jmr3979
@jmr3979
14 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 72 · Topics: 4
The Libra Guide: Q & A in Learning about Libras
Not sure if these re libra things or me things but here is my $ 0.02.
1. Truth be told I would rather talk about problems in a relationship. Relationships are important to me and if something is up I would rather resolve it. But as long as its done respectfully. When someone walks in and says things like, "you are so difficult, lazy.." or something to that effect it immediately turns into conflict, which I hate.
2. I generally want to confront it, but I need to think it through. When emotions are going its tough to do that. I think this ties into point 3.
3. I actually dont think we are necesarily indecisive, just that we consider so many possibilities and all avenues before deciding.
I generally make very good decisions but it takes me a while to get there. I have many friends who just go for it and often end up back-tracking because the decision was a poor one. Just different style s really. I tend to be pretty analytical... So for example you go to the doctor and you say "Im coughing". He might say you have a cold, wait it out. If I was a doctor I would think "Ok its a cold, flu, tuberculosis, sinus infection, COPD, etc..." Get ready for more questions 😉
Q: How do we get Libras to have serious conversations about issues in a relationship?
A: Delivery is everything! You have to kind of trick them into complex convos. Start off talking about something broad & general, then slowly ease your way in for the kill. That way they won't have time to put their guard up. NEVER say, "We need to talk" to a Libra!
Q: Why does a Libra feel the need to disappear for days even weeks at a time with little to no communication? Also, once the Libra is ready to emerge and speak again how do we express that we perhaps are not ready for communication?
A: If they're gonna exit a situation, they don't like re-entering unless they can come back with a clear head, that way they won't be as vulnerable to manipulation or confusion. Libras may be a little sensitive/avoidant of confrontation, but it's not like they're 12 year olds who can't take the truth. If you're not ready to initiate contact just yet, make that known. Be straight to the point & tell them why w/o attacking them. Again, delivery is everything.
Q: How can we support a Libra in making a decision without coming across as too bossy or controlling?
A: Again, delivery is everything! Libras need to know that someone constantly supports them. Instead of saying, "You need to do this..." or "What you oughta do is..." instead stick to the more lighter way of saying things. Indirectly hint to them that although you may support their difference in opinon, that you DO have a different opinion than they do. If you give UNWANTED advice to a Libra once or twice, no harm done, BUT if they notice that you always have something to say/put your 2 cents in, they'll start assuming that you're trying to control them, that you don't understand them OR that you 2 are too different to get along. As selfish as this may seem, Libras associate their level of comfortness with someone based on how often they can be/think themselves AND others be ok with it
A: Delivery is everything! You have to kind of trick them into complex convos. Start off talking about something broad & general, then slowly ease your way in for the kill. That way they won't have time to put their guard up. NEVER say, "We need to talk" to a Libra!
Q: Why does a Libra feel the need to disappear for days even weeks at a time with little to no communication? Also, once the Libra is ready to emerge and speak again how do we express that we perhaps are not ready for communication?
A: If they're gonna exit a situation, they don't like re-entering unless they can come back with a clear head, that way they won't be as vulnerable to manipulation or confusion. Libras may be a little sensitive/avoidant of confrontation, but it's not like they're 12 year olds who can't take the truth. If you're not ready to initiate contact just yet, make that known. Be straight to the point & tell them why w/o attacking them. Again, delivery is everything.
Q: How can we support a Libra in making a decision without coming across as too bossy or controlling?
A: Again, delivery is everything! Libras need to know that someone constantly supports them. Instead of saying, "You need to do this..." or "What you oughta do is..." instead stick to the more lighter way of saying things. Indirectly hint to them that although you may support their difference in opinon, that you DO have a different opinion than they do. If you give UNWANTED advice to a Libra once or twice, no harm done, BUT if they notice that you always have something to say/put your 2 cents in, they'll start assuming that you're trying to control them, that you don't understand them OR that you 2 are too different to get along. As selfish as this may seem, Libras associate their level of comfortness with someone based on how often they can be/think themselves AND others be ok with it
Posted by jmr3979
Hello All,
1. Libras are known to not like confrontation and can be evasive. Libras are known to be charmers and smooth things over and avoid an argument like a plague. So the question is - how do we get Libras to have serious conversations about issues in a relationship?
2. Libras are known to hide within their heads when stressed, pissed etc. So the question is - what really is going on and why does a Libra feel the need to disappear for days even weeks at a time with little to no communication? Also, once the Libra is ready to emerge and speak again how do we express that we perhaps are not ready for communication?
3. Libras are known to be indecisive and yet some Libra's don't like being told what to do. So the question is - how can we support a Libra in making a decision without coming across as too bossy or controlling?
So that is my three for now :-)!
Looking forward to the discussions that follow.
1) I don't know of any men that actually like to talk about a relationship, so I think this is less of a sign thing and more of a guy thing...if you want to get a libra to talk about something serious like issues you have..it's all about your approach..why don't you start about things that you like first..and then ease into what you don't like...that way there's a possibility that he'll know that you don't think he's a horrible person just because he can't please you.
For me, one of the worst things you can say to me in a relationship is to say that "I don't care, or that I'm not pleasing you." because it's a matter of pride for me, (i guess this is the libra sun ) that i could make you happy, if i can't do that, i feel worthless, it makes me want to walk away and cry.
2)Libras need downtime like everyone else, sometimes if something is too much of a stress, the only thing you can do, is leave it alone and not think about it for a while and then come back at it with a fresh perspective. That's what I personally do when encountering a topic or a person that has caused me severe emotional unrest. And you do realize that out of all the signs libras are probably the most easiest to communicate with...if you don't want to talk, we'll leave you alone, we're accommodating like that, but mind you, in light of the other question, if we want to talk about something important, and YOU are the one to pull away, that could be considered hurt
2)Libras need downtime like everyone else, sometimes if something is too much of a stress, the only thing you can do, is leave it alone and not think about it for a while and then come back at it with a fresh perspective. That's what I personally do when encountering a topic or a person that has caused me severe emotional unrest. And you do realize that out of all the signs libras are probably the most easiest to communicate with...if you don't want to talk, we'll leave you alone, we're accommodating like that, but mind you, in light of the other question, if we want to talk about something important, and YOU are the one to pull away, that could be considered hurtful to us...because we'll misinterpret it as 'you not liking us at all.'
