Sneaky Libra man - can someone explain this

Hi everyone

I'm currently seeing this libra man, its been great, but recently found out that he owe's child support to the tune of $ 7K and that when he moved from his old home and away from his ex, the ex remained in the home with their child, didn't do a proper clean up of the place and now they won't be getting their bond refunded, but they have to pay damage and the bond money. Yet he hasn't told me diddly squat about this, one of our mutual friends told me.

What is up with that, since he's moved with me, he's obtained a better job, a better life style . What would possess him to lie about the above and keep it from me?

any insight would be helpful.

He thought he'd be able to basically dump his past and start over without consequences. Any libra man who is trying to hide serious financial problems is probably doing so just in case he needs to ask you for financial help-to cosign, etc, or just to push it under the rug and not look bad-image is important to most libra guys. Does he at least still see/contact his child? I can't understand how he has a child for whom he owes $ 7k in support and is now living a better life style ...very selfish.
If you still care for and want to live with him, really his owed child support isn't your problem...but never, EVER put your name on something with him or for him. ever.

Because he's a douche.

...this is also a serious red flag. Don't ignore it.

Rocky's right...in time you'll see yourself because there probably isn't enough for you to walk away from the relationship. Just always be on guard, this man can and will be deceptive when it suits him.

Umm your living with him, which makes it your business

This is your man, and god for bid he does this to you, this is a serious red flag, libras don't like to look like the bad guy in anything, and they will hide things from u if they feel they can get away with it

You better not ignore it, life is too damn short to be going through this stuff and now that you guys are living together, trust is not a problem

You see already drama is coming up when it shouldn't have to

Posted by TaurusNikki
Umm your living with him, which makes it your business

This is your man, and god for bid he does this to you, this is a serious red flag, libras don't like to look like the bad guy in anything, and they will hide things from u if they feel they can get away with it

You better not ignore it, life is too damn short to be going through this stuff and now that you guys are living together, trust is not a problem

You see already drama is coming up when it shouldn't have to

her business, yes...her problem, no...unless she ever marries him, at which point her money can be taken to pay his debts. I absolutely agree with the rest of this though. Whatever you choose to do,OP, don't allow him to feel like he got away with hiding this.

Thank you everyone for your responses, your insight has been what is going through my head.

So here's my question, how do you approach a Libra Man with regards to these matters, face on, or in a round about way.

I'm an upfront person to the core so that's my gut instinct but I think I'm going to be fed more bulldust.

To answer some questions, we now live together, I got him his job in our city, and I have a child which makes this situation tricky as I don't want my child to be affected by all of this.

He does have contact with his children, but is his exes (2 in total = 1 ex wife, one ex with a child with him).

I just can't stand the sneakiness.

Oh fyi I'm a libra woman as well, he is 25th Sept and I'm 26th September.....but I'm completely different from him, I was brought up to always be honest, but him I'm not sure.

any and all help appreciated.

How did you find out all this info about him?

straight forward, face to face and off guard is the best way to keep the bullshit to a minimum. Even if he could still lie, it won't do you any good to try to approach this in a roundabout way, because then you look guilty and like you are trying to snoop rather than deal with a serious issue.
perspicacity, since you share a birthday with this guy, what's the best way to force the truth out of you?? lol

If you don't want him to run away from you, don't push him about this subject, don't make him feel bad in your front. Showing that you forgive him, it will bring him face further in your front and he appreciate this. But don't give him too much because anyway they don't appreciate much or at least nothing maybe.

Hails26,

Libra men and women have a hard time figuring out the things. They just can't walk away from their

exes even they have a new one. So why would you like to know if he doesn't open up yet? Let it be.

Libra wants a harmonious relationship with you so don't start any arguments or he will disappear. lol.

I had a libra like that. I kick his ass. So give time until you will realize He is not a good provider.

Libra are just social butterfly. Hope you're not offended if you are different but they are.

M143 so true ! They come back even after years , they are indecisive, they lie a lottttttttttttt and disappearing act for them is not only when they hear some bad words , it is also a good way to go away of any responsability . I read a story of a married woman who said her Libra husband disappeared after she gave birth to their child, so... I am no wonder of anything about Libra man and their behaviors like this .... And yes, they hide important things ! But they don't know to lie perfect ! You can easily find them ! Just look at their actions and what they say. even you find the truth about a lie, a Libra will continue say in your front " Is not this, is that ! " or in the most bad case " You hurt me " or " because of you..." they are always victime in everything. Your fault ! You found out that he lies , right — Haha, this is Libra's thinking !

So still no confessions about said Bond money for ruined property, found out that the debt has been paid out and that Libra man paid it out without letting me know from his wages.

I ask how the outcome is going with child support only to get that it's in the hands of the welfare payment people and they haven't contacted him, which is contry to what I know, they have contacted him plenty.

This is all getting very twisted and un-comfortable now, we live together and I want to ask him politely to tell me everything or move out, but he'll have no where else to move to now because of his job and I know for a fact that his wages has been going to pay off this debt so his ex and child don't have any black marks against their name to rent in the future.

