Abuse

I posted in Cap forum but I should of posted here,,,,,,,,what do guys think of sexual abuse?

I kinda just told what happened to me, I dunno why I waited till I was 27......but anyways I did and the person that did it tried to apologize and of course I wasnt having it...now my mom is telling me he is sick and his jealth is deteriorating since the whole deal.


I dunno how to feel, should I forgive this bastard? How can forgive someone who took so much from me.

I know its a sensitive subject but not talking about it is what give these pedophiles and abusers power...so thoughts?

If you forgive him it should only be because you want to not because of your mom or him and his health. This is not about his wants and needs. He already forced that on you once and can never do that to you again. If you will find peace from forgiving him then do it if not then leave it until you feel like it. If his health is bad enough that he might be dead when that comes (if it comes) in my opinion that's okay. If he's really sorry he will want what's best for you.

Tough tough tough subject. I forgave my sperm donor, though I'm still bitter about it. I even tried to talk to his parents (who financed the kidnapping and kept us hidden while he tried to murder my mom, 9 months pregnant), my one condition was that they let me tell my side of the story and they accept their responsibility for it and apologize. Wouldn't do it. SMH. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but hating someone is a lot of wasted energy.

Yea it is tough subject.......its like, logically I want to forgive but I am angry......the start of my new life was when he apologized and confirmed it....it was like wow, so it did really happen, and its not like I doubt that it happened its more like I was in disbelief that it happened and wouldnt accept that it did happen to me.

My cousin also said that I have to give it my time to forgive because its like my mom is saying 'well he's sick so forgive" but i dont feel that way. If i ever see him again it would be too soon...thats how i feel.

But Im much much happier now that its out there now im just trying to deal.

Girl I feel for you, but it's a very personal decision.
Don't hang on to the bitterness, move on with your life as you have started. Forgive him for yourself, not him.


Also please be careful ... there are some real assholes on here that will take that personal info you just shared and use it against you.



Wish you the best

Time allows you to come to terms with what happened, it doesn't mean you have to forgive. Time will allow you to let go of the anger and bitterness, but doesn't mean you need to ever see that person again.

I think its interesting that you said that your new life started when he apologized. I mean, I totally get it. It was sort of like validation.

Everyone else gave good advice. I just wanted to add that its good that you're talking about it now. Its the only way to release it.

@Shadow that is exactly what it is, it validated that all the nightmares and then when he would come around I would get into such a dark place....but I shoved it so deep down, i didnt understand it.

@brianfay so funny you said that I had an ex boyfriend that I shared this with and we got into an argument and that was the first thing he tried to pull....I broke up with him.

@Mr.Nice so true.....my relationship with my mom is strained because of it....she says just get over it...but its not that simple....this person told me I was ugly, nobody would want me, and all that confidence lowering bullshit. That will affect any person if you here it over the course of years on repeat. Most people dont understand it so much more than a physical thing.

@Librasid Thank you

Posted by justSophs

... my relationship with my mom is strained because of it....she says just get over it...but its not that simple....this person told me I was ugly, nobody would want me, and all that confidence lowering bullshit.

To me, that would be harder to live with than what the man did ... for whatever reasons he did what he did, it doesn't really matter, not really.

When a person is ill, they should be expected to behave ill ... so, why he did this had a direct link to his illness, and not anything to do with you.


Mother though ... yeah, now that would hurt because she's suppose to be the one who understands your feelings on this. For mother to be so non-chalant, get-over-yourself-already because he (the abuser) is in need ..... seems like the real tragedy here.

Uummmmmmmm .... something is wrong with this picture.


Question: Have you confronted mother to ask her why she would allow your feelings to continue being abused, now by her?

And maybe there is a lesson in this for all parents.


Perhaps, the reason why our children don't come and tell us the moment they are abused is because we would toss their feelings aside about the issue and protect abuser.



Sorry this happened to you .. I'm more sorry that you only recognize HIM in hurting you because mother is definitely validating what he did by means of telling you to get over it.


I'm sorry to say that ... but, it's the truth.

@P-Angel

Yeah I kind of realized that she was hurting me and her and I got into the biggest argument to date over it. We live in the same house and havent spoken in 2 weeks and thats NEVER happened before.

I think in some ways she feels like she failed me as a mother and she is little embarassed....there is so much more that I dont really want to reveal but yeah because of her relationship with this person is why I didnt speak up.

Its tough but now its about self actualization and building myself back up. I think she firgured that I could just live with it but when we argued she realized my anger, i dont think she has never seen me that angry.

So hopefully its a wake up call for her.

Now its just all about digression. Thanks P-Angel.