3) Don't tell us what to do, make a suggestion..examples.."I'd really love it if you'd let me choose the movie this time.' as opposed to..."You never let me choose a movie, you ALWAYS pick one."
And also biggest things that would hurt a libra in general..
a) by trying to change them...things like interests, places they hangout, friends they care about..
b) by taking a choice away...the whole 'ultimatum' mess..if you don't ...then i will...
c) by stating that 'we don't care' or that 'we never care'...as a matter of pride in general.
3) Don't tell us what to do, make a suggestion..examples.."I'd really love it if you'd let me choose the movie this time.' as opposed to..."You never let me choose a movie, you ALWAYS pick one."
And also biggest things that would hurt a libra in general..
a) by trying to change them...things like interests, places they hangout, friends they care about..
b) by taking a choice away...the whole 'ultimatum' mess..if you don't ...then i will...
c) by stating that 'we don't care' or that 'we never care'...as a matter of pride in general.
If you want to be supportive in helping a libra make a decision..don't tell them waht to do, be their sounding board...throw ideas at them...look at things in different angles...make suggestions. We don't want you to tell us what to do, we want you to expand our understanding of the decision we have to make.
For instance...I have to make a choice abotu what job i want to go to, one could help my career but the pay sucks..and the toher job pay is really good but it isn't going to help my career.
If i'm talking to you about my decisions..i don't want you to go...well choose this..okay, well then choose that...hell no, that is just going to piss me off.. I want you to show me another way of what how I could look at these choices to make them look better.
you're a pisces..if you don't know why libras like you it's because we LOVE your perspective..your imagination.
For instance...I have to make a choice abotu what job i want to go to, one could help my career but the pay sucks..and the toher job pay is really good but it isn't going to help my career.
If i'm talking to you about my decisions..i don't want you to go...well choose this..okay, well then choose that...hell no, that is just going to piss me off.. I want you to show me another way of what how I could look at these choices to make them look better.
you're a pisces..if you don't know why libras like you it's because we LOVE your perspective..your imagination.
WOW!!
Great responses from everyone!! All this insight is great and I am sure a lot of others will come and join this forum and appreciate the responses.
So I have some follow up comments and questions:
1. I definitely agree about the approach. Just had me thinking about the times when I have had good to great conversations with my Libra male about issues and it seems to be fine when the environment is right and everything is good. But here is the thing - there is no guarantee of when there is a rainy or sunny day. And an issue that goes unresolved only festers and has a way of creeping back up.
A. So question - When there is a storm and things do need to be talked about how should it take place? For instance Libra can be very upset and thinking about calling it quits - yet the other person really has not spoken about the issues because it was not the right time. What then?
B. Also, how do you get Libra's to talk about what makes them unhappy? Often I find my Libra male will make a statement and when I ask for a further explanation - says never mind, or it's not important, etc. In my mind obviously it is or you would not have mentioned it. (More than twice)
2. Libra's (not all but some) are known to be critical, can be opinionated, and dare I say hypocritical... So my questions are:
A) How does one advise the Libra that your opinion does count and matter but be constructive and supportive? My Libra male has been known to give his honest opinion in some of the most non appropriate times and be critical.
B) My Libra male has ( :-O) admitted that he is a hypocrite and hates that I am right most of the time. How does one handle a Libra that can dish it out but can't take it?
3. Insecurity, lack of confidence, low self esteem this is a doozy across the board for anyone regardless of signs. However interested in knowing how this affects a Libra? I mean generally we all pretty much know how this goes but from a Libra perspective.
Great responses from everyone!! All this insight is great and I am sure a lot of others will come and join this forum and appreciate the responses.
So I have some follow up comments and questions:
1. I definitely agree about the approach. Just had me thinking about the times when I have had good to great conversations with my Libra male about issues and it seems to be fine when the environment is right and everything is good. But here is the thing - there is no guarantee of when there is a rainy or sunny day. And an issue that goes unresolved only festers and has a way of creeping back up.
A. So question - When there is a storm and things do need to be talked about how should it take place? For instance Libra can be very upset and thinking about calling it quits - yet the other person really has not spoken about the issues because it was not the right time. What then?
B. Also, how do you get Libra's to talk about what makes them unhappy? Often I find my Libra male will make a statement and when I ask for a further explanation - says never mind, or it's not important, etc. In my mind obviously it is or you would not have mentioned it. (More than twice)
2. Libra's (not all but some) are known to be critical, can be opinionated, and dare I say hypocritical... So my questions are:
A) How does one advise the Libra that your opinion does count and matter but be constructive and supportive? My Libra male has been known to give his honest opinion in some of the most non appropriate times and be critical.
B) My Libra male has ( :-O) admitted that he is a hypocrite and hates that I am right most of the time. How does one handle a Libra that can dish it out but can't take it?
3. Insecurity, lack of confidence, low self esteem this is a doozy across the board for anyone regardless of signs. However interested in knowing how this affects a Libra? I mean generally we all pretty much know how this goes but from a Libra perspective.
4. Some Libras have an air of righteousness and a disregard for other's view if they differ from their own. (Once again this is some but NOT all Libra's. I generally find this in the males.) They are set in their views and once stuck they don't budge no matter what. There is nothing wrong but only when it causes others discomfort or some sort and it has been expressed and no change. So my questions are:
A. Say your and your non Libra mate has an argument. You feel one way and your mate/friend/spouse etc feels theirs. My Libra male has told me this many times...I feel I didn't do anything wrong and closes off to understanding how I may feel. (He says I hear what you are saying but I feel that I didn't do anything wrong). What then? How do you explain what is going on (directly - he loves to the point), honestly where a compromise can be reached if the scales are off balance?