And to top it all off his older children keep asking for money, not small amounts mind you and he doesn't advise me of this—??

Am I asking too much to know where the wages are going? Or am I just being too nosy. Very conflicted about this I have to say, can't weigh up what to do here.

Posted by IrresistableScorp
Or you can be nice and sympathetic and perhaps view it as if the person you like enough to live with may be embarrassed by this situation and perhaps couldn't think if a way to tell you.

Now that you know about it, instead of ripping him a new one how about letting him know you know and that you would have preferred to have heard it from him instead of a friend.

Then make him feel comfortable enough to discuss it with you in it's entirety. To set boundaries simply tell him you will support him but you can't possibly help financially.

Thank you...this makes sense for me, nice non confrontational approach with a bit of gumption behind it, thank you.

Posted by Hails26
So still no confessions about said Bond money for ruined property, found out that the debt has been paid out and that Libra man paid it out without letting me know from his wages.

I ask how the outcome is going with child support only to get that it's in the hands of the welfare payment people and they haven't contacted him, which is contry to what I know, they have contacted him plenty.

This is all getting very twisted and un-comfortable now, we live together and I want to ask him politely to tell me everything or move out, but he'll have no where else to move to now because of his job and I know for a fact that his wages has been going to pay off this debt so his ex and child don't have any black marks against their name to rent in the future.

And to top it all off his older children keep asking for money, not small amounts mind you and he doesn't advise me of this—??

If he paid the bond without telling you, he wasn't trying to deceive you necessarily, just handle it on his own and save embarrassment. However, the child support lie is why i said that he needed to be confronted head-on in a way that wouldn't allow him to bullshit you- I have friends going through child support issues so i know that it's absolutely not in the hands of welfare.
Also, although (i assume) you are splitting expenses with him, you knew that he had kids when you moved in with him, and kids need money. His kids are his problem so he might not see a reason to tell you they're asking for it. Honestly, as long as he is keeping up with his obligations I don't see a problem there (or a reason to know where the rest of his money is going), but the lying is an issue...guys with several kids are just complicated to deal with because everyone has to be taken care of. I'm honestly not sure what i would do in your place. It's just a matter of what you can handle- not in an "either you're weak or strong" way, but in a "wow, this is a lot of baggage" way, if that makes sense.

Silk,

Yes... Agree. They lie a lot!!!

Hail26,

Spare the guilt!!!

Are y'all just living together with no expressed plans of marriage? Then he probably feels that it's all just his business. If y'all are planning on getting married, then he should divulge the truth. Libra men...well, they play games because they want to look like the good guy. They avoid confrontation. They will lie. They don't want to rock the boat or get caught when they do.

I would directly, but tactfully, confront him....no kid gloves. Be prepared to listen, detect bullshit, and offer an ultimatum.

You brought your child into this situation. Determine if this is a good situation for yourself and your child.

Update; So I hit all issues on the head and now he wants to move out and leave, claiming he's damaged, that I'll never accept his children (I will if they weren't so emotionally manpulative) and that it's best we go out separate ways.

So he wants to run because I know the truth? or he got caught out. He plays the victim card really well actually.

So is it too brazen of me to ask for him to pay half of this months rent as he has been living there and half of the utility bill as again he has been living there?

I don't want him to leave, but his bullbutter is utter bullbutter, do I let him go or stroke his ego and tell him I really want him to stay so we can work it all out

Okay, hold up did he lie about it, or did he just not tell you? Because there is a difference. If you don't ask a libra, they certainly aren't just going to volunteer that kind of information. You can forget it. Like someone else posted and said, Libra??s in general are all about appearance and the impression they make on people, we are people persons. You should know that since you are one of us. He was probably embarrassed, and you should also know as a libra that if you start to punish him for not telling you the whole story or get to shaking your finger in his face for wanting to make a good impression by not bothering or worrying you with his financial problems, you should know he's going to hide even more stuff from you and you don't want that. I say this because I know I'm not the best with my money, and I hate to seem irresponsible or broke, or stupid with my money to a love interest. No one wants to be with someone whom is drowning in debt, so to be honest I wouldn't have told you either. I would??ve tried to handle it on my own, and clean it up before you found out. Not because I'm trying to hide it, but because I wouldn't want the person I love to be disappointed in me.

The best way to get a Libra to be open and honest with you, is if you ditch the judgmental attitude, and let them know you are there for support, and you want them to feel comfortable telling you anything. The magic words to a libra is —I will not look at you any different, I will love you the same as long as you stay honest with me and don't hold back, and I will do the same in return.?? If you say these words to a libra, and reassure them of the agreement they will remain an open book. My best advice is to sit him down in a nice calm setting and let him know you are concerned. Tell him those magic words I mentioned, and watch him spill his guts. When he's done telling his story, use that magnificent Libra woman brain and help your man come up with a master plan to make things right. Taurus is right, he's your man and he's living with you, and I would hope you aren't living with a man just for the hell of it, living with someone says —long-term?? to me, and if he's going to be a part of your future you??ll want to make sure his past doesn't interfere.

