. I have just tried to keep it as short as possible but one month into it I did tell him I was ready to commit(before the last time and when I was drinking) and he was SO HAPPY and said that he hoped I meant it since I had been drinking.. I told him that I did (then realized the next morning I wasn't really ready), the next few days he was so happy and did and said everything to show me that he was here for me and going to support me through my divorce and talked about meeting my son when I was ready and my friends and family and that he was so happy we were finally together.. I didn't know how to tell him that I only said it because I was drunk and I really wasn't ready.. I WANTED to be him right then but I never planned on this happening until after my divorce was final.. He was disappointed when he realized that I wasn't ready after all but said he understood and would continue to wait for me so I KNOW that there was a point that he really meant what he said. He had even received texts from my husband asking him to please stop seeing me so he could try to work things out with me and a whole bunch of other drama that I know he would not have dealt with if he didn't really want to be with me.. And I just know from the hours we talked to each other and spent together almost every single day that he did really mean it. If he wasn't with me in the evenings he was on the phone with me so I really don't see him as a player.. Most of the time we only talked and he NEVER pressured me to do anything so I know it wasn't about sex..
My husband and I splie about a month before we met..
Divorce is not final and my husband is still desperately trying to get me back (not happening) but reason why I didn't want to rush.
Long story short.. I married when I was 20 years old and thought I knew everything then realized I made a huge mistake.. He was never my type at all physically and I love him like a brother but not in love with him AT ALL.. VERY unhappy for atleast the last 7 years.. Only intimate like once a month and I would have to force myself..
There has been SO much more that's went on then what I've posted here and may have affected what happened too.. I have just tried to keep it as short as possible but one month into it I did tell him I was ready to commit(before the last time and when I was drinking) and he was SO HAPPY and said that he hoped I meant it since I had been drinking.. I told him that I did (then realized the next morning I wasn't really ready), the next few days he was so happy and did and said everything to show me that he was here for me and going to support me through my divorce and talked about meeting my son when I was ready and my friends and family and that he was so happy we were finally together.. I didn't know how to tell him that I only said it because I was drunk and I really wasn't ready.. I WANTED to be him right then but I never planned on this happening until after my divorce was final.. He was disappointed when he realized that I wasn't ready after all but said he understood and would continue to wait for me so I KNOW that there was a point that he really meant what he said. He had even received texts from my husband asking him to please stop seeing me so he could try to work things out with me and a whole bunch of other drama that I know he would not have dealt with if he didn't really want to be with me.. And I just know from the hours we talked to each other and spent together almost every single day that he did really mean it. If he wasn't with me in the evenings he was on the phone with me so I really don't see him as a player.. Most of the time we only talked and he NEVER pressured me to do anything so I know it wasn't about sex..
Yeah.. I tried to call it off almost 2 weeks ago knowing that's not what I want but trying to avoid being hurt any more but this situation is driving me CRAZY!! If he would have just left me alone I would be OK but the fact that he wont leave me alone is confusing me.. Especially since he's not getting anything from me anyways and I made it clear that he wont if we are not together. I don't want to push him away if all he needs is time but I don't want to be strung along either.. I don't know if it's better to just let him go and tell him to only contact me when and IF he knows he is ready (and risk losing him for good) or atleast just stay in his life as friends and try to start again slowly and see where it leads but not do anything more than friends until he can give me an answer..
Posted by luvlylady2010
Divorce is not final and my husband is still desperately trying to get me back (not happening) but reason why I didn't want to rush.
That would cause me concern. Even though you are done with the relationship, it isn't over and there is still a lot of drama involved. I mean he has taken calls from your stb-ex-husband. That's about as awkward as it can get.
Posted by luvlylady2010
He was disappointed when he realized that I wasn't ready after all but said he understood and would continue to wait for me so I KNOW that there was a point that he really meant what he said.
If I was him I'd be more worried about this than I would being able to provide materially like your ex did. You said you rushed into it with your ex and stayed way longer than you should have. Then you got into a relationship with this new guy very quickly after you were separated. You told him you were ready to commit and he bought into it. No one likes rejection but us Libras seem to have bigger problems with it than most people. He swallowed it and said it was okay, he understood and would wait while you sorted it out, then not too much later you tell him you are ready again... I'd be hesitant too. It's entirely possible he is just scared about you being ready.
Posted by luvlylady2010
I don't know if it's better to just let him go and tell him to only contact me when and IF he knows he is ready (and risk losing him for good) or atleast just stay in his life as friends and try to start again slowly and see where it leads but not do anything more than friends until he can give me an answer..click to expand
This part depends on you. If you go the friend route... are you okay if that is as far as it ever goes? If not, that's a bad way to proceed.
I need to just stop trying to figure it out.. there has just been so much that has went on since we met so if he can't give me the answers I'm looking for I guess I'm just going to have to accept that and let it go because all I'm doing is driving myself crazy wondering what he is having doubts about (and there are so many possibilities).. He says that it's nothing to do with me personally but just the "situation" and that it's not anything specific and that maybe he is just "thinking too much" but he really just doesn't know what he wants right now..
He is actually the one who suggested we keep seeing each other and just take it a day at a time and see what happens from there..
Honestly.. I don't know what I'm going to do anymore.. I'm gonna try not to force him out of my life completely though because that's not helping at all and only making me more confused.. I'm just gonna take it one day at a time. That's all I can do at this point..
Thanks for your input!
He is actually the one who suggested we keep seeing each other and just take it a day at a time and see what happens from there..
Honestly.. I don't know what I'm going to do anymore.. I'm gonna try not to force him out of my life completely though because that's not helping at all and only making me more confused.. I'm just gonna take it one day at a time. That's all I can do at this point..
Thanks for your input!
What's wrong with taking a little time out for yourself??
I had a very similar experience and background to your story but it was 20 years. I've been separated now over 5 years and only now thinking I might be ready. I'm with Sid, he's been through heaps too and very insightful, what he's saying makes sense.
I had a very similar experience and background to your story but it was 20 years. I've been separated now over 5 years and only now thinking I might be ready. I'm with Sid, he's been through heaps too and very insightful, what he's saying makes sense.
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My husband spoiled me.. and I mean SPOILED to the point that he built me a closet out of a whole entire room, I have over 500 pairs of shoes, a huge wardrobe, huge home, nice cars and on top of all that he cooked, cleaned and took care of the kids.. I mean EVERYTHING.. I would never expect the same treatment from ANY other man but that's just how he was and he didn't mind it, he just really enjoyed doing those things for me. I tried to reassure Libra that those things do not matter to me and obviously did not make me happy and that I don't expect the same things from him and as long as I have him that's all I need but I still wonder if that's an issue for him.. I mean he lives in a tiny apartment, hardly any furniture and could not support me financially in any way like my husband did and he wouldn't spoil me in all the other ways my husband did but I DON'T CARE he makes me happier then I EVER was the whole time with my husband.. I just wonder though since he is a Libra if he struggles with not being able to compare with what my husband could offer me (in his eyes)?? Would you be worried about this an would it prevent you or scare you from getting involved with someone??