B. STUBBORN!! Libras can be hard headed and stubborn. Libra's don't like to be told what to do. They need time to work it out on their own. You know I don't think this is just a Libra thing. I think it transcends beyond Libra's BUT through the Libra minds - if a Libra is having a rough time and needs support - how can friends/family/etc support the Libra? When should they back off even if it means the Libra will hit pay dirt? And how can non Libra's express I am here for you but I won't be taken advantage of?
5. Boundaries and pushing the limits. I think this may be an all people thing but from the Libra perspective: Libra's like to push the boundaries and limits. How do you let the Libra know enough is enough? Wait before you say just tell them - sometimes it takes more than once. So the most effective way to let a Libra know to be respectful of limits and boundaries?
LOL this is a lot but I like to get stuff out especially writing when I have had three naps today (awesome!) but just questions that I want to get out before I forget too.
Thanks and looking forward to continuing the conversations. And to my Libra's please post your Q's to us non Libra's as well.
A. Say your and your non Libra mate has an argument. You feel one way and your mate/friend/spouse etc feels theirs. My Libra male has told me this many times...I feel I didn't do anything wrong and closes off to understanding how I may feel. (He says I hear what you are saying but I feel that I didn't do anything wrong). What then? How do you explain what is going on (directly - he loves to the point), honestly where a compromise can be reached if the scales are off balance?
B. STUBBORN!! Libras can be hard headed and stubborn. Libra's don't like to be told what to do. They need time to work it out on their own. You know I don't think this is just a Libra thing. I think it transcends beyond Libra's BUT through the Libra minds - if a Libra is having a rough time and needs support - how can friends/family/etc support the Libra? When should they back off even if it means the Libra will hit pay dirt? And how can non Libra's express I am here for you but I won't be taken advantage of?
5. Boundaries and pushing the limits. I think this may be an all people thing but from the Libra perspective: Libra's like to push the boundaries and limits. How do you let the Libra know enough is enough? Wait before you say just tell them - sometimes it takes more than once. So the most effective way to let a Libra know to be respectful of limits and boundaries?
LOL this is a lot but I like to get stuff out especially writing when I have had three naps today (awesome!) but just questions that I want to get out before I forget too.
Thanks and looking forward to continuing the conversations. And to my Libra's please post your Q's to us non Libra's as well.
Okay, this is where I draw the line..
What do you want out of the relationship? It seems like you're trying to fish(pun-intended) reasons to get him to do what you want...and well, even if you could, wouldn't it be easier to get a blow up doll or a dildo if you just want to manipulate a man.
If your purpose is that you want to manipulate him to act a certain way, well I don't think that's cool on any account, alot of your questions aren't a libra thing, their a male thing or even a person-thing..most people do not like to talk about things that make them unhappy.
The only libra thing that i could see is if he concedes to an arguement and just decides to agree to disagree..what in the world is 'wrong' with that approach. do you know why we do that? It's because we respect your right to have a different opinion. So why is it that you can't respect your man's right to have an opinion different than yoru own, the right to change his mind about wanting to tell something's bothering him, the right to save face when his ego is bruised?
I think you need to check yourself a bit. That manipulative shit isn't cute.
What do you want out of the relationship? It seems like you're trying to fish(pun-intended) reasons to get him to do what you want...and well, even if you could, wouldn't it be easier to get a blow up doll or a dildo if you just want to manipulate a man.
If your purpose is that you want to manipulate him to act a certain way, well I don't think that's cool on any account, alot of your questions aren't a libra thing, their a male thing or even a person-thing..most people do not like to talk about things that make them unhappy.
The only libra thing that i could see is if he concedes to an arguement and just decides to agree to disagree..what in the world is 'wrong' with that approach. do you know why we do that? It's because we respect your right to have a different opinion. So why is it that you can't respect your man's right to have an opinion different than yoru own, the right to change his mind about wanting to tell something's bothering him, the right to save face when his ego is bruised?
I think you need to check yourself a bit. That manipulative shit isn't cute.
why don't you check the libra advice thread..alot of good stuff there..look for it. Taste of chaos was already over this.
Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle
Okay, this is where I draw the line..
What do you want out of the relationship? It seems like you're trying to fish(pun-intended) reasons to get him to do what you want...and well, even if you could, wouldn't it be easier to get a blow up doll or a dildo if you just want to manipulate a man.
If your purpose is that you want to manipulate him to act a certain way, well I don't think that's cool on any account, alot of your questions aren't a libra thing, their a male thing or even a person-thing..most people do not like to talk about things that make them unhappy.
The only libra thing that i could see is if he concedes to an arguement and just decides to agree to disagree..what in the world is 'wrong' with that approach. do you know why we do that? It's because we respect your right to have a different opinion. So why is it that you can't respect your man's right to have an opinion different than yoru own, the right to change his mind about wanting to tell something's bothering him, the right to save face when his ego is bruised?
I think you need to check yourself a bit. That manipulative shit isn't cute.
Hello Beautiful Struggle,
I do not recall saying that these questions are for me or that I needed them for myself. As I did mention in the above I did state that some of these things may not be a Libra thing but a general but what I was aiming for was the POV from a Libra perspective. Not all the questions I have asked are relationship based which is why I stated family/friend etc. I only used examples from my experience.
If you do not want to answer that is fine Beautiful but to tell me I need to check myself is a bit harsh. After all this is a Q & A guide for Libras. I will respect your opinion and post it, however you don't know anything about and my situation to make the above statements.
Thanks again.
Posted by TheBeautifulStruggle
Okay, this is where I draw the line..
What do you want out of the relationship? It seems like you're trying to fish(pun-intended) reasons to get him to do what you want...and well, even if you could, wouldn't it be easier to get a blow up doll or a dildo if you just want to manipulate a man.