See there, I wish I would??ve caught you before you approached him. Tell him the magic words, and he won't pack a bag. He's not running because he feels you??re the bad person, he's running because he feel you won't look at him the same or love him the same. A Libra cannot handle their love interest looking at them sideways, and the thought of it being a permanent sideways look, yes he??d rather cut his losses and run. I??ve done this. The only thing that will make me stay is my partner reassuring me that they love me the same, and they want to work through it with me, that they are there for me. Like I can remember warning my Cancer that I'm goofy and can be very mushy when I truly like or love someone. I told him because he noticed I often apologized after telling him how deeply I liked him, or if I cracked a joke and he took too long to respond I??d think he didn't find it funny, and I??d apologize, so finally he told me to stop apologizing that he genuinely likes me for who I am, and he doesn't want me to hold back. That he wants me to feel comfortable, that everything is not so serious, and he's here to take this journey with me. I??ve never heard more beautiful words lol. It made me drop my guard, a little.

Then another question I'm afraid to ask is how you approached him when you found out the information? How did you go about it? If you had any type of attitude or negative vibe going, instead of concerned and sincere desire to help, I can promise that's another reason he's ready to run.

Posted by narbil

Posted by Hails26
Update; So I hit all issues on the head and now he wants to move out and leave, claiming he's damaged, that I'll never accept his children (I will if they weren't so emotionally manpulative) and that it's best we go out separate ways.

So he wants to run because I know the truth? or he got caught out. He plays the victim card really well actually.

So is it too brazen of me to ask for him to pay half of this months rent as he has been living there and half of the utility bill as again he has been living there?

I don't want him to leave, but his bullbutter is utter bullbutter, do I let him go or stroke his ego and tell him I really want him to stay so we can work it all out

Is he really the victim if you've mentioned to him this disdain you have for his children?

No wonder he kept a lid on it.

Choose whatever path you desire. No one here will have a better answer than you 2.

click to expand

Completely agree.
Aside from the financial issues, i don't believe any single parent should stay with someone who doesn't like/accept their kids.
If he lived there for only half the month and is already out, he should pay less than half of the bills, but if he stays for the rest of the month, it would be fair to ask him for what he usually contributes.

You say you are an upfront person, right? Well why would you change that. If that's who you are & how you choose to communicate then own that!

It's not what you say or the fact that you speak up at all that may turn a Libra man (or any man) off. It's HOW you say it. If your tone is accusatory, dramatic & too elevated, that'd be cause for anyone to become defensive & take what you're saying the wrong way.

If you don't speak up now, you are signing up for the kind of relationship that is 1-sided. His feelings, what he has to say & what he "prefers," DOES matter. But your feelings, what you have to say & what you prefer matters too!

This is why they say communication is so important! Genuine communication is about being able to talk about things even when the conversation may be uncomfortable or negative. If you plan on having a good relationship that involves you not resenting your partner, then the FIRST thing you're gonna have to learn how to do is be yourself & communicate during uncomfortable times!

He probably didn't tell you b/c he was afraid you'd judge him. And from the sound of things, you probably would have lol Maybe he didn't tell you b/c he wanted to start fresh and new & felt that telling you would only be cause for him to be constantly explaining himself every time you bring it up or have questions. Or maybe he didn't tell you b/c he has something to hide. Who knows. Either way, lying was not fair, nor was it right.

The scary thing is though is that when someone lies to you about something that significant, it's only natural for the imagination to start thinking of all the other things he might have lied about.

The best way to stop the inevitable cycle of over-analyzing & draining yourself by doing so is to 1st ask yourself if you'd have the capacity to forgive him & trust him again persay he were to confess everything, be open about everything & promise you not to do it again. Only you know the answer to that

If the answer is NO, then get out of the relationship. If the truth is that no matter what he confesses or does from here on out, you still won't trust him, then leave. Why? B/c w/o trust, you have nothing. Why? B/c just like you deserve the right to be told the truth, he also deserves the right to not be continually scolded or beaten down for his mistakes when you take him back.

If you don't think you can jump back in w/o constantly bringing it up or punishing him for it, then do BOTH of yourselves a favor & leave now. There is nothing worse than someone telling you they forgive you but yet acting as if they didn't. That'll get old to him real quick even though he was the one originally in the wrong.

Him lying to you doesn't mean that he deserves a life sentence. If you feel that you would be able to mend the truth again, then just proceed with a little more caution going forward & LISTEN to make sure that he's acknowledged the problem, acknowledged what he needs to do to fix it, & acknowledged the pain it's caused you. I get it. You need to feel that he fully "gets it" before you can even begin to restart the trust again.

If there's any indication that he's still being dishonest, still justifying why he hid it and/or defending his choice to lie, then you might need to reconsider whether or not this relationship is right for you. Why? B/c people don't change what they secretly justify. And you can usually tell whether a person is truly remorseful & plans on changing by the things they say when their back is up against the wall.

You have the right to know what you're getting into & if he secretly feels that you don't have that right, then he will continue to keep things from you. And you already know how the story ends when that happens.........