If your purpose is that you want to manipulate him to act a certain way, well I don't think that's cool on any account, alot of your questions aren't a libra thing, their a male thing or even a person-thing..most people do not like to talk about things that make them unhappy.
The only libra thing that i could see is if he concedes to an arguement and just decides to agree to disagree..what in the world is 'wrong' with that approach. do you know why we do that? It's because we respect your right to have a different opinion. So why is it that you can't respect your man's right to have an opinion different than yoru own, the right to change his mind about wanting to tell something's bothering him, the right to save face when his ego is bruised?
I think you need to check yourself a bit. That manipulative shit isn't cute.
Hello Beautiful Struggle,
I do not recall saying that these questions are for me or that I needed them for myself. As I did mention in the above I did state that some of these things may not be a Libra thing but a general but what I was aiming for was the POV from a Libra perspective. Not all the questions I have asked are relationship based which is why I stated family/friend etc. I only used examples from my experience.
If you do not want to answer that is fine Beautiful but to tell me I need to check myself is a bit harsh. After all this is a Q & A guide for Libras. I will respect your opinion and post it, however you don't know anything about and my situation to make the above statements.
Thanks again.
Posted by LibraLuvPosted by TheBeautifulStruggle
why don't you check the libra advice thread..alot of good stuff there..look for it. Taste of chaos was already over this.
I 2nd this! 😄click to expand
Thanks LL...I am new to the board and I tried to look for the advice thread and could not find it. Also, it's not really advice that I was looking for just wanted to see things from a "Libra" perspective or just general questions that have come up in conversations with friends or colleagues.
Posted by jmr3979
Hello Beautiful Struggle,
I do not recall saying that these questions are for me or that I needed them for myself. As I did mention in the above I did state that some of these things may not be a Libra thing but a general but what I was aiming for was the POV from a Libra perspective. Not all the questions I have asked are relationship based which is why I stated family/friend etc. I only used examples from my experience.
If you do not want to answer that is fine Beautiful but to tell me I need to check myself is a bit harsh. After all this is a Q & A guide for Libras. I will respect your opinion and post it, however you don't know anything about and my situation to make the above statements.
Thanks again.click to expand
I do not need to know your above situations to interpret things like...
"How do I get to have my libra guy talk about something he doesn't want to talk about?"
"How do I knock my libra guy out of a depression?" (as if, ANYONE who's depressed has a magic button that can cureall sadness, if you can find, let ME know a bout it, seriously)
"How do I get my libra to respect my words, AND change his mind even though he already admitted to me that alot of times 'i'm right' yet 'doesn't want to agree with me.'(ie. "I didn't feel I did anything wrong.")
Simultaneously saying ...."WHat cam I do to STOP giving me advice at bad moments that I don't want.." AND " what will allow him to not get upset when I Do it to him? " (ie. he can dish but he can't take it.)
Sorry to break it to you, but that IS an attempt to manipulate, and since you're a fish, I don't really find it surprising..but what I can tell you is that(the 'result' you want)can be done by communicating..we're THE most easiest sign to communicate with next to saggitarrius, probably even better. Libras are NOT stubborn outrightly, and we can admit our faults if talked about, YOU already admitted that when you guys do communicate he does 'make it plain to you that he could be wrong'. But from the tone of your posts, it still comes back to..'why can't he be what I want him to be at the time i want him to be.' and that's I think above all selfish in a relationship. You want to know why I think he's avoiding you? If I can interpret all that you said (over the internet) as blatant manipulation...what do you think he's feeling right now? WE don't take kindly to that sh
you want me to go pop-astrology on you again? How's this...
Libras are not stubborn about opinions, if we're not going with what you are saying it's because we already been looked at your opinion and already interpretted it as being 'wrong'...if you want to change one's mind, you'd have to come with a pretty good counter arguement. So it isn't attest that a libra is stubborn, just that you're a bad debater.
Libras sometimes can't take it,we're not perfect..we aren't the best at 'going at it toe to toe' unless they have some fire placements..if we feel cornered, we'll ethier concede..or we'll go away awhile, reevaluate the situation and then come back to you.
Everyone is hypocritical, libras are the first to admit that..we're self righteous becasue we always take 'the other' into account in any decision/opinion that we make, always. 'The other' might not be you...but that's neither here nor there. This is why we can say things like "I already understand what you are saying, but you need to understand this.." no one seems to understand that we actually mean it.
Libras are not stubborn about opinions, if we're not going with what you are saying it's because we already been looked at your opinion and already interpretted it as being 'wrong'...if you want to change one's mind, you'd have to come with a pretty good counter arguement. So it isn't attest that a libra is stubborn, just that you're a bad debater.
Libras sometimes can't take it,we're not perfect..we aren't the best at 'going at it toe to toe' unless they have some fire placements..if we feel cornered, we'll ethier concede..or we'll go away awhile, reevaluate the situation and then come back to you.
Everyone is hypocritical, libras are the first to admit that..we're self righteous becasue we always take 'the other' into account in any decision/opinion that we make, always. 'The other' might not be you...but that's neither here nor there. This is why we can say things like "I already understand what you are saying, but you need to understand this.." no one seems to understand that we actually mean it.
Posted by TheBeautifulStrugglePosted by jmr3979
I do not need to know your above situations to interpret things like...
"How do I get to have my libra guy talk about something he doesn't want to talk about?"
"How do I knock my libra guy out of a depression?" (as if, ANYONE who's depressed has a magic button that can cureall sadness, if you can find, let ME know a bout it, seriously)
"How do I get my libra to respect my words, AND change his mind even though he already admitted to me that alot of times 'i'm right' yet 'doesn't want to agree with me.'(ie. "I didn't feel I did anything wrong.")
Simultaneously saying ...."WHat cam I do to STOP giving me advice at bad moments that I don't want.." AND " what will allow him to not get upset when I Do it to him? " (ie. he can dish but he can't take it.)
Sorry to break it to you, but that IS an attempt to manipulate, and since you're a fish, I don't really find it surprising..but what I can tell you is that(the 'result' you want)can be done by communicating..we're THE most easiest sign to communicate with next to saggitarrius, probably even better. Libras are NOT stubborn outrightly, and we can admit our faults if talked about, YOU already admitted that when you guys do communicate he does 'make it plain to you that he could be wrong'. But from the tone of your posts, it still comes back to..'why can't he be what I want him to be at the time i want him to be.' and that's I think above all selfish in a relationship. You want to know why I think he's avoiding you? If I can interpret all that you said (over the internet) as blatant manipulation...what do you think he's feeling right now? WE don't take kindly to that shclick to expand
Again BS - you are taking the personal route as if I am asking these questions for myself because you said since I am fish. The questions that I posted above are questions that I have been asked by different people. Also, if you only know what I am telling you are making assumptions which is not what was intended.
I am perfectly aware of what happens when someone is depressed. That was not the question - if a Libra is depressed I was asking how that is displayed. For instance in Pisces it may be excessive drinking or drugs.
The questions are scenario based and not to be taking personal in regards to my own rel
Well, those questions DO feel manipulative.. wondering how to get that man to bend to your will. Whether they're YOUR questions or OTHER peoples' questions is moot.. *sigh* And I'm a Fish (with) a Libra... and I've had to LEARN to let go and stop trying to control/change men.
Sounds more Women & Men to me than Any Sign & Libra, tbh. Plenty of women get into romances with men, then they don their little Home Committee cap and try "improving" said man.. who then feels angry and defensive about her attempts to control or change him. Happens often enough to be common, really.. we women still do our little things to "fix" and "improve" a man to make him a better fit, unwilling or unable to consider (much less accept) that you're possibly not a good fit anyway. The toughest part about we women doing this is that it tends to make the man dig in his heels and get MORE stubborn, refusing to give in on anything (or change anything) mostly out of spite and defensiveness. A (non-douche) man craves ACCEPTANCE, and THEN he will automatically change to better himself FOR you. (Dr Gray FTW lol)
Open communication is the key, though it's not as easy as people say or think.. cuz really, you have to BOTH be open and honest about what you REALLY want, think, feel.. then you BOTH have to be mature and willing to hear another pov.. then you BOTH have to be able to let go of your own egos and agendas and .. well, that's not easy. Cuz people are complicated. Our egos are fragile. We want what we want.
That's where compromise comes in (aka Would you rather be RIGHT or be HAPPY?) and it goes both ways.. "one way" is not compromise, it's one riding roughshod over the other. And you have to take an honest and objective look at things.. if you're ONLY a good fit if X and Y are changed.. if he's so great, BUT.. then you might not be a good fit. One or both of you might not be ready or able to HAVE a mature relationship at that point. And that's okay.. you're NOT the last man/woman on earth, and a better fit is out there somewhere, or at some other time.
Sounds more Women & Men to me than Any Sign & Libra, tbh. Plenty of women get into romances with men, then they don their little Home Committee cap and try "improving" said man.. who then feels angry and defensive about her attempts to control or change him. Happens often enough to be common, really.. we women still do our little things to "fix" and "improve" a man to make him a better fit, unwilling or unable to consider (much less accept) that you're possibly not a good fit anyway. The toughest part about we women doing this is that it tends to make the man dig in his heels and get MORE stubborn, refusing to give in on anything (or change anything) mostly out of spite and defensiveness. A (non-douche) man craves ACCEPTANCE, and THEN he will automatically change to better himself FOR you. (Dr Gray FTW lol)
Open communication is the key, though it's not as easy as people say or think.. cuz really, you have to BOTH be open and honest about what you REALLY want, think, feel.. then you BOTH have to be mature and willing to hear another pov.. then you BOTH have to be able to let go of your own egos and agendas and .. well, that's not easy. Cuz people are complicated. Our egos are fragile. We want what we want.
That's where compromise comes in (aka Would you rather be RIGHT or be HAPPY?) and it goes both ways.. "one way" is not compromise, it's one riding roughshod over the other. And you have to take an honest and objective look at things.. if you're ONLY a good fit if X and Y are changed.. if he's so great, BUT.. then you might not be a good fit. One or both of you might not be ready or able to HAVE a mature relationship at that point. And that's okay.. you're NOT the last man/woman on earth, and a better fit is out there somewhere, or at some other time.
As for answering those specific questions.. I can't. Like I said, they feel manipulative and controlling, and I don't do that anymore. I'm a stubborn bitch, probably THE most stubborn person I know.. and I HATE to be wrong.. and had a lot of controlling tendencies.. so I'd get these men and control them.. and it would work for awhile as in I could get what I (thought I) wanted, for awhile. Then resentment and dissatisfaction would build on both parts.. his, cuz I was stubborn and controlling and insisting he CHANGE things instead of loving and accepting him as is... mine, cuz it would have to be a pretty weak and spineless guy to accept my doing that to him.. and then I'd get resentful that he refused to change the things I didn't like or if he DID.. he was letting me control him, letting me rule OVER him instead of WITH him, totally turning me off! Conundrum much?!
When my Libra still had a couple (common Libra) quirks that really rubbed me wrong and I felt were deal-breakers cuz they made ME into something I don't like or want to be, I told him to leave - even though it had been two years and I'm very much in love with him. But not to get his attention or to force him to change. I accepted that he likely COULDN'T or WOULDN'T change those things and that we may not be a good fit, and I felt good about my decision as it came from a very good place.. not from anger or ego, but from valuing myself and being strong enough to let go. I did it for ME, not for HIM.
And now he's spent the last 2 ?_ months trying to prove he's changed those things and that he's worth another chance. We'll see, and we're taking it one day at a time. But he's really stepped up to the task admirably.. cuz I didn't make it about him.
When my Libra still had a couple (common Libra) quirks that really rubbed me wrong and I felt were deal-breakers cuz they made ME into something I don't like or want to be, I told him to leave - even though it had been two years and I'm very much in love with him. But not to get his attention or to force him to change. I accepted that he likely COULDN'T or WOULDN'T change those things and that we may not be a good fit, and I felt good about my decision as it came from a very good place.. not from anger or ego, but from valuing myself and being strong enough to let go. I did it for ME, not for HIM.
And now he's spent the last 2 ?_ months trying to prove he's changed those things and that he's worth another chance. We'll see, and we're taking it one day at a time. But he's really stepped up to the task admirably.. cuz I didn't make it about him.
Oh, but one I CAN answer.. my Libra also flips balls over me "interrupting" him.. yet HE DOES IT all the time! Total hypocrisy!
My solution - I stopped allowing him to cut me off.. when he would, I'd simply say calmly, "I love that we can talk with each other, but I feel unheard and hurt when I'm interrupted. I have more to say about this, so would you let me know when I can say it all without interruption?".. AND I practice NOT interrupting him, giving him the same respect *I* want.
My solution - I stopped allowing him to cut me off.. when he would, I'd simply say calmly, "I love that we can talk with each other, but I feel unheard and hurt when I'm interrupted. I have more to say about this, so would you let me know when I can say it all without interruption?".. AND I practice NOT interrupting him, giving him the same respect *I* want.
Thanks Everyone for the feedback and I will disregard BS and probably pay her no never mind. Have quite a few ladies that are involved with Libra's and I am often asked advice since I have been with mines the longest. I have read the Advice threads and let me tell you I have learned ALOT in the past two days.
Nefer I was just about to go back to the Advice thread and just post my situation. The only question that is mines personally is the one where I feel like he is making a decision based on a situation that just transpired and the cutting him off part (sheepish). However, as time goes on I really do not think it's so much about him being a Libra. I do agree that I can be controlling long story short I have had to do things by myself for awhile so to give up some of that control is hard but I am learning. Trust you me I have come a loooonnnnnggggg way :-)
I have been with my Boo for 5 years. We have been best friends for 7. We have been getting along great just had a vacation about three weeks ago. Unfortunately I am a single mother of an 11 year old and she is going through a hard time. For the past few months I have been stressed with my daughter, my job, my health, have to move etc...
So the biggie for me was about 2 weeks ago my daughter was rushed to the ER. Now for the 48 hours we were there my BF called and was very supportive. On the night when she was transferred to another hospital I called to let him know how she was doing and he kept telling me he loved me and that he didn't know what to do to "fix" anything. I was just in hysterics. So at that moment he decided to tell me what I had done wrong and how I needed to change and I am not going to lie - I flipped I yelled and I defended myself and then I broke down again crying. If you ask my I could not tell you because I don't remember. Now in the 48 hours, my child and I had no shower, no clean clothes we were a mess and the children's hospital they transferred her too was over an hour by car away and I don't drive. So I cried and went to sleep and the next day she was released but from the excitement of everything I had a massive asthma attack and pass out. I was very stressed. Now after the argument he really didn't call or text me. I didn't really hear from him for 2 days.
Nefer I was just about to go back to the Advice thread and just post my situation. The only question that is mines personally is the one where I feel like he is making a decision based on a situation that just transpired and the cutting him off part (sheepish). However, as time goes on I really do not think it's so much about him being a Libra. I do agree that I can be controlling long story short I have had to do things by myself for awhile so to give up some of that control is hard but I am learning. Trust you me I have come a loooonnnnnggggg way :-)
I have been with my Boo for 5 years. We have been best friends for 7. We have been getting along great just had a vacation about three weeks ago. Unfortunately I am a single mother of an 11 year old and she is going through a hard time. For the past few months I have been stressed with my daughter, my job, my health, have to move etc...
So the biggie for me was about 2 weeks ago my daughter was rushed to the ER. Now for the 48 hours we were there my BF called and was very supportive. On the night when she was transferred to another hospital I called to let him know how she was doing and he kept telling me he loved me and that he didn't know what to do to "fix" anything. I was just in hysterics. So at that moment he decided to tell me what I had done wrong and how I needed to change and I am not going to lie - I flipped I yelled and I defended myself and then I broke down again crying. If you ask my I could not tell you because I don't remember. Now in the 48 hours, my child and I had no shower, no clean clothes we were a mess and the children's hospital they transferred her too was over an hour by car away and I don't drive. So I cried and went to sleep and the next day she was released but from the excitement of everything I had a massive asthma attack and pass out. I was very stressed. Now after the argument he really didn't call or text me. I didn't really hear from him for 2 days.
We spoke briefly and I told him I was feeling crappy because I was on my menses and he remarked well that is the reason why you got so mad when I tried to tell you the truth and I didn't say anything I said Nite.
The next night we spoke it was over FB and I just asked him/commented that basically - you know I feel like you don't have faith in me as a mother and his reply was I don't have to answer any questions and I said ok that is fine but I don't want to hear your unsolicited comments. I said the same way you don't have to answer any questions the same way I don't have to listen to your comments.
Now I admit what I said was fucked up in away but I just was not in the mood. I was on my menses and I was incredibly stressed and felt he was not being supportive. So he doesn't call and he is on FB again. So I said hi and he said "yes" and basically I tried to have a convo but his reply was you told me not to talk so I am not going to.
So I get pissed. I know me. Here I am going through absoluate hell and it's all air. So we haven't talked in a week. We spoke briefly a nite ago and to sum it up, he says I didn't do anything wrong (bullshit) and that he thought of breaking up with me, and he was not ready to talk about it.
NOW - I did apologize. I sent him a text and said I was sorry for the way that I acted - BUT I am upset and hurt. I felt that alot happened in a snap and I have had so much going on, my job is calling me because they are lazy and I just needed a moment to breathe.
Haven't heard anything and at this point I feel like you know - granted I was hot - but given my situation of crisis (she is okay but a lot of follow up) and a host of other things at the time I just needed his support and all this time in the week we have not spoken he did not text or ask if my daughter was ok. SO I am just like at this point if you want to end it over my attitude or not listening to you tell me I was wrong and I snapped then fine. Throw away 5-7 years and kick me when I am down then I am better off.
Check me if I need it - but I know I am wrong for how I did it - but in a crisis and down am I really supposed to think about someone's feelings or focus on taking care of business and making sure my child is ok? Maybe I am missing something....
The next night we spoke it was over FB and I just asked him/commented that basically - you know I feel like you don't have faith in me as a mother and his reply was I don't have to answer any questions and I said ok that is fine but I don't want to hear your unsolicited comments. I said the same way you don't have to answer any questions the same way I don't have to listen to your comments.
Now I admit what I said was fucked up in away but I just was not in the mood. I was on my menses and I was incredibly stressed and felt he was not being supportive. So he doesn't call and he is on FB again. So I said hi and he said "yes" and basically I tried to have a convo but his reply was you told me not to talk so I am not going to.
So I get pissed. I know me. Here I am going through absoluate hell and it's all air. So we haven't talked in a week. We spoke briefly a nite ago and to sum it up, he says I didn't do anything wrong (bullshit) and that he thought of breaking up with me, and he was not ready to talk about it.
NOW - I did apologize. I sent him a text and said I was sorry for the way that I acted - BUT I am upset and hurt. I felt that alot happened in a snap and I have had so much going on, my job is calling me because they are lazy and I just needed a moment to breathe.
Haven't heard anything and at this point I feel like you know - granted I was hot - but given my situation of crisis (she is okay but a lot of follow up) and a host of other things at the time I just needed his support and all this time in the week we have not spoken he did not text or ask if my daughter was ok. SO I am just like at this point if you want to end it over my attitude or not listening to you tell me I was wrong and I snapped then fine. Throw away 5-7 years and kick me when I am down then I am better off.
Check me if I need it - but I know I am wrong for how I did it - but in a crisis and down am I really supposed to think about someone's feelings or focus on taking care of business and making sure my child is ok? Maybe I am missing something....
Posted by amethyst2002Posted by jmr3979
On the night when she was transferred to another hospital I called to let him know how she was doing and he kept telling me he loved me and that he didn't know what to do to "fix" anything. I was just in hysterics. So at that moment he decided to tell me what I had done wrong and how I needed to change and I am not going to lie - I flipped I yelled and I defended myself and then I broke down again crying.
...what the hell is his problem? WHY did he pick THEN to tell you this shit?click to expand
Amethyst2002 - Thank you I have NO IDEA!! That is why I am pissed off and upset because it's not like we were having a conversation over milk and cookies. Why did you have to tell me this when I was down - it's like how did you really expect me to respond? I really thought this would blow over. I just as confused as you.
Posted by amethyst2002
First off, quit blaming your period.
I have a condition with my period which he knows about.
Posted by THEKingofLibraPosted by Nefer
Oh, but one I CAN answer.. my Libra also flips balls over me "interrupting" him.. yet HE DOES IT all the time! Total hypocrisy!
My solution - I stopped allowing him to cut me off.. when he would, I'd simply say calmly, "I love that we can talk with each other, but I feel unheard and hurt when I'm interrupted. I have more to say about this, so would you let me know when I can say it all without interruption?".. AND I practice NOT interrupting him, giving him the same respect *I* want.
Thats fucking adorable. I hate being interrupted, but I'll gladly interrupt you if you're wrong or babbling some incoherent nonsense 😛
In your case I won't even let you talk. We'll just hump all day.click to expand
LOL!!! Niiiccceee
Posted by amethyst2002
PS- I never ran around using it as an excuse either. Just sayin.
Your right it's not an excuse however taking birth control is not within my beliefs.
Posted by LibraLuvPosted by LibraLuv
...get sensitive and they go back to the first process which always works with me. HaHaHa...OMG thank you dear heart, someone finally GETS IT! WOW. 😄
I forgot to add that I get sensitive and won't talk, until my feelings are no longer hurt. Then when my feelings are no longer hurt, when I start talking again, 9 x's out of ten, I won't bring that subject back up and if a person does bring up the subject, it would be best if they watched the delivery. Otherwise at that point in my mind, it's time to fight and I am going to win, because they are not being fair in taking my feelings into consideration in how they approached me to begin with.
I'm usually pretty tactful with people and I always take other peoples feelings into consideration when I feel the need to address something. Now, I can get nasty if I have been pushed to the limit which means, the person is just plain ole nagging or if someone has mistaken my kindness for weakness. That's a side of me, that I don't always let out of the cage so to speak, simply because I am usually very understanding of how other people feel. I always first step outside of myself and put myself in their shoes and if I've done that and the other person continues....well, there will be hell to pay.click to expand
Thanks LL what you said is true and my gm and bf are/used to be that way.
Posted by amethyst2002
*shrugs* If your hormones are out of whack due to craziness of pms, it's an option. Birth control isn't just for birth control, you know. :p I was iffy because of all the possible side effects, but it's been an amazing thing for me, really. I haven't had any major issues related to pms since I got on it. It's wonderful.
Hmmm... I have always had a lot of concerns with BC and doctors were always trying to get me on it since I was 13 but I just never felt comfortable and then the side effects are scary.
Have seen a naturapathic doctor who believes it's something bigger and the PMS is just a side effect...but I will revisit the BC if all else fails...just skpetical.
Thanks though!
Posted by amethyst2002
Gawd, JMR, I would take what BS is saying with a grain of salt. She did the same shit to me in a thread I started. It was just an open discussion thread like this, and it turned into "let's infer that she's a slut, tell her not to be herself, and tell her she's wrong and deserves to be objecitified!" thread. A lot of women do that here. They read too much into what's being said and then dictate to you what you're really thinking when you're not. They shove their unnecessary "advice" onto you, even if you didn't ask for it, and tell you what you should do when it doesn't even apply to what you said.
It's kind of annoying. The all mighty advice givers doing what stereotypical women do best- reading into shit that isn't there. You can say something like, "Oh hey, look at that cat over there! It's so cute!" A response would be - "Why do you think it's cute when it's really ugly? You're just lying about it. You just want to manipulate it so it'll come over to you and then you want to torment it to death! And you know what? Cats aren't good pets to have. I know because I'm an internets expert on these things. Don't get a cat. Get a lizard."
Don't forget JMR, you're a terrible, terrible person with underlying manipulations in your quest to simply find answers about someone/a situation!
How fucking DARE you...I NEVER EVER IN MY LIFE IMPLIED STATED YOU WERE A SLUT.
I demand an apology right now.
What I DID was tell you what I been through...I was relating to your experience with what worked for me, and I was relating to a topic that you posted BEFORE that I never really had a chance to expound on. THAT was the point, I did not call you a slut, I did not tell you NOT to be yourself...and i did NOT make assumptions on your thoughts.
Jesus, since when is having a strong opinion about something interpreted as a fucking attack....I shoot from the hip...I speak from my gut on things I'm passionate about...I NEVER insult...I'll insult your ARGUMENT which is what I'll be going after. Always.
Posted by jmr3979
Thanks Everyone for the feedback and I will disregard BS and probably pay her no never mind. Have quite a few ladies that are involved with Libra's and I am often asked advice since I have been with mines the longest. I have read the Advice threads and let me tell you I have learned ALOT in the past two days.
Yah, sure...whatever. Disregard the LIBRA giving a perspective of being a LIBRA because she hurt your little feelings by saying you should stop with the manipulative questions....great plan. It doesn't matter if what i said wasn't just about you..you could have still taken it for what it is..even if it's just your friends..
All of those things were manipulative...that was my point. So, it wasn't all you..great, how does that NOT make what I say any less valid?? B
And combining with.."I've dated a libra guy for seven years been friends with him for five, and I have a couple of questions.." A logical person would assume that all of these questions thereafter would have been directed to THAT relationship...no? Or am I missing a sentence in the initial post...
I gathered...I'm dating a libra, he's currently not talking to me, I have questions, I want a libran perspective?
Posted by amethyst2002
A lot of women do that here. They read too much into what's being said and then dictate to you what you're really thinking when you're not. They shove their unnecessary "advice" onto you, even if you didn't ask for it, and tell you what you should do when it doesn't even apply to what you said.
It's kind of annoying. The all mighty advice givers doing what stereotypical women do best- reading into shit that isn't there. You can say something like, "Oh hey, look at that cat over there! It's so cute!" A response would be - "Why do you think it's cute when it's really ugly? You're just lying about it. You just want to manipulate it so it'll come over to you and then you want to torment it to death! And you know what? Cats aren't good pets to have. I know because I'm an internets expert on these things. Don't get a cat. Get a lizard."
Don't forget JMR, you're a terrible, terrible person with underlying manipulations in your quest to simply find answers about someone/a situation!
Yes because, saying someone's questions are manipulative is saying that she's a horrible person..brilliant!!!!
Right because saying that "You should be careful in how you act when dealing with guys because most guys I've hung out with that became close to me reacted in the same way that you've described" means..I'm saying you're a slut, and that you should never be yourself...top notch.
Posted by everevolvingepithetPosted by amethyst2002
First off, quit blaming your period.
I think women sometimes use it as an excuse to ham it up a bit.click to expand
That's when men make a mistake - they think women are all the same. And they like to yap trifles.
Amethyst is here as a shark to conquer and divide. I see it so clearly all her intentions. Don't misconstrue all women as the same. The OP is just speaking matter-of-factly as what she *thought* happened. Amethyst has other designs!
Thanks Ame. One of the first things recommended was that I change my diet which I have done. I am a vegetarian transitioning to a vegan diet. Also, I will be doing a detox to eliminate toxins in the systems and see how that goes.
I agree and I don't do it to be mean it happens. Sometimes I interrupt because I have a questions or need further clarification or its the excitement. It just happens. LOL we can form a support group.
Can I just pay Nefer to be my translator? since we seem to be on the same page about most things and she literally posted the exact same thing that I posted yet recieved no flack.
Could you start by expressing that I know why the OP's Libra man flipped out...and that I even expressed it in an earlier post..I'll even pm it to ya!!!
Could you start by expressing that I know why the OP's Libra man flipped out...and that I even expressed it in an earlier post..I'll even pm it to ya!!!
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Me (Female): I am a Pisces Sun with a Libra ascendant (yeah nice twist) and I am in a relationship with a Libra male for 3 years friends for 7 years. He is currently not talking to me because I told him I did not want to hear his unsolicited comments and opinions since he didn't want to answer my questions. Also he says he hates that I never let him finish what he is saying though he cuts me off all the time. Not the first time he has disappeared ;-0
So here are some of my Q's and hope that all you lovely Libras can do real talk and provide real insight. All that I ask is that every be respectful.
So let's get this started :-)
1. Libras are known to not like confrontation and can be evasive. Libras are known to be charmers and smooth things over and avoid an argument like a plague. So the question is - how do we get Libras to have serious conversations about issues in a relationship?
2. Libras are known to hide within their heads when stressed, pissed etc. So the question is - what really is going on and why does a Libra feel the need to disappear for days even weeks at a time with little to no communication? Also, once the Libra is ready to emerge and speak again how do we express that we perhaps are not ready for communication?
3. Libras are known to be indecisive and yet some Libra's don't like being told what to do. So the question is - how can we support a Libra in making a decision without coming across as too bossy or controlling?
So that is my three for now :-)!
Looking forward to the discussions that